Scanner : HBO

Sex & The City Made "Mindless Twits" of You All?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 May 2009 19:58:00 GMT

We've been enjoying Slate a lot more than we used to. This is due, in part, to the presence of smartass movie critic Dana Stevens, who gave the new Jim Jarmusch movie a careful, calculated, and expert drubbing.

But it's a quote we found by her regarding the Sex And The City movie that really woke us up to her thinking:

The show's values are reprehensible, its view of gender relations cartoonish, its puns execrable. I honestly believe, as I wrote when the series finale aired in 2004*, that Sex and the City is singlehandedly responsible for a measurable uptick in the number of materialistic twits in New York City and perhaps the world. And yet … and yet … there's a core truth to the show's depiction of female friendship that had me awaiting the big-screen version with exactly the kind of cream-puff nostalgia the movie's marketers are bargaining for. I want to know how the girls are doing, what's happened to them in the four years since I last joined them at brunch, and what in the name of God they're wearing.

In real life, Carrie's narcissism would make her a terrible friend, but Sarah Jessica Parker makes bottomless self-absorption look like such fun.

She followed up her comments on the movie, which weren't entirely negative, with an appearance on WNYC radio, in which she used the word "mindlessly" before "materialistic twits."

We have to kind of agree that, while the show is meant to be a comedy, far too many single women in New York (and probably elsewhere) took it seriously and, to this day, still act like extras on the HBO series. Many a guy friend has used the phrase "Sex and the City syndrome" when describing why they decided one date with a new female was enough. Now, with the followup film just announced, are we wrong to think SJP's star vehicle has hindered rather than helped people find love?

Via Slate.

Related:

"Sex and The City" Sequel: Mr. Big is Back!

Whatever You Do, Don't Pack Lingerie for a Trip to England

Scanner Highs and Lows: In Which You Did Not Dangle Your Balls in Our Face

Sloppy Seconds: Because Breast Milk is Cheaper Than Cow's Milk?

Emily Farris — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 22:33:00 GMT

HBO is developing a new show called "Women's Studies." And we all know what that means. [AfterEllen]

Author JG Ballard, perhaps best known for his book "Empire of the Sun" is dead at 78. [Yahoo!]

If Pulitzer Prize winners are being laid off, is there any hope for us? [Portfolio]

Tennis star Andy Roddick married his girlfriend Brooklyn Decker on Friday. [People]

Though we never had the fear ourselves, we've always understood why certain kids were afraid of the toilet. Now kids everywhere have even more reason to steer clear of the porcelain sucking machine after a three-year-old got her foot stuck in the handle of one (how that happens we don't know) and firefighters had to rescue her. [Telegraph]

Grey's Anatomy star Ellen Pompeo is preggers. [Us]

Food made with breast milk is all the rage these days. Maybe it has to do with the price of cow's milk going up? Anyway, the newest breast milk product is cheese. A recent art exhibit in London featured the product. [APP]

Related:

Which Would The Hipster Rather: Breast Milk Cupcakes vs. Cow Milk Cupcakes?

Breast Milk: To Suckle Or Not To Suckle

[Image]

The Best of the April Fool's Day Sex News

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 21:11:00 GMT

This year's April Fool's Day definitely topped 2008 for sheer ridiculous fake sex news.

Here are a few of our favorites, not including the Gmail Autopilot helper that Colleen and I both linked to earlier...

The best part is, that British MPs story is definitely true.

MSNBC ran a story that we immediately called bullshit on, but on reflection, it turns out it's probably at least partly factual:

Dr. Wang jokes with the new parents a bit and then says, "I understand you may want to have a circumcision for your baby."
Larry and Joy don't answer immediately. At last Larry says, "Well ... we don't know."

Dr. Wang smiles. He's familiar with the befuddled expression on Larry's face.

Circumcision, of course, is the surgical removal of the penile foreskin from the glans — the fleshy crown of the penis. It is one of the most commonly performed procedures in American hospitals, and except for abortion, it may be the most controversial. The procedure has long been known to reduce the spread of a few rare, serious diseases, and to prevent a few annoying, uncomfortable ones. But in 1999, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) determined that the risk of surgical complications, though small, nearly canceled out the benefits...

A Google search for a Dr. Wang at Massachusetts General turns up several ancient article hits, so he's probably real. But that doesn't mean a story about a "Dr. Wang" and his penis obsession doesn't ring false on a day like today...

By far the best goof of the day and without a doubt the most interesting story we've come across in ages is actually a true story (we think) of the life of Alan Abel, a semi-unknown prankster, as reported in Esquire. In addition to being the first person ever to have his obituary retracted by the New York Times, he is known for incredible stunts like staging a mass-fainting epidemic in the audience of a live Phil Donahue Show taping and starting both the Society for Indecency to Naked Animals, which kickstarted a popular (though fake) movement to put pants on farm animals and pets, and most famous of all, Citizens Against Breastfeeding.

But we remember these from the interview:

ESQ: In 1994, you went on The Jenny Jones Show with an actress playing your wife, and she said she had glued your penis to your butt while you were sleeping. Was Jenny Jones in on that?

AA: Oh no, not at all. At first, she was furious, and then they got this great exposé in the Washington Post and they were so pleased. The show was repeated over and over. The same thing happened when HBO did a documentary on male genitalia called Private Dicks Exposed. They had an 800 number and they said in the ad, "If you're interested in talking about your private parts, call," so I did. I figured all these guys were going to call in to brag about their size. So I said I was the smallest in the world. One inch, erect. And they said: "You're on the show!"

ESQ: Didn't they ever ask to see your goods?

AA: They did, when they were interviewing me for the documentary. The director said, "Everyone's taken their clothes off except you, Bruce." There were about twenty-five people on the crew, including some very attractive ladies, and I said, "Only if we can have group sex after the wrap." They said no. So I didn't have to take off my shorts.

As we said, this is a must-read.

Related:

Gmail's April Fool's Prank Helps You End Lame Relationships

New York Times: Iraq War Ends

A History of MIT Pranks, In Glorious Pictures...

People are Jokesters Today!

While You Were Sleeping: Miley Cyrus Dies in A Freak Car Accident

While You Were Sleeping: Jen and John Redux

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

The Iraqi shoe thrower was sentenced to three years in prison. Come on, even if this happened in Texas while Bush was Governor, he probably wouldn't have received such a lengthy prison term.

Radiohead to a vindictive Miley Cyrus: shut up and "grow up."

This mama monkey in Thailand shows her incredibly cute lil' monkey offspring how to floss with human hair. And they say evolution is a myth.

Howard K. Stern and Anna Nicole Smith's doctor were charged with being complete assholes to her, basically helping her die young.

A great many teens appear to blame Rihanna for Chris Brown going medieval on her. Where does this kind of thinking come from? The parents?

Ashley Alexandra Dupree is getting spiritual advice from... Russell Simmons? Not that we're against it, but we're hoping he's advising her to abandon her singing career.

It seems John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston have broken up again. Moving along...

And Will Ferrel will broadcast his Broadway show on HBO at 9pm EST on Saturday.

While You Were Sleeping: The Wrestler And That Video Game

Sloppy Seconds: Women Know When Men Are Turned On

Crush of the Week: Carrie Brownstein

Top 10 Breakup Songs

Woman's Husband and Stepfather Arrested For Blackmailing Her with a Sex Tape

Sloppy Seconds: Wanda Sykes Says "I Do"

Emily Farris — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 01:11:00 GMT

We usually wait until we have a mid-week lull to watch Flight of the Conchords (On Demand, baby!) but we're going to watch it as soon as we're done writing this post just so we can see the "Garfunkeling" in better quality. Also, why is it that Jemaine is the only one ever getting laid? [Jezebel]

A woman who was pulled over for breast-feeding her baby while driving gave a TV interview about it while breast-feeding her baby. She said the baby wasn't willing to wait for the milk at that time (when she was driving, and apparently also when she was giving the interview). Um, okay. [WLFI]

Umm... Skittles are now Twittering. Taste the rainbow? (Is this how Twitter is going to make money?) [TechnologyExpert]

Jennifer Aniston is still talking about her divorce from Brad Pitt. But to be fair, if we were her, we probably would be, too. [Jossip]

Rumor has it Lindsay Lohan's friends are now on Lilo death watch. [FadedYouth]

Recently-out Wanda Sykes has teamed up with a California non-profit to educate the public on equal marriage. [AfterEllen]

Video of the Day: Spend the Next 27 Minutes of Your Life Listening to Tony Soprano Curse

Emily Farris — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 17:54:00 GMT

A video editor with far too much time on his or her hands has taken it upon him or herself to compile every swear word ever uttered in all six six seasons of The Sopranos. It sounds a lot like the half hour we spend working out three days a week. And if someone can mash this up with some good classic rock and hip-hop so we don't have to waste our own breath cursing while we work out, we'd be eternally obliged and super impressed.

the sopranos, uncensored. from victor solomon on Vimeo.

Related:

James Gandolfini Gets Some Sexual Healing

She Told You She Was Trouble

While You Were Sleeping: Bad Choice by SNL

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 14:33:00 GMT

Ellen Barkin may do an HBO series that will serve as her revenge plot against her asshole ex-husband.

A boy opened a large birthday present and discovered his Dad, home from Iraq, inside.

Morrissey, Amy Winehouse, My Bloody Valentine, Leonard Cohen, the Cure, and Paul McCartney are the headliners for Coachella. (David Bowie said no.)

You can thank Joe Biden for pushing Hillary Clinton for Secretary of State.

Blago got "fucking impeached."

Alaska is about to be wiped out by a giant volcano. Or something.

We can't imagine she's a strong comedian: Caroline Kennedy may be heading to SNL.

And Mike White, writer/co-star of the School of Rock and other films, will join his very interesting Dad on The Amazing Race. This might actually be worth watching now...

While You Were Sleeping: Lily Allen Sends Topless Pic To Wrong Guy

Scanner Highs and Lows: Friday Night Lit

How Low Can You Go, Wino (and Us)?

Blake Fielder-Civil Sends Amy Winehouse A Pic Of His Dick

Sloppy Seconds: Ted Haggard Speaks

Emily Farris — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 23:41:00 GMT

President Barack Obama (we love typing that!) overturned the Global Gag Rule today. [NYT]

We're not ones to let a little salmonella come between us and peanut butter, so we ate our peanut butter sandwich Girl Scout cookies before we even knew they were safe. [The Republican]

Also, we spent too much time on Craigslist today, but we found these gems:

This Kansas City gent wants a skinny girl, the kind other girls hate because she's so skinny. But only if "U R asked by other people if you have an eating disorder." [Craigslist Kansas City]

If a guy wants to lick you 'everywher' does it really matter if he can't spell? [Craigslist Corpus Christi]

Oh, and Facebook is probably ruining your relationship, whether you know it or not, so you might as well go on TV to talk about it. [Craigslist Austin]

We haven't heard anything from Ted Haggard since his gay sex/crystal Meth scandal. That's because the severance package from his church prevented him from talking. But in the HBO documentary, The Trials of Ted Haggard, he finally does. [VSL]

Scanner Roundtable: If Gay Marriage Is Legal, What About Polygamy?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 15:14:00 GMT

The question posed by our headline is the very question the United Provinces of Canadia is dealing with today, thanks to a case involving the practice that is heating up in the country's courts. Two men linked to Warren Jeffs, the nutso Utah sect leader, currently facing serious jail time, are each of accused of having multiple wives.

Their argument is simple...

Blackmore’s lawyer, Blair Suffredine, said during a telephone interview that marriage standards in Canada have changed.
“If (homosexuals) can marry, what is the reason that public policy says one person can’t marry more than one person?” said Suffredine, a former provincial lawmaker. Canada’s Parliament extended full marriage rights to same-sex couples in 2005. [Canoe]

Before you go and get all excited, remember this: we are creeped out by these Jeffian cultists as much as the next person, but should we promote gay marriage while also saying, "Oh, but yeah... we don't condone that totally medieval practice?" Are we any better than those wacko Republicans who claim gay marriage in America will open the floodgates for people to marry their pet snakes, underage relatives with eight heads, and horny lepers.

P.S. Ironically, it was one gay couple's battles with the legal system reminded them of what polygamists must go through, and that thinking led to their HBO series Big Love.

Related:

Ellen and Portia's Wedding Video Makes Us Cry...

Who Says Homosexuality and Polygamy Are The Same Thing?

Big, Big Love Gone Real, Real Bad

This Week In Gayness: Two Major Male Movie Stars Make Out

Today in WTF: Seductive Farting

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 21:29:00 GMT

We've just been through one of the greatest days in our nation's history, a bold about-face from our racist past. We would feel this way regardless of whether Barack Obama or Condoleezza Rice had taken the oath of office.

But that wakeup call isn't going to make us act any less immature in these pages...

Fleshbot, thankfully, isn't wasting any time with deep brooding and philsophical blog musings. Nope, they headed straight back into gratuitous nipple shots and utter pornographic silliness. Apparently, there are fetishes for everything, even farting. Therefore, the unwritten law states, there must be... fart porn.

Luckily, most of us will laugh and not be entirely grossed out while experiencing this bizarre video, which YouTube has been too busy with other problems, such as HBO copyright claims, to take down for vulgarity:

Related:

The 99 Most Degrading Sex Acts... There Has To Be One More, No?

From Porn Stars To Prostitutes... The Latest Ads

This Week In Gayness: Two Major Male Movie Stars Make Out

While You Were Sleeping: The Naked Flash Mob Protest

The Very Best Thing About This Inauguration...

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 15:18:00 GMT

When the inaugural ceremonies kicked off on Sunday, HBO was there to document the whole thing, live. We saw Bruce and Pete Seeger, Beyonce and Bono, a bunch of Hollywood celebrities and even Joe Biden's million-dollar smile.

We saw everything, that is, except the one thing we really, really wanted to see...

This speech by the Right Reverend Gene V. Robinson. The Right Rev. of New Hampshire, according to his Wikipedia page, "is best-known for being the first openly gay, non-celibate priest to be ordained a bishop in a major Christian denomination believing in the historic episcopate." He is a member of the Episcopal Church of the United States and Obama's choosing him to lead Sunday's opening invocation was overshadowed by his pick of Rick Warren, the anti-gay crusader, to kick off the inauguration itself.

Here is the speech that HBO cut off, for reasons that are still unclear. It's really worth an entire post by itself.

Welcome to Washington! The fun is about to begin, but first, please
join me in pausing for a moment, to ask God's blessing upon our nation
and our next president.

O God of our many understandings, we pray that you will…

Bless us with tears – for a world in which over a billion people exist
on less than a dollar a day, where young women from many lands are
beaten and raped for wanting an education, and thousands die daily
from malnutrition, malaria, and AIDS.

Bless us with anger – at discrimination, at home and abroad, against
refugees and immigrants, women, people of color, gay, lesbian,
bisexual and transgender people.

Bless us with discomfort – at the easy, simplistic "answers" we've
preferred to hear from our politicians, instead of the truth, about
ourselves and the world, which we need to face if we are going to rise
to the challenges of the future.

Bless us with patience – and the knowledge that none of what ails us
will be "fixed" anytime soon, and the understanding that our new
president is a human being, not a messiah.

Bless us with humility – open to understanding that our own needs must
always be balanced with those of the world.

Bless us with freedom from mere tolerance – replacing it with a
genuine respect and warm embrace of our differences, and an
understanding that in our diversity, we are stronger.

Bless us with compassion and generosity – remembering that every
religion's God judges us by the way we care for the most vulnerable in
the human community, whether across town or across the world.

And God, we give you thanks for your child Barack, as he assumes the
office of President of the United States.

Related:

The Human Herp: Ken Starr Returns To Defend Marriage Against People Who Want It

Did Obama Sell Out The Gays?

While You Were Sleeping: Update on the Pole Dancing Video Game

This Week in Gayness: Being Gay Is A Choice, Say Repuglicans

Ask a Conchord

Colleen Kane — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 14:44:00 GMT

At this historic time (that is, the day after the premiere of season two of Flight of the Conchords), BUST magazine announced that you can ask bumbling musicmakers Jermaine and Bret a question about love and relationships. If you're not too mean or aggressive about it they might even answer your Q in the April issue of the magazine.

Here's how:

Email your question to askaconchord@bust.com before Sunday, January 25. Good luck! Especially if they do answer your question and you follow their advice.

Related:

Flight of the Conchords... Already Premiering Right Here, Baby

The Wire: We Was Robbed (of an Emmy Nomination)

Holiday Gift Guide: Make 'Em Laugh

Drunkard Tells Brad Pitt He's Ugly

Colleen Kane — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 22:40:00 GMT

In continuing Golden Globes scuttlebutt, a drunken partygoing woman at HBO's afterparty told Brad Pitt he was ugly in his new movie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Imagine waking up the next day to remember you'd done that?! (You're right; it would be pretty awesome.)

The details might be fuzzy for the perpetrator, but here's how it went down, according to the Daily Mail.

First she rambled about how Brad's aging makeup in the film made him look "ugly as a dog." Brad politely explained it was a necessary evil for the film, while the woman watched him closely, then declared, "And you should definitely shave that goatee because it looks just horrible."

Exit stage left, Brad's pals all have a laugh, everybody knows Brad Pitt will never be ugly, annnnnd: scene.

Sloppy Seconds: What's Wrong With This Picture Of Brad Pitt?

Sloppy Seconds: What? You Didn't Know Barack Obama and Brad Pitt Were Cousins?

Flight of the Conchords... Already Premiering Right Here, Baby

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 20:30:00 GMT

After the jump, your season two premiere, complete and uncut, courtesy of Funny or Die...

Season 2 Online Premiere - Flight of the Conchords (US Only)

The Wire: We Was Robbed (of an Emmy Nomination)

While You Were Sleeping: Khloe Kardashian Looks Weird Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 14:09:00 GMT

The Golden Globe Award nominations will be announced today. We'll have that story for you as soon as we can get it together.

There's trouble at Miss Porter's School, alma matter of Jackie O and Gloria Vanderbilt, site of some of this Scanner blogger's most notorious teenage escapades. Let's hope everything gets cleared up real nice... so not-so-nice boys can continue to bother females there for years to come.

Ugly Betty added a new, annoying celebrity to add to its roster...

Former The O.C. star Mischa Barton looks set to be returning to TV screens - the actress is reportedly in talks to join the cast of Ugly Betty.

Our favorite excerpt of the morning:

The question of penis size
UW Badger Herald - Madison,WI,USA
In lots of anatomy textbooks, the vagina is portrayed as a gaping black abyss, but in real life, the vaginal opening looks more like a fold of tissue...

Will Ferrells' Bush mockery revue will play HBO.

Best Picture of the Year? According to the NY critics, it's Milk.

And Khloe Kardashian's bizarre appearance in a PETA ad has nothing to do with how her body looks-- that hair is just freaking us out.

Related:

Top 5 Nude Scenes of 2008

University of Wisconsin Disappears Into A Haze Of Substance Abuse And Good Times!

We Won't Milk "Milk" For Its Every Pun, Promise...

When '2 Become 1' Becomes 25 Cents, or How I Didn't Lose My Virginity to the Music of the Spice Girls

Lizzy Caplan And Her HBO Porn Show Still Terrible, Terribly Hot

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 20:53:00 GMT

The hits just keep coming from X-rated HBO series True Blood, with this week's sex scene hotter than any of the previous ones... except that XXX-rated Anna Paquin one in the graveyard... or... or...

Well, anyway, if Lizzy Caplan doesn't end up a big movie star thanks to this show, she does have a career as the next Shannon Tweed...

Check out this latest raunchfest, complete with a greenscreen sequence so bad, we had to check to make sure this isn't a cable access show. In fact, the effects here are beyond parody, to the point where you half expect a Flight of the Conchords song to start and Jermaine to croon about tapping that sweet, sweet ass... (Also, who the hell designed that tire track on the vampire's face?)

Image via Flaunt Magazine.

Top 5 Sex Scenes From Comedies

Olga Kurylenko: "My Treasure Trove of Topless Photos Don't Count As Porn"

True Blood's Anna Paquin In First (True) Nude Scene

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 17:49:00 GMT

Without The Wire, Sex and the City, and the Sopranos, and with Curb Your Enthusiasm and Flight of the Conchords between seasons, HBO is in a tough spot. How do they replicate their incredible (and well-deserved) success with the newer shows?

Somebody had the right idea: vampires, Anna Paquin, and rampant nudity...

The above is an exclusive still from the video, which is available here for download and here to watch in three bite-size and disappointing parts.

It's better to just peek at the pictures and wish this weren't some Grade-Z softcore porn sex scene, which is way less than what a talented and beautiful Academy Award winner deserves. (We're betting HBO realizes that and they're just getting warmed up... after all, this is still True Blood's first season. Hopefully, we'll have more clips to show you soon...)

Related:

Top 5 Sex Scenes From Bad Movies

New Gemma Arterton Sex Scene Steams Us Up For Bond 22

Top 5 Sex Scenes From the 1980s

Top 5 Sex Scenes Featuring Nicole Kidman

Caption This: Don't Stop Believin'

Emily Farris — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 15:05:00 GMT

Rob Iler, better and perhaps forever known as A.J. Soprano, at the grand opening of Cabana One, at the Mayfair Hotel in Miami.

Courtesy 5WPR.

While You Were Sleeping: The Porn Collage

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Is eugenics still being practiced in Louisiana? A politician there wants to give women $1,000 to tie their tubes in order to reduce the welfare rolls.

Although Shia LaBeouf's license is going to be suspended, he won't be charged with a DUI in his recent car crash.

Which American celebrity is Damien Hirst's latest, humiliated subject?

A well-known British artist who has made collage portraits of President Bush and Paris Hilton out of porn magazine images is exhibiting the pictures at a gallery in New York.
A gallery spokeswoman says Jonathan Yeo's portrait of Hilton was bought by the artist Damien Hirst ahead of Thursday's opening.

Hirst is offering Hilton a cut of the sales because she never received "royalties" from her sex tape. Huh? Whatever.

Will Sarah Michelle Gellar return to television? For HBO?!

You thought it made sense for that woman to sleep with a cop to get out of a speeding ticket? This guy would have to have marry the cop to get out of his two million bucks in parking tickets.

Some gas station owner in Michigan dropped prices and made up the difference selling T-shirts.

JP Morgan will buy Washington Mutual.

Planned Parenthood doesn't quite understand how, but it's getting thousands of donations in Sarah Palin's name. It wouldn't be so weird if, um, Sarah Palin supported anything PP stood for.

Related:

Top 5 Most Offensive Commericals We Can Think Of At The Moment

BREAKING: John McCain Suspends His Campaign

Sloppy Seconds: Is Lindsay Lohan High on Drugs or Love?

Which Candidate Spends More on Make-Up Than We Do On Shoes?

While You Were Sleeping: The Heath Ledger Investigation

Sloppy Seconds: And Just What Does Woody Allen Think Is So Unfunny?

Emily Farris — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Is there even more "Sex and the City" in our future? [Us]

If you're just dying to hear Britney Spears' new single "Womanizer," here: [Radar]

Thank the God in heaven (who we don't really believe in): Elisabeth Hasselbeck is leaving The View (that we don't really watch) for Fox News (which we absolutely don't watch). [PopCrunch]

Is there trouble in Olsen Twin paradise? But not double trouble (har, har). [MollyGood]

Cynthia Nixon is very pleased with Brad Pitt these days. [People]

"It would be a disgrace and a humiliation if Barack Obama does not win," according to Woody Allen. [Yahoo!]

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Elizabeth Hasselbeck Not Sure What A Vibrator Is For

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 21:09:00 GMT

Holy shit, maybe cheaper is better: PBR is now the #1 (American owned) beer.

Maybe Maxim isn't so evil after all: They named Sarah Jessica Parker their "Unexpected Crush." Which is still kind of an insult, if you think about it.

Speaking of SJP, the Washingtonienne prostitute/underpaid Congressional staffer is about to have her own HBO "comedy" series, produced by the star of "Sex and the City." Please, enough with these cable hooker shows-- there have got to be some decent ideas out there somewhere.

Cover your ears, Britney Spears has been spotted in the vicinity of a recording studio.

Katherine Heigel isn't leaving Grey's Anatomy after all. Good, because that whole "brain tumor" thing they were going to use to kill off her character is so soap-y, and Grey's isn't a soap opera... is it?

Google's earnings this quarter were disappointing. Let us be the first to say, this is the beginning of the... naw, their world takeover rolls on, momentarily impeded.

Elizabeth Hasselbeck has never used a vibrator. Either her husband has the world's best dick or this story goes a long way toward explaining why she's such an uptight pain in the ass.

Do you all Project Runway? We couldn't imagine anything less appealing than a show where whiny fashionistas assemble magically hideous clothing, but apparently this Tim Gunn dude is hilarious.

Can We Give Khandi Alexander A Little Props Here?

Bryan Christian — Tue, 06 May 2008 13:04:00 GMT

Maybe you were an early NewsRadio fan. Maybe you were as floored as we were years ago by The Corner, the HBO Baltimore crack-addict mini-epic that presaged The Wire by a couple seasons. Maybe you've spent every Monday night the last few years watching CBS and waiting for a beautiful woman in scrubs to go "Horatio, this woman was dead before the fire started!" Well, if even one of these are true, then you might know how great Khandi Alexander is.

If so, then pour a little of your coffee out this morning for Ms. Alexander, who left CSI: Miami last night after 6 years of not getting enough dialogue -- y'know, kinda like how she left NewsRadio? Will Khandi manage to find, in her next job, a role that suits her awesome talents and cocky, angular beauty? Who can say. In any event, God bless her nonetheless. We've loved her in everything that we've ever seen her in and we'll probably never stop loving her. In a perfect world, she'd have three Oscars, a rich ex-husband, and us as a boy-toy. See ya soon, Khandi!

Videos of the Day: Bill Maher Attacks The Pope & The Response

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 18:41:00 GMT

Next to 30 Rock and with the end of The Wire, Real Time with Bill Maher is the funniest and best show on television. But, until this week, few people knew of its existence (Friday nights on HBO)... now, as we've seen several times over the years (note the above Steve Irwin costume), Maher's ratings are jumping due to a controversial moment...

Is he right? We agree with most of the first video, although in his response, Maher says that if the Pope was the CEO of a Daycare Center chain that was found to be corrupt, he would go to jail. We seriously doubt a CEO would ever go to jail because his employees were convicted of crimes. Hell, it's never stopped the Republican Party...

Previously: Next To That Whole Hitler Youth Thing, Pope's Passover Diss No Big Deal

Vlogtastic "quarterlife" Posts Web Size Numbers on TV; NBC, World Feign Surprise

Bryan Christian — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Not that you cared, but...

[... t]he debut of NBC's new series "quarterlife" marked the network's worst time-period performance in at least 17 years and has thrown the show's fate into imminent jeopardy.
Premiering Tuesday night at 10 p.m., "quarterlife" pulled in just 3.1 million viewers. It came in a distant last place in the hour despite having a relatively strong lead-in from "The Biggest Loser" (8.1 million).

OK, serious question: is there anything on the Internet that would actually benefit from getting put on network prime-time? We really want to know, since we get the suspicion that everything we like on the web would probably have to be toned down just to make it on to HBO or Adult Swim.

Scanner Confessions: I Will Most Definitely Put On a Wig and Dark Glasses, Be First in Line to See the "Sex and the City" Movie

Emily Farris — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 16:02:00 GMT

What kind of relationship can we have if we're not honest—truly honest—with one another? I, Scanner Emily, am somewhat embarrassed to tell you that I love "Sex and the City." I have watched every episode at least eight times. I have done this in part because it's always on TV, and in part because I enjoy the show, though I hate many of the things it represents: pink drinks, super tall heels, high carbon emissions from over use of taxis when one could take the subway except for those damn super tall heels, and well, I'm not a fan of Manhattan (as anyone who knows me outside of The Internets knows). I am, however, a fan of sex, cities, cute clothes, women who aren't afraid to talk and write about sex and the idea that someone could have a job similar to mine and have a ridiculous apartment, wardrobe and going-out budget. That said, would I be caught dead in one of those "I'm a Carrie" shirts? Hell no. In fact, they make me want to drop kick somebody. But as much as I hate to admit it, you bet your ass I will put on dark glasses and be the first in line to see the "Sex and the City" movie. You roll your eyes now, but what if I told you that the new, extended trailer leads us to believe that Big leaves Carrie at the altar, Steve cheats on Miranda, and as soon as Charlotte and Harry are happy with their cute little Chinese adoptee, Charlotte finally gets knocked up?

Yes, I too am lauging at the moving-to-New-York-to-fall-in-love line. And if you don't want to go with me, I'll go to the theater alone (probably in Manhattan, but in flats via subway) with my head held down in shame. But wouldn't it be more fun with two?

[Previously on Scanner: OMG!!! SATC!!!]

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Dear Cocksuckers at HBO: Finish "Deadwood" Already!

Bryan Christian — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 17:30:00 GMT

So, a few weeks ago, we ran across this interview on CHUD with Hitman star and former sherriff of TV's Deadwood Timothy Olyphant, and it totally bummed us out.

Now that it appears that the Deadwood TV movies are probably not going to happen, what are your thoughts on the show's legacy?[...] Do you feel kind of gypped that you won't have a chance to go back and finish up with those bookend films?

Honestly? It always feels a little... I could really give a shit. I mean it in the most respectful way. I had a great time on that show, and I am thankful to have that experience. To look at it from any other angle is, I think, a slippery slope. I don't think anybody owes me anything. I walk away from that saying thank God it existed. I have great relationships from that show. And you know what's better than seven or eight years on TV? Three years on TV.

OK, well, nuts. As some of you no doubt know, Deadwood was unceremoniously canceled by HBO after its third season, by which time it had developed its own very profane taxonomy, about 30 ongoing story arcs, and a cult following that, while never Sopranosish in size or intensity, nonetheless would probably have stuck with the show through thick, thin, and possibly even messianic surfers. There were rumors of wrapping up the plots with a few movie length installments, but nothing's come of it, despite the continuing dedication of the fans. And if this interview is to be believed, it'd be hard to imagine the show coming back without Olyphant as Sherriff Seth Bullock anyways.

Well, cut to last week, and Ian McShane talking about doing Pinter onstage with Time Out New York.

Deadwood was a creation. That’s what made the show a great piece of television. [Creator David Milch] created a time and mythos and a language. I found it quite amazing. Even now, we talk about it coming back.

Really? I heard that HBO finally dismantled the set.

Well, I said that in an interview, but then HBO put out a thing that said, “If we do the two follow-up movies, they would take place after the flood and the fire, so it wouldn’t necessarily be the same set.”

Hey, you know what, HBO? Shit or get off the goddamned pot. Olyphant would do it if the price was right, and let's be honest: ain't like you got much else with a guaranteed audience base. If you start now, you could probably get it done in time to premiere alongside whatever drama you got to replace The Wire. Or John From Cincinatti. Or The Sopranos. Anyway, just think about it.

PS: We mean "cocksuckers" affectionately.