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We'd Give Our Left Nut for a Seat on R. Kelly's Jury, If We Had Nuts

Posted by Emily Farris

Jury selection began for R. Kelly's child pornography case Friday and continues today, and if we had nuts, we'd give our left one for one of those twelve seats. Maybe Scanner Brian or Scanner Bryan would give Scanner Emily a nut so she could sit on the jury? Guys?

Anyway, Kelly's high profile case is obviously making jury selection tough, and as the wise folks at MTV noted, can there possibly be a group of 12 men and women in Chicago who are impartial enough to give the singer a fair trial?


"You either have to say, 'R. Kelly can never get a fair trial here,' or 'R. Kelly can get a fair trial, given the continuing publicity,' " said California defense attorney Steve Cron. "Because when will you ever not have some publicity? It's never going to go away."

Since Kelly is one of Chicago's favorite sons, it's going to be difficult for either side to find anyone unfamiliar with the case. They'd have to be "living under a rock," said Cron, who defended comedian Paula Poundstone on charges of lewd acts on a minor. What they can hope for, however, is to find potential jurors who have not yet made up their mind. Legal experts agree that there really is no such thing as an impartial jury — that every prospective juror brings to the table his or her own biases. The question then becomes: What kind of jurors would each side want? It's not quite as black-and-white as you might think.

"What makes for good TV is if we say, 'We want black,' 'We want white,' 'We want men,' 'We want women,' " Chicago jury consultant and defense attorney Paul Lisnek said. "And those factors do come into play, but what we have to look at is life experience. That's what's going to influence the way they respond to the evidence in the case, not just whether they are of one race or one religion or another. The bottom line is, cases like this trigger certain underlying issues, deep issues about racial prejudice and underage sexual relations." 


What if we looked at this a different way? A jury is supposed to be a panel of "peers," right? So what if the jury was made up of celebrities?  Paula Poundstone who's been through this before? Maybe a star who's never been in trouble with the law, like Natalie Portman? Lilo? Jamie Lynn Spears if she was old enough to serve jury duty? To keep it balanced would Nancy Grace have sit in?

If you could choose a celebrity jury for R. Kelly, what 12 stars would you choose?  


Comments

mike123321 said:

How about Scanner defaults their future genitalia references to "nut/ovary" and avoid this sexism?

May 12, 2008 5:28 PM

About Emily Farris

Emily Farris writes about culture and food for numerous publications and websites you've probably never heard of, including her own blog eefers. Her first cookbook will be published in fall 2008. Emily lives in Greenpoint, Brooklyn with her cat, but just one...so far.

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  • about the blogger

    Emily Farris writes about culture and food for numerous publications and websites you've probably never heard of, including her own blog eefers. Her first cookbook will be published in fall 2008. Emily lives in Greenpoint, Brooklyn with her cat, but just one . . . so far.

    Brian Fairbanks is a filmmaker living in the wilds of Brooklyn. He previously wrote for the Hartford Courant and Gawker. He won the Williamsburg Spelling Bee once. He loves cats, women with guns, and burning books.

    Nicole Pasulka is a Brooklyn writer and editor who's always on the lookout for the dirty. Her other virtual home is at The Morning News, where things are squeaky clean most of the time.

    Send us links! scanner@nerve.com


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