VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Sure, this weekend's Emmys got us all thinking about nice stuff like
the rewards of a job well done, the power of television as a
communication medium, and Tina Fey cleaned up real purty. But we know
what you were really thinking about. You were wondering Jon
Hamm couldn't have tackled Bryan Cranston and taken the award for
himself. You were wondering why Neil Patrick Harris hasn't challenged
Jeremy Piven to a duel. You wanted Kyra Sedgwick and Holly Hunter to
shove Glenn Close out of the way and decide this like animals.
We
did too! Which is why we are now inaugurating a new feature on The
Remote Island: Imaginary TV Fights. Fights that we all know could
happen -- should happen -- on our televisions, but somehow never will.
Maybe we can't get real-life actors to battle it out, but darned if we
can't determine which of their characters would reign supreme in a full
contact deathmatch. (You can't argue with science!)
Our guide through this Alternate History Channel will be Jake Kalish, raconteur and cryptopopculturalist, whose book Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights
is helping worldwide to settle the question "Who'd win?" Han Solo or
Indiana Jones? Muhammed Ali or Bruce Lee? Voltaire or Voltron? We
contacted Kalish in his palatial Aspen estate and asked him to consider
the many untapped wells of violence and domincation that exist
throughout TV history, and identify a few of the most intriguing ones.
Here is the first: the many sides of William Shatner duking it out in a
threeway battle of the stars! (Well, "star," anyway.)
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