Pardon our tardiness wrapping up the highs and lows of last week, but we were living Planes, Trains and Automobiles 2.0. After eleven hours each in two different airports, a four-hour Greyhound bus ride and an eleven-hour drive, we finally made it to Austin, where we're blogging from South by Southwest Interactive. Today we'll check out all the sexy panels, until then, here's what happened last week.

Highs: 

Scanner Brian (along with his buddies at FOXNews) made us feel a little better about our badonkadonks.

Because FOXNews is all about giving us more reasons to have sex.

And so does ABC News.

We love that Paul Rudd loves to get nekkid.

What happens when our favorite show from childhood collides with one of our favorite shows from adulthood? Utter necrophiliac hilarity. 

We became a little more open minded about dating people with kids.

National Abortion Provider Appreciation Day made us happy.

We got a second chance at finding a mopey lover at Smiths Speed Dating.

We made a lot of condom-hating men happy when we reported on a study that said a straight shot of semen can treat female depression. 

Lows:

Abstinence-Only Education Day did not.

Neither did this little girl.

We worried, momentarily, that Scanner Brian would be out of a job.

But as long as he can recognize that Jason Segel is a sexy, sexy man, he's safe here at Scanner.

New Jersey is about to get a lot more bush.

We considered leaving Bristol Palin alone. And then decided against it. 

We were reminded, yet again, how complicated all that getting married bullshit can be.

But maybe if someone loved us this much...

We couldn't get that damn McDonald's jingle out of our heads.

We were a little disappointed with our first condom vending machine purchase.

P Diddy TMI alert!