The Greatest Dive Bars: The Saturn

Posted by Brian Fairbanks

 

We'd love it if you reader folks would submit your favorite (area?) dive bars for our Greatest Dive Bars competition...

First up, the Saturn Bar, in a very dangerous neighborhood, severely damaged by Hurricane Katrina, called the Bywater, near the 9th Ward...

The first time we entered the Saturn, many years ago, there was a couple making out in the most hideous way imaginable, a man falling asleep sitting up at a table, an eighty-year-old man passed out on the bar with his top hat having fallen off next to his beer, and ninety-year-old man with very few teeth bartending while watching "Cool Hand Luke" on a 13" black-and-white TV. They were the sole occupants of the bar.

Our companion ordered us two Budweisers, against our will. "Dollar twenny fi'," said the ancient pourer. 

"So, two-fifty?"

"No... dollar twenny-five... for the both of ya's."

That day, we played the original 45 of "House of the Rising Sun" by the Animals on a jukebox that gave you twelve plays... for a quarter. It had been there for at least forty-five years, although when we arrived last week, we found out that it had been destroyed by Hurricane Katrina.

All those amazing records, probably worth hundreds apiece, washed away like the homes surrounding the brick-made bar... 

The bathroom may have actually been the highlight:

And, of course, the stories:

"This guy comes in once and he orders a Manhattan... my uncle looked at him and was just like, 'Alll right, if you say so, buddy.' Does he know where he is? Anyway, the guy who ordered it... he's gotta wait foreva... waits and waits... and finally, my uncle puts it on the bar. 'That'll be five dollas...' The guy pulls out a twenty. My uncle: 'That's it! Get outta here, you asshole!'"

"There used to be a candy machine over there... one time I put my hand in there and didn't come up with any M&M's, I tell ya... you didn't know whether you was gettin' candy or roaches."

An old man sat at the bar all night on Wednesday. He was wearing a Taking Back Sunday T-shirt.

And this... a stuffed turtle, the deceased owner/founder's favorite pet, now all lit up in neon and nailed to a beam:

 

Send us an e-mail or add a comment nominating your favorite dive bar(s)...

Corrected from earlier version which erroneously identified the neighborhood as the Bywater. 


Comments

steveowinlow said:

Is the Saturn in Bywater or the 9th?  That jukebox will be missed . . .  

May 6, 2008 4:26 PM

Dame_of_Snark said:

Bywater is in the Ninth Ward, as are a lot of neighborhoods. It's just a voting jurisdiction that extends from the river all the way to the lake; the bit that Brad Pitt and his ilk obsess about is just a small part.

If memory serves, Saturn Bar may fall in the boundaries of the Bywater preservation district, but most people wouldn't think of it as being in the neighborhood, especially since Bywater hipsters are the polar opposite of the surly, resentful natives who surround them (and who once upon the time drank at Saturn Bar).

May 6, 2008 11:57 PM

wundersmack said:

Excellent work!  This is my new favorite category on Scanner.  I'll be watching closely for more, and of course doing a great deal of field research in an effort to find appropriate dive material.  Will keep you posted.

May 7, 2008 9:24 AM

CB said:

The Saturn Bar (four blocks uptown from where I'm seated) is beyond the Bywater sign.  It is in that neighborhood.  The Ninth Ward is vast and includes at least four neighborhoods.

May 7, 2008 12:44 PM

The Jay said:

The Double Down Saloon in Vegas is my favorite dive for nursing the gambling losses.  Drinking Ass Juice while morosely playing minimums on video poker... Horrorpops on the jukebox...  aah, those were the good old days.

May 8, 2008 10:42 AM

Marcel said:

Comfort Zone! Corner of College and Spadina in Toronto.

Was somewhat recently raided.

www.eyeweekly.com/.../21114

May 14, 2008 1:24 PM

About Brian Fairbanks

Brian Fairbanks, the Senior National Political Correspondent for Nerve, is a filmmaker living in Brooklyn or New Orleans, depending on the season. He is a heavily-armed advocate of gun control.

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