It's primary day in some states, which means the phone sex lines are humming.
We'd like to think this idiot just failed in an attempt to get back at Oasis for all their pretentious snobbery, but he was probably just a drunken jackass who rushed the stage.
And you really, really need to see these photos of Anthony Bourdain in the prehistoric era known as the 1970s:
Amazing, right, that he still looks 30 years old at 16? Bourdain, ever a swell sport, writes a letter to the poster of these photographs:
Vengeance will be mine, Ruhlman. I have employed a most excellent
and reputable firm of Venetian detectives who assure me that the photos
of you--at the Kajagoogoo concert, 1986, will soon be in my hands.They
tell me as well that that infommercial you made with Suzanne Sommers?
Copies STILL exist.
My hopes for political office have been ruined, Ruhlman. And for this, you will pay a truly terrible price.
Any Jews out there? asks the town of Dothan, Alabama. No need to hide, the residents just want to talk to you... and offer you $50,000 for moving to the Bible Belt. Seriously. What could you lose?
Larry Blumberg is looking for a few good Jews to move to [Alabama.] Blumberg
is chairman of an organization offering Jewish families as much as
$50,000 to relocate to Dothan, an overwhelmingly Christian town of
58,000 that calls itself the Peanut Capital of the World. Get involved
at Temple Emanu-El and stay at least five years, the group's leaders
say, and the money doesn't have to be repaid.
More
Jews are living in the South than ever — about 386,000 at last count in
2001... young Jews are leaving... in favor of cities like Atlanta and Birmingham, Rockoff said, and dozens of small-town synagogues have closed.
Basically, it's up to you. No pressure or anything.
Really, is there anything better than when Onion articles happen in real life? Then, today in Onion Come To Life: US Weekly spins off a highbrow version of its muckrag...
"Good Luck Sarah Palin" / "Death Race" were two sentences written back to back on an Alaskan movie theater marquee. Creepy...
And Minnie Driver gave birth to Henry Story Driver (she couldn't resist with the strange name, could she?) in LA. The instantly-famous little dude weighs nine pounds is infinitely cooler than us because he has a secret musician daddy, which we long ago revealed to be Eddie Izzard.
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