Scanner : Heath Ledger

The Dark Knight Starting To Inspire Copycat Crazies

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 14:54:00 GMT

We're surprised it's taken this long for the world's bumbling criminals to fall in love with Heath Ledger's depiction of The Joker, perhaps one of the most memorable villains in Hollywood history.

First, a tragic example of someone who took the joke a little too far, followed by a more positive note...

Army Spc. Christopher Lanum, 25, a suspect in the stabbing of a fellow soldier, Spc. Mitchell Stone, at Fort Eustis, was killed hours after the attack when he pointed a loaded shotgun at police after a chase. He had reportedly painted his face and dressed to look like The Joker, the villain from Batman comics and the movie The Dark Knight.

Lanum was apparently obsessed with the villain, according to reports filed yesterday in U.S. District Court in Norfolk. The records stated that Patsy Montowski, Lanum's girlfriend, indicated that Lanum:
"said everything The Joker did he did for a reason, like killing people, and that he agreed with the philosophy of doing things for a reason." [SNAFU-ed]

Perhaps the most depressing part of the tale is their quote from Lanum's mother: "All I can tell you is that Christopher served 18 months in Iraq and he never came actually home to us."

Another young man adopted the movie character as his hero, with very different results:

"Some kid dressed up as the Joker was caught stealing movie posters from a theatre's lobby and was consequently arrested for it." Holy hooligans! Phony 'Joker' arrested in Michigan [Comcast.net]

The mugshot, seen here, is almost adorable.

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And The Nominees Are... and Should've Been...

Michelle Williams Strips, Seduces, Enjoys, And Freaks Out On Ewan McGregor

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 20:59:00 GMT

Michelle Williams has already bounced back from the stress nightmare and overwhelming publicity surrounding the death of her ex-fiancee, Heath Ledger. First, she nailed a terrific performance in last year's gem Wendy and Lucy, sadly overlooked by Kate Winslet-crazy Oscar voters. Then, she landed the lead in the new film Incendiary, which was a hit at the 2008 Sundance Film Festival and comes to DVD on May 5th.

But Nerve Video obtained a copy of the graphic and memorable sex scene between Williams and co-star Ewan McGregor (man, that guy's naked in everything)...

This scene takes place at the beginning of the movie. Williams' character has a husband and young son, whom the filmmakers apparently doesn't even bother to give a name, are at a soccer match (note her character's accent), so she decides to invite sexy Ewan over for a game of her own. Both fortunately and unfortunately, the scene is edited so that spoilers are removed, so we won't tell you what's going on at the end here, except to say that Williams had left the TV on and the channel tuned to the match...

More about Incendiary at the film's IMDB page.

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Scanner Predicts the 2009 Academy Award Winners

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 22:56:00 GMT

In this week's New York Magazine, prediction guru Nate Silver made some oddball predictions, choosing mathematical calculations done on his computer instead of using common sense. We were baffled by one of his chooses, while he wisely stayed away from all of the categories in which the race is too close to call.

We are going to be a bit more courageous here and will take on the crazy Academy in the only way how: by thinking like an Academy voter, a person who doesn't see any of the nominated movies and just vote for whatever the hype machine tells them to. (Hint: This isn't Josh Brolin's year.)

Best Picture: Slumdog Millionaire, easy. Nate Silver agrees. Will anyone even be tuned in at 4:30a.m. Monday when they finally get to this predictable category? They might've been, if this wasn't the worst and most uninspiring crop of best movie nominees since Titanic faced off against... what were those other ones again?

Best Director: Yawn. Gus Van Sant loses again.

Best Actress: Does Meryl Streep really need a third Oscar statue? Has anyone even heard that Doubt is any good, let alone seen it, loved it, and thought Meryl the best of this year's many great leads? Give it to Kate Winslet, for God's sake-- she's long overdue, especially for Heavenly Creatures, Sense and Sensibility, and that Poseidon Adventure remake-- no, no, the other one.

Best Actor: When you strip all the hype away, Sean Penn might've had the better performance in Milk. But you will lose the Oscar pool this year if you bet against Mickey Rourke...

Best Supporting Actress: Here's where Nate Silver cannot possibly be right. He calls it for Taraji P. Henson for Benjamin Button, in a role that might be described as "a one-dimensional stock African-American female overworked, 'oh Lawdy' character that went out with the Civil Rights era, and a hideously offensive caricature even in the 1930s, when this type first showed up on our screens."

Penélope Cruz, who won the BAFTA for her role in Vicky Cristina Barcelona, would seem the logical default. But computer sez: Benjamin Button’s Taraji P. Henson! Button, which looks like a shutout everywhere else, is the only Best Picture nominee with a Supporting Actress nod, and Best Pic nominees tend to have an edge in the other categories.

That's not thinking like a racist (sorry, but it's true) Academy voter-- there are two black women nominated in this category and only has hype on her side: Viola Davis for Doubt. Meanwhile, Penelope has all the hype, buzz, momentum, whatever you want to call it. Oh, and she's famous-- that can't hurt.

Best Supporting Actor: Apparently, there's some guy named Heath Ledger nominated for one of those Hollywood action movies. The oracle says he may pull off an upset here...

And on to the really competitive categories, which Silver doesn't dwell on:

Best Documentary: Either the Academy didn't consider Waltz With Bashir a documentary or it thought the print was "too loud." That leaves Man on Wire and Encounters at the End of the World, plus longshot Trouble the Water, to duke it out while you head for a bathroom break. While we'd rather hear a long-overdue Werner Herzog acceptance speech (until now, he was the best director never nominated for an Oscar in any category), it looks like Philip Petite will walk a tightrope to the podium with the makers of the documentary about his high-wire act between the Twin Towers. While Man on Wire is a fascinating, even riveting film, it left many unanswered questions, like the typical suspense-thriller it's styled after. Encounters was a tighter, more focused, and ultimately more rewarding experience. Of course, there's something to be said for Trouble the Water, basically a home movie about Katrina that's taken the festival circuit by storm... but we're getting sidetracked.

Best Foreign Film: Waltz with Bashir. France dropped the ball on The Secret of the Grain (we're pretty sure it was in the running to be the country's official selection for the Oscars), choosing to promote the unfulfilling and pointless school drama The Class as its movie of the year. That officially doomed their chances of taking home a trophy-- Waltz will waltz home with the prize.

Here is Silver's original rundown, plus indieWire's superior list of predictions along with a "who should win" for each category that we agree with almost 100%.

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And the Critics Choice Award Goes To...

Homophobic Phelps Clan to Picket/Pick-On High School Students

Emily Farris — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 18:35:00 GMT

Remember Fred Phelps, the homophobic Baptist minister/propogandist who picketed Heath Ledgers funeral because of his role in Brokeback Mountain? This afternoon Phelps' daughter, Shirley Phelps-Roper, her Westboro Baptist Church cronies and their pickets plan to make an appearance at Shawnee Mission East high school (which is not too far from Scanner HQ).

Why?

Because last year the school elected an openly-gay homecoming king:

Shirley and the fam are scheduled to protest Shawnee Mission East Thursday from 2:30 to 3:15 p.m. because of this story, "The Shawnee Mission East class of '08 loves its gay homecoming king," written last May by former Pitch staffer Jen Chen.

Students are planning a peaceful counter-protest, Jake Davidson told me this afternoon.

Davidson, a SME junior, said students are making signs and T-shirts with slogans such as "God loves everyone" and "Everyone is equal."

[Plog: Phelps family to protest Shawnee Mission East over gay homecoming king]

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And The Nominees Are... and Should've Been...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 16:51:00 GMT

At the crack of dawn this morning, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences announced its usually confounding, bizarre, idiotic, and trite little list of Oscar nominees.

This year, we have to say we agree with most-- and we use that word with great hesitation-- of their choices...

Best Actor: This is pretty much the only perfect set of nominees in the whole show. Jenkins, Pitt, Rourke, Penn, and Langella were the five best leading male performances of the year. Congratulations to the Academy-- they finally got something right.

Best Actress: Inarguably the biggest snub of the year in any category, the omission of Sally Hawkins' unforgettable, Golden Globe-winning performance in Happy Go Lucky is almost reason enough to boycott the boring-ass show right here. At least indie actress Melissa Leo was rewarded, but still...

Best Supporting Actor and Best Supporting Actress: Pretty solid here-- Michael Shannon, Heath Ledger, Viola Davis, and Penelope Cruz are all award-worthy and are nominated.

Documentary Feature: The biggest surprise of all-- the Academy actually rewarded a micro-budget classic that hasn't had any publicity of any kind (Trouble the Water), plus Werner Herzog's Encounters At the End of the World, one of the year's best films in any category, and the endlessly popular Man on Wire.

Foreign Film: Waltz With Bashir and, surprisingly enough, The Class are both represented, but it baffles us why the Academy would overlook the year's third-best film overall, The Secret of the Grain, an absolutely riveting account of one family's attempt to open its own business. It's devastating and uplifting at the same time-- what could be more Oscar worthy?

Best Picture: Now we come to the tricky part. While we're relieved to see Milk represented here, seeing as its the year's best film, we're more than worried that this is going to be Benjamin Button's year. We'd be satisfied if a predictable, ridiculous, and still incredibly entertaining film like Slumdog Millionaire wins, but God forbid the Curious Case of Benjamin Button, the Forrest Gump wannabe with its endless running time, pointless storyline, trivial anecdotal plotting, and racial stereotypes we thought Hollywood had gotten over in the 1930s wins a majority of the 13 categories its nominated in. (We could go on for hours longer about this Brad Pitt film, but the real problem is the fact that it's so widely praised; if it had been a bomb, we might even get behind it, for at least it was mildly amusing at times.) And don't even get us started on The Reader...

You can read the rest of the nominations here.

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Golden Globes Best Dressed: How J-Lo's Ass Finally Won Us Over

While You Were Sleeping: The Naked Flash Mob Protest

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Here's a program we can get behind: putting the sex back in sex ed.

Kids say the darndest things to Obama. The best one is the kid who says Obama gets to run around like "a maniac" in the Oval Office.

Damn, this Verne Troyer dude has a buttload of sex. Check out the latest story on his escapades:

Troyer, along with one of his randy mates, were at porn baron Hugh Hefner’s Hollywood Playboy mansion in 2005 when he took part in the all-night five-in-a-bed romp with the three gorgeous girls. [He] told News of the World: “I love the mansion and have had some of the best nights of my life behind its walls. I’ve been so many times and it never loses its appeal—but why would it? ...I didn’t just pleasure one Playboy Bunny, I pleasured three. And it doesn’t get much better than that. I watched while they touched each other, then me and my friend joined in. I know exactly how to make a woman feel like a woman. I know the spot, and I’ve got plenty of inches where it matters. I know what women want and it’s me.”

Maybe so, but his vindictive ex says those "inches" are a stretch.

Watch out, guys. In case you didn't know, demanding your wife get freaky with another woman can spell the beginning of the end for your relationship.

Devo is headlining the 2009 SXSW.

Will Bush pardon Scooter Libby and Ted Stevens today? By the way, don't forget that, amidst all this hoopla, today is George W. Bush's last day in the White House, woo hoo!

There was a flash mob protest over the weekend at London's Heathrow airport. If anyone has photographic evidence of the multiple nude incidents, please send them to scanner@nerve.com.

And Terry Gilliam is putting the finishing touches on the final Heath Ledger movie, a job he finds incredibly difficult to push through.

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And the Critics Choice Award Goes To...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 19:44:00 GMT

At last night's Critic's Choice Awards, Slumdog Millionaire continued its improbable road to the Oscars, capturing Best Picture, Director, Young Actor, and Musical Score.

While Slumdog Millionaire continues to scoop up major awards, Milk is left to languish-- or, um, spoil. And even though it would be impossible to watch both films back to back and not consider Milk the greater work of art, by a landslide, it appears Slumdog is now the leader in this horse race for the most trophies. (The only Golden Globe nomination Gus Van Sandt's biopic has received is for Sean Penn as best actor. Ouch-- not even best screenplay?)

But there's one category we can all agree on... and that's best supporting actor...

Last night, Josh Brolin, James Franco, Heath Ledger, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Robert Downey, Jr. duked it out for closely-watched prize. Check out what happened, it's a pretty emotional moment:

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Sloppy Seconds: "I Don't Need Your Sex, I'll Masturbate"

Emily Farris — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 18:21:00 GMT

It's the end of the year as we know it...

Self-proclaimed "sex kitten," singer ("Santa Baby"), actress and all-around cool chick, Eartha Kitt, is dead at 81. [AP]

Our old friend Scanner Sarah, now Salon Sarah (Hepola) explores the death of the celebrity scandal in 2008—a year chock full of, well, celebrity scandal. [Salon]

Jezebel rounds up their top eight Lezebels (girls who like girls who are liked by the ladies at Jezebel) of 2008. We have a hard time believing they couldn't have made it a top 10, though. Hello? Wanda Sykes? Maaaaybe Queen Latifah? [Jezebel]

Hollywood.com rounds up The Good, The Bad and The Ugly of 2008—mostly a bunch of people we've never heard of, or at least pretend not to know. [Hollywood.com]

The Village Voice rounds up the worst lyrics of 2008. While we're sort of partial to T-Pain's "I don't need your sex/I'll masturbate" from Therapy we have to agree with the choice of Nickelback's "You look so much cuter with something in your mouth" from the aptly titled Something in Your Mouth, and even Usher's "You order Chinese food right before you do me" from Trading Places. [Village Voice]

Stay tuned for Scanner's round ups when the year is actually over...

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Sloppy Seconds: Who Is Michelle Williams' New Man?

Emily Farris — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 22:01:00 GMT

We didn't know Autism could be cured, but apparently Jenny McCarthy's son is recovering just fine. [Us]

Boy is Guy Ritchie ever glad to have old Madge off his back. [Telegraph]

How bad do we want to see "The Secret Life of Bees?" Really, really, really bad. [Yahoo!]

But maybe not as badly as we want to see "W." [E!]

Racists for Palin, everybody! [MollyGood]

Michelle Williams was seen out and about with director Spike Jonze. Of course, the two just wrapped a film together, so it could be totally platonic but don't you think they make a cute couple? [INF]

Oh, wait... they were spotted making out. Do you now? [People]

[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: Janet Jackson Hospitalized

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 13:54:00 GMT

Flea is taking a break from the Chili Peppers; he's headed for higher ground at USC.

A judge tossed the infamous lawsuit that alleged New York's Ladies Nights discriminate against men..

Is The View falling apart? Barbara Walters has called a staff meeting on account of... who else?

With the rumor mill buzzing that a discontent Elisabeth Hasselbeck may vacate her cushiony seat on The View for the cool, hard Eames chair of Fox News, it's up to den mother Barbara Walters to restore order on the set of her chat show. True to form, Walters has eschewed hugging it out in favor of a more clinical approach; according to the Chicago Sun-Times, she's had to schedule a staff meeting to deal with the increasingly hot-under-the-collar Hasselbeck. [Defamer]

If this e-mail rumor turns out to be true, it would mean Barack Obama will win the Presidency.

Jesse Ventura's new reality show? Yep, the man who was last seen speaking at Ron Paul's RNC counter-rally, is working on a show about conspiracy theories.

Even bears don't want to go anywhere near hospital waiting rooms these days.

Heath Ledger's insurance company is not letting this thing go quietly.

And Janet Jackson "fell ill" during a soundcheck in Montreal last night and has been in the hospital, with an undisclosed or undiagnosed ailment since then. No other details have been made available. Janet is 42 years old...

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Sloppy Seconds: Matilda Rose Ledger's Big Gift

Emily Farris — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 21:21:00 GMT

Britney Spears sex tape. Excuse us while we go throw up the twelve pounds of crab cakes we ate in Baltimore this weekend. [MollyGood]

The economy may be falling to shit, but at least we can still afford Photoshop. [DailyIntel]

The New York Sun (where Scanner Emily got her journalistic start in New York many moons ago) was supposed to close for good today but will put out another issue tomorrow. Maybe, Virginia, there really is a Santa Claus. And he loves conservatives. [Reuters]

Country singer Mindy McCready is headed back to jail. [Us]

Lawyers for Heath Ledger's estate are suing over a $10M life insurance policy they claim has gone unpaid since the actor's death. [AP]

However, when everything is settled, Heath's entire estate will go to his daughter with Michelle Williams, Matilda. [People]

Sloppy Seconds: No, Wait... This Is The Worst Show Ever

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 21:30:00 GMT

Gustav, that finicky fuck, passed over Jamaica and is making a turn toward Cuba and our friends in the Southern states...

Early reports suggest Republican leaders are generally pleased with McCain's VP choice.

Do we agree with Fleshbots list of the Top Ten Waiter Sex Videos?

As frequent restaurant patrons, we know a lot about good (and bad) service. Yet somehow, even in the fanciest of restaurants we've never seen a waitstaff quite as attentive as the ones you'll see in today's video roundup. We hope they were tipped very generously — they certainly all the tips they can get. After the jump, check out ten restaurant service professionals who deserve way more than 20%.

This baby switch story is all the more upsetting because one of the babies is dead. It's like that old samauri movie about the guy who thinks his kid's been kidnapped, only to find out the kidnappers grabbed his chauffeur's boy instead.

This review of Disaster Movie would probably be even harsher had the critic actually been made to watch that film.

We're not sure how we would've gone on living: Kim Kardashian's toe is healing, thank you very much, and she's still doing Dancing With The Stars.

Got 26 grand to spare? Every month? You can live where Heath Ledger died, if that's your thing.

And is this the worst idea for a show you've ever heard? As far as we know, this is the ENTIRE premise of the program:

Premiering on, big shocker, Fox on September 7th.

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While You Were Sleeping: The Heath Ledger Investigation

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While You Were Sleeping: The Heath Ledger Investigation

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 14:33:00 GMT

James Franco denies the shirt he wears in Pineapple Express is "stolen."

Betty White and Rue McClanahan both avoided Estelle Getty's funeral.

Shia Labeouf will not, as previously rumored, lose a finger.

Even some offensive jokes are too offensive for Bob Saget: he has lashed out at an eating disorder joke and other comments made at the expense of the Olsen twins during his own Comedy Central roast.

Celebrity Hero of the Day: Kirk Douglas, who has long fought for an official US apology for slavery, is thrilled that the House has passed a fitting resolution.

A judge tossed Lisa Marie's lawsuit against ex-boyfriend Tim Burton, which comes as no surprise.

The paparazzi have yet to capture Nicole Kidman's phantom baby. In a photograph, of course.

Can you believe the cast Chicago director Rob Marshall assembled for his new musical, Nine: Daniel Day Lewis, Penelope Cruz, Marion Cotillard, Kate Hudson, Dame Judi Dench, and Sophia Loren... for starters. There's also some guy named Fellini who's working on the screenplay...

The Heath Ledger investigation has closed. It's unclear whether Mary-Kate Olsen's refusal to testify is a reason investigators ended their search, for lack of evidence.

Via WENN.

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Sloppy Seconds: Why Should The Gays Thank Tila Tequila?

Emily Farris — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 22:22:00 GMT

(This is the image we took down.)

Ooh, ooh, ooh! Sean Connery wrote a memoir. If only books could have sexy Scottish accents. [Yahoo!]

Verne Troyer, perhaps better known as "Mini Me," is still mourning Heath Ledger's death. So are we, Mini Me. So are we. [Us]

Teenage girls in Michigan attacked a lesbian classmate. [Queerty]

One percent doesn't really seem like a lot of anything until you realize that one percent of Americans are in jail. [Radar]

Boy George will serenade New York City sanitation workers to show appreciation for their friendly manner during his community service sentence. [People]

Reality *&$%^ Tila Tequila is certain that she played a major role in California's legalization of gay marriage: "[The legalization of gay marriage] is because of me — I definitely think [my show] has helped the movement. Before it came out, everyone was still a little apprehensive about [same sex relationships]. Then they realized, ‘Wow, everyone is really into this stuff, and it is fine.’ The next thing you know, [gay marriage] is legal." [MollyGood]

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Sloppy Seconds: Ben Affleck's "Big Regret" Involves JLo's Big Booty

Emily Farris — Mon, 12 May 2008 21:46:00 GMT

A biologist who discovered a new arachnid named the new species of trapdoor spider after his favorite musician. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Myrmekiaphila neilyoungi. [Yahoo!]

The View's Joy Behar wants to feel the knob, but draws the line at licking the knob. [Jezebel]

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are apparently "really into each other." [Us]

Little Matilda Rose Ledger looks more and more like her daddy everyday. We don't know if this will be a good thing when she's all grown up, but for now she's so freaking cute. [FameCrawler]

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are either engaged or they're not. [Hello!]

Tila Tequila is on the cover of "Blender" probably because her single "Stripper Friends" is a big hit with the kids these days? Oh wait, we've never heard it. [Hollywood Tuna]

Apparently Gwyneth Paltrow is "boring," but she looks hot on the cover of GQ, even if it is Photoshopped. [E!]

When talking about his past relationship with Jennifer Lopez, Ben Affleck said his "one big regret" was that he appeared the video for her single "Jenny From the Block" in which he rubbed suntan lotion on her booty. Funny, we imagine that would be most men's big goal. [GabbyBabble]

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Sloppy Seconds: Heath Ledger's Birthday

Emily Farris — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 21:19:00 GMT

This piece of art is almost entirely composed of naked bodies. Look closely.

Billionaire/ media mogul/ environmentalist Ted Turner is worried that if global warming continues at its current rate, we'll either be dead or cannibals in 30 to 40 years.

We just wanted to remind you that John McCain voted against the creation of MLK Day. Politically motivated message complete, we now direct you to a serious, moving tribute to the man who was shot down in Memphis forty years ago today.

Annnnd back to trivial matters. Warning: next week we'll be posting exclusively in the beard typeface. Do not adjust your monitors.

And actor Heath Ledger would have turned 29 today.

-Scanner Brian for the broken Scanner Emily

Sloppy Seconds: Heath Ledger's Love Child?

Emily Farris — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 21:53:00 GMT

We doubt we'll ever fully understand how this is possible, even with the text and photos explaining this incident: a man has been charged with having sex with a table. [Long pause] With a table.

Andy Roddick also has had sex with an inanimte object. We're pretty sure the woman he just married is actually a bus that carries New York City tourists around to look at weird people of Williamsburg.

If you're on that bus or the Bullshit Express, which you can win a trip on if you donate to Johnny McCain, you might consider entering the contest to win dinner with Barack Obama. Just you and Obama. No strings. But please don't let him take you bowling on your second date.

If they refer to themselves that way, we can't be blamed for using the word: The Million Fag March is in full effect. Fred Phelps, are you reading this?

Heath Ledger may have fathered a love child with someone other than Michelle Williams. Jamie Lyn Spears was unavailable for comment.

(ED: Thanks for typing in my stuff, Scanner Brian!)

Sloppy Seconds: Star Jones' Split, Sienna Miller's Engagement and Heath Ledger's Will

Emily Farris — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 21:57:00 GMT

Even though we're back in New York, we just can't seem to get away from Missouri. State Rep. Curt Dougherty wants to make St. Louis-based Budweiser the official state beer.

The Pussycat Dolls: one down... how many left to go?

Star Jones and Al Reynolds may be calling it quits. See? Some men don't like it when their women get all skinny and scary.

Even if you missed Barbie's birthday yesterday, you can still celebrate the telephone's birthday today.

Sienna Miller is engaged to actor Rhys Ifans, the naked dude from Notting Hill. He had proposed twice before. Uh, third time's a charm?

Heath Ledger's will reveals that his money will go to his parents. Note to people with drugs problems and children: just because you think you're invincible, update your will next time you refill your stash. Luckily for Michelle and Matilda (who probably aren't hurting for money), the Ledger family plans to take care of Heath's ex and daughter.

Heath Ledger Lives on in the Diary of His Last Days

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 17:07:00 GMT

Well, technically, he lives on in Esquire Magazine's fictional diary of what he could have been doing during his final moments on Earth. Activities consist of having dinner with Jack Nicholson, wearing a ski mask to a bar, and eating a muffin. Diary entries read like cheesy voice over and remind us to:

Look at your next muffin. Really fucking look at it. Imagine that muffin is the last bit of food you will ever stick in your mouth.

The article's pretty entertaining. The Times even caved and shouted it out in the Books section. But will it satisfy the deep hunger for celebrity personal details and private reflections? Fictional story, true story, we don't really care as long it does nothing to stem the tide of speculation and gossip.

When The SafeSearch Goes Off, It's On

Emily Farris — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 15:11:00 GMT

Sometimes we're a little behind when it comes to learning things that everyone else in the world already knows, for example, did you know you can watch YouTube clips in full-screen mode? We just learned this. Anyway, you'd think, being bloggers for Nerve, we'd have thought to turn off SafeSearch on Google Images months ago—except we didn't know it was on. Apparently, "safe" is the default setting, which makes complete sense. But holy shit, we took it off and seconds later we were seeing Lindsay Lohan's vagina and Heath Ledger's penis... things that have been around The Internets for quite a while, but we're still perfectly willing to share with you after the jump.

You didn't think we were actually going to post big ones, did you? Turn off your SafeSearch and go find it yourself, pervert.

Mary Kate Olsen Receives Death Threats from Heath Ledger Fans

Emily Farris — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 18:42:00 GMT

Mary Kate Olsen has been receiving death threats from Heath Ledger fans who blame her for his death.

“A lot of people who knew Heath and Mary-Kate in his last months know that they were partying together constantly, it wasn’t hard to connect the dots and run a line between Heath hooking up with Mary-Kate and his sad decline,” a celebrity mole reveals in a new tabloid report.

“One crazed fan sent her threatening letters. Another made menacing phone calls,” according to a friend of the actress. “Mary-Kate’s gotten more reclusive, paranoid and afraid to walk the streets than ever.”

We never thought we'd say this, but poor Mary Kate Olsen.

[FameCrawler via PopCrunch]

Sloppy Seconds: Was Amy Winehouse Ever on The Wagon?

Emily Farris — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 21:53:00 GMT

Was Amy Winehouse really ever on the wagon? If she was, she's off now.

Two doctors are being questioned in the investigation of Heath Ledger's "accidental overdose."

Dudes, next time you travel to Italy, don't grab your crotch in public. It's the law!

The Boleyn Girls—Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman—did some booty dancing in costume on the set.

Jessica Simpson will entertain the troops in Kuwait.

Crushes of the Week: Johnny/Jude/Colin to replace Heath in Unfinished Role

Bryan Christian — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 15:00:00 GMT

Ain't It Cool News is reporting that not one but three Hollywood hunks will be enlisted to complete Heath Ledger's unfinished work on Terry Gilliam's The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus: Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell. No confirmation of that just yet, you understand, but just on the chance that it's true, we're gonna take a moment to crush out on everybody involved. We were starting to feel a little ghoulish about wanting to see Parnassus so badly, but anything with this lineup would be worth checking out -- and if we can consider these guys' work on the flick a tribute of sorts to Heath, it might be the best one we're likely to get.

And for that, they are all our Crushes of the Week.

Sloppy Seconds: Is Valentine's Day Over Yet?

Emily Farris — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 21:51:00 GMT

Still haven't quite found the closure you needed from that last break-up? How about writing an obituary for the relationship?

Planned Parenthood reminds us that condoms are an essential part of any Valentine's Day love making with the most unsexy video ever.

~~Fashion victim~~ actress Bai Ling was arrested at LAX for shoplifiting celebrity magazines and batteries.

Has Amy Winehouse sobered up enough to take a lover while her hubby "Blake Incarcerated" is, uh, incarcerated?

We have such a girl crush on Michelle Williams (and no, not just because her ex-BF died; we've been stalking her for years).

Sloppy Seconds: Britney's Makeover, Nerd Love, Heath Ledger, Brad Renfro, Roy Scheider and Crack

Emily Farris — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 22:11:00 GMT

Our not-so-slutty sister FameCrawler weighs in on Britney's... makeover?

Nerd love. Ain't it sweet that Wii belong together?

Michelle Williams, Heath Ledger's family and other mourners took a dip in the ocean as they said goodbye to the actor.

Another young actor who died earlier this year, Brad Renfro's death was caused by an "accidental overdose."

Actor Roy Scheider, famous for "Jaws" and not so famous for "SeaQuest" died yesterday.

Police found crack in a man's butt. Yes they did.

And if you stand us up tomorrow night, we'll never forgive you. OK, we'll forgive you, but we'll be really heartbroken. And do you really want to do that to us right before Valentine's Day? Scanner Emily was already dumped right before Valentine's Day once. You can hear all about it if you show up tomorrow.

Confirmed: Heath Ledger Died of an "Accidental Overdose"

Emily Farris — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 17:33:00 GMT

Heath Ledger's official cause of death was ruled "acute intoxication by the combined effects of oxycodone, hydrocodone, diazepam, temazepam, alprazolam and doxylamine." In other words, he died of an "accidental overdose."

Ledger, whose body was found in his New York apartment January 22, had painkillers, sleeping pills, anti-anxiety medication and other prescription drugs in his system, according to the New York City medical examiner. But they're not going to share what concentrations of each they found, or if one drug played more of a role in his death than any other.

In a statement, his father, Kim Ledger said:

"While no medications were taken in excess, we learned today the combination of doctor-prescribed drugs proved lethal for our boy. Heath's accidental death serves as a caution to the hidden dangers of combining prescription medication, even at low dosage."

Not too long before his death, Ledger spoke to The New York Times:

"Last week I probably slept an average of two hours a night. I couldn't stop thinking. My body was exhausted, and my mind was still going."

Makes you think twice about casually popping a Vicodin with a glass or four of wine.

[Yahoo!: Accidental pill overdose killed Ledger]

Were Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams About to Engage in a Custody Battle?

Emily Farris — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 18:07:00 GMT

As a child of a pretty amenable divorce, we're saddened by the allegations that Heath's drug problems were worsened by the fact that Michelle Williams was about to wage a custody case against him. We're going to stop there because we don't want to believe it, but our big little sister FameCrawler picks up where we left off.

Scanner Highs and Lows: You Take the Good, You Take the Bad

Emily Farris — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 21:49:00 GMT

So much happened this week, we don't even know where to begin. It was sad week, and a happy week, and a fun week. We welcomed new people, said goodbye to others, and even tried to save some folks. As usual, we're spent.

Lows:

Heath Ledger died at 28. And it was really fucking sad.

This asshole.

And this asshole.

Jeez, and these assholes.

We woke up on Wednesday and there was no sex!

Highs:

We welcomed Bobby Tisdale and Brian Fairbanks.

We commemorated the 35th anniversary of Roe v. Wade.

Scanner Bryan and Scanner Emily met in the real world. And got drunk.

Britney spears finally showed up to something.

Kung Fu sex, everybody!

Bobby Tisdale tried to save Amy Winehouse by spooning, not sporking, her.

Smokey Robinson made us smile all over again.

So did Demi Moore.

Sloppy Seconds: I Wish I Knew How to Quit You

Emily Farris — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 22:23:00 GMT

When The New York Times is writing about what a train wreck Amy Winehouse is, well, she's done for.

But then they tried to make her go to rehab and she said, "yes, yes, yes?" Could it be?

As noted by commenter lilp0lar yesterday, the initial reports of drug packets and/or narcotic residue found in Heath Ledger's New York apartment were declared untrue.

Scanner Survey: Do You Miss Britney Spears?

Emily Farris — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 20:21:00 GMT

We admit, we've been so caught up with the death of Heath Ledger that we've been neglecting someone there might still be hope for: Britney Spears. Now the real question is, do you miss her? Should Scanner go back on Britney watch or give our Heath wounds a little more time to heal?