We're often discussing ways to reconcile our need for unrestrained, raunchy sex with our boring ol' environmentalism. Sometimes we've even gotten specific about ways our love lives have evolved in a more socially-conscious era. But we not as specific as the recent Fox News piece "11 Ways to Make Your Sex Life 'Greener.'"
Wait, Fox News is leading the eco-friendly sexual revolution? Now, this we gotta see...
Here are the 11 Ways, according to FNC Sexpert Yvonne K. Fulbright, a smarty-pants name if we've ever heard it (just kidding-- it's impossible to successfully mock a pompous byline when your own last name is Fairbanks.)
1. Organic Lubricants 2. Bamboo Sheets 3. Eco-Lingerie 4. Environmentally Friendly Condoms 5. Sustainable Wooden Paddles 6. Phthalate-Free Vibrators 7. Certified Fair Trade Chocolate 8. Local Flowers 9. Sex Kits 10. Organic Wine 11. DivaCup
Nothing extraordinary, but perhaps more comprehensive than many similar lists we've personally created on Scanner. But one thing stuck with us-- this seemed all too familiar. Look at a post on the TakePart blog:
1) Sustainably Sexy Lingerie 2) Vegan Condoms 3) Natural Lubricants 4) Spank Me! 5) Organic Massage Oils 6) Solar Vibrator 7) Twisted Monk Bondage Starter Kit 8) Smart Balls 9) Fun in the Tub 10) Fair Trade Aphrodisiacs
No one's accusing Fox of plagairzing our friends at the socially-conscious TakePart, but why would we listen to Fox News, a network that tells us sex is a shameful practice yet has no problem milking stories about it for monetary gain? Why would we listen to a conservative "news" source, a proudly "red state" institution after it was revealed that people in states that heavily regulate sexual activity spend more money on porn than those in more liberal areas?
Perhaps we're getting ahead of ourselves. But the point is-- why would anyone care what Fox News thinks is greener sex when we have a liberal list that includes gems like this:
Have you been a baaaad environmentalist? Forget to recycle that
take-out container last night? Bend over and take your punishment like
a good little greenie with this classic wooden paddle made with materials from a sustainable source by a fair trade project in India.
Suck my Smart Balls, Murdoch.
We'll spare you our revolutionary #12 idea, which has something to do with the "WTF?!" photo seen here...
Top image via. The TakePart blog post is here; Fox's is here.
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