Our favorite "stripper" of ill-repute, Ms. Jocelyn Testes-Harder (hey, that's kind of a funny name), has returned to rescue us from this crushingly slow news day, with tips on saving the environment:
"I've been lowering the totals on our costly water bill by making the
kids bathe together, and forcing them to poop in the back yard..."
But Jocelyn, your water bill can't be that much, can it? I mean, there's got to be a better way to save money than cutting down on toilet usage. What about things you spend a lot of money on?
"[Well,] I've also found that a condom can be reused if you simply turn it inside out and wipe it off with a dry paper towel."
Oh, boy, Jocelyn... Scanner Emily is going to be furious when she hears about this. Well, at least you actually use condoms, unlike many women your age. Speaking of women your own age, how can we cut down on the CFCs emitted from feminine hygeine products?
"When you use things like hair products and spray paint you should try
to avoid spraying them directly. Instead you should spray the product
into a rag, huff on the rag until the fumes dissipate, and then apply
to the intended surface.
Reducing what ends up in landfills is
also a major goal of the environmentally conscious. So burn whatever
you can rather than throwing it away, especially larger items like
mattresses and refrigerators. And never throw out something that you
can reuse."
Except for that last line, we're pretty sure your advice is complete madness. Nonetheless, we look forward to your expert opinion again soon. Until then, make sure to check out Jocelyn's blog here. It's shittacular.
Related:
