Look, Katie Holmes is lovely. We know it, David Letterman knows it, there's just no denying it. And we pretty much want to kidnap little Suri, and not just to get her away from her crazy Scientologist father, either. We're sure her life is lovely, magical, beautiful and everything in between, but come on Katie, since the chemical reaction that was TomKat you're such a robot. Is this what Scientology does to you? We want to see little Suri throw up all over that pretty white dress of yours right before you yell "Shitfuck!" and she bursts into tears. Give us something so we'll know your body hasn't been taken over by pod people.
