Scanner : 30 rock

Alec Baldwin's Sexy Gifts

Drew Grant — Thu, 14 May 2009 16:57:00 GMT

Thank god for Alec Baldwin and his tough-love persona. After what happened in 2007 with TMZ and that audio-tape they released where he's goes off on his daughter, the man is still cool enough to poke fun at being a cranky old dad who wants to throw his teenage girl into a volcano. Oh, which is all to say that Alec Baldwin was on Letterman last night, talking about the "marital aids" he gave David for his wedding.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: The Baldwins on Gay Marriage and the Unfortunate Pairing of Heidi Montag and Britney Spears

30 Rock Cast Member Looking for Dates

Top 10 Reasons To Watch 30 Rock

While You Were Sleeping: Sex Tape For Sale

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 May 2009 15:20:00 GMT

We were beginning to think he might actually get away with it: Drew Peterson was arrested yesterday and charged with the murder of his third wife.

John Mayer is playing a series of intimate concerts, featuring only his new material, for his staff.

Gotta love this guy: A bar owner lit up a cigarette at the Ohio health department as a protest over the bar smoking ban. Of course, to top it off, he threatened to have the department fined for allowing him to smoke.

Next on the block for porn parodies: 30 Rock!

Memo to hideous-looking billionaire divorcing Stephanie Seymour: it's all uphill from here.

Believe it or not, kids, pictured above is the cast of The Goonies. And yes, Chunk is the little bald man in back-- at least, that's what everyone says.

Rich Berliners complained about a local brothel, so judges "expected" it and found it to be "discreet." We're not making this up.

Kiefer Sutherland's California probation could be revoked because of his misdemeanor arrest in New York.

Dude, you were making a lot of money off of the Body World thing-- why did you have to go and show two dead people having sex?

And an ex-boyfriend of Deanna Hummel, the woman alleged to have had an affair with Jon Gosselin from the reality show we'd never heard of and think is desperate for some publicity, has released a sex tape of a woman he claims is Hummel. (Very NSFW link here.) At this point, we're guessing there was no affair and, even if there was, this sex tape looks fake.

Sloppy Seconds: Parker Posey's New Man

Emily Farris — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 21:28:00 GMT

Did you catch Tracy Morgan shirtless in real life on 30 Rock last night? [Defamer]

Britan's Got Talent singing phenomenon Susan Boyle got a little makeover. [Yahoo!]

One thing we would not like to find on our doorstep? A flaming bag of poo. Another thing we would not like to find on our doorstep? A live shark. [CBS13]

A sequel to Clueless!? Count us in! Well, as long as his you know what isn't crooked. [BuzzSugar]

We hate to admit we're also pretty excited about the prospect of Chace Crawford taking on Kevin Bacon's role in the remake of Footloose. [Us]

If Parker Posey was dating Keanu Reaves, that seems to be over, because now she's being spotted around town with graphic designer and sculptor Scott Lenhardt. We endorse this because 1) Keanu Reeves doesn't seem so smart and 2) artist boys are totally hot. [DailyIntel]

[Image]

Tina Fey Was On Sesame Street?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 13:59:00 GMT

It was over two years ago, but you think we'd remember something this good.

Luckily, Jezebel and Strollerderby broke out the video yesterday to remind us of it. The occasion? The Sesame Street DVD from that season will be out on Tuesday. Hopefully, this video will stay up on YouTube until then. (And, by the way, never let it be said that Tina Fey can't act. She manages to keep a straight face during all this nonsense.)

Related:

It's Like Reefer Madness But With Dogs

Feist Is Very Well-Qualified to Teach Counting on Sesame Street

Salma Hayek's First TV Commercial [VIDEO]

Emily Farris — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 21:35:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: The unbearably gorgeous Salma with ridiculous '80's hair and headband, in an ad for Burger Boy, a Mexican fast food chain.

Read more...

Salma Hayek's First TV Commercial [VIDEO]

Emily Farris — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 08:10:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: The unbearably gorgeous Salma with ridiculous '80's hair and headband, in an ad for Burger Boy, a Mexican fast food chain.

Read more...

10 Hottest Funny Women

Colleen Kane — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 14:30:00 GMT

"Hot," especially used in conjunction with the factor "funny" regarding women, is highly subjective. Remember when Jenny McCarthy was trying to market herself as a zany, goofy-face-making, comedic actress? Although J McC was a woman, and she was making clown faces, and was considered hot by many, this writer was not having it.

And for this writer, a great sense of humor makes someone more attractive. So in this list, when using the term "hot" for women, hilarity weighs more heavily than conventional perfect-10 looks.

10. Maya Rudolph

Maya's mom sang that song "Lovin' You." Maya herself played a mean Donatella Versace on "Saturday Night Live," generally excelled on the show playing exotic oddballs, and also starred in the sleeper hit Idiocracy.

9. Chelsea Handler

Chelsea is good with the funny interviews, but I can't get that into her because she reminds me of this one fluffhead from my high school who had platinum-blonde CC DeVille hair and orange pancake makeup, who would routinely zero in on some poor slob in our class, then verbally eviscerate them under the guise of being "funny." Not saying Chelsea is that mean, but she still reminds me of that girl.

8. Kristin Wiig

Kristen joined the SNL cast in 2006. What's known so far: this gal is conventionally very pretty, she's good with impressions and acting in sketches on "SNL," also good guesting on "Flight of the Conchords." Bigger roles are coming for her, we thinks.

7 . Sarah Silverman

Sarah is a striking beauty, and would probably be more like number one on other such lists made by people who are bigger fans of her comedic stylings. Emphasis on NUMBER ONE. GET IT?! She makes poo-poo and pee-pee jokes.

[Image: HEEB]

6. Alex Borstein

Best known as the voice of Lois Griffin on "Family Guy" and Ms. Swan on "Mad TV," Alex is one of two women among mostly men on the "Family Guy" writing staff, and is also a standup comic who isn't afraid to call herself a C. "Call yourself a cunt first, then it doesn't matter who else does," she says. Or so claims this interview.

[Image: Playgirl]

5. Niecy Nash

Niecy Nash, better known as Raineesha Williams on "Reno 911" and the host of "Clean House," is hilar. Also, she wore a huge prosthetic booty with a thong bathing suit on the red carpet. Love her.

4. Amy Poehler

"SNL." Weekend Update. Baby Mama. This photo says it all.

3. Margaret Cho

Ms. Cho has been fighting the good fight for years and continues to perform and tour regularly. One of the world's best fag hags, she will be hosting the GayVN Awards at the end of this month.

2. Janeane Garofolo

1990s: amazing standup and (less amazing) movies. 2000s: raging against the Bush regime on Air America. Always awesome.

[Image: celebs101.com]

1. Tina Fey

Before her uber-glamorous turn at this year's Oscars cemented our girl crush on Tina, her Liz Lemon on "30 Rock" was one of the only the only real, identifiable female characters on prime time. And there's the Weekend Update, the Sarah Palin impression, the Mean Girls, and being the first female head writer on "SNL."

Then there was this dress.

Le sigh.

(Who else would you expect on Scanner for #1?)

[Image: AP Photo/Chris Carlson]

The 5 Hottest Men And 5 Hottest Women Of The 2008 Summer Olympics (Part Two)

The Top 5 Hottest Female Politicians

Separated At Birth: Kenneth The Page And Gov. Bobby Jindal

Emily Farris — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 18:51:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Hey, there appears to be a trend turning up in the coverage of Bobby Jindal's disastrous response to President Obama's address last night...

Salma Hayek Has Completed the Fameball Trifecta

Emily Farris — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 21:08:00 GMT

One: Salma Hayek rocks 30 Rock as Alec Baldwin's love interest.

Two: Salma Hayek lets an African baby suckle her ample teet.

Three: Salma Hayek marries her baby daddy and French millionaire, Francois-Henri Pinault, on Valentine's Day.

According to French magazine Le Point, as translated by People.com, Hayek, 42, married Francois-Henri Pinault, 46, on Saturday (Valentine’s Day) in the City Hall of the Sixth Arrondissement in central Paris, which is owned by Pinault’s family.

Well played, Salma.

Related:

Salma Hayek Breastfeeds An African Baby, We Feel Bad For Being Grossed Out

Top 5 Salma Hayek Sex Scenes

Sloppy Seconds: It's Friday And Salma Hayek Is Single

30 Rock Cast Member Looking for Dates

Colleen Kane — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 19:50:00 GMT

That's right, 30 Rock has a lonely heart on the cast, and Time Out New York's dating issue (and now Scanner) is providing the general public with a direct email contact to use as they please.

It's not any of the cast typically celebrated when we speak of 30 Rock; your Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, Tracy Morgan. It's comedian Judah Friedlander, or the guy on 30 Rock who wears the hats that say the things on them.

Here's what he says in the article "Date These New Yorkers": If you want marriage, kids, an outer-borough nonhipster residence, a guy that was just voted 'Worst Dressed' at the Emmy’s and the SAG Awards, does stand-up comedy just about every night, who is also the greatest athlete in the world, is banned from China because he’s too good at karate, collects 'amazing art' and bad movies, plays lots of Ping-Pong, was kicked out of the porn industry because he was too sexually powerful, and is a role model to children—then I’m your man.”

Love letters can be sent to judah_f@yahoo.com.

Related:

Cultural Clusterf*ck: Gossip Girl Meets 30 Rock

30 Rock: Jumping the Gun or Jumping the Shark?

Top 10 Reasons To Watch 30 Rock

Sloppy Seconds: Job-Sanctioned Sex

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 22:59:00 GMT

This Mom threw such a hardcore kegger for her son and his friends that the cops found the air at her residence was running a .03 alcohol level.

The members of the Atlanta band The Black Lips are lucky to not be rotting in an Indian prison.

The truth about Joaquin Phoenix should have been obvious to everyone: he was in character for a mockumentary by Casey Affleck.

Buy an LCD TV instead of a plasma one, if you care about the environment.

The post office is considering cutting one day of service if its budgetary demands go unmet. It's time Netflix started its own shipping company and took over the world...

The A-Team really is going to be a movie. Boycott all remakes!

Someone should do a 90-minute documentary on what goes on when these cops strike for an hour-and-a-half.

Let's all get jobs at Canon in Japan so we can receive work-sanctioned early release for sex.

And Meryl Streep told Alec Baldwin she'll do 30 Rock, yay!

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Evan Rachel Wood Goes There, We Lose Our Lunch

Diamond Dave Assteroidz!

Ashton Kutcher to Spread His Manjunk All Over North America

While You Were Sleeping: Getting Dumped On Facebook

Londoners Knew How to Drink Us Under the Table

Sloppy Seconds: Evan Rachel Wood Goes There, We Lose Our Lunch

Emily Farris — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 23:07:00 GMT

Novelist John Updike is dead at 76. [AFP]

Don Draper on 30 Rock is going to give us serious sensory overload, and we're going to like it! Here's a preview: [Vulture]

Perv alert! Naked Broadway star ~~Harry Potter~~ Daniel Radcliffe invited Sasha and Malia Obama to "Hogwarts." We've not read Harry Potter so that probably sounds a lot dirtier and more grown up than it really is. [People]

Bill O'Reilly called Jessica Alba "dumb" and she did not like it. Not one bit. [Us]

News flash: Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement (from "Flight of the Conchords" for those of you who live in a cave) are not poor in real life. Did we really need a news story to tell us that? Um, apparently, we did. [Yahoo!]

21-year-old Evan Rachel Wood was spotted making out with her 56-year-old on-screen dad Mickey Rourke last night. Gag us with a lock of his greasy hair! [FOXNews]

The Great Tina vs. Kate Debate Rages On

Emily Farris — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 22:05:00 GMT

Yesterday we asked which award winner you'd rather and the comments are still rolling in...

As Scanner Brian mentioned [yesterday] morning, Tina Fey and Kate Winslet are sweeping 2009 awards, both taking home Golden Globes and SAG honors. And in the spirit of keeping women catty and pitted against each other, we have to know which one you'd rather. So, who will it be? The challenger and funny girl of every man's dreams, Tina Fey, or our reigning champ from the WWYR Golden Globes Edition, the sultry Brit Kate Winslet? Decisions, decisions!

Read More...

Who Would You Rather: Tina Fey vs. Kate Winslet?

Emily Farris — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 23:13:00 GMT

As Scanner Brian mentioned this morning, Tina Fey and Kate Winslet are sweeping 2009 awards, both taking home Golden Globes and SAG honors. And in the spirit of keeping women catty and pitted against each other, we have to know which one you'd rather. So, who will it be? The challenger and funny girl of every man's dreams, Tina Fey, or our reigning champ from the WWYR Golden Globes Edition, the sultry Brit Kate Winslet? Decisions, decisions!

Related:

Tina Fey Tells Everyone to 'Suck it' at the Golden Globes

Top 10 Reasons To Watch 30 Rock

Who Would You Rather: Golden Globes Edition (Kate vs. Sue)

[Image, Image]

While You Were Sleeping: Getting Dumped On Facebook

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 14:20:00 GMT

"Sexting" is so popular even the backwards-ass morons at the New York Post are becoming aware of it.

The Republicans are planning to use Obama's plans to close Guantanamo Bay against him, maybe even as their lead line of attack.

And your worst nightmare is about to come true: Absolutely Fabulous is being remade as an American show.

The Silver Jews broke up. And apparently, David Berman's Dad is a psycho.

30 Rock and Kate Winslet('s cleavage) continue to collect the top awards. By the way, aside from 30 Rock, it's difficult to agree with any of the Screen Actors Guild choices, at least not the ones listed here.

Meanwhile, Slumdog Millionaire is doing very well in wide release, including in places like Butte, MT and Columbia, SC.

This is an incredible and surprisingly touching story of a Nigerian Facebook scam.

And speaking of Facebook, Prince Harry's five-year relationship has ended. The Royal found out himself only after seeing it in his Facebook News feed. Ow.

Today in "How'd That Get Up There?"

If You're Going to Give A BJ In Public...

Today's Topless PETA Roundup

Sloppy Seconds: Pete Wentz's Penis' New Starring Role

Emily Farris — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 00:01:00 GMT

If you'd like to put all of your personal records and medical history online you should totally use Google Health. [Google Health]

Just in case you didn't catch it the first few times, we're Twittering now. Reluctantly. [Twitter]

More details on yesterday's US Airways plane crash. [City Room]

Kimora Lee ~~Simmons~~ is making more ~~brats~~ babies. [Faded Youth]

Is Tracy Morgan ever out of character? We think not. [PageSix]

Pete Wentz and his penis, er, we mean his wife, will guest star on CSI:NY. [Us]

[Image]

Will Conan Suck When He Gets to L.A.?

Scanner Matt — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 22:43:00 GMT

You may have heard that Jay Leno is going to move to the 10:00 spot on June 1 when Conan O'Brien takes over the "Tonight Show", and while Leno is going to keep his (or Johnny Carson's) Burbank studio, O'Brien will be moving into a new studio... 3,000 miles from New York.

And as the New York Post points out:

TV shows reflect the places where they are made - think of Oprah and Chicago or the "Today" show and Rockefeller Center. It's part of their show- business DNA.

That means the "Tonight Show" will be changing more than its host when it moves from Burbank to Universal Studios this summer.

So will Conan keep his cool and stay (relatively) funny or turn into the celebrity kiss-up willing to pander to a more traditional audience at an earlier time slot as did the unfunny Leno?

Does this mean no more "masturbating bear" or sneaking knowing stares to the camera when the celebrity being interviewed is a complete moron?

Although "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" has mostly been a mainstream program and like all late night shows a promotional tool for the movie industry, it seemed to take a few chances with bizarre comedy bits, the occasional offensive joke and generally sought to push mundane television comedy a little further than the others when permitted. Will it keep it's edge, though fairly blunt in comparison to cable, when O'Brien reaches La La Land or will Letterman regain the ratings title?

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Emma Watson To Get Naked?

Stop Saying the New Tina Fey Catchphrase

Scarlett Johansson Sells Snot on Ebay

Leaked Photos: Jessica Alba Airbrushed, Before and After

[image]

Top 10 Reasons To Watch 30 Rock

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 20:20:00 GMT

As if you need a reason besides the above-pictured lass, the year's #1 entertainer, according to various publications...

Instead of posting much today, we've been checking out last week's episode of 30 Rock and wondering why you haven't done the same. Here are the first ten reasons we could think of (there are at least 2,000 more) for why you should heading to your Netflix account immediately and ordering up the Complete First and Second Seasons, then checking out the show on NBC Thursday nights, starting again January 8th.

10. Although Fey was forced to fire Rachel Dratch in order to cut costs (how much could a cameo as a little blue monster run them?), you can catch the old episodes via DVD-- we defy you not to watch the entire season in one or two sittings.

9. Will Arnett. Will Arnett. Will Arnett, Will Arnett. Better yet, a maniacal Will Arnett with a lust for a chipper NBC page boy.

8. You owe Tina Fey for making your year with her Sarah Palin imitation. This is how you'll thank her.

7. The bit players aren't the stock sitcom types-- they're memorable and ridiculous without being entirely unrealistic.

6. Tracy Morgan's one-liners are so out-of-left-field and off-the-cuff, you'll wonder if he's reading off cue cards or just making this madness up as he rolls along. Seriously, does he?

5. Even the hokey celebrity walk-ons are inspired. From Steve Martin's reclusive rich kook to Jennifer Aniston's bombshell nutcase, this season's earliest episodes may never be topped for sheer consecutive star power.

4. Elaine Stritch's recurring role as Jack's mother, for which she was awarded an Emmy last year, are the highlights of every season. (She was the guest star on last Thursday's Christmas show, which was dynamite. A clip can be found below.)

3. Because the frumpier they try to make Tina Fey look, the more adorable she is.

2. Alec Baldwin is the best comedian working in television today.

1. They're desperately seeking your ratings. Hell, if Oprah can't save them, nobody can...

Sure, we understand that the critically acclaimed yet ratings-challenged "30 Rock" has to do what it can to wrangle viewers, but many of the A-list cameos the show has employed for that purpose have been seriously subpar. Jerry Seinfeld's and Jennifer Aniston's appearances on the series were equally lukewarm. Oddly enough, the standout cameo of 2008 came courtesy of non-comedian Oprah Winfrey, who played herself, opposite an advice-hungry Liz Lemon during a plane flight. Was it a gimmick? Yeah. Did it work? Totally.

Check it out at NBC.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Kate Winslet's Underage Sex

Golden Globe Nominations Even Worse Than We Expected

5 Reasons SNL Is Finally Worth Watching

Golden Globe Nominations Even Worse Than We Expected

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 16:23:00 GMT

As usual, the studios sent their movie star emissaries, who cajoled and bribed the Hollywood Foreign Press into making this lackluster set of nominations.

Geez, you'd think that journalists for foreign newspapers would be more removed from Hollywood and have a more neutral perspective on its usually terrible moviemaking...

BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
FROST/NIXON
THE READER
REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

So, instead of Milk and Wall-E (and not to mention the host of brilliant foreign films released this year, especially Edge of Heaven), we get the widely-panned The Reader and the Sam Mendes flick Revolutionary Road, which has been ignored in every year in best-of up until now. But what's even worse is this category:

BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

DEXTER (SHOWTIME)
Showtime/John Goldwyn Productions/The Colleton Company/Clyde Phillips Productions
HOUSE (FOX)
Universal Media Studios in association with Heel and Toe Films, Shore Z Productions and Bad Hat Harry Productions
IN TREATMENT (HBO)
Sheleg, Closest to the Hole Productions in association with HBO Entertainment
MAD MEN (AMC)
Lionsgate Television
TRUE BLOOD (HBO)

You have to be kidding: House, In Treatment, and-- gag-- True Blood over The Wire? Hell, Gossip Girl and-- we're only slightly joking-- the Hills as Best Drama over some of these choices. You think these people actually watch the shows before they nominate them or just watch the sex scenes on Scanner?

There are some bright spots: Rebecca Hall, Penelope Cruz, and Javier Bardem for Vicki Christina Barcelona, Tom Cruise for his genius and unannounced three-scene performance in Tropic Thunder, and 30 Rock and Weeds for Best Comedy Series, with Tina Fey and Mary-Louise Parker up for Best Actress.

See the rest here.

Related:

Five Unintentional Laughs From Flirting With Forty

Sloppy Seconds: Jessica Biel Finally Goes Topless

Musicians I'd Like To Finance: Great 2008 CDs By Older Women

We Won't Milk "Milk" For Its Every Pun, Promise...

While You Were Sleeping: Kate Winslet's Underage Sex

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 14:05:00 GMT

Can't afford to go to Bonnaroo because of the economic crisis? Music festivals have implemented payment plans for hipsters... and other citizens with good taste.

John McCain is scheduled to stand David Letterman up again this Thursday.

The Governor of Illinois has no plans to resign, called Obama a "motherfucker." Class act.

A Cleveland City Councilman gambled a long political career and up to 20 years in prison for a measly $500 bribe... and lost.

Tyler Perry beat back a frivolous lawsuit.

Tracy Morgan thinks Obama should be more like Jesse Jackson. Or at least a guy who cares more about black people, apparently.

And Kate Winslet had an affair with a man thirteen years her senior... when she was only fifteen.

Related:

Video of the Day: Tracy Morgan Responds to Tina Fey on SNL

Governor of Illinois Arrested Over Obama Senate Appointment... And That's Not Even the Weirdest Story

Kate Winslet Takes it Off for Vanity Fair

Top 5 Kate Winslet Sex Scenes

Stop Saying the New Tina Fey Catchphrase

Scanner Matt — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 18:39:00 GMT

It's not the Palin-inspired, "You betcha!" but likely a line Fey came up with herself. We've overheard the phrase used 3 times in public already while unintentionally eavesdropping in New York City.

In the lastest episode of 30 Rock, Tina Fey has a one-liner she likes so much she uses it later on in the show as well. "I want to go to there," spoken with a robotic childlike intonation intentionally putting the accent on the wrong words in the phrase for comic effect while referring to something silly that inspires personal longing. It works when Tina does it, but the amateur impressionists are getting annoying. Here's the original (in the last 10 seconds of the clip):

For example, we heard it in a boutique in Brooklyn on Saturday:

Random Lady (referring to a handbag): Oh, look at that bag!

Random Lady's Lame Friend (walking toward the handbag in a faux trance): I want to go to there.

(Shared naughty giggling follows)

Bleck.

We hope this isn't going to sweep our nation of pop culture parrots. It's reminiscent of the nauseating Jim Carrey retort, "All righty then!" from Ace Ventura: Pet Detective when everyone attempted to reproduce this brand of sarcasm in agressive and obnoxious barks, constantly.

Please stop it. You're embarassing yourself.

Related:

When Tina Fey Was "Fat"

Solved Mysteries: Tina Fey's Scar

Tina Fey for Oscars Host 2009!!!

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Frisky's Ten Best Male Nude Scenes List

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 21:45:00 GMT

Roger Ebert ripped Ben Stein a new one again, and much more effectively this time, with a blog entitled "Win Ben Stein's Mind." As one commenter put it, " Should one win Ben Stein's mind, what would one do with it, since it is obviously useless as a functioning organ?"

Jon Hamm & Tina Fey? On 30 Rock, where the best celebrity couplings happen.

The first Best Movies Of The Year awards were given out by the National Board of Review... and the winners are:

Picture: Slumdog Millionaire
Director: David Fincher for ...Benjamin Button
Actress: Anne Hathaway for Rachel Getting Married
Actor: Clint Eastwood for Gran Torino
Supporting Actor: Josh Brolin for Milk
Supporting Actress: Penelope Cruz for Vicki Cristina Barcelona

The Frisky came out with their ten best male nude scenes list.

An idiot Republican congresswoman hung up on Obama (twice!) and Rahm Emanuel, just for laughs.

Kristin Stewart as Joan Jett. Yeah, we can picture that.

And Jeremy Piven may be getting married to John Cleese's daughter.

Sean Penn Propositions James Franco for Sex

This Week in Gayness: Gotta Love Them Bathhouses

Sloppy Seconds: Flavor of the Week

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 50-41

When Tina Fey Was "Fat"

Emily Farris — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 20:23:00 GMT

You love Tina Fey now, right? But would you have loved her when she was not really fat but considered fat by Hollywood's standards? According to her and Maureen Dowd, and possibly Steve Martin, maybe not.

We haven't received our Vanity Fair in the mail yet, and we'll admit, we just skimmed the online version of Maureen Dowd's profile of the funny lady to find the quote about her famous scar. But the kids over at Daily Intel, who are much more diligent than we are, went through the article and pulled out all the quotes regarding Fey's previous, er, heaviness. And, well, fuck.

• "Her food-obsessed doppelgänger on 30 Rock, Liz Lemon, longs to … go home and eat a big block of cheese."

• Fey's husband describes her in what Dowd calls "her pre-glamour-puss days, back in Chicago. 'She was quite round,' he says, 'in a lovely, turn-of-the-century kind of round — that beautiful, Rubenesque kind of beauty.'"

• "Her true vice is cupcakes. I’ve brought her a box [Ed: Is Maureen Dowd being kind of a bitch here or is it us?], one frosted with the face of Sarah Palin. She chooses that one, which is bigger, joking that it’s O.K. if she gains weight before her Annie Leibovitz photo shoot in a few days, because 'Annie’s going to photograph my soul, right?'"

• "When it comes to her looks, she’s both forgiving and self-deprecating. 'The most I’ve changed pictures out of vanity was to edit around any shot where you can see my butt,' she says."

• "'I really wasn’t heavy in high school,' Fey recalls over lunch one afternoon at Café Luxembourg, where she dutifully switches her order from a B.L.T. to a salad."

• “I’m five four and a half, and I think I was maxing out at just short of 150 pounds, which isn’t so big. But when you move to New York from Chicago, you feel really big.”

• "She saw herself on an SNL monitor as an extra, 'and I was like, 'Ooogh.' I was starting to look unhealthy. I looked like a behemoth, a little bit. It was probably a bad sweater or something. Maybe cutting from Gwyneth Paltrow to me.' She wanted to be 'PBS pretty' — pretty for a smart writer. She called Jeff, who was directing a show at Second City in Chicago, and said, 'O.K., I’m starting Weight Watchers.'"

• "I got to that thing that’s so enjoyable where people tell you, 'Oh, you’re thin, you’ve gotten too thin.' Lorne was like, 'Please, please make sure you’re eating.'"

• "[Adam] McKay recalls Fey telling a story about her heavier days. 'Steve Martin walked right past her at the coffee table, and then, after the makeover, he was like, 'Well, hel-looo — who are you?'"

While we haven't had breakfast yet, this makes us just want to skip it all together so...that... people will love us?

Plus, she didn't look that fat, she was just wearing bad pants. Really bad pants.

[NY Mag: The Secret to Tina Fey’s Success]

Who Are You And What Have You Done With Tina Fey?

Sloppy Seconds: Tina Fey's $6M Book Deal

While You Were Sleeping: Leftover Edition

Who Would You Rather?: Evangeline Lilly In A Manshirt or Tina Fey Scarfing A Sandwich

(Thanks, Nicole!)

Sloppy Seconds: Divorce for Amy Winehouse?

Emily Farris — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 22:57:00 GMT

Be sure to go outside tonight. And then look up: A slender crescent moon, just 15-percent illuminated, will appear in very close proximity to the two brightest planets in our sky, Venus and Jupiter. Pretty! [Yahoo!]

This article, exploring the best age for sex, rubs our inner fuddy-duddy the wrong way: "And here's another bombshell the survey uncovered with which Mr Hefner might concur: ditching your long-term partner for someone new when you turn 40 is said to guarantee that you'll cash in on the sexual revolution. In other words, by getting a new brawn when you're about to experience a mid-life crisis means you'll be happier in the sack than you ever were before." [Sydney Morning Herald]

Is 30 Rock completely out of good guest stars? Let's let Larry King be the judge of that. [Vulture]

Y'all: Britney Spears' family didn't fuck her up. Her break-up with Justin Timberlake did. [Us]

Yes, Virginia, there is a liberal media. And yeah, it may have favored Barack Obama. [Yahoo!]

Blake Fielder Civil, otherwise known as Blake Incarcerated or Mr. Amy Winehouse, thinks it might be time to let his lady love go. You know, for her own good. [People]

[Image]

Solved Mysteries: Tina Fey's Scar

Emily Farris — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 18:41:00 GMT

We all like to pretend we don't care too much about Tina Fey's scar. But maybe you, like us, have conducted a few or more Google searches... only to settle for reading about the origins of Padma Lakshmi's scar instead.

Now your feeble fingers can take a break. Fey's husband spilled the beans to Vanity Fair.

Liz Lemon [Fey's character on 30 Rock] favors her right side. That’s because a faint scar runs across Tina Fey’s left cheek, the result of a violent cutting attack by a stranger when Fey was five. Her husband says, “It was in, like, the front yard of her house, and somebody who just came up, and she just thought somebody marked her with a pen.” You can hardly see the scar in person. But I agree with Richmond that it makes Fey more lovely, like a hint of Marlene Dietrich noir glamour in a Preston Sturges heroine...

Fey herself rarely mentions the episode. “It’s impossible to talk about it without somehow seemingly exploiting it and glorifying it,” she says. Did she feel less attractive growing up because of it? “I don’t think so,” she says. “Because I proceeded unaware of it. I was a very confident little kid. It’s really almost like I’m kind of able to forget about it, until I was on-camera, and it became a thing of ‘Oh, I guess we should use this side’ or whatever. Everybody’s got a better side.”

Okay, but we wonder if she'll write about it in her book. Guess there's no need now...

[Vanity Fair via Gawker]

Related:

If Only Tina Fey Would Play Sarah Palin in the Forthcoming Porno

If You Like Fey and Poehler and Palin and Clinton, You'll Love Them as Couric and Palin

Who Are You And What Have You Done With Tina Fey?

Sloppy Seconds: Tina Fey's $6M Book Deal

Image via Vanity Fair

Sloppy Seconds: What is Jennifer Hudson Smiling About?

Emily Farris — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 22:18:00 GMT

We never really thought of China as a big dairy land, but whatever dairy it has is staying there. The US has banned milk and milk-derived products in an effort to keep products tainted with the industrial chemical melamine off our shelves. [Washington Post]

Three female employees of KMBC 9 News in Kansas City—our former and future home—are suing the station over age and sex discrimination after being told they are 'no longer part of the future' and are oppressively criticized, targeted and harassed after they reach their 40s.' [Plog]

Jennifer Aniston "knows" John Mayer. Biblically and, you know, emotionally. [People]

Speaking of Jen, did you catch her on 30 Rock last night? It sure didn't boost the show's ratings. [Us]

Dr. Green, er Anthony Edwards, coming back from the dead wasn't enough deliver top ratings for ER, either. [Radar]

In the wake of the murders of her mother, brother and nephew, Jennifer Hudson decided to go forward with a GAP ad campaign she, er, shot before the tragedy and thanked fans for their support on her MySpace page. [Yahoo!]

We Got Yer 30 Rock Season Premiere Right Here...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 19:46:00 GMT

It doesn't even broadcast for another seven days, but we have the 30 Rock season premiere after the jump.

Bonus: we believe it has something to do with the career of Will Arnett... AND it does not involve seeing Tina Fey repeating any of Sarah Palin's most painful moments... so enjoy...

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Watch Karl Rove Fight Off A Bunch of Hippies

Crush of the Week: Adele

Hot or Not? Heidi Klum's Got Milk Ad

Kristen Wiig May Never Get Her Chance to Play Sarah Palin

We Didn't Watch The Emmy's, Here's What We Missed...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 14:52:00 GMT

It was a historic night for the Emmy's, and we're pretty sure no one, including us, saw any of it...

Due to the usual record-breaking low ratings this show gets, it was probably lost on the country that Emmy history was made by Don Draper and the rest of the "Mad Men," who took home the Best Drama prize for AMC. This marks the only time a basic cable show has won a "Best" Series award.

Other highlights, according to sources who actually witnessed the program:

1) Ed McMahon said "Herrree's Johnny!" to introduce one of those mundane clip shows from when television was actually watchable. Hopefully, Ed received some sort of a check or at least an uptick in donations, as the poor bastard is in danger of losing his home.

2) Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert introduced something and weren't allowed to say anything political. Yawn.

3) Howie Mandell said he was on Sarah Palin's Bridge To Nowhere, a reference to the fact that his opening host's monologue had to be entirely ad-libbed. Speaking of poor bastards.

4) Bryan Cranston, Laura Linney, Glenn Close, and Tina Fey won well deserved acting awards. And, of course, so did the amazing Alec Baldwin.

5) Lorne Michaels took home another Emmy, as "30 Rock" received a well-deserved Best Comedy award.

6) Tommy Smothers was the only one who got political in an acceptance speech:

"It's hard for me to stay silent when I keep hearing that peace is only attainable through war. And there's nothing more scary than watching ignorance in action," he said, dedicating his award to "all people who feel compelled to speak out, and are not afraid to speak to power, and won't shut up and refuse to be silenced."

Actually, we're going to shut up now and redirect you to Remote Island (see the sidebar), because those guys probably saw it and have much more to say... but there you have it.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: You, Like Us, May Think...

Live from New York: Fey and Poehler do Palin and Clinton

Sarah Palin Thinks Global Warming Is Polar Bear Sh*t

While You Were Sleeping: Ciara's Naked Vibe Cover

Cultural Clusterf*ck: Gossip Girl Meets 30 Rock

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 18:42:00 GMT

In what will surely finally give 30 Rock the huge ratings boost it deserves, the NBC comedy series has announced a series of high profile guest stars, including Jennifer Aniston and Oprah Winfrey.

But what should really do it for them is this idea for a guest appearance, which is apparently confirmed by the producers...

How about the ladies of Gossip Girl showing up on MILF Island, as sort of "foils" for the MILFS? While that problem won't happen, Blake, Leighton, and possibly other players of uppity snots will show up at Rockefeller Center in some capacity:

Gossip Girl stars Blake Lively and Leighton Meester have reportedly signed a deal to guest-star on U.S. TV show 30 Rock.
The actresses, who play spoiled students in their hit TV series, will feature in a Gossip Girl-inspired flashback sequence on 30 Rock during main character Liz Lemon's 20-year high school reunion, according to Ew.com.
But fans of the programme will be in for a shock as the sequence will reveal geeky Lemon, who is played by the sitcom's creator Tina Fey, was actually a bullying teenager.

That isn't reall much of a twist-- we've already seen that Liz has a much crazier side that she wants us to believe... but either way, this should be a great third season, don't ya think?

Via IMDB.

Top 10 Celebrity Moms Who Could Be Hookers

"MILF Island" T-Shirt: 100% Cotton, 200% Irony

Sloppy Seconds: Is Jamie Lynn Spears a MILF?

Are All Florida Teachers Bonking Their Students?

While You Were Sleeping: Leighton Meester's Jail Story

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 14:46:00 GMT

Would this have been a good or bad thing? Jessica Simpson claims to have considered giving up singing publicly after her widely panned performance at the Kennedy Center Honors tribute to Dolly Parton.

The boys at school must've loved her: A woman named Yvonne Topless got into a fight with her boyfriend on a public bus in England.

The world's luckiest bastard Daniel Radcliffe lost his virginity at the age of sixteen in a manner we can still appreciate...

The 19-year-old actor confessed in a revealing interview to losing his virginity to an older woman - whose age would raise eyebrows.
Radcliffe admitted he celebrated reaching the age of consent, 16, in the customary manner with a much older girlfriend.
But although he insisted the age difference 'wasn't ridiculous', he did say it 'would freak some people out'.

Is Putin the world's most dangerous human being? Even fucking tigers are scared of this guy now.

One of the world's most wonderful people, Stevie Wonder, is to receive a Gershwin Award from the Library of Congress.

Leighton Meester's mom gave birth to her in a Federal prison, according to a shocking new report. (Talk about humble beginnings-- nice work, girl!)

The actress' mother was serving a federal prison sentence in Texas when she gave birth, and although baby Leighton was born in a halfway house, her mom returned to prison after her daughter turned three months. According to America's Star magazine, Meester was raised by a relative while her mother completed time for her role in an illegal drug enterprise.

And Jennifer Aniston is set to become Alec Baldwin's 30 Rock stalker when the funniest show on TV returns. (Let's just enjoy the fact that Alec Baldwin and 30 Rock are returning and forget about whether or not Aniston was the best casting choice...)