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James Carville's Jesus Complex & Judas Penis

Posted by Katie Halper

James Carville accused Bill "Hot When Bearded" Richardson of betrayal of biblical proportions, saying "Mr. Richardson's endorsement [of Obama] came right around the anniversary of the day when Judas sold out (Jesus) for 30 pieces of silver, so I think the timing is appropriate, if ironic." The irony, of course, is that Carville commits betrayal of biblical proportions every time he biblically "gets to know" his wife.

Nobody shows us that politics makes strange bedfellows, literally, and figuratively, more than Democratic Spin Doctor Clintonite Jim Carville and Mary Matalin, his Republican Spin Doctor Bushie wife. The Carville-Matlin duo deserve our bipartisan praise for overcoming their ideological differences through pure unadulterated sexual chemistry.

Let’s be honest, people, who among us could resist her beady eyes, and almost invisible lips, and his smooth cranium and teasingly tinted glasses. But if Richardson's getting behind Obama makes him a Judas, what does Carville's getting behind Mary make him? Does Carville feel the holy spirit slip out of his soul when he slips out of his blue pajamas, slips off Mary's red teddy and enters her land of Cain? Does Carville tell himself it's the devil that is making him take off his donkey briefs and pull off her elephant thong? Is the Satanic serpent tricking the Carvillian serpent into tasting Mary's forbidden fruit? 

We can only assume that Carville has a Jesus complex and a Mary Magdalene fetish. A Jesusames Christarville Mary Magdtalin role-play routine is the only thing that could explain the miracle of their marriage and the only way JC could live with himself and sleep with his wife. 

 


Comments

LydiaSarah said:

I too was struck by the ridiculousness of that comment. It's like "Okay, so if we're going with that analogy, does that make Hillary the savior of all humankind and Obama the devil? Perspective please, my friend."

Oh, and on Bill's beard? It's so true! I hope he has an idea of how much it does for him. lol I would never have thought that Bill Richardson could look almost sexy.

March 25, 2008 9:57 PM

Justin said:

anyone else remember the movie Speechless?  was it Michael Keaton and Geena Davis?  Loosely based on them right...but without the Jesus allegory, of course.

March 26, 2008 8:33 AM

Beth said:

You're hilarious, Katie.  My family has looked askance at the Carville-Matalins for years (sure, not our place to judge, whatnot, &c.) along the lines of "Sure, he's a Democrat, but if he's married to her he's gotta be twisted."  At this point, Carville represents to me everything that is lame about status-quo, establishment, insider DC politics.  Lame.  When Obama gets nominated he'll probably root for McCain (or risk being a Judas himself!).

March 26, 2008 11:46 AM

Steven said:

www.bloodline-themovie.com

this is an intense documentary on the mysteries of Jesus’ Bloodline. Those of you who are into ‘The Da Vinci code’ or ‘holy blood holy grail’ will be amazed by this real-life adventure with actual holy relics found.. I was amazed.

March 26, 2008 6:23 PM

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  • about the blogger

    Emily Farris writes about culture and food for numerous publications and websites you've probably never heard of, including her own blog eefers. Her first cookbook, Casserole Crazy: Hot Stuff for Your Oven was published in 2008. Emily recently escaped New York and now lives in a ridiculously large apartment in Kansas City, MO with her cat, but just one... so far.

    Brian Fairbanks is a filmmaker living in the wilds of Brooklyn. He previously wrote for the Hartford Courant and Gawker. He won the Williamsburg Spelling Bee once. He loves cats, women with guns, and burning books.

    Colleen Kane has been an editor at BUST and Playgirl magazines and has written for the endangered species of dead-tree magazines like SPIN and Plenty, as well as Radar Online and other websites. She lives in exile in Baton Rouge with her fiance, two dogs, and her former cat. Read her personal blogs at ColleenKane.com.

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