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• Caption This: Bill and Hillary Ring in the New Year

  [Image] Posted Jan 02 2009, 10:51 AM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: scanner, nerve, hillary clinton, marriage, love, Bill Clinton, pictures, new years, captions, caption this, elections, nerve.com, affairs, times' square, new year's eve, scanner blog, 2009, new years eve, new year's, january 2, hillary rodham clinton

• While You Were Sleeping: Hugh Jackman and Cleopatra

  If you're going to the inaugural, here's the schedule of public events. Perhaps young men will soon benefit from the genital wart vaccine. Hopefully, you avoided the Kathy Griffin train wreck on New Year's Eve... although, if you did, you missed this unforgettable insult: Read More... Posted Jan 02 2009, 09:08 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: movies, music, senate, heart attack, lol cats, hugh jackman, kathy griffin, colorado, democrat, teenage boys, sex bloggers, taylor swift, inaugural ball, new years eve, roland burris, genital warts

• Jack Kerouac's New Year's Resolutions

  Jack Kerouac is dead, so obviously these are what we call "vintage" rules to live by. (In fact, this coming year will mark the 40th Anniversary of the Beat Generation writer's death, which was due to cirrhosis of the liver.) And while these chunks of wisdom, taken from his Belief and Technique in Modern Prose (or, at least, the style of rapid-fire modern prose he invented and brought down with him), are geared toward writers, they are words to live by in 2009-- so says us: Read More... Posted Dec 31 2008, 01:01 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: new years, genius, writers, authors, jack kerouac, poetry, the sixties, new years resolutions, new years eve, the 1950s, beat generation

• See You Next Year, Suckers!

  Tomorrow I, Scanner Emily, will take advantage of my God Rufus-given day off—well, my two Rufus-given days off—to drink too much and then recover from drinking too much (which may involve drinking too much again). However, there's no need to panic; as I've mentioned before, Scanner Brian needs to blog at least every other day to survive, so you'll be spending tomorrow with him. But when that lovemaking is all said and done, what will you do? Do you plan to pay a ridiculous cover at some scene-y bar with the high hopes of having crazy New Year's bathroom sex? Or will you, like me, refuse to even step out the front door? Considering that The Ghost of New Years' Past has taken me on so many exciting adventures*, I'm happy to cozy up with a few close friends and more than a few bottles of bubbly. Perhaps it will still end in crazy bathroom sex. Wouldn't you want to have sex in this bathroom? Read More... Posted Dec 30 2008, 06:14 PM by Emily Farris with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: scanner, nerve, blogging, holidays, 2008, scanner emily, new years, drinking, scanner brian, brian fairbanks, emily farris, charmin, nerve.com, crying, rufus griscom, new year's eve, scanner blog, 2009, new years eve, new year's, december 30, crazy bathroom sex, bathroom sex, champagne, days off, cat pee, day off, bubbly, cover charges

• Falling Will Always Be Funny, Reporter Eats It

  Did you get any snow for the holidays? Did you slip on any frozen snow, make a weird gurgling noise and say, "Jeez, oh gosh!" while grabbing your crotch?   Read More... Posted Dec 30 2008, 02:24 PM by Scanner Matt with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: video, snow, new years eve, video of the year, guy falling, news bloopers, man falls, man slips on ice, srah palin video, slapstick, weather channel bloobers, the weather underground, weather man gets hurt, weather man, video 2008, peoplee fall, old peoplee falling, americas funniest home video, peoplee falling, christmas weather

• New Year's Celebrations Lacking Balls

  Balls are historically controversial. Not everyone is a fan, and not everyone necessarily wants to see one sliding down a pole on New Year's Eve. Of course we are talking about balls like the famous one in Times Square that mark the turning of a new year. Why, what did you think we were talking about? Anyhoozle, we were hoping that someone else had already compiled a list of weird and wacky shapes that get dropped at midnight on New Year's Eve, and luckily, TripAdvisor did, because we are lazy post-Christmas sluggards, fat with sugarplums and pie. As you'll see on the following list, among the alternate shapes that are improvements on balls: pickles, sausages, and bologna. Read More... Posted Dec 29 2008, 03:46 PM by Colleen Kane with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: parties, balls, balls out, lazy, preverts, new years eve in times' square, new years eve, celebrations, can't somebody else do it, tripadvisor

• As If This Year Hasn't Dragged on Long Enough

  Are you anxiously awaiting the end of 2008, ready to embark on a new year? Did you get your heart broken? Are you broke? Will the symbolism of the ball dropping on the hell zoo that is Times' Square help you wipe your slate clean or encourage you to not clean your plate at every meal? If any or all of the above apply to you (and most do to us if you've been paying any attention to this blog for the last year), you're going to have to wait just a little bit longer than you expected to ring in the new year. But just a bit... Read More... Posted Dec 29 2008, 01:41 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: 2008, MTV, new years, the apocalypse, global warming, times' square, times square, new years eve in times' square, 2009, adding a second to 2009, december 31, new years eve, december 29, ball drop, extravaganza, 61 seconds, time keepers of the world, world's official time keepers, official time keepers of the world, utc, official time keepers, extra second in 2009, coordinated universal time, 61 second minute, leap second, extra second on december 31