Every summer, Hollywood rolls out more movies based on toys my brother played with when we were little: Transformers, GI Joe, Star Wars. Others are based on the comics he read: Iron Man, X-Men, The Hulk, etc. These films are taken seriously by adults. And they are huge. It got me thinking:
What if Hollywood made movies for women that weren't brainless rom-coms?
But that question was too large to tackle.
What if Hollywood made movies based on characters and toys women liked as children?
And so, here are some ideas I present to Hollywood (with the understanding that if used I will be compensated richly), titles followed by their potential trailers, trailers of course being read in the voice of trailer voiceover guy.
Outrageous: Holograms vs. Misfits
Jerrica Benton was an ordinary woman who owned a record company. But in her secret double life as Jem, with help from Cynergi, she is outragous.
Truly, truly, truly outrageous. [Sequence of Jem and the Holograms rocking out on stage.] But not everyone is a fan. [Sequence of Pizzazz from the Misfits singing: "We are the Misfits/ Our songs are better/ We hate Jem and / We're gonna get her."]
This summer... Jem and the Holograms
face off... in the battle of their lives... against their arch-enemy
rockers, the Misfits. Only one band will win. The other band will lose their identity: either the Holograms will be stripped of Jem's special Cynergi earrings, or the Misfits will have to
change their name, because it was already taken by the Misfits 30 years ago. Excitement. Adventure. Fashion. Fame. This summer...be
a Jem girl. JEM. Jem is her name.
The Care Bears Wake-Up Call
The Care
Bears have been hibernating since 1990 when the grunge era began and
eventually destroyed happiness and optimism. In the summer of 2010,
the Care Bears wake up in a world that is a much faster...and much
meaner. In order to survive, they have to adapt.
Meet the
Don't- Care Bears: Blogger Bear, Pollution Bear, Conservative Bear,
Nihilist Bear. But in their struggle to survive, have the Care Bears
forgotten the most important lesson of all? Will a world without caring
self-destruct? In a word...Yes. [Montage of apocalyptic destruction set to operatic choral musical climax, then: silence. Black screen.]
Care Bears Wake-Up Call
Summer 2010
Easy Bake
In a world... one little girl finds herself in the cookoff of her life. But she's not allowed to use her mommy's grownup oven. The only cooking device she can use is...an Easy-Bake Oven. That's right: everything must be cooked to perfection using only a light bulb. Or something. In a world.
Other ideas which could be fleshed out if the price is right:
Strawberry Shortcake: The Pieman Cometh
MLP (My Little Pony)
Rainbow Brite and the Deadly Quest for Sparkles
All rights reserved, TM, etc.
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