Today,
we check in with our Oracle, which has been predicting political change
for over 400 days. For the record, The Oracle, which is an asexual hermaphrodite and therefore supports John McCain, is not real.
Q. What do you make of the John Edwards endorsement yesterday? I
think he used "man" too many times to be polite about not endorsing
Hillary Clinton.
A. The Oracle believes John Edwards will endorse Hillary Clinton,
due to her excellent health care plan, which is bound to succeed thanks
to her excellent track record in this industry, especially in the area
of campaign contributions from the health care industry, where she
ranks #2.
Q. Um, actually, Edwards endorsed Barack Obama.
Earlier in the race, even a few weeks ago, this would've been seen as a
shocker, given the fact that Obama always made a bad impression on
Edwards and has a lousy and uninspiring health care plan. Do you think
Edwards is only endorsing Obama because the race is over and it's a
move to unify the party?
A. The Oracle believes John Edwards
endorsed Obama because he's white.
Q. Because Edwards is white?
A. No. Because Obama is white. [Ed.: The Oracle does have a
point here: Obama is just as much a white man as a black man-- perhaps
racist voters can be confused with mailers relaying this information?]
Hillary Clinton, seeing as how she's married to the nation's First
Black President, could be seen as alienating the essential majority of racist white
Southern Democrats still out there.
Q. Alll right... moving on... what do you think of the possibility that Joe Lieberman will be McCain's Vice-Presidential choice?
A. Yes. The Oracle predicts Joe Lieberman will be the first two-time loser VP candidate. All kidding aside, in all the hoopla about the Dems out-registering Republicans, one essential point is being overlooked: the indies are posting even more surprising registration numbers. Lieberman puts Connecticut in play, he puts the Jewish vote in play (big time), he even puts the Democratic vote in play-- the moderate Democrats who can be convinced Obama is some sort of crazed liberal with a death wish, that is. And McCain, senile as he is, is at least lucid enough to see the potential for some added Joementum...
There you have it.
