Jessica Simpson is so much funnier in real life than in any movie she's ever miscast in.
According to the soulless Julia Allison's equally-soulless employer Star, Jessica Simpson lied about having a little pee-pee problem last month. It was actually more like an IV tube of Southern Comfort running 24 hours a day, pumping straight to her esophagus.
Reps for the singer said she was being treated for a "kidney infection," but an insider tells Star
it was more than that. Jessica's health problems were "brought on by
drinking an obscene amount of alcohol," says the source. "She was
treated for a kidney infection, a bladder infection and a [snicker, snicker] urinary tract infection."
She sure did have a bladder problem. Between bonking Tony Romo so much that he couldn't even play flag football with his doomed Cowboys if he wanted to. (Didn't anyone ever see "Raging Bull"?)
"She used to keep her drinks to a minimum, because she's very conscientious about the calories," [said the source.]
We are pretty sure the part about Jessica cutting down on the carbs is true-- after all, she was making up for lost sexual time and her gut was becoming more pronounced. It's only natural that everyone thought she was pregnant when she was probably just trying out the Britney diet.
People, this is exactly why you're not supposed to wait until marriage to have sex. Because after losing your virginhood to a dirty old man like Nick Lachey, you will end up sleeping with every guy who comes along, every night of the week, after any amount of imbibing. (If you do, we won't judge. Unless you're Jessica Simpson.)
