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• While You Were Sleeping: Mad Men Getting Fired Up

  Arnold Schwarzenegger is considering decriminalizing marijuana altogether in California, possibly for budgetary reasons. One of my celebrity crushes, Bebe Neuwirth, is now married. Dumber-than-that-Carolina-contestant Miss California is in danger of losing her crown... Read More... Posted May 06 2009, 09:53 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: marriage, mad men, rihanna, cross dressers, pregnant, gisele bundchen, 50 Cent, concerts, marijuana, arnold schwarzenegger, New Orleans, sex life, joe biden, california, jennifer hudson, sunglasses, president obama, rick ross, miss california, bebe neuwirth

• Scanners in New Orleans at Jazz Fest

  I like to take before and after photos on big days. I just returned from two such big days attending the last weekend of Jazz Fest in New Orleans, where Scanner Brian had been camped out in some tiny shack for the whole festival.  So here is our before shot, taken shortly before Neil Young's performance, which rocked in the free world. You will notice from reading my hat that it is HAMMER TIME. That circle in my hands is my ladylike Charles Rennie Mackintosh flask. Sneaking in on the left is a gal who gave a free Jazz Fest ticket to our friend Kara, who must have gotten at least a six pack's worth of free beers from strangers over the weekend, just by asking nicely.  Now just try to look at our after photos and not be disturbed. Read More... Posted May 04 2009, 01:50 PM by Colleen Kane with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: scanner brian, New Orleans, Neil Young, scanner colleen, murderer mask, mask, scanners, charles rennie mackintosh, jazz fest, flask, rocking in the free world

• Sunday Pudgy Sunday

  While much of America settled in for a night of Oscars-bashing, Val Kilmer reigned over the Bachhus parade as part of New Orleans' Mardi Gras yesterday. Do you know what else the name Bacchus signifies? Read More... Posted Feb 23 2009, 04:41 PM by Colleen Kane with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: wine, New Orleans, Mardi Gras, Val Kilmer, louisiana, dionysus, bacchus

• Obama Crashes Carnival Party, Thanks to Naked Carnival Queen

  We spent most of the weekend complaining about how peeved we were to be missing the New Orleans Mardi Gras, mainly venting to people standing next to us at New York's many Mardi Gras parties. It would've helped ease our guilty conscience over not supporting the Katrina-ravaged economy down south if someone had only alerted us to these photos sooner. Read More... Posted Feb 23 2009, 11:18 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: parties, Barack Obama, nsfw, katrina, New Orleans, Mardi Gras, brazil, nude photos, body paint, parades, south america, corporations, brazilian, body art, amazon, rainforest, carnival

• Pepper Spray and Tasers, Josh Brolin Arrest Video

  This happened last summer, but the incredible video has just been released recently, on the same day all charges were dropped. Will cops ever learn? Read More... Posted Jan 07 2009, 12:00 PM by Scanner Matt with | with no comments Filed under: New Orleans, louisiana, police brutality, josh brolin arrest video, cops caught on tape, brolin cops, josh brolin oscar, josh brolin arrested, police academy, dirty cops, southern cops, josh brolin hot, fuzz, pigs

• Sloppy Seconds: Pornos Will Save Us All

  A family decided not to report their adopted son missing... for a decade. Think they had a hand in his disappearance? Is this officially the end of the Bush era? Jeb has declined to run for Senate in Florida, where he would have been virtually unbeatable. The Josh Brolin-Jeffrey Wright bar brawl case has been resolved... Read More... Posted Jan 06 2009, 05:51 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: sloppy seconds, awards, senate, fleshbot, florida, adoption, New Orleans, roommates, pornography, porno, sean penn, milk, josh brolin, jeffrey wright, shooting, jeb bush, missing child, bar brawl

• While You Were Sleeping: Viva Bettie Page

  A widely-publicized murder trial took a grimly hilarious tour when it was revealed the man in question had left a list in his FEMA trailer that detailed his plans for getting away with it. Best one: "Throw gun in river."  Eminem has released his first new song in ages. Dr. Strangelove, like 1984, is becoming a reality: a single prank call almost started a war Read More... Posted Dec 08 2008, 09:05 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: new york times, sex tape, scary, heart attack, vagina, hospital, New Orleans, songs, strollerderby, Bettie Page, eminem, while you were sleeping, murderers, babysitter, trial, 1984, shania twain, child molester

• While You Were Sleeping: Imagine Porky's... But Starring Kate Winslet

  Lil' Wayne won the popularity contest known as the Grammy nominations process. However, it wasn't a total loss: M.I.A., Coldplay, Taylor Swift, and Alison Krauss at least received more than their share. Sarah Palin's latest ethics violation is being blamed on an "administrative error." Yeah, right-- then why has it been two months since the media had a field day with this "oversight" and only now you're fixing it? Hey fatasses in Louisiana... Vermont can squeeze you in... Read More... Posted Dec 04 2008, 09:08 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: boobs, jessica biel, judd apatow, brad pitt, alison kraus, kate winslet, grammys, New Orleans, vermont, lil wayne, louisiana, ellen degeneres, fat people, m.i.a., coldplay, sarah palin, taylor swift, ethics

• Is this guy the Barack Obama of the GOP? Um, no.

  With the Republican Party in crisis many are looking for a new leader to win them back the throne in 2012 (does anyone really believe it will be Sarah Palin?). Thirty-six-year-old Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal (short listed as a McCain VP nominee before the barracuda graced our lives) just might be the guy. He's surrounded by presidential buzz and—let's be honest—it wouldn't hurt the GOP if their conventions looked a little less like white supremacist rallies. Piyush “Bobby” Jindal picked up his Anglo nickname from The Brady Bunch. Yes, that Bobby, seriously, which he commonly uses as his first name. He at first appears to be a very intelligent individual; he was a Rhodes Scholar at Oxford. But here’s the thing. He’s crazy. Read More... Posted Nov 25 2008, 05:23 PM by Scanner Matt with | with 9 comment(s) Filed under: GOP, India, vice president, Democrats, President, katrina, New Orleans, white supremacists, kkk, Pro Life, america ferrera, family values, sarah palin, right wing, vp pick, extremist, republicancan, brady bunck, dumb idiots, wing nut, bobby jindal, 2012, catholicism, prochoice, politician porn, republicancans, bobby from the brady bunch

• The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: The Top 5

  Today, we conclude our list of the 50 sexiest movies ever made with these five explosive favorites, voted on, in part, by you... For 10-6, click here. Read More... Posted Nov 24 2008, 04:17 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: lesbian, relationships, lists, sex scenes, james spader, nsfw, lifetime, vagina, celebrities, maggie gyllenhaal, New Orleans, Emmy's, nude scenes, spanish, naomi watts, sharon stone, sexiest movies, top 50 sexiest movies, top 50

• I Love Myself For Loving You: Patricia Clarkson

  We were flipping through the channels yesterday when we came across future two-time Emmy-winning actress and southern belle Patricia Clarkson in her breakout screen role: The Dead Pool, opposite Clint Eastwood's Dirty Harry. It actually made us, for the first time in ages, sit through even a moment of a movie edited (and censored) for television. The most amazing thing about Clarkson's good looks and talents isn't that they are still of the highest caliber, it's that they seem to be even stronger now... Read More... Posted Sep 29 2008, 04:20 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: movies, hot or not, New Orleans, hot, louisiana, clint eastwood, actresses, dirty harry, i love myself for loving you, the station agent, older women, southern, patricia clarkson

• While You Were Sleeping: All The Harry Potter Kids Are Getting Naked

  Wonderful: right as Michael Lohan is tearing his daughter's life apart, his father dies. Maybe Michael will reassess his values now that the guy had to go out right in the middle of an embarrassingly public family dispute. We missed out on Michael Phelps giving swimming lessons at the Y. Is David Duchovny having an affair of just trying to promote his show, Californication, with this latest shocking report? Read More... Posted Aug 29 2008, 09:42 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: politics, harry potter, sex addict, death, gay marriage, david duchovny, george w bush, Barack Obama, sex scenes, school, new orleans 9th ward, john McCain, vice president, Republican, bigotry, New Orleans, michael lohan, Rupert Grint, daniel radcliffe, Hurricane Katrina, swimming, conventions, religious wackos, atlanta, michael phelps, olympians

• While You Were Sleeping: The Madonna-Guy Ritchie Separation

  A teacher in Tennessee was fired by her school board, even after charges of child molestation were proven false, while a teacher in Georgia was arrested for stalking his underage girlfriend/ex-student by text. Oh, and one more: a 26-year-old teacher in South Carolina was arrested for getting her students drunk after hours. Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi are now Mrs. and Mrs.  Speaking of celebrity couplings, Hillary Duff refuses to be overshadowed by Lindsay Lohan and the rest of the young starlets... Read More... Posted Aug 18 2008, 08:43 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: gay marriage, james franco, athletes, hockey, engaged, Los Angeles, madonna, naked people, wedding, teacher student sex, New Orleans, separation, South Carolina, Christianity, tennessee, arrest, Guy Ritchie, teacher sex, ellen degeneres, hillary duff, california, portia de rossi, prostitute

• New Orleans Politician Arrested While Getting-- How Perfect-- A Lap Dance

  Our idiot of the day is State Senator Derrick Shepherd, who was busted for assaulting and robbing his ex-girlfriend at his house (which he claims isn't his house), while getting what officers figured was a lap dance... And that's just the last chapter of a multi-part fiasco which started hours earlier...  Read More... Posted Jul 29 2008, 08:01 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: stripper, tila tequila, assault, New Orleans, arrested, fraud, corrupted mind, lap dances, ex-girlfriends

• Today in the Apocalypse: Man Injured in Mooning Prank Gone Wrong

  Continuing signs of the coming apocalypse today in a variety of bizarre arrests and other News of The Weird exclusives. The Tampa, FL area continues to be a source of great amusement for Scanner bloggers-- today's story features a man brought in on felony charges for building a treehouse on a chemical company's forested property so he could feed his addiction to horse racing.  Raymond Rogers built hisself a fifteen-foot-high tree house in what he probably thought was some abandoned forest so he could use binoculars to eyeball the track. Rogers told police he had been banned from entering the grandstand itself after "causing problems with the customers." Hmmm...   Other signs of the coming apocalypse include: Gawker reported on the above photo, which they claim is a real candid of a drunk driver showing up late to watch a Mexican bike race... More after the jump...   Read More... Posted Jun 03 2008, 03:13 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: gawker, horses, john McCain, drunk driving, accidents, New Orleans, robbery, mexico, Mexican, bicycles, mooning the camera, today in the apocalypse, muggers

• The Greatest Dive Bars: The Saturn

  We'd love it if you reader folks would submit your favorite (area?) dive bars for our Greatest Dive Bars competition... First up, the Saturn Bar, in a very dangerous neighborhood, severely damaged by Hurricane Katrina, called the Bywater, near the 9th Ward... Read More... Posted May 06 2008, 02:43 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: New Orleans, gross stuff, hilarious, dive bars, the saturn bar, greatest dives

• Photo Essay: New Orleans Battles On

  We're blogging from New Orleans this week, where we used to live before the age of blogs. Yesterday, we hit up Jazz Fest and saw some amazing shows (including Al Green, with a clip of his entrance after the jump), plus we endured one of the heaviest downpours in human history. The resilience of the locals was astonishing. After all, one would think the locals would freak out at the sight of huge puddles of water rushing toward them in a crowded place... Read More... Posted Apr 28 2008, 02:24 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: music, New Orleans, Hurricane Katrina, natural disasters, etta james, jazz, al green

• Eve Ensler Celebrates "Vagina Day" in New Orleans

  Will you ever look at the Mississippi Delta another way? We didn't think so.   Jezebel has a sweet rundown of Vagina Day in New Orleans, hosted this weekend by Eve Ensler in honor of the 10th anniversary of her Vagina Monologues -- and featuring the biggest vag their correspondent had ever seen. As soon as we walked into the Superdome, we were overwhelmed by the Biggest. Vagina. Ever. Very hypnotizing, and reminiscent of Gene Simmons' tongue! Ehh...we're not seeing it, but have a look for yourself. Read More... Posted Apr 15 2008, 12:18 PM by Bryan Christian with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: jezebel, New Orleans, Vagina Monologues, Eve Ensler, Vagina Day

• Sloppy Seconds: What is Claudia Schiffer Doing Half-Naked With That Kid From "Third Rock From the Sun?"

  Finally! A male teacher in New Orleans has been accused of having sex with a student. Well, we don't mean "finally" like that, it's just that there have been lots of female teachers doing it and the ladies need a break.   Tyra Banks' stalker is back on the prowl. He was arrested after multiple failed attempts to enter her New York studio. We have a feeling this is not the last we'll see of him; he's bi-costal, and apparently not shy.  In case you haven't already done this yourself, someone put Lindsay Lohan doing Marilyn Monroe next to Marilyn Monroe doing Marilyn Monroe. Now that we've seen Lindsay's shots a million times, it's interesting to see them juxtaposed with Marilyn's. [via Fleshbot] Read More... Posted Mar 24 2008, 05:33 PM by Emily Farris with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: video, politics, sloppy seconds, Tyra Banks, john McCain, New Orleans, songs, third rock from the sun, joseph gordon levitt, teacher sex, raining mccain, stalkers, claudia schiffer

• Scanner Bryan is Back From Mardi Gras

  Hello, youngsters! I, Scanner Bryan, have returned from the Crescent City -- and sadly, I've not brought back a single picture of boobies. Why you may ask? Well, blame the calendar. Not only was it a somewhat chilly Mardi Gras, but the earliness of the date in the year meant that New Orleans was devoid of the marauding, drunken spring breakers who can generally be counted on to generously donate their nudity to the holiday. It was still a pretty great week, though. Have a look at our pics after the jump -- and if you celebrated the day yourselves, let us know what you were up to! Read More... Posted Feb 08 2008, 04:00 PM by Bryan Christian with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: scanner bryan, photos, New Orleans, Mardi Gras 2008, travel, Mardi Gras