Sloppy Seconds: Olympic Horses In Doping Scandal

Posted by Brian Fairbanks

 

The Coltrane Kids are cooler than we were in the second grade, that's for sure.

A 20-year-old Wisconsin woman was arrested for her overdue library fines. Um, I thought we were supposed to be promoting reading among our youth...

Sienna Miller's house was vandalized last night. Some sicko left the following graffiti:

Jerry Seinfeld is leading a $300 million ad campaign to salvage Windows Vista.

5 Americans were arrested for merely putting up the words "Free Tibet" in Beijing.

A trio of swingers are dead after a triangle went real, real bad.

Jean Reno, star of Leon, aka The Professional, is in the hospital after suffering a serious heart attack.

Coldplay is already gearing up to release another album, produced by Brian Eno, tentatively scheduled for next year.

The equestrian competition at this year's Olympics was thrown into turmoil today following these shocking revelations:

The four horses were found to have been given capsaicin, a substance prohibited because of its pain-relieving properties.

The horse Camiro, ridden by Tony Andre Hansen, was part of Norway's bronze-medal line-up in the team show jumping.

The other three horses are Ireland's Lantinus, ridden by Dennis Lynch; Brazil's Chupa Chup, ridden by Bernardo Alves; and Germany's Coster, ridden by Christian Ahlmann.

These people should be jailed for giving drugs to horses. Jailed in China. (That'll teach 'em.)


Comments

skyinasmallcage said:

Capsaicin is cayenne pepper.  I mean, I understand if there's a simple ban on any supplements, but it's not quite steroids.  It's a common herbal application for humans and pets, reduces swelling.  Is there also a ban on arnica and icepacks?  Because that's the level capsaicin is on.  Jail might be a little much in that context.

August 21, 2008 8:18 PM

About Brian Fairbanks

Brian Fairbanks, the Senior National Political Correspondent for Nerve, is a filmmaker living in Brooklyn or New Orleans, depending on the season. He is a heavily-armed advocate of gun control.

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