Hey Iraq,
What's
up? It's me, America. I'm sorry I didn't really plan anything for our
five-year anniversary Wednesday. You know I was never good with dates,
or making plans, or remembering anything, especially when it comes to
your needs. I mean I could barely keep your family members straight,
you know like your Shia/ Sunni thing?
That was really confusing! Wow, five years is a long time. You know,
when I brought you democracy five years ago, I was really into you. In
fact, I had had my eye on you for
a long time. I was just waiting for some excuse to pursue you. So when
that whole 9/11 thing happened, it seemed like the perfect ice-breaker.
And I made a move.
But I think I was maybe into you for the
wrong reasons. I've been doing a lot of processing lately. Remember how
I used to tell you how badly I wanted to "invade you" and "liberate
you" from that abusive dictator? Well I did. And after I freed you from
Saddam, I ravished you; I ravished your oil fields, and I privatized
your industries and and I drilled you long and hard until you didn't
have any oil left to give me... and it was great.
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