The Frisky has had a post up for a few days on the Nine Sexiest Songs About Masturbation. Ever since we came across it, we've been wondering how definitive it really is.
Meanwhile, we've come up with our own list...
10. The Vapors - Turning Japanese. The Vapors have milked this one for years-- both for their only chart hit and to keep the amusing rumor going, but this may not be about masturbation after all. Wikipedia says it's actually a love song and that the masturbation thing came after interview requests started coming in. (Hint: "Turning Japanese" allegedly refers to a guy squinting hard when he jerks off.)
9. Britney Spears - The Touch of My Hand. She didn't write it, so we can't hate her for it. “Cause I just discovered/Imagination’s taken over/Another day
without a lover/The more I come to understand the touch of my hand... I’m all in my skin and I’m not gonna wait/I’m into myself
in a most precious way.”
8. Billy Idol - Dancing With Myself. How we missed this over the million times we've heard it, we're not sure. (Maybe it's because we're usually having sex when it's on?) “When there’s no-one else in sight/In the crowded lonely night/Well
I wait so long/For my love vibration/And I’m dancing with
myself.”
7. Ween - Mister Richard Smoker. We were also thinking "Picture of Lily" (the Who) and some other ones for this slot (yeah, Billy Joel's "Captain Jack" would work, but may be a bit too creepy): "Mister Richard Smoker/you're a chicken choker/tonight you're gonna let it all hang out/pantyhose and aqua net"
6. Tori Amos - Icicle. We never thought men could masturbate to Tori Amos, but there's something really hot about hearing her sing “And when my hand touches myself/I can finally rest my head/And when
they take from his body/I think I’ll take from mine instead/Getting
off, getting off while they’re all downstairs.”
5. Chuck Berry - My Ding A Ling. Won't you play with it?
4. Elvis Costello - Pump It Up. Double meanings are great because they enable songs to bypass stuff censors who miss the joke. Case in point: this 1978 single, which is ostensibly about turning up the volume. Yeah, on your own getting off! "Pump it up when you don't really need it/Pump it up until you can feel it/Down in the pleasure center/hell bent or heaven-sent..."
3. Violent Femmes - Blister In The Sun. Gordon Gano stained his sheets, which is so much less of an uncomfortable image than it has any right to be.
3. The Divinyls - I Touch Myself. Duh: "I don’t want anybody else/And when I think about you I touch myself."
2. Prince - Darling Nikki. We'll let The Frisky intro this one, since they did such a nice job:
This song and it’s racy lyrics is what prompted Tipper Gore to form the Parents
Music Resource Center, which eventually led to the use of “Parental
Advisory” stickers and imprints on album covers. The song was also
dubbed ‘pornographic’ and ‘satanic’. Awesome! “I knew a girl named Nikki/I guess u could say she was a sex fiend/I
met her in a hotel lobby/Masturbating with a magazine/She said how’d
you like to waste some time/And I could not resist when I saw little
Nikki grind.”
1. Cyndi Lauper - She Bop. What, you didn't know what a "she bop" is? From the "Self Service" sign in the video to lines like:
I see them every night in tight blue jeans -
In the pages of a blue boy magazine
Hey I've been thinking of a new sensation
I'm picking up - good vibration -
Oop - she bop
Do I wanna go out with a lion's roar
Huh, yea, I wanna go south n get me some more
Hey, they say that a stitch in time saves nine
They say I better stop - or I'll go blind
Oop - she bop - she bop...
Via The Frisky. Thanks, Wendy!
