Scanner : 4th of july

Scanner Roundtable: Bases

Emily Farris — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 17:08:00 GMT

On the car ride home from the best weekend ever that may or may not have involved us drinking too much whiskey and taking a series of pantsless pictures, we questioned a friend about what exactly happened when two people spent the night in her one-person tent. Of course, the subject of bases came up and there was some serious dissent among the car's five passengers.

As far as we're concerned, it goes like this:

1st Base: Kissing

2nd Base: Heavy Petting, Dry Humping, Hand Jobs, and our favorite term, Fingerbanging

3rd Base: Oral

Home: Intercourse

But apparently, many people believe that anything involving hand-gential contact is third. We've found ourselves Googling this topic on more than one occasion, only to be even more confused (maybe it's changed since the 50's?). We're sure someone out there can clear this up for us, though.

Scanner Highs and Lows: Can You Say Disappointment?

Scanner Highs and Lows: We Got Finger Banged at Summer Camp

Open Thread: What's The Dirtiest Thing You Ever Did at Summer Camp?

Michael Ian Black Recounts His Own Wet Hot American Summer

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Who Would You Rather: Founding Fathers Edition

Emily Farris — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 19:37:00 GMT

Before we feel comfortable celebrating the Independence of our great nation with hot dogs, beer and debauchery, we have to settle one very important matter: which Founding Father would you fuck, if you had to fuck one?

Pictured above are James Madison and Thomas Jefferson, but we imagine if given the choice, we'd go for someone a little more schlubby, like Ethan Allen.

Scanner Survey: Are You Actually Working?

Emily Farris — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 18:36:00 GMT

Raise your hand if you're actually working at this point. Or if you're at work and not working. Or are we just typing away into the ether?