Scanner : Hurricane Katrina

While You Were Sleeping: 93% Prefer Real Boobs

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 14:01:00 GMT

A woman who selflessly built homes for Katrina victims is CNN's Hero of the Year, an award which is obviously way cooler than Time's Person of the Year.

However, you look at it, this company is in deep shit: a radio station is being sued after a Win A Date With A Great Guy contest ended in the unlucky winner being raped. One commenter: "Is the radio station [really] responsible for doing a through criminal background check? What's a 24 year old woman dating a 46 year old man anyway?" Answers: possibly and we have no clue whatsoever.

Here it is, the annual annoying survey of the Top 10 stars you'd like to invite over for Thanksgiving...

1. Jennifer Aniston
2. Tina Fey
3. Ellen DeGeneres + Portia De Rossi
4. Patrick Dempsey
5. Suri Cruise
6. Tyra Banks
7. Jonas Brothers
8. Keira Knightley
9. Beyonce Knowles
10. Robert Pattinson

Barack Obama joked he's going to throw his "weight around" regarding college football playoff rules. Isn't it great to have a President(-elect) whose kidding doesn't make you scream in horror?

Remember that big Hollywood wiretap scandal involving Tom Cruise and some other celebrities? The culprit was sentenced to three years in prison.

Biden does appear to be setting up his Senate seat for his son to take over in 2010.

93% of respondents to a Fark survey said they prefer real boobs to fake ones. Duh. It would've been more of a story if the question was, "Which do you prefer: small natural boobs or big enhanced boobs?"

And you could win a $500 gift card to Ikea and a date with one of the guys from Pavement.

Sloppy Seconds: Prostitution Is Now Rape in the U.K.?

Not To Be Outdone, Sunday School Teacher Gets In On The Jailbait Action

The Second Life Divorce Gets Funnier After The Split

Cheerleaders "Streak" High School Football Game

While You Were Sleeping: All The Harry Potter Kids Are Getting Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 13:42:00 GMT

Wonderful: right as Michael Lohan is tearing his daughter's life apart, his father dies. Maybe Michael will reassess his values now that the guy had to go out right in the middle of an embarrassingly public family dispute.

We missed out on Michael Phelps giving swimming lessons at the Y.

Is David Duchovny having an affair of just trying to promote his show, Californication, with this latest shocking report?

David Duchovny has entered a rehabilitation facility for sex addiction. [His reps] declined to elaborate further.
Duchovny plays a sex-obsessed character on the Showtime series...

In Other News:

John McCain will announce his VP today in a bad to take Obama down a notch after last night's historic speech.

Talk about historic: a man proposed to his lady at Mile High, right as Al Gore took the stage-- and Wonkette was sitting right behind them!

BREAKING: The RNC is considering delaying the start of the convention because of Hurricane Gustav... they don't want a reminder of Katrina hanging over their convention... Scott McClellan thinks this will allow Bush to blow off the convention unnoticed, since he is a political liability anyway... read more at the Washington Post.

By the way, this is the greatest post you'll read all day. Even if you don't agree with its politics, you'll certainly (we hope) agree that sicko religious zealots should be laughed out of stadiums everywhere:

Y'all remember the AP report of a "short video produced by Focus on the Family Action shows a man with an umbrella talking about his wish for rain as he stands in front of Invesco Field [before Obama spoke there]. The man in the video explains his desire for rain by saying he's against abortion and gay marriage and says he's "just an ordinary guy" who's looking for people to pray for rain?"

And y'all remember how hurricane Katrina was supposed to be God's punishment for New Orleans sinful ways?

So what will y'all think if next week's Republican Convention (yawn) is eclipsed by landfall in the US of not one but two hurricanes?

Y'all think there's a lesson in there somewhere? [End of post - Ed.]

A school district near Atlanta lost its accreditation, the first such case in 40 years, mainly for ethics violations by board members.

And Rupert Grint, who plays Ron Weasley in the Harry Potsmoker movies, is doing his first stripping/naked/sex scene-- or something like that. He's "stripping off for"

his first sex scene for Cherry Bomb and is excited about the flick.
'I loved the script,' he tells The Metro. 'It was quite a challenge.'

Getting naked is nothing, Rupert. Hell, Daniel Radcliffe does that every night. (PS: Hmmm... Cherry Bomb, you say? How can we be sure it's not some Virgin Teens Dot Com movie or something?)

Image via AOL.

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Scully Wants Mulder To Die Masturbating in "X-Files 3"

Mick Jagger: "Performing is Like Sex"

Does Michael Phelps' New Girlfriend Wear Fins or Stilettos?

Michael Phelps Dresses... Up?

Who Would You Rather: Keeley Hazell or Sara Boberg?

McCain's Pastor Says Homos May Not Be Responsible For Katrina

Katie Halper — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 20:58:00 GMT

McCain was "very honored" when he received the endorsement of Pastor John Hagee. Who wouldn't be psyched to get the support of someone who said homosexuals caused Katrina, calls the Catholic Church "The Great Whore," and compares the two-state solution to Nazis?

Hagee was quick to pin Katrina on the homosexuals and sinners of New Orleans. Speaking on God's behalf, Hagee explained "when you violate God's will long enough, the judgment of God comes to you. Katrina is an act of God for a society that is becoming Sodom and Gomorrah reborn." And he stuck to his story, reiterating his belief that "the Hurricane Katrina was, in fact, the judgment of God against the city of New Orleans."

Mccain has been less unwavering and more bi-curious, saying that it was "probably a mistake" to solicit Hagee's endorsement and stating that he is "glad to have" it.

Now it looks like some of McCain's wishywashyness may have rubbed off on Haggee, who last week announced "As a believing Christian, I see the hand of God in everything that happens here on earth, both the blessings and the curses.... But ultimately neither I nor any other person can know the mind of God concerning Hurricane Katrina."

This has been hailed as a "retraction" and "repudiation" of Hagee's Katrina comments. It seems more like an adjustment. It's not that Hagee is retracting the idea that God could, should and would meteorologically punish homosexual sinners. It's just that Hagee doesn't know for sure if that's what was motivating God and he doesn't want to be presumptuous. After all, there are a lot of Catholics in New Orleans. So Katrina could been God's wrath towards the "false cult."

previously: Reverend Jeremiah Wright: On Our To-Do List, Minor Detail About Reverend Wright's 9/11 Sermon: He Didn't Say It! ,Top 10 Outrageous Quotes From McCain's Spiritual Advisers

Photo Essay: New Orleans Battles On

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 18:24:00 GMT

We're blogging from New Orleans this week, where we used to live before the age of blogs.

Yesterday, we hit up Jazz Fest and saw some amazing shows (clip of Al Green below), plus we endured through one of the heaviest downpours in human history. The resilience of the locals was astonishing. After all, one would think the locals would freak out at the sight of huge puddles of water rushing toward them in a crowded place...

After several hours of the hardest-hitting rain imaginable (we kept thinking it was actually a near-hailstorm), with passing tourists saying, "Hey, look, they have a swimming pool at Jazz Fest this year" (see above), during which we stood in crowded tents or stuck it out in the fields for an All-Star Jam Band session featuring Dr. John and others, the dark clouds receded, revealing a Fairgrounds covered in mud.

Not long after, Elvis Costello and Allen Touissant took the stage in grand style and we were rewarded for our suffering.

It was the New Orleans Woodstock, complete with audience members doing running slides through the muddy fields, no one upset about the rain even when it was coming down in torrents. Al Green took the stage right as the sun was coming out, throwing roses to the ladies in the expensive private front section, hitting every note of "Let's Stay Together" and "Tired of Being Alone." The city's people deserved nothing less than his greatness.

We'll have video of Etta James later, so check back soon...

This is a terrible cell phone camera video capture, so just keep that in mind... however, you gotta love how excited Rev. Al is here... plus, does anyone have cooler onstage dancers in their act?!

Top 10 Outrageous Quotes From McCain's Spiritual Advisers

Katie Halper — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 20:30:00 GMT

Jeremiah "Obama's Pastor" Wright will appear on a PBS special with Bill Moyers tonight. Before the limelight-hogging preacher spews even more nonsense, and quotes even more ambassadors, we want to shed some light on the brilliant gems uttered by some of McCain's own spiritual advisers, Pastor John Hagee and Reverend Rod Parsley. When Hagee endorsed McCain, because he is a man of principle, McCain said he was “very honored by Pastor John Hagee’s endorsement." Reverend Parsons calls McCain a "strong, true, consistent conservative" and McCain calls Parsons "a spiritual adviser." Because the liberal media refuses to give any credit to McCain, it is up to us to be fair and balanced. So here are the top 10 Memorable Quotes said by McCain's religious advisers.

1."Do you know the difference between a woman with PMS and a snarling Doberman pinscher? The answer is lipstick. Do you know the difference between a terrorist and a woman with PMS? You can negotiate with a terrorist."

- Pastor John Hagee in his book What Every Man Wants in a Woman (Charisma House, 2005)

2. "The Quran teaches that [all Muslims have a mandate to kill Christians and Jews]. Yes, it teaches that very clearly."

-Pastor John Hagee

3." I believe that the Hurricane Katrina was, in fact, the judgment of God against the city of New Orleans.... I believe that New Orleans had a level of sin that was offensive to God, and they are -- were recipients of the judgment of God for that.... There was to be a homosexual parade there on the Monday that the Katrina came. And the promise of that parade was that it was going to reach a level of sexuality never demonstrated before in any of the other Gay Pride parades.... The Bible teaches that when you violate the law of God, that God brings punishment sometimes before the day of judgment."

-Pastor John Hagee

4. "The military will have difficultly recruiting healthy and strong heterosexuals for combat purposes. Why? Fighting in combat with a man in your fox hole that has AIDS or is HIV positive is double jeopardy"

- Pastor John Hagee on Don't Ask Don't Tell in his book What Every Man Wants in a Woman

5."It [Gay marriage] will open the door to incest, to polygamy, and every conceivable marriage arrangement demented minds can possibly conceive. If God does not then punish America, He will have to apologize to Sodom and Gomorrah."

-Pastor John Hagee on Don't Ask Don't Tell in his book What Every Man Wants in a Woman

6. "It is impossible to call yourself a Christian and defend homosexuality. There is no justification or acceptance of homosexuality.... Homosexuality means the death of society because homosexuals can recruit, but they cannot reproduce."

-Pastor John Hagee on Don't Ask Don't Tell in his book What Every Man Wants in a Woman

7. "Only a Spirit-filled woman can submit to her husband's lead. It is the natural desire of a woman to lead through feminine manipulation of the man. .... Fallen women will try to dominate the marriage. The man has the God-given role to be the loving leader of the home"

-Pastor John Hagee on Don't Ask Don't Tell in his book What Every Man Wants in a Woman

8. "I cannot tell you how important it is that we understand the true nature of Islam, that we see it for what it really is. In fact, I will tell you this: I do not believe our country can truly fulfill its divine purpose until we understand our historical conflict with Islam. I know that this statement sounds extreme, but I do not shrink from its implications. The fact is that America was founded, in part, with the intention of seeing this false religion destroyed, and I believe September 11, 2001, was a generational call to arms that we can no longer ignore."

-Parsley in Silent No More (Charisma House, 2005)

9. "Gay sexuality inevitably involves brutal physical abusiveness and the unnatural imposition of alien substances into internal organs, orally and anally, that inevitably suppress the immune system and heighten susceptibility to disease."

-Parsley in Silent No More (Charisma House, 2005)

10. "Only 1 percent of the homosexual population in America will die of old age. The average life expectancy for a homosexual in the United States of America is 43 years of age. A lesbian can only expect to live to be 45 years of age. Homosexuals represent 2 percent of the population, yet today they're carrying 60 percent of the known cases of syphilis."

previously: Reverend Jeremiah Wright: On Our To-Do List, Minor Detail About Reverend Wright's 9/11 Sermon: He Didn't Say It!