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• Ashton vs CNN: It is Broughten

  We at Scanner make no claims of being mature. But Ashton Kutcher makes us feel downright dignified by comparison, what with Punk'd, the throwing of bottles at construction workers near his house who woke baby up, and the general impression that he is one with the character he played on That '70s Show. His latest folly is challenging CNNs' breaking news account to a Twitter popularity contest. So now it's a race to 1 million followers, and what Ashton plans to do if he wins is straight out of your preteen Mischief Night. Read More... Posted Apr 16 2009, 11:42 AM by Colleen Kane with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: ashton kutcher, punk'd, cnn.com, twitter, that 70's show, guitar hero, challenge

• Let's Settle This Ridiculous First-Date Pay Debate Once And For All

  Last week, there was a column on CNN.com (via the Frisky) which confronted the incredibly annoying and unsettled question: "Who should pay on a first date?" Besides the stock answer ("the asker"), there was remarkably little of substance in the story's "debate." Since we could care less about offending people with honesty, we'll now respond with a comment that hung over the proceedings: the discussion is incredibly sexist. Read More... Posted Feb 23 2009, 04:09 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 15 comment(s) Filed under: dating, feminism, scanner brian, sexism, cnn.com, men and women, the frisky, guys, relationship, economic crisis, sexist, relationship advice, feminist

• Obama Not Only President, Also Rock Star, America's Dad

  Many Americans have the Obama fever, but the following video illustrates it in action. In just a few moments' time, we witness homeless woman/ now media star Henrietta Hughes plead to the President for help and shelter, we thrill as Obama kisses her and tells her to talk to his people after the Town Hall. At the same time he's kissing Ms. Hughes, be sure to watch the blonde woman pictured above. Read More... Posted Feb 12 2009, 01:33 PM by Colleen Kane with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: obama, cnn.com, first 100 days, obama fever, henrietta hughes, i'll never wash this cheek again, barack Obama obama

• Facebook Quickly Becoming the Raging Cesspool MySpace, Friendster Could Only Hope to Be

  Have you seen this message on Facebook: "[Friend's Name Here] is in serious trouble!!!" Most likely, it's a Nigerian scammer talking... Read More... Posted Feb 06 2009, 01:48 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: myspace, facebook, london, Friends, cnn, money, fraud, cnn.com, friendster, friends with benefits, ripoffs, status updates, nigeria, nigerian email scams, scams

• This Week in Gayness: Gotta Love Them Bathhouses

  For the ten millionth time in a row, research suggests being gay is not a choice. Have you heard about the Day Without a Gay? No, it's not some Fred Phelps extraordinary rendition program, it's a pro-gay event on December 10th in which gay people will not participate in the economy. Next Friday, possibly-gay Florida Governor Charlie Crist is getting married. So, in light of the recent statewide amendment banning same-sex marriage... Read More... Posted Dec 02 2008, 10:37 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: anderson cooper, gay marriage, public sex, florida, fred phelps, gay sex, olympics, protest, cnn.com, 60 Minutes, gay marriage ban, milk, swimming, closeted, charlie crist, homosexual, michael phelps, olympians, folsom street fair, harvey milk, linda harvey

• Is The GOP Over Yet? A New Poll Seems To Think So...

  More than six in ten Americans have an unfavorable view of the Grand Old Party, according to a Gallup poll released today.  But that's not even the worst part of the survey, which should have Republicans scrambling faster than the Democrats after 2004... Read More... Posted Nov 20 2008, 04:06 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: politics, republicans, Barack Obama, GOP, polls, elections, Republican, cnn.com, campaign, republican idiots

• Live From Death Row: A Killer's Last Words, Before His Life Was Spared

  Jose Angel Moreno should be dead already. He's a death row inmate in Texas, of all places, which means he's lucky he wasn't taken out and shot before his appeal even came up. This is not a dig at Texas-- this is a dig at how Texas State Government views the death penalty. And the fact that 23 years have passed since Moreno committed a murder-kidnapping and Moreno still hasn't been put to death is either a miracle or a travesty of justice, depending on which side you're on... Read More... Posted Nov 18 2008, 11:59 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 9 comment(s) Filed under: anderson cooper, police, cops, death, scary, texas, prison, kidnapped, food, journalism, arrest, cnn.com, murder, government, desserts, diaries, murderers, dead, death penalty

• Sloppy Seconds: Photos of New Planets, Yay!

  Same-sex heart transplants are the just better. (We'll resist gay marriage jokes here.) Justin Long: from Drew Barrymore... to Tila Tequila? We're glad neither are divulging the make-out details. Democratic Senator Barbara Boxer's aide was arrested for... guess what? Read More... Posted Nov 13 2008, 05:18 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: gawker, space, tila tequila, making out, photo of the day, david letterman, drew barrymore, same-sex hookups, cnn.com, perverts, democrat, justin long, pregnacy, heart, planets, jamie-lyn sigler, russell brand

• While You Were Sleeping: Playboy Kills the DVD

  Rudy Ray Moore, aka "Dolemite," passed away.  Billy Baldwin's co-star says his wife is a lucky man because Baldwin is one helluva kisser. This is his transsexual mistress-playing co-star, which makes it all the better. Good Lord, Tom Arnold is absolutely wasted in this video... how ever did it get on the airwaves? Even if those airwaves are over the internet? [Video on autoplay] Read More... Posted Oct 21 2008, 11:06 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: paris hilton, drunk, babies, kissing, playboy, london, television, drinking, cnn, pornography, gillian anderson, baldwins, cnn.com, Transsexuals, dvds, deaths, tom arnold

• CNN Discovers Why Men Cheat (Gasp! It's About Their Feelings)

  Second only to the New York Times for being last to figure out what's going on Planet Earth, the Cable News Network is not exactly known for breaking cultural news or actually telling us anything we don't already know. So it's no surprise that they've taken to publishing Oprah.com's columns on their website in lieu of doing their own fact-finding... Read More... Posted Oct 06 2008, 10:50 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: marriage, cheating, oprah winfrey, divorce, sex, Bill Clinton, Liars, cnn, affair, cnn.com, extra-marital affair, Oprah, cheaters, emotions

• Today In Embarrassing Headlines: CNN's "Run, Drink, Vomit"

  Sometimes we click on headlines because they seem interesting, and sometimes we click on headlines because of the sheer incongruity between them and their hosting publication. Welcome to today's most embarassing headline... Read More... Posted Jul 28 2008, 04:05 PM by Ina Maier with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: cnn.com, vomit, Embarrassing headlines, Beer Marathon, Breaking News

• Olive Riley, World's Oldest Blogger, Dies At Age 108

  This ridiculously awesome woman is Olive Riley, the world's oldest blogger. The less-awesome part of all this is that she passed away in an Australian nursing home on Saturday, though, per her blog, not before singing "a happy little song..." Read More... Posted Jul 14 2008, 12:14 PM by Ina Maier with | with no comments Filed under: beer, dead people, death, bloggers, youtube, old and crazy, australia, cnn.com, seniors, old ladies

• CNN Hasn't Been Getting Many Second Dates

  CNN, which is trying to become the US Weekly of television, has put up a new article online listing all the ways women (or, really, men) blow their chances at a second date. Obviously, none of them were written by the man pictured above, a CNN employee who should have no problem getting a second chance, even after violating every one of these rules... Read More... Posted Jul 10 2008, 02:10 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: dating, sex, ex boyfriends, dumb laws, cnn.com, tmi

• Huckabee Encourages NRA Members To Shoot Obama

  Correct us if we're wrong, but there are laws against this sort of thing, are there not?  We were in the middle of reading Vanity Fair's story on the pre-assassination campaign of Bobby Kennedy when we heard TV's talking heads jabbering about the inane/insane remarks of one Mike Huckabee. Huckabee would have been, in happier times, jailed on the spot for threatening the President of the United States. Unfortunately, it appears law enforcement doesn't consider "future Presidents" as being protected from said law... Read More... Posted May 19 2008, 11:07 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: politics, Barack Obama, mike Huckabee, vanity fair, assassination, cnn.com, nra

• One of These Things is Not Like the Other

  One of these three headlines is fake, the other two appeared on CNN.com on Monday: A) For this couple, 10th marriage is the charm B) KKK vendor fights to sell his racist goods C) Law to make tongue kissing minors a sex offense They all should be fake, but only one is... Read More... Posted Mar 14 2008, 09:41 AM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: headlines, cnn, news headlines, cnn.com, fake news, rare dolphin