Natasha Richardson's autopsy report has been released and the cause of death is an epidural hematoma, in other words: hitting her head. Remember kids, please wear a helmet!
Speaking of advice, watch out for spiders in Whole Foods. Apparently the world's deadliest kind like to hang out in the produce section.
Signs the economy is really in the crapper: Tom Sizemore steals cell phones and a Rhode Island strip club is hosting a job fair.
Cheer up, though -- at the very least, you're better off than Project Runway's Kenley Collins, who is hanging out in a Brooklyn jail after attacking her sleeping ex-fiance with "her pet cat, water, several apples and laptop."
You can also sleep more soundly than Collins' ex-fiance because cellar monster Josef Fritzl has been found guilty on all counts and will be spending the rest of his life in a psychiatric unit.
Lastly, and somewhat most terrifyingly: Sarah Palin is seeking the advice of an OT-VII level (the cult's second most powerful level) Scientologist in preparation for her 2012 presidential run. Yes.
Related:
Sarah Palin Porn Ain't Goin' Nowhere, No Ho Ho Ho
