Ah, yes, it's time to check in with the Sex Advice Column You All Love To Hate, mainly because it happens to be on FoxNews.com, features a non-manufactured cute doctor as its host, and was probably written in less time than it takes to read the posts we make fun of it in...
This week's column is entitled 7 Ways To Sex Up Your Partner's Libido. (#1 would be: "Have a threesome and leave the room when it starts.") Here's our breakdown of her bullet points:
1. Entice your partner with orgasm exploration. Believe it or not, you can have different kinds of orgasms, not just "good ones" and "I can tell that wasn't real."
2. Incorporate fantasy throughout the day. Send your partner a link to NaughtyAmerica.com and say, "Can we do that tonight?" Of course, it would help if the recipient of this e-mail were a guy.
3. Stay connected when you do have sex.
"Don’t make sex about physical gratification alone. Truly worship your
lover and hail the lovemaking as a celebratory experience ― one you
can’t get enough of." Her words, not ours, but we have to say... "worship..." "hail [it] as a celebratory experience" should only be attempted by the best of actors.
4. Keep things novel and spicy in and out of the bedroom.
In other words, get back in that kitchen and fix me a chicken pot pie. Or something.
5. Look your best. And you thought Fox News was going to tell you, "It's okay to be frumpy once you're married?" Remember, these are the same people who think Sarah Palin is a role model.
6. Engage in verbal foreplay. "I want you to do the dishes" and "Is it all right if I call you Antonio when we do it later?" don't count.
7. Consider how you size up sexual satisfaction.
"Does sex always have to end in intercourse?" Female answer: "No." Male answer: "I thought sex was intercourse."
Read Yvonne K. Fulbright's actual talking points here.
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