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• Weekend Update Debate Has Less Economic Policy and More Unicorns

  In this SNL Weekend Update Thursday debate video we learn that Obama might be uncircumcised, and that Joe the Plumber lives in a box under John McCain's bed. Along with his invisible friend Simon the Senator, who is also a unicorn.  Trust us, it's adorable and so, so weird.   Read More... Posted Oct 17 2008, 03:15 PM by Nicole Pasulka with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: obama, mccain, debate, Weekend Update, joe the plumber, saturday night life, weekend update thursday

• Exposed: Joe the Plumber (Don't Worry, No Butt Crack Shots)

  This is our last post about Joe the Plumber (for the foreseeable future), we promise. However, some interesting information about who this guy really is has come to light. Full revelations below... but for starters, everyone out there who suspected he was a fraud and that Joe the Plumber is actually Joe the Not A Plumber? Collect your prize... Read More... Posted Oct 16 2008, 03:59 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: politics, Barack Obama, john McCain, debate, democrat, taxes, joe the plumber, republican idiots, union

• I Wasn't Going to Live Blog the Debate...

  ... but then I kept updating my Facebook status, so I figured I might as well have just been live blogging, so at 9:51 I gave up on Facebook and switched over to Scanner. As many of these comments were originally meant for my close circle of 471 friends, you might be offended. Get over it. Or don't click through. Either way, Scanner Brian will most likely bring you real political commentary in the morning. I talk quite a bit about McCain's pin stripes... they were bad, real bad. Read More... Posted Oct 15 2008, 09:51 PM by Emily Farris with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: Barack Obama, john McCain, debate, live blogging

• The Third And Final Debate... Here's Your Drinking Game!

  After the first two debates (and the letdown of a VP showdown), we don't blame you for falling asleep at the mere idea of watching tonight's final contest. (Mainly since it won't actually be a contest, just a 90-minute clusterfuck of boring vs. boring vs. boring questions. Or something.) Thankfully, someone has come up with the only thing worth doing this evening: drinking "Fundamentally Strong Cocktails" and playing McLiar Bingo... Read More... Posted Oct 15 2008, 05:21 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: politics, Barack Obama, Liars, funny, john McCain, debate, taxes, drinking games, troopergate

• While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Pregnant Ladies

  Jeff Mangum, who wrote and performed the biggest cult indie album of all time, In The Aeroplane Over the Sea, returned to the stage but did not work up the nerve to do any of his own songs. A raid in Tennessee netted 19 female prostitutes and two transvestites. You heard what happened on South Park last week, right? Yeah, but did you hear about the show's ratings? Read More... Posted Oct 13 2008, 09:50 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: animals, angelina jolie, saturday night live, south park, brad pitt, television, david letterman, comedy central, john McCain, celebrities, SNL, angelina joile, anniversaries, indiana jones, debate, extra-marital affair, murder, jennifer aniston, drunk people, gay rights, george lucas, pregnacy, scotland, cute animal video, sarah palin, forbes, giraffe, matthew shepherd

• Today in WTF: Endorsed By...

  Above is the top half of an ad released late Thursday night by the McCain campaign. It wasn't until Friday that someone noticed what was horribly, horribly wrong with it. (We're revealing the error after the jump.) The McCain folks were already reeling from the pre-Presidential debate they "accidentally" released saying McCain had won the debate, which McCain hadn't even arrived for yet. Classic.  We have to say this is way funnier... Read More... Posted Oct 06 2008, 11:55 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: politics, wtf, advertisements, funny, john McCain, washington post, joke, debate, campaigns, today in wtf, sarah palin

• Do Ten Shots Every Time Biden Mentions Indians And 7-11

  We know the debate is tomorrow, but we wanted to tell you about MIT's hilarious drinking game (this one, unlike the previous incarnation, is actually doable) so you can stock up now on select booze... or Slurpee's... which is, of course, bigot Biden's favorite beverage... Read More... Posted Oct 01 2008, 03:51 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: India, drinking, vice president, bigotry, debate, MIT, joe biden, racial profiling, massachusetts, slurpee, 7-11, sarah palin, drinking games, indian

• Master Debating: Don't Look 'Em In The Eye

  A semi-celebrity once chastised us for not looking them in the eye when shaking their hand for the first time. Ever since, we've been really self-conscious about it-- and perhaps pick up on it when others don't look us in the eyes when shaking hands. This could explain why were so weirded out by McCain's debate performance. Had he been instructed not to ever once look Obama in the eye? Or was it something more, like a sudden deep-seeded hatred? Read More... Posted Sep 29 2008, 10:22 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: politics, Barack Obama, television, john McCain, debates, respect, debate, campaigns, body language, pbs, jim lehrer

• Scanner Highs And Lows: Let's Protest Anyone Who Protests Packages & Boobs

  We figure, what with all the topless women running around the site this week, we're going to offset it with some ridiculous Speedo action... and the following stories... Read More... Posted Aug 22 2008, 05:02 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: florida, mermaids, fred phelps, Broadway, virginia, erotic, debate, olympics, protest, kentucky, perverts, topless, scanner highs and lows, daniel radcliffe, scanner nicole, naked men, museum of sex, olympians, equal rights

• Preliminary Results On "Who Would You Rather": DD Lewis vs. Bardem

  Yesterday, we opened the floor to debate the Bardem-Lewis European 2008 Oscar-winning Ratherability Act, asking Scanner readers  to vote on "who they would rather": Javier Bardem or Daniel Day Lewis. As of Friday morning, the Scanners voted overwhelmingly (11 to 2) that they "would rather" Javier. We have drafted the following Bardem Resolution for your consideration.  The Bardem Resolution  Whereas Scanner has the authority to deem persons Ratherable; Read More... Posted Feb 29 2008, 11:02 AM by Katie Halper with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: who would you rather, oscars, academy awards, daniel day lewis, 80th annual academy awards, Javier Bardem, debate, 2008 Oscars, On Our To-Do List, On Our To-Do List: Javier Bardem, 2008 Academy Awards, Andrea Gorenstein, would you rather

• Scanner-Reader-Inspired "Who Would You Rather": DD Lewis vs. Bardem

  The People have spoken. Or the Scanner-readers have commented. In response to Tuesday's On Our To-Do List: Javier Bardem post, Andrea Gorenstein, an engaged Scanner citizen, exercised her blog-given rights, and sparked a healthy debate, writing: "Just waiting for a 'who would you rather' Day-Lewis vs. Bardem!"  Read More... Posted Feb 28 2008, 04:30 PM by Katie Halper with | with 20 comment(s) Filed under: who would you rather, oscars, academy awards, daniel day lewis, 80th annual academy awards, Javier Bardem, debate, 2008 Oscars, On Our To-Do List, On Our To-Do List: Javier Bardem, 2008 Academy Awards, Andrea Gorenstein, would you rather

• Everyone Attacks: Obama and Hillary

  The world is on the warpath against female politicians today. There's the Mayor in Oregon who was, um, "stripped" of her office (their words, not ours) after posing on a fire truck in her skivvies; Lindsay Lohan endorsed a man; Bill Clinton is running for President instead; and more... Read More... Posted Feb 27 2008, 02:44 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: lindsay lohan, hillary clinton, saturday night live, republicans, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, wonkette, john McCain, elections, Democrats, President, primary, amy poehler, fred armisen, debate