Scanner : America's Next Top Model

Tyra Takes The Stand

Emily Farris — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 20:32:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Ms. Banks will testify this week in the trial of her (alleged) stalker, who (allegedly) followed her across the country and (allegedly) made her and her staff fear for their safety.

This guy is clearly crazy and very frightening. But for a man described as a "hulking drifter", he sure can clean up. He's got a sweet court ensemble, perhaps to impress all the people watching the satellites that he believes are constantly watching him...

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Sloppy Seconds: In Which We Consider Michael Chabon's Sexuality, Again

Emily Farris — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 22:21:00 GMT

Do you have what it takes to put together lists of the hottest women in the world (eyes, the ability to count to 100 with or without the help of a computer)? Then you might be in the running toward becoming FHM's next top editor-in-chief. They're looking. [Brand Republic]

Levi Johnston: proof that even if you're a teenage father you can still dream big. Johnston's dream? Becoming a model or actor, of course. [Gawker]

Howard Stern is now Twittering. Well, really it's the Howard Stern Show, which probably means there's a ghost Twitterer. And he is following no one. Jerk. [Twitter]

Half of the female contestants on Bravo's new show "Top Chef Masters" are "chefbians." Er, um, chefs who also happen to be lesbians. [AfterEllen]

What's Prince up to these days? Oh, just singing about Salma Hayek's curves. [Us]

How in the hell did we miss Gay Clay Aiken on America's Next Top Model? [People]

Having read the majority of Michael Chabon's published work, we always questioned his sexuality. We were not the only ones. And apparently we missed that thing he wrote about the time he slept with a man. [Queerty]

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America's Next Topless Model Is... The Judge

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 15:03:00 GMT

Paulina Porizkova turns 44 this week-- can you believe it? Either way, hopefully you'll agree that she's as stunning as ever.

The Czech-born supermodel was recently captured cavorting topless-- on a U.S. beach, no less. This woman has nothing to hide, prove, or be sorry about, so all those who made nasty comments on blogs where these photos appeared can kiss her bikini-covered...

Here's what a handful of ungrateful children of God had to say about these snaps:

her nipples are huge compared to her breasts! She has ugly breasts in my opinion. [ugly breasts? The only ugly breasts are certan boob jobs, okay?]

around the kids? really? [right, teach those kids to be ashamed of their bodies!]

her nipples were used too much ..they are dark color...well...she is still in good shape [what do you mean? from breastfeeding?!]

You are great.I love to be able to contact you. Ayman Awwas + 962 79 556 00 22 [uh... yeah... Portizkova didn't post these herself, you know]

And a few true winners:

most people wished they looked this good in their 20s let alone at 43. She looks AMAZING.whoever said she has ugly breasts are stupid. in fact anyone talking shit about her body is stupid...

she's better looking than the competitors

Anonymous, if topless women on the beach bother you, maybe it's time for a trip to Europe to broaden your horizons.

Broaden your horizons... there's a sexual pun in there somewhere, if only we knew what to do with it.

Do Not Love: "More to Love"

Emily Farris — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 22:16:00 GMT

Fox is developing a new reality dating show for what producers call "average-looking" people. The show will be similar to The Bachelor but instead of under-fed, over-tanned people desperate to date, the contestants will be over-weight weight women competing for the love of a man who resembles...

Kevin James. (Producers describe him as a "Kevin James-type." Kevin James is that guy from The King of Queens, by the way. We'd prefer a Drew Carey-type, but whatever.)

“For six years it’s been skinny-minis and good-looking bachelors, and that’s not what the dating world looks like,” Mike Darnell of Fox said. “Why don’t real women —the women who watch these shows, for the most part—have a chance to find love too?”

This is a good question, and one that's been ignored too long. But doesn't making a point of singling out the "fatties" just contribute to the bigger problem? If "normal" people are lovable, too, why do they really need their own show? Perhaps the producers could take a cue from Tyra Banks and America's Next Top Model and let some "average-looking people" compete against the "hotties."

[LiveFeed: 'More to Love' -- Fox orders dating competition series for the heavy set]

Related:

Video: Are Reality Shows Setting Unrealistic Standards for Skanks?

Would You Watch?: Denise Richards' Reality Show

Octomom: the Reality Series (Plus Porn Stars)

While You Were Sleeping: The Top Models Brawl

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

Charlie Sheen's wife gave birth to twin boys. Wonder what that childhood's gonna be like...

Political turncoat Ron Silver died of cancer at the age of 62. Silver was most recently known for appearing on The West Wing.

An arrest warrant was issued for Lindsay Lohan over the weekend; she faces a hearing today.

The right-wing came out swinging at Jon Stewart over the Jim Cramer-Brawl Street business, none more pathetically than Tucker Carlson, who denied being a "partisan hack."

At an America's Next Top Model cattle call (that's a term, not a slur) in New York, three women were arrested when some idiots yelled "there's a bomb," probably to cut ahead in line, and a full-on brawl/stampede ensued.

Lionel Richie worried that his female fans would stop throwing their panties at him if he became a grandfather.

This trailer makes painting seem so badass.

Race to Witch Mountain easily dethroned The Watchmen over the weekend.

And how would you like this job? Kylie Minogue was paid $1 million for performing a single song for Bollywood.

Sloppy Seconds: Wanda Sykes Says "I Do"

The Rise and Fall of Lindsay Lohan

Today in the Apocalypse: Barbie Got Even Skinnier

Sloppy Seconds: The Naked Lesbian Bubble Bath

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 21:36:00 GMT

Barbara Walters hit on-- oh God, make it stop-- Michael Phelps.

McCain continues to close in on Obama in the popular vote... at least according to CNN and other journalists desperate for an angle. Meanwhile, Obama is way ahead in the Electoral College. (By the way, don't miss this newly-resurfaced story from the Chicago Tribune, published in 2006, about the chances of an Obama Presidential bid... and the glorious response, in its comments section.)

The Strollerderby shattered a myth about your boobs... letting us know that a new study

disproves the popular conception that nursing results in sagging breasts - a condition technically known as breast ptosis.
The real causes of sagging breasts, according to the researchers, are far less noble: increased age, higher BMI, number of pregnancies, bigger pre-pregnancy cup size, and smoking.

JuicyCampus.com, a controversial gossip site, may be getting banned at Georgetown.

There was a "naked lesbian bubble bath" on America's Next Top Model last night. Of course, ANTM does not air on HBO, so nothing to see here, move along.

After all that, Denise Richards isn't being put out to pasture.

And that nutjob who carved the "B" (backwards!) into her own face and said Obama did it is going to join R.P. McMurphy and The Chief.

While You Were Sleeping: More Pregnant Celebrities

Top 10 Celebrity Moms Who Could Be Hookers

Men's Health Should Worry More About Men's Sanity

Sloppy Seconds: Phillies Fan Gives Her Team A Big Boost

This Week In Gayness: Gay Leader Assassinated

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 17:30:00 GMT

Amazingly, Google (as a corporate megapower) is stepping into the debate over gay marriage: they claim they will do everything they possibly can to insure it stays legal in California.

Almost ten years to the day of his death, the Matthew Shepard memorial has been publicly unveiled at the murder victim's former university.

A teenage boy upset that his friend was apparently spreading rumors of his gayness has confessed to the murder of said friend.

The Orlando Fox affiliate first claimed it would film at Come Out With Pride 2008, now they're acting all Fox News and turning their backs on the community...

The trans Top Model continues to raise positive interest in this so-called "alternative lifestyle."

A Lowell, Massachusetts man is guilty of beating another man for being gay.

A 27-year-old university student in Bagdhad, who was leading the LGBT movement there, was assassinated while getting a haircut:

He was one of the organisers of safe houses for gay men in Baghdad and was co-ordinator of Iraqi LGBT in the city.

Peter Tatchell of LGBT human rights group OutRage! said:

"On 25th September, I received the sad news from Iraq that the coordinator of Iraqi LGBT in Baghdad, Bashar, aged 27, a university student, was assassinated in a barber shop.

Trying to end on an upnote for a change... the South African health minister, who thought it was wise to suggest vitamins over drugs for HIV patients, has been removed from office, thanks to AIDS and/or LGBT activists.

Related:

Gay Community Attacks McCain By Outing His Chief Of Staff

You Can't Argue With A Conservative... No, Really, It's A Fact

This Week In Gayness: Guys Making Out On CNN

This Week In Gayness: Discriminated By McDonald's

Crush of the Week: Jamie Clayton, The Hottest Transsexual

While You Were Sleeping: The Last True Supermodel

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:31:00 GMT

Anne Hathaway's karaoke song is rather fitting, don't you think?

The incident with his mom and sister was apparently not the only one during Christian Bale's wild Friday.

A list of the top Hollywood bachelors that in any way involves Ryan Seacrest is invalidated automatically.

Guy answers call from the cops on his cell phone by saying: "Dude, I can't talk, I'm being chased by the police," and hanging up.

Speaking of police, they arrested a man for stealing money from a fountain in a Florida mall. His total haul? 42 cents.

You're not gonna believe who Forbes magazine thinks is the best investment in Hollywood. (You were right if you said "whoever it is, it's definitely not Tom Cruise.")

And Naomi Campbell says she wasn't the "last true supermodel":

"Models need to earn their stripes - I just think the term is used a little too loosely.
"Kate Moss is obviously a supermodel but, after Gisele [Bundchen], I don't think there's been one."

Via IMDB.

Related:

Scanner Roundtable: What's Your Karaoke Song?

Sloppy Seconds: Whose Illegitimate Half Sister is This?

Sloppy Seconds: Update On The Christian Bale Story

Gisele Bundchen's Latest Nude Shoot May Be Her Finest Work Yet

Rumor Mongering (or Simple Math): Is Naomi Campbell's Vagina Infected?

UPDATE: Link fixed.

While You Were Sleeping: We'll Score Or Go Topless For You

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 13:48:00 GMT

Don't you wish America's Next Top Models were making sex tapes, too?

Isn't this entrapment? An Ohio man came upon a topless woman in a park. The woman, noting that the park was empty, asked him to take out his dick. He obliged and was promptly arrested as part of a sting operation.

Did you hear about the naked airplane passenger?

An American Airlines flight from Boston to Los Angeles was diverted to Oklahoma City on Friday after a passenger stripped nude and later tried to open an emergency exit door before being subdued by members of a professional soccer team and others, the FBI said.

If you're going to kill yourself by jumping in front of a train, the least you could do is not traumatize the driver for life by staring into his eyes.

Neil Young talked about living with war (both the album and the state of being) on Charlie Rose. Not news, but you should check it out anyway.

More than 5,000 people donated to a guy running for office in nowhere Kansas after a cartoon about his candidacy took off on the internet. (To put things in perspective: he shattered previous records of only a few hundred people ever donating in such a race.)

An English footballer, scoreless since 2006, has vowed to score

five goals in this season’s push for promotion. If he is not successful then he and the rest of the United first team will get their kit off and pose for a topless calendar with the proceeds going to charity.

Topless soccer players? Come on, dudes... if you were serious, it would be a calendar with the full monty.

Male Mormon Missionaries Go Topless For The Hell Of It

Today in Bad-Assery: The Neil Young Archives, 1963-1972

What Do We Think About Britain's Missing Top Model?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 18:21:00 GMT

Our first reaction was three words: a new low. But the more we think about the BBC's latest model reality show, premiering Tuesday night, the more we think it may be a largely positive idea...

The show, which is obviously a takeoff of America's Next Top Model, is unfortunately called Britain's Missing Top Model, which you would think means it's a detective show with the English version of Hayden Panettiere or something. Nope-- instead, it features

a woman whose arm was severed in a bus crash, another who is profoundly deaf and an aspiring film director who suffers from a degenerative neuro-muscular disorder, which means she is largely confined to a wheelchair. [News.com.au]

Great, promoting disability awareness by putting the cattiest girls alive in one apartment together? Once again, our assumptions seem to be incorrect:

Anyway, the title’s not the only baffling element of Britain’s Missing Top Model. To be frank, Britain’s Missing Top Model is a mess, and it all boils down to one, elemental problem: no lunatic sassy bitches. [Times UK]

Apparently, the producers put together mature, thoughtful, good-looking disabled women for the show-- there's no fighting or other fake drama on this show. Even so, are the producers still exploiting them for profit in the cruelest way or actually trying to have a decent reality show that presents the disabled in a positive light (i.e. "we can be cool and good looking, too" or whatever)?

What do you think?

America's Top Model Cat Fight: A Show Worth Dying (And Killing) For

Katie Halper — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 20:15:00 GMT

They say a man who is not willing to die for something is not fit to live. Well, we say a woman who is willing to kill for America's Next Top Model is not fit watch America's Next Top Model. Unfortunately, a 42-year-old victim from Columbia City, Seattle, had to learn this lesson the hard way.

A woman who suffered life-threatening stab wounds to her chest and neck Wednesday allegedly was attacked by another woman who had been upset that she was too loud while watching America's Next Top Model. Police say the 42-year-old victim and her friends were in a Columbia City apartment drinking beer and watching the reality show hosted by former supermodel Tyra Banks, in which women compete for a chance to launch their modeling careers. The alleged attacker, an acquaintance of the victim, told the other woman to stop talking loudly.... When the "Top Model" fan refused, police say the other woman then opened the apartment door and told her to get out... the argument then turned physical, with one woman having a clump of her hair pulled out. The attacker then pulled a paring knife from a nearby apple and began stabbing the 42-year-old, according to a police report. Witnesses were able to pull the knife away and separate the two before police say one ran into a bedroom.

Luckily, the victim is alive. Unfortunately, the "die-hard" America's Next Top Model fan is still at large.

Who Would You Rather: Elizabeth Berkley or Tyra Banks?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 16:30:00 GMT

Because if it was Padma Lakshmi vs. Anyone Including Venus, this would've been flippin' obvious.

We're pretty sure no one watches Bravo unless "Top Chef" is on, but maybe there are some people who aren't satiated by "Dancing With the Stars" that they need yet another dance show. Or maybe they're just fans of Elizabeth Berkley and haven't stopped fantasizing about her since "Showgirls"-- or worse, "Saved By The Bell," the unfunniest show in history, a history which includes "Sex And The City."

Okay, okay, now we're just trying to piss you off. Gotcha! (Not that we're retracting any of the above statements.) Seriously now, Tyra Banks is obviously hot and her hosting duties on "America's Next Top Model" haven't hindered her standing as one of the few intelligent women currently hosting a daytime talk show.

But what about Berkley in the pool in "Showgirls?" Then again, there's every photo of Tyra Banks ever released by a reputable publication... hmmm...

Tyra Banks Looking for the Next "America's Next Top Model" Host?

Bryan Christian — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 16:06:00 GMT

MSNBC's Scoop is reporting that OK! Magazine is reporting that tensions on the set of America's Next Top Model are so tense -- catfight between Tyra and that guy who looks like J. Peterman -- that Banks may be splitting to concentrate on her talk show. (Sorry to bring such bad news, Scanner Em!)

OK! magazine reports that Banks isn’t getting along with photo shoot creative director Jay Manuel, and her days on the show could be numbered.
“It’s gotten so bad that Tyra and Jay aren’t speaking,” an insider told OK! magazine. The selective silent treatment isn’t limited to Manuel, either. “Tyra barely interacts with the contestants and only wants to show up on judging day,” the source told the magazine.

OK, so, question: which is more offensive: that we sometimes refer to Jay Manuel as "Gay Peterman" because we think he looks and acts just like John O'Hurley but queeny, or that we chickened out of saying it until we could explain ourselves. Lose/Lose!

Video of the Day: The Lunar Eclipse You Missed Last Night While Busy Watching America's Next Top Model

Emily Farris — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 21:51:00 GMT

Time-lapsed, of course.

via videosift.com

I Have Two Former Models Standing Before Me, But Only One Can be America's Next Top Model Judge

Emily Farris — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 14:36:00 GMT

Due to a "scheduling conflict" Twiggy will vacate her judge's post on the upcoming season of America's Next Top Model (a role previously filled by Janice I-Love-Anorexic-Models Dickinson). Twiggy always loved the photos that the other judges hated, so we wonder if Tyra had to give her the boot. But however it went down, former model Paulina Porizkova will fill the tiny seat. Not to worry, Ms. J Alexander and Nigel Barker will be back for another fabulous round.