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• Sloppy Seconds: Is Jessica Biel Trying to Steal Our Job?

  Chris Kattan (who we always thought was gay, but apparently that was just Mango?), married a model named Sunshine Tutt. [Yahoo!]  What's worse? The fact that Matt Lauer almost accidentally said "Obama bin Laden" or the fact that we got an email about it? [Red Lasso] Is either worse than Fox News showing footage of a dead model's body? [Huffington Post] Read More... Posted Jun 30 2008, 06:13 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: jessica biel, osama bin laden, sloppy seconds, weddings, fox news, bloggers, Barack Obama, gays, matt lauer, pete wentz, ashlee simpson wentz, sunshine tutt, modelels, chris kattan, the brat pack, molly ringwald

• Fox Claims Child Prostitution Will Increase During Democratic Convention

  The village idiots running My Fox Colorado have taken the cake this time.   Seth Donovan, director of the Praxus project, said she "isn't sure," but she is concerned the upcoming convention is leading to an increase in pimps and escort services trying to turn kids into prostitutes." Read More... Posted Jun 17 2008, 12:21 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: politics, fox news, republicans, GOP, elections, Democrats, colorado, denver, dnc, rnc

• God Bless You, Mr. Russert

  If Rush Limbaugh and Barack Obama both sincerely admired you, you probably live one helluva life. Read More... Posted Jun 16 2008, 11:01 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: fox news, john McCain, NBC, rush limbaugh, tribute, nancy pelosi, keith olbermann, meet the press, tim russert, deaths

• McCain Talks Of His Imaginary Friend Obama

  John McCain, who is running for President against himself and all he stands for, held a Town Hall meeting on ultra-liberal media outlet Fox News yesterday and challenged imaginary friend Barack Obama to a duel: “I think this town hall meeting would have been a little more interesting if Senator Obama had accepted my request,” McCain said to applause.  To confused applause, that is, as most of the audience, if they are supporting someone as crazy as John McCain, probably have never heard of a man named Senator Obama... Read More... Posted Jun 13 2008, 12:30 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: new york, fox news, Barack Obama, john McCain, vice president, ohio, california, ted strickland

• Australia's "Spirit Dwarf" Actually Pisses Fox News Off

  We don't like the D-word either, but that's what one Australian bar has been using as a promotional mascot: a so-called "Spirit Dwarf." Fox News, of all people, has the story: An Australian bar promotion involving a bare-chested, top hat-wearing little person walking the length of a bar pouring free booze down the throats of patrons has drawn protests from alcohol education campaigners... Read More... Posted Jun 05 2008, 11:30 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: fox news, australia, bars, discrimination, controversial, little people, dwarves, binge drinking

• Obama Nails (The Endorsement of) A Republican Senator's Wife

  Obama picked up some shock endorsements in the past day or so, including one that is very suspicious indeed... "He is a rock star. I love what he is saying about education. I think he will win and I am anxious to meet him."  Read More... Posted May 30 2008, 02:22 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: hillary clinton, fox news, Barack Obama, new york post, rupert murdoch, chuck hagel, arlen spector

• Losers of The Day: Dunkin' Donuts

  Scanner Emily alerted you to the Rachael Ray ad fiasco that came to light yesterday. But we can't let the story go that easily, since there is a political element to this and now, thanks to us, a boycott of Dunkin' Donuts in the works. First, let's take a look at the photo evidence, if you can call it that... Read More... Posted May 29 2008, 10:10 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: politics, fox news, george w bush, republicans, tv shows, terrorism, cooking, right-wing, rachael ray, michelle malkin

• More WTF: Obama Assassination Hints And Jokes

  When did it become okay to joke about someone, anyone, getting assassinated? First, there was the non-joke Hillary made about her campaign continuing because "My husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California." [NY Daily News] Again, huh? He was assassinated in June in California, yes, but what does that have to do with this campaign at all? Did it meant that the '68 race was thrown in the air by the assassination and therfore was also unresolved in June? We're not even sure this reference to Bobby Kennedy is offensive because we don't quite understand her point.  Then came something really worth getting upset about... Read More... Posted May 27 2008, 01:44 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: hillary clinton, fox news, Barack Obama, scanner emily, john McCain, mike Huckabee, assassination, democratic primary, huffington post, bobby kennedy

• Is Fox News Smuggling John McCain Into Our Brains?

  You tell us: video blooper or subliminal advertising?  Posted May 12 2008, 10:14 AM by Bryan Christian with | with no comments Filed under: fox news, youtube, john McCain

• God, Er, Bill O'Reilly Calls for Conference to Discuss Dirty Miley Cyrus Pictures

  Mankind's moral authority, Bill O'Reilly, has called a conference to discuss the state of the world now that Miley Cyrus has shown her green bra to the Interwebs. Read More... Posted Apr 24 2008, 04:58 PM by Emily Farris with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: video, fox news, pictures, miley cyrus, bill o'reilly, pedophiles

• Porn Star Savanna Samson To Put The "Fox" Into Fox News Starting Tonight

  Not many women have a resume as varied as Savanna Samson: actress, adult actress, winemaker, exotic dancer, author, one of the hottest moms in New York City... and now, political correspondent.  "I've enjoyed my past appearances on [Fox News Channel's] 'Red Eye' and was delighted to be invited to be a political correspondent," said Savanna. "Sex and politics has always been a volatile combination and the more of both the merrier as far as I'm concerned." Have fun, Savanna, and remember: people will probably make cracks about whether you're qualified for this sort of gig or not, but for Christ's sake, you couldn't possibly do any worse than these guys. [via AVN; img via HowardStern (yes, she's riding a Sybian)]  Posted Apr 18 2008, 04:53 PM by Bryan Christian with | with no comments Filed under: politics, porn, fox news, sybian, Red Eye, Savanna Samson

• The Wall Street Journal Will Own The Onion Pretty Soon...

  The Wall Street Journal is being lampooned by a newspaper called, inventively enough, My Wall Street Journal. Although no humans actually read the paper being sent up, one individual thinks the parody version is so damned good, he's buying up every copy he can find, possibly all 250,000. And just who is this masked man? You mean, you haven't figured it out...? Read More... Posted Apr 15 2008, 11:10 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: new york times, ann coulter, fox news, crazy, parodies, the Onion, Los Angeles, wall street journal, rupert murdoch, orson welles, my wall street journal

• Obama's Anti-Racism Speech Inspires Comedians To Get All Racist

  Leave it to comedians Chris Rock, Pauly Shore, and Bill O'Reilly to get all racist about the Obama speech on racism. (Wait a minute... one of those guys isn't a comedian! And Bill O'Reilly isn't funny either.) Shore was videotaped whining that he's not successful because he's "not black," and "I need to be black, because if I was black, I'd be doing good..." Read More... Posted Mar 25 2008, 11:52 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: fox news, Barack Obama, chris rock, comedians, racism, comedy, speech, bill o'reilly, democratic primary

• Scanner Highs and Lows: In Which We Say Goodbye to Boobs

  In our lifetimes many boobs will come and go. But every once in a while a pair like no other comes along (and, no, they don't belong to Ashley Alexandra Dupre). And just like that, they're gone. Read More... Posted Mar 21 2008, 06:14 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: boobs, halle berry, fox news, facebook, Iraq, highs and lows, katie holmes, boob envy, war, ashley alexandra dupre, Asia Argento, skin, spring, sportst illustrated

• Hey, Look: FoxNews.com Just Went F*cking Nuts

  When we hit this page our eyes crossed with bewildered interest. What to read first? "Woman Goes for Leg Operation, Gets New Anus Instead" or "Is Your Vagina Depressed?" Which would you read first? (Click the pic for a better view.) Tell ya what: rather than linking out to these articles and giving Fox a couple more ad dollars, how about we meet back after the jump and we'll tell you all about both stories. Just one click, and no extra traffic for Fox. Sound good? Then see ya after the jump. Read More... Posted Mar 20 2008, 01:00 AM by Bryan Christian with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: fox news, health, Dr. Manny, bonkers, websites

• Mean Girls: Dr. Laura Schlessinger

  Conservative radio host Laura Schlessinger was on Fox's Hannity and Colmes last week defending some remarks she'd made on Today when asked about the Spitzer sex scandal. She told Hannity and Colmes that beacuse she doesn't know the Spitzers, she would only speak generally on why men cheat, and had this to say: Read More... Posted Mar 17 2008, 02:10 PM by Emily Farris with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: fox news, sexism, Eliot Spitzer, silda spitzer, spiter sex scandal, ashley alexandra dupree, hannity and colmes, dr. laura schlessinger

• Bill O'Reilly Defends His Own Racism

  Bill O'Reilly used the following phrase on his radio show the other night: "Now, I don't want to go on a lynching party against Michelle Obama." The rest of the sentence? "Unless there's evidence."  Posted Feb 22 2008, 03:30 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: fox news, Barack Obama, youtube, videos, racism, bill o'reilly, michelle obama, lynching

• Dick Morris Calls Edwards Supporters Bigots

  Colmes: Could Edwards right now have an effect on the outcome of this race if he wanted? Morris: He might, but at the moment his voters are those that can’t decide which they don’t like more—a black or a women getting elected. And.. Colmes: Wait, wait, you’re saying his voters are bigots?   Read More... Posted Jan 31 2008, 03:30 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: politics, fox news, republicans, Dick Morris, bigotry, colmes, hannity

• Penthouse Model Gives Us an Excuse to Write About the Fox Business Network

  How long we've waited for something Skinemax-y enough to justify our writing about the Fox Business Network and, in particular, the mind-boggling melding of FHM and Wall Street Week that is Happy Hour. What is it exactly that so fascinates us about this show, which is sort of like Good Morning, America if it took place in a bar and was populated entirely by Republicans, airheads, and Republican airheads? Read More... Posted Jan 29 2008, 04:09 PM by Bryan Christian with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: fox news, republicans, cable, douchebags, Cody Willard, happy hour, fox business network, Krista Ayne

• Video of the Day: "Mass Effect"'s Decidedly Softcore Alien/Lesbian Sex Scene

  This is the scene that got Fox News commentator and self-help author Cooper Lawrence all in a tizzy? Seriously? “I recognize that I misspoke,” she said. “I really regret saying that, and now that I’ve seen the game and seen the sex scenes it’s kind of a joke. “Before the show I had asked somebody about what they had heard, and they had said it’s like pornography,” she added. “But it’s not like pornography. I’ve seen episodes of ‘Lost’ that are more sexually explicit.” Woah woah woah, hold up. They showed alien lady ass on Lost? Damn, dude; miss one episode of that show... Posted Jan 28 2008, 08:00 AM by Bryan Christian with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: video games, fox news, mass effect

• Sloppy Seconds: Fox News on "The Secret" to Great Sex, R. Kelly's Erotic Jungle Fantasty and Heidi Montag and Her Belly Ring in Maxim

  "FOXSexpert" Yvonne K. Fulbright wants you to know that you just have to think you're sexy, and you will be. R. Kelly performed in our home state, complete with an erotic jungle fantasy and a stripper segment, and we missed it! The Hills' Heidi Montag, and her tatas, uh, grace the cover of Maxim. Does she still have her belly button pierced? We can't tell. We tried that once, many moons ago. Bad idea. Really bad, pussy pus-y, infected idea. Posted Jan 08 2008, 09:36 AM by Emily Farris with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: heidi montag, sexpert, fox news, erotic jungle fantasy, r. kelly

• Video of the Day: How Many Times Have You Been Spanked?

  This only counts as Video of the Day because it's Fox. via videosift.com  Posted Jan 02 2008, 02:11 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: video of the day, vod, fox news, spankings

• Even Fox News Has To Admit Sex Ed is Effective

  There's more proof that sex ed classes are good for kids, and this time it's coming from those pinko beatniks at Fox News. In a study to be published in the January edition of the Journal of Adolescent Health... ... [r]esearchers found that male teens who received sex education in school were 71 percent less likely — and similarly educated female teens were 59 percent less likely — to have sexual intercourse before age 15. Males who attended school were 2.77 times more likely to use birth control the first time they had intercourse if they had been in sex-education classes. You might think that Fox Noise is turning over a new leaf or something. But seeing as how 7 of the 16 top articles right now have to do with either sex, genitals, or pregnancies (or a combo thereof), we're guessing they'll probably run just about anything with the word 'sex' in the headline. Posted Dec 21 2007, 08:45 AM by Bryan Christian with | with no comments Filed under: fox news, sex ed

• FOX News Porn: "This is over the top. Roll the tape."

  Behold -- two minutes (well, like a minute and a half) of borderline-NSFW smut, gleaned entirely from Fox News broadcasts. Sadly, like most soft-core smut, there's too much story, but still: pleasantly arousing. Oh, also: terrifying. Hey Scanner Sarah and Nicole: y'all find any more candidates for this in there? Posted Nov 16 2007, 08:08 AM by Bryan Christian with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: news, fox news, smut, fox