Scanner : 50 Cent

Sloppy Seconds: The Summer Days of Our Slutty Lives

Emily Farris — Fri, 08 May 2009 23:09:00 GMT

Sandra Bullock is "not sure" she wants kids. Apparently this warrants a news story. [Us]

We blame South Park for making us laugh every time we see the word "probe" no matter the context. Today's laughable headline: "Police, 50 Cent see house fire probe differently." Sort-of sounds like something that could be cleared up with a little Preparation H, right? [Yahoo!]

As long as we can remember Emily has been one of the top 10 baby names for girls. This year, we're at number three. And we're pretty sure we've dated at least one of each from the baby boy section. [SSA.gov]

Sorry for the late notice on Free Chocolate Day. [The Inquisitr]

Firtexting: apparently more than just a thing to do when you want some booty. A site? A book? A worldview? [BuzzFeed]

Apparently all of those soap operas we watched with the summer between first and second grade (and second and third and third and fourth and fourth and fifth... well, you get the picture) turned us slutty. [KIDK]

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While You Were Sleeping: Mad Men Getting Fired Up

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 May 2009 13:53:00 GMT

Arnold Schwarzenegger is considering decriminalizing marijuana altogether in California, possibly for budgetary reasons.

One of my celebrity crushes, Bebe Neuwirth, is now married.

Dumber-than-that-Carolina-contestant Miss California is in danger of losing her crown... or so they say.

Mad Men is back in production, with I Shot Andy Warhol's Jared Harris joining the cast for next season.

Gisele Bundchen may be pregnant.

We hate to admit it, but we can't get enough of the President and Vice President doing silly shit like driving to Virginia to eat at a hamburger place with the word "Hell" in its name.

Up until last night, we were in New Orleans, where this man is suing the police for one dollar over his right to wear a skirt in public.

Another reason for 50 Cent to goof on him: Rick Ross keeps his sunglasses on during sex.

And Jennifer Hudson and Rihanna both canceled shows.

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Top 5 Charlize Theron Sex Scenes

Lisa Rinna Poses For Playboy At 45, Just For the Hell of It

18-Year-Old Boy Arrested in Most Bizarre Sex Tape Bust Yet

Desperate Housewife Calls in the Cops in Nude Photo Blog War

While You Were Sleeping: The Revenge of Levi Johnston

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 14:02:00 GMT

The IMF says we'll have to stick it out one more year before an economic recovery.

Japanese boy bands are all growing up and getting naked and drunk and arrested.

The third Twilight film will be directed by a man. Man, woman, Werner Herzog-- no matter what gender is at the helm, it's still going to blow.

Mel Gibson's alleged mistress is keeping a sex diary comparing all the different men she's slept with.

Rick Ross claims rapper 50 Cent is finished. Woo hoo! Can we finish off the rest of these no-talent top 40 artists along with him?

Levi Johnston has gone from being the #1 puppet in the Palin VP campaign to the biggest threat to her 2012 chances.

The new American family: Dad robs people, Mom drives the getaway minivan, and the kids play inside the car.

This sounds like one kickass documentary.

"Dog" the Bounty Hunter was nearly killed in Colorado after a suspect shot at him during an attempted arrest.

And Lindsay Lohan is dating dudes again-- this time, Brits are on her hit list.

Sloppy Seconds: Rihanna's New Tattoo

Emily Farris — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 23:11:00 GMT

Say it ain't so: celebrities with ghost Twitterers? 50 Cent has one. So does Ron Paul and Barack Obama (we figured as much for Mr. President). [NYT]

But now that we think of it, Courtney Love might benefit from a ghost Twitterer. [Vulture]

Here's a condom commercial that's not even safe for YouTube, apparently. [Lifestyles]

Rihanna got a sort-of awesome gun tattoo in a sort-of awesome place. [People]

We are much less enthused about this pop-art rendering of the infamous Rihanna police photo. [Yahoo!]

Willie Aames, of "Charles in Charge" is around the corner from Scanner HQ selling, well, pretty much everything he owns after his recent home foreclosure.[Plog]

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50 Cent Releases Sex Tape To Attack Rap Rival

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 20:04:00 GMT

Never one to cede the spotlight to other rappers for any reason, 50 Cent has released a sex tape, ostensibly to continue his beef with Rick Ross, who is also an allegedly-famous person.

The sex tape is too XXX, even for us, and so we were only able to make it through this part...

50 appears in the opening of the video as some sort of Madea ripoff known as Pimpin' Curly. Here is his eloquent introduction, according to someone who must have the hearing of a Whisper 2000:

“Yo, check this shit out, man. I’m-a show you my bitch, man. Here go your baby mama, Ricky. Double R? Does that stand for Rick Ross in the middle of her muthafuckin' chest, man? Oh, this is cold blooded man,” he adds. “I told niggas I was the beast from the east man. They thought I was bullshittin'. I ain’t bullshittin' no mo', man. 1 minute and 30 seconds, nigga. You see the tape. It only been on for 1 minute and 30 seconds.”

“I want you to watch this on your tour bus, Ricky. I want you to watch this on your motherfuckin' tour bus, Ricky.
"Now, how the fuck you gonna say you a boss and you run a..." All right, you know what? We don't need any of this nonsense.

Here's a taste of the tape... followed by the alleged tape itself. Again, we didn't even make it past the beginning, so who knows how bad it gets? You've been warned.

Well, was it worth 13-and-a-half minutes of your time?

Top 5 Monica Bellucci Sex Scenes

Top 5 Frantic Sex Scenes

Amazing Race Winner Stars In First Celebrity Webcam Scandal

Scanner Highs and Lows: Because We Have Nothing Better To Do on a Friday Night

Emily Farris — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 03:42:00 GMT

Yet again, we find ourselves grateful that the worst thing our mom ever did to us was show her boobs at our book party. Twice.

Highs:

We watched some sexy movies.

And discovered the greatest. move. ever.

We know what we're most thankful for this year. Mmmhmm.

We crushed a little on Borat's brother.

Could Barack and Michelle Obama be any fucking cuter? Ugh, probably.

OMG! Ashley Alexandra Dupre finally talked!

So did Pete Wentz. About those penis pictures.

We absolutely agreed with GQ's choice of Man of the Year.

Lows:

Yet again, we found ourselves grateful that our mom only showed her boobs (albeit twice) at our book party.

We got a glimpse of what life will be like in our new city.

If it wasn't Kansas City, it was going to be in Oregon.

We have officially reached the point where we'd rather eat (or fuck) a taco than fuck an actual man.

Apparently, girls really do have cooties.

Miley Cyrus. Just her. In general.

We continue to wonder why our cushion hasn't gotten us more pushin'.

We contested People's choice of sexiest man alive.

Sloppy Seconds: Blake-Fielder Civil Escapes (More) Prison (Time)

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 22:25:00 GMT

Patrick Dempsey didn't dig the doc firing on Grey's Anatomy. Perhaps he knows something we don't about ABC's true motives?

This guy will either be dead or a legend by 27.

Eddie Izzard made the really dumb decision, as he is not a US citizen, to donate to Obama. He made an even dumber one when he admitted to doing so on CNN.

Michael Crichton died of cancer, a battle which was kept entirely private.

Who gave 50 Cent a reality show? Jesus Christ. Well, at least it's a positive show for a change.

And Amy Winehouse's husband ("Blakey," we think his name is) was released from jail after a year of hell... or, if you're married to Amy Winehouse, womb-like bliss.

10-Year-Old Boy Is the Lone Protester of Nude Sunbathing

Obama and McCain Supporters Bring Out the Worst In All of Us

While You Were Sleeping: Amy Winehouse's Scientology Cure

While You Were Sleeping: Minnie Driver Pops Out A Future Celebrity

While You Were Sleeping: Ciara's Naked Vibe Cover

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 13:43:00 GMT

We still have a long way to go, baby: gay marriage is not equal to straight marriage in California and Massachusetts... at least when it comes to taxes.

Inspired by Radiohead's slap at the record industry, Michael Moore will post his next movie online for free. We think it's called "Sicko II: The John McCain Story."

And aren't we past this, especially with a female Vice Presidential candidate on the Republican ticket?

Kacy Stuart, a freshman at New Creation Center, a private Christian school, had practiced as a kicker for two months before being told by Hank St. Denis, executive board chairman of the Georgia Football League, that she would not be permitted to play.
Her mother vows to take the League to court.

A new study indicates there is no link between those who are given the measles vaccine and autism.

Check out Screengrab's amusing look at the top films about school for the R-rated crowd.

The Governor of Texas is weighing whether he should stay the execution of an inmate. The inmate's trial, by the way, was marred by the relationship (sexual!) between the prosecutor and the judge. Oh, and here's a little Texas justice for ya: the Governor knows the inmate's appeals hearing is scheduled for after the inmate's scheduled execution.

We saw a headline scrolling along a building this morning: Breaking news: 84,000 new unemployed filings in August; rate jumps to 6.1%. Can't be good for the McCain campaign to wake up to after that speech.

Isn't that a bizarre cover? If the McCain campaign can fool people into thinking Tina Fey is actually his VP, he's got it all locked up...

And Ciara dishes on her relationship with 50 Cent on an (all nude) cover story for Vibe...

Video of the Day: Tracy Morgan Responds to Tina Fey on SNL

Who Would You Rather?: Evangeline Lilly In A Manshirt or Tina Fey Scarfing A Sandwich

The Next Big Star: Marisol Nichols

Howard Schatz Reminds Us How Much Steamier Sex Is Underwater

Sloppy Seconds: Hollywood's Hottest Bachelor

Emily Farris — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 21:40:00 GMT

Julia Allison's contract with Star has not been renewed, leaving her still employed elsewhere and probably fine. [Gawker]

Because she's microfamous. [Jossip]

Hey dumbass, a python is not an attack dog. And that's a good thing. [YBNBY]

Us wants to know if Jessica Simpson's shirt was attacking Carrie Underwood. As DippyGumball so freakishly pointed out earlier this week, uh, yeah. [Us]

50 Cent has been hanging out with Nelson Mandela. [MTV]

ABC would not like "Dirty, Sexy Money" to get any dirtier or sexier, thank you very much. [The Remote Island]

We've never really been able to get into the whole A.C. Slater-being-sexy thing. But apparently he can. And People can, too. According to the magazine, he's their Hottest Bachelor. [People]

Related:

OMG: For the First Time, Like, Ever, We Totes Agree With Jessica Simpson

Sloppy Seconds: Hulk Hogan's New Girlfriend Sure Looks a Lot Like His Daughter

Emily Farris — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 21:19:00 GMT

The Daily Mail tries to make a size 16 beauty pageant contestant feel bad about herself. Luckily, they don't really succeed. [Jezebel]

If you're running for office, jerking off in public might not be the best idea. Even if you do live in California. [Wonkette]

50-Cent is so confused about which Democratic candidate to support. And he thinks Obama might get assassinated. [MTV]

Whoever you support, Natalie Portman really, really wants you to vote. [People]

Madonna kept her legs closed for the upcoming Vanity Fair cover. [MollyGood]

You've heard of "Stuff White People Like," but what about "Stuff Christians Like?" [Stuff Christians Like]

Hulk Hogan's new girlfriend is the spitting image of his daughter, Brooke. You know, the daughter he tracks with a GPS system. [The Superficial]

Class Act 50 Cent Postpones Snorting Coke For Croatian TV Interview

Bryan Christian — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 16:59:00 GMT

Who knew Fitty was such a fan of the press?