You knew someone had to lampoon this ign'ant fool... 

Thanks, McCain Condoms. As soon as I got on the Straight Talk Express, I got off.

-Cindy, 54, Phoenix

From McCainCondoms.com:

McCainCondoms do not like prolonged exposure to direct sunlight. Don't let them go past their expiration date. Like Bush's Presidency, over time McCainCondoms will become less effective and prone to failure. Use only with water-based lubricants, there's a good reason for it and oil's too expensive anyway. 

Comments so far:

Limp as one of his ultra boring speeches that inspire nobody. A rubber in his wallet is as useless as tits on a bull.

Oh great, now I'm gonna have nightmares of John McCain having sex! Thanks a lot!

Luckily, there are also Obama Condoms, to balance our sanity out a bit. Obama's version "is for the elitist penis, won't leave a bitter taste in your mouth, are for when you just want to close the deal" and at 3am, when that phone rings. Ah, sometimes posts just write themselves, don't they? 

Buy Obama and McCain condoms. Or don't.