We doubt we'll ever fully understand how this is possible, even with the text and photos explaining this incident: a man has been charged with having sex with a table. [Long pause] With a table.

Andy Roddick also has had sex with an inanimte object. We're pretty sure the woman he just married is actually a bus that carries New York City tourists around to look at weird people of Williamsburg. 

If you're on that bus or the Bullshit Express, which you can win a trip on if you donate to Johnny McCain, you might consider entering the contest to win dinner with Barack Obama. Just you and Obama. No strings. But please don't let him take you bowling on your second date.

If they refer to themselves that way, we can't be blamed for using the word: The Million Fag March is in full effect. Fred Phelps, are you reading this? 

Heath Ledger may have fathered a love child with someone other than Michelle Williams. Jamie Lyn Spears was unavailable for comment. 

(ED: Thanks for typing in my stuff, Scanner Brian!)