Exorcist: Keep It In Your Pants Or Beelzebub's Gonna Getcha

Posted by Brian Fairbanks

The top diocese of the Catholic Church in England and Wales knows how to attract publicity, even for scholarly texts about exorcism: listing the top ways to avoid him having to perform it on your punk ass...

Highlights of the excerpts we've gleaned:

"Among the causes of homosexuality is a contagious demonic factor.

"Even heterosexual promiscuity is a perversion; and intercourse, which belongs in the sanctuary of married love, can become a pathway not only for disease but also for evil spirits."

"Some very unpleasant things must be mentioned because young people, especially, are vulnerable and we must do what we can to protect and warn them..."

He also said that Satan is responsible for having blinded most secular humanists to the "dehumanising effects of contraception and abortion and IVF, of homosexual 'marriages', of human cloning and the vivisection of human embryos in scientific research." Extreme secular humanism, "atheist scientism", is comparable to "rational satanism" and these are leading Europe into a dangerous state of apostasy. "Only by a genuine personal decision for Christ and the Church can someone separate himself from it."

Well, we're beyond fucked-- repenting now, we'd spent the rest of our lives saying Hail Mary's just for the first 27-odd years.

Read more of this man's infinite wisdom here. Also, check out this headline on the Catholic Herald website, from which much of the above text originated: 'The Bible is a great adventure for kids'

 

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About Brian Fairbanks

Brian Fairbanks, the Senior National Political Correspondent for Nerve, is a filmmaker living in Brooklyn or New Orleans, depending on the season. He is a heavily-armed advocate of gun control.

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