This weekend, The New York Times profiled two married couples who pledged to have sex every day and wrote books about it. One were Christian and uptight, the other fridgid hippies, but both got up to it once a day in an attempt to liven up their relationships--or something.

We're kind of tired of hearing about married-people sex, and not just because it's 98-degrees and we're turning into a puddle as we type this. No, basically, we'd like to say this about husbands and wives slapping the skins and then put the topic to rest once and for all:

If you're all over each other like mustard on a hot dog, great! More power to you. If not, put out or shut up. As these books seems to prove, the best way to be having more sex, is to SHHHH! and HAVE MORE SEX. 

Now, if you'll excuse us we're going to mop ourselves off the floor.