Filmmaker John Waters thinks the gays could do a better job of fixing up voting booths. Glory holes, anyone? [Queerty]

Ladies, or gentlemen, if you've ever wanted Obama in your pants, here's your chance. [Political Nanny] 

If we could go back and do high school all over again, we'd 1. not lose our virginity to our manager at Just for Feet, "the world's largest athletic shoe store" and 2. wear a dress made out of condoms to prom. [White Trash Mom] 

We hate it when teenagers with bad teeth and questionable talent make more money than we do. [US Weekly] 

Singer Alicia Keys is discovering her sexual side, at age 28... obviously she never worked at Just for Feet. [US Weekly]  

If you don't watch The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson you probably didn't know that Roseanne Barr had vaginal rejuvenation surgery. You sure do know now. Do you wish you still didn't know? Also, she calls her new vagina her "va-junior." Mwhahaha. [The Superficial]

Somehow, Ferguson still beat Conan O'Brien in a ratings contest. [NYT]