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• Marry, F*ck or Kill?: American Idol Judges

  Last night's premiere of Season 7 of American Idol rolled out the red carpet for the good the bad, the ugly and the crazy.  Read More... Posted Jan 17 2008, 10:01 AM by Emily Farris with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: mfk, marry fuck or kill, simon cowell, paula abdul, american idol, randy jackson, ryan seacrest

• The Results Are In: Marry, F*ck or Kill, Scanner Caucus Edition

  You guys were all over the place on the Marry, Fuck, Kill, Scanner Caucus Edition, except for one common theme... Read More... Posted Jan 11 2008, 03:08 PM by Emily Farris with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: mfk, hillary clinton, marry fuck or kill, Barack Obama, results, john edwards

• Scanner Emily's Note to Self: Back That Sh*t Up!

  You may have noticed my absence yesterday. Or maybe you didn't. Either way, not too long after posting Marry, Fuck or Kill, Scanner Caucus Edition, my computer screen got all sci-fi and blinky on me and then I got the blue screen of death. Maybe the Feds really were coming for me, trying to hit me where it hurts most. Or maybe I should have seen it coming for the last year when every time I opened my computer it sounded like a cement mixer and all the letters were worn off the keyboard. Needless to say, I spent the day worrying whether everything on it (including my book that's due in five days), none of which was backed up, could be recovered. Thanks to the wonderful people at Tekserve, my book and a few other important files were salvaged. Now I have a shiny new MacBook (yes, mere weeks before Apple releases a new laptop) and a whole lotta' debt. Point being: back that shit up (though I'm probably the only idiot who didn't). P.S. I don't have Photoshop yet or there'd be a big ole' heart around that Tekserve logo. Posted Jan 10 2008, 09:21 AM by Emily Farris with | with 7 comment(s) Filed under: mfk, marry fuck or kill, computers, crash, macs, emily does something stupid, tekserve

• Marry, F*ck or K*ll, Scanner Caucus Edition: Clinton, Obama, Edwards

  We have a feeling the Secret Service is going to knock down our door any minute for this one (hence the extra asterisks), but seriously, who would you take home to mom, bang in a dark alley or leave for d*ad... let's say, politically speaking (that should keep the Feds off our back for a while), Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama or John Edwards? Results posted tomorrow. Get out the vote!  Posted Jan 09 2008, 10:15 AM by Emily Farris with | with 14 comment(s) Filed under: politics, mfk, hillary clinton, Barack Obama, john edwards

• Marry, F*ck or Kill?: The Santa Claus Edition

  While we kind-of feel like this one is a no-brainer, we have to ask those of you who are stuck at work and still reading Scanner today: whose Santa Claus would you marry, fuck and kill? Tim Allen, Billy Bob Thorton and Paul Giamatti:    Posted Dec 24 2007, 01:31 PM by Emily Farris with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: mfk, marry fuck or kill, santa claus is comin' to town, tim allen, paul giamatti, billy bob thornton

• Scanner Highs and Lows: The Jamie Lynn Spears Pregnancy Edition...and Other Stuff

  We came, we saw, wet got pregnant. Read More... Posted Dec 21 2007, 05:06 PM by Emily Farris with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: mfk, marry fuck or kill, bryan does something goofy, highs and lows, Jessica Simpson, elves, jamie lynn spears

• Marry, F*uck or Kill?: Planes, Trains and Automobiles

  For many of us, it's time to make the joyous, yet tedious trip home. But before we start boozing to try and forget why we ever left in the first place, we have to actually get there. So what do you choose: plane, train or automobile? While we hold out hope you've done it in all of them, it's time to choose which one you'd take home to meet mom, which one you'd bang in the wee hours of morning and leave before the sun comes up, and which you'd leave for dead. Posted Dec 20 2007, 11:30 AM by Emily Farris with | with 8 comment(s) Filed under: mfk, marry fuck or kill, holidays, booze, doing it, automobiles, cars, tranes, planes

• Marry, F*ck, or Kill?: Thanksgiving Dinner

  We at Scanner would like to go on record as huge fans of Thanksgiving dinner. From start to finish, it's the perfect meal. As we're peeling apples for pie, we want to know how you feel about the holiday. More specifically, we want to know what you do if forced to marry, fuck, or kill Thanksgiving dinner. The showdown is between turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes. Which would you make an honest meal out of, which would you gorge yourself on and leave before morning, and which would you feed to the dogs? Marry, fuck, or kill?: Turkey Stuffing Mashed potatoes    Posted Nov 16 2007, 11:07 AM by Nicole Pasulka with | with 9 comment(s) Filed under: mfk, marry fuck or kill, thanksgiving

• Marry, F*ck, or Kill?: 80s Teen Movie Jennifers

  We'll be honest, there are a lot of 80s teen movies and there are a lot of 80s teen movie queens. We all feel passionately about our favorites (cough - Phoebe Cates - cough). You may feel so passionately about yours, you'd like to mention her in the comments. But today, if you do nothing else, you must choose between 80s teen movie queens named Jennifer. We've married, fucked, and killed Jennifers before at Scanner, but it turns out Jennys are a sticky bunch. They just keep haunting our dreams. More specifically, Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing, Jennifer Jason Leigh in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and Jennifer Beals in Flashdance keep us tossing and turning at night. While they're each spectacular, you can't have them all. No, you have to choose: Which Jennifer will you take to the chapel in leg warmers and a tube top, which Jennifer will you take to the backseat of your parents' car with a condom and a smile, and which Jennifer will you take to the morgue in a body bag. It's all you, rock stars. Marry, Fuck, or Kill?: Jennifer Grey Jennifer Jason Leigh Jennifer Beals  Posted Nov 09 2007, 10:30 AM by Nicole Pasulka with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: mfk, marry fuck or kill, jennifer

• Marry, F*ck, or Kill?: The Men of American Gangster

  American Gangster opens today, and while we haven't seen a movie at the theaters in months (pirated DVDs on the street are so much more convenient and cheap), come 8:30PM we'll be comfortably seated in the middle rows. What, you ask, could entice us to leave the comfort of our barstool for the sticky theater floors? These men, that's what. Denzel Washington is, well, Denzel. We'd pay a lot more that $10.50 to see him smile. Russell Crowe is fiery and that scruff has always done it for us. Chiwetel Ejiofor may not have the star recognition, but he sure has the acting chops and the good looks to turn heads. So how's this gonna go down, folks. Who's getting dragged to the Justice of the Peace, who's getting shagged on a pile of blow in a dirty motel room, and who will rest six feet under? Marry, Fuck, or Kill? Denzel Washington Russell Crowe Chiwetel Ejiofor  Posted Nov 02 2007, 10:30 AM by Nicole Pasulka with | with 8 comment(s) Filed under: mfk, marry fuck or kill, russell crowe, american gangster, denzel, chiwetel ejiofor

• Marry, F*ck, or Kill?: Bond, James Bond

  We're going to level with you. We're not huge James Bond fans. We have seen pretty much all the movies, but this is because we love chase scenes and the technology. Even so, we have our Bond Girl moments. Those smoking jackets and all that shoulder biting always get us in the end. We've got a secret favorite secret agent, but we want to hear from you. Sean Connery is classic Bond with a taste for martinis and a carpet on his body. Pierce Brosnan drives Bond's remote control car and does bad things to Teri Hatcher, and Daniel Craig's abs alone could save us from an international ring of terrorist spy thieves. There's a gun to your head and a cord around your throat: Who will you wed on the beach at sunset, who will you Goldfinger for the computer chip in the briefcase, and who will you decapitate with your hat after he foils your plot for world domination? Marry, Fuck, or Kill: Sean Connery Pierce Brosnan Daniel Craig Posted Oct 19 2007, 10:07 AM by Nicole Pasulka with | with 18 comment(s) Filed under: james bond, mfk