Ahh, Craigslist. That ever blinking beacon of Thursday afternoon entertainment. Any women out there love playing Super Mario Brothers? Do you also love getting it from behind? What about playing Super Mario Brothers while getting it from behind? Then, boy - er, girl, have we found the man for you.
If you live in Orlando, "know your way around the game
before we meet...[are] open to anal sex, [and] able to fake an orgasm,"
then you're in luck. Welcome to Florida, the state where horny video-gamers peruse Craigslist to find the Princess Toadstool for their chubby Italian plumber.
We'd parse the whole ad but it's just too good to be true, so we're reprinting it here in all it's entirety. Hold on to your controllers!
I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you
arrive the door will be open. Please come in close and lock the door
and close the shades if they are still open. I will be in the bathroom
and the door will be closed. Turn on the TV and the Nintendo. Remove
all of your clothing. Turn off all lights in the room and kneel down on
the bed so you are directly in the light of the TV. You need to be
facing the TV with your butt in the air pointed toward the pillows on
the bed.
Press the start button on the controller when you are ready. I will
hear the sound and turn the light off in the bathroom and come out. You
will not look directly at me, only look at the TV. When the first level
starts I will begin to finger you and lick you. I will be using lots of
lube as well.
When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the
fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the
fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will
penetrate you. You may say things like, "MORE", "HARDER", "YES", "FUCK
ME", but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends.
DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank
you until the level restarts.
When you reach the flag you must again trigger the fireworks, and also
orgasm. I will pull out. When the 1-3 starts I will penetrate your ass.
You are allowed to say something like "OH GOD", "YES", OR "IT HURTS" no
other conversation is allowed.
When level 1-4 starts I will alternate between holes as I see fit. You
may beg me to cum inside or outside of you, depending on what you want.
When boss falls and you reach the princess I will pull out and blow my
load where you have convinced me I want too. You may then say something
like "Thanks", "It was great", "I loved it", "Don't stop"
If I am impressed you may continue playing and I will continue to
pleasure you. If I am not, I will turn the Nintendo Off and return to
the bathroom. At this time you may clean your self with the towel that
is beside the bed. Turn the lights on, redress yourself and leave.
I may come back out and talk to you as you dress but the conversation
will most likely be short and revolve around scheduling another time to
get together.
Do you think he's got a Luigi waiting in the closet? We have always loved the 2-player option.
Via IssTumBul.
Photo via PixelArt/Retro
