Scanner : Johnny Depp

Sloppy Seconds: Free Viagra!

Emily Farris — Thu, 14 May 2009 23:01:00 GMT

Spring Awakening—the musical that made more than $57 million in the United States and made anyone who went to see it with his or her parents very uncomfortable—is closing in London after only five months. [FlavorWire]

Um, what kind of high school lets the yearbook team publish an upskirt photo? [BuzzFeed]

A new development in the Jon and Kate Plus Eight saga: Jon may not have been the only one allegedly cheating. Apparently, he had long feared that his wife was having an affair with her married bodyguard. [Us]

Ashley Olsen isn't the only woman modeling men's clothing. [AfterEllen]

Could Johnny Depp play Frank Sinatra in the movies? [Vulture]

Elizabeth Edwards will talk about her husband John's mistress, as long as no one mentions her name. [Yahoo!]

Just because you don't have a job, or health insurance, doesn't mean you shouldn't have your Viagra. Pfizer has s unveiled a new program will let people who have lost their jobs and health insurance keep taking some widely prescribed Pfizer medications—including Lipitor and Viagra—for free for up to a year. [Yahoo!]

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Johnny Depp Arouses Strange And Confusing Feelings In SpongeBob's SquarePants [VIDEO]

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 16:57:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: This April 17th at 8 p.m.is the Nickelodeon premiere of Spongebob vs. The Big One, a SquarePants episode already available on DVD that features Johnny Depp as surfing expert Jack Kahuna Laguna, a sort of sex God genius (yeah, that's a stretch for Johnny Depp) who clearly inspires homoerotic feelings in SpongeBob and his buddies. But don't take our word for it, just take a look at how they react to JKL, and the size of his surfboard...

Read more...

Will the Real Mr. Skin Please Stand Up?

Emily Farris — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 16:51:00 GMT

Would you believe me if I told you I love Mr. Skin? Like, love it, love it? And that I look at it every day? What if I told you it wasn't that Mr. Skin, but instead a ~~Mr.~~ Mrs. Skin that shows the beautiful skins of beautiful misters?

What up, Johnny Depp?

Oh, Owen: you look so cute with a puppy!

Hello there, Javier.

Obviously the blog needs some work, and some more contributions. But this is a good start, and a great use of the name ~~Mr.~~ Mrs. Skin.

[~~Mr.~~ Mrs. Skin]

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5 Men Who Look Better With Age

Colleen Kane — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 14:45:00 GMT

With this list of men and the upcoming list of women, we'll be looking at celebs who look better older than they did young. We're not talking about those who just aged well, but those who have defied the odds and improved. The key for both men and women seems to be dropping the baby fat from the face so it becomes more gaunt. So that's the secret to increased hotness in maturity-- just be sure to do that. (Madonna did this, but it has gone awry.)

Oh, and the other key is leaving behind the unfortunate hair choices of youth.

Speaking of which, the photo above shows what number 5 used to look like this in the 70s. It's not Howard Stern, although Howard looks a world better now than in his WNBC days of the 80s, himself.

5. Anthony Bourdain

4. Robert Downey, Jr.

3. Jerry O' Connell

2. Johnny Depp

1. And Most Improved, George Clooney

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While You Were Sleeping: The Fox News Child Porn Bust

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

If the grading system had been abandoned at our high schools, we might have gotten into some better universities.

PJ Harvey is coming to America! Who's buying us a ticket?

Who is Hollywood's most bankable star? Will Smith, followed by a host of males: Johnny Depp, Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, and-- well-- Brad Pitt's significant other.

Male police officers were punished for taking pictures of themselves at a sizeable party-- each cop was naked and holding a firearm.

Hillary Clinton is bored, wants you to e-mail her. Send her some Scanner links, see what happens.

Have you guys been following the Duff-Dunaway feud? Us neither.

And the Fox News producer arrested for possession of child porn was actually arrested ten years ago for the same crime, and subsequently dropped out of college in Michigan because of it.

So Lap Dances Aren't Acceptable at High School Basketball Games?

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The 50 Sexiest Movies of All Time: 40-31

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 21:49:00 GMT

40. American Beauty. American Beauty-- this was a big movie, right? We seem to recall some sort of Academy Award being handed out? Yes, many people would like to forget this was so critically, commercially, and awarded-ly lauded in the late 1990s... for good reason. This Kevin Spacey-led comic melodrama did not age well. At all. But parts of the movie escape unscathed: was the incredible art direction, cinematography, and Chris Cooper's terrifying performance as a self-hating homosexual and the psycho next door. His kiss with Kevin Spacey is still a delight to watch, even with the shock worn off after nine years.

39. Law of Desire. From AfterElton: "This was the first Almodovar film to really make a huge international splash, and while reviews were mostly good, it's only now, 20 years later, that the plea at its heart, for everyone to be themselves and specifically against living a sexually closeted existence, stands out most clearly. It's also notable for a very sexually explicit performance by Banderas, which contrasts sharply with his sexless characterization of Tom Hanks' lover in Philadelphia, an American film released six years later."

38. 10. There are so many romantic and sexy moments in Blake Edwards' classic rom-com "10" that every scene is sure to be somebody's favorite. Ours? Nope, not the slow-mo beach run to make you forget Ursula Andress. Nope, not the first sex scene. We prefer this one (click here for the YouTube video clip.) Who knew Dudley Moore was such a major playa?

37. Tristan + Isolde. This summary, via Kids In Mind, makes this PG-13 movie sound a lot racier than it really is: "A young woman takes off her clothes off... giving body heat to an unconscious and wounded young man; another woman does the same, they hold him from either side and press against his body (bare backs, shoulders and legs are visible)." Did we mention James Franco and Rufus Sewell are in it? We might just find ourselves going gay if those two ever did a sequel to Brokeback Mountain.

36. From Here To Eternity. There was a time when this was risque, so since risque romanticisim = sexy, we'll go with this for #36. A great, surprising, and deeply moving film that landed Frank Sinatra a well-deserved Oscar and jump-started his failing career. Ol' Blue Eyes? Now that's sexy...

35. Don Juan DeMarco. See above photo of Johnny Depp for an explanation as to why this film, about the fictional lover Don Juan's re-emergence into, first, a psychiatrist's office and later, into his love life.

34. Rear Window. Sometimes, it only takes one scene to make a movie incredibly sexy overall-- in this case, one kiss. The kiss carries itself throughout Alfred Hitchock's Rear Window's two hours of suspense, murder, and paranoia. Not to be missed, under any circumstances.

33. Dirty Dancing. There was a time when "(I've Had) The Time of My Life" was considered a great tune, when Jennifer Grey was sexy and had yet to have a career-ending nose job, and Patrick Swayze was the biggest movie star in the world... if only for a couple of weeks. Relive those moments with this sequence, the one we all remember.

32. My Own Private Idaho. Keanu Reeves and River Phoenix play gay prostitutes in Gus Van Sandt's surreal (to put it politely) adaptation of Henry IV, Part 1. According to Wikipedia Van Sandt "decided to send the script to the agents of Keanu Reeves and River Phoenix, figuring that their agents would reject the script. However, Reeves' agent was amenable to the project, but Phoenix's agent wouldn't even show the screenplay to the young actor. Not to be deterred, Van Sant got the idea for Reeves to personally deliver the film's treatment to Phoenix at his home in Florida. Reeves did so over the Christmas holidays, riding his 1974 Norton Commando motorcycle from his family home in Canada to the Phoenix family ranch in Micanopy, Florida, outside Gainesville." Check out our favorite scene:

31. The Blue Angel. With this film, Marlene Dietrich a) launched herself to international fame and b) more importantly, served as the basis for the best scene in Blazing Saddles. Check out her then-controversial song-and-dance number from the oldest film on our list:

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Cosmo Names The Sexiest Man In the Universe...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:01:00 GMT

It's a known fact that men get better with age. That goes a long way toward explaining why two dudes in their mid-forties topped Cosmopolitan's poll of The World's Sexiest Men. But only one... can be #1....

First: it should be noted before we get started that this appears to be a British survey... does that change your prediction? (Not for us, but it certainly explains the presence of Pierce Brosnan and the members of Take That.)

And the winner is...

Ladies and dudes who enjoy the male form, what do you think of their pick, as well as runner-up George Clooney (47!) and the other 23 choices...?

1 Johnny Depp, 45
2 George Clooney, 47
3 Jake Gyllenhaal, 27
4 Daniel Craig, 40
5 Brad Pitt, 44
6 James McAvoy, 29
7 JustinTimberlake, 27
8 Will Smith, 40
9 David Beckham, 33
10 Wentworth Miller, 36
11 Christian Bale, 34
12 Jonathan Rhys Meyers, 31
13 Take That: Gary Barlow, 37, Mark Owen, 36, Howard Donald, 40 and Jason Orange, 38
14 Ashton Kutcher, 30
15 Dermot O''Leary, 35
16 David Tennant, 37
17 Patrick Dempsey, 42
18 Clive Owen, 44
19 Pierce Brosnan, 55
20 Mark Ronson, 33
21 Gordon Ramsay, 41
22 Russell Brand, 33
23 Pharrell Williams, 35
24 Ryan Reynolds, 31
25 Olivier Martinez, 42

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While You Were Sleeping: The New Robin Hood Movie

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 12:59:00 GMT

How Do I Find My G-Spot? and other eternal questions are on i-Village today.

Are you under 13 (and somehow getting away with reading Nerve? You rule!) Then join Club Penguin, the social network site for (pre-)teenyboppers.

It doesn't have a hope in hell of being a true fact, but would it be great if Johnny Depp was cast for this role in the next Batman movie?

..the Riddler?

Headline of the day: Twinsburg police: Scuffle with nude man leads to bomb scare at gas station

The anthrax researcher who may have been harassed by the FBI after the 2001 attacks has killed himself, sources say.

Charlie Crist may be off John McCain's VP list. Too bad for Obama supporters, as a Crist gay scandal would surely have surfaced in October.

Lesbians from New York were in the first wave of out-of-state couples to be married by the Governor of Massachusetts after thenew law passed. Bonus: they have an 11 year old girl. Let's have one on all of them tonight.

Maggie Gyllenhaal wants you to make a video for her. Unfortunately for her, it's not that kind of video.

Talk about egomania and director dementia: the new Robin Hood film starring Russell Crowe as a badass/kind-of-good-guy Sheriff of Nottingham has been delayed because the leaves in the forest are the wrong color. Dudes, it doesn't have to be historically accurate-- Robin Hood wasn't real!

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Johnny Depp and His Penis Will Not Be Shilling Trojans

Emily Farris — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 18:53:00 GMT

Contrary to popular belief, Johnny Depp and his penis will not be sporting Magnums for your visceral pleasure.

An early April Fool's Day prank, or just another shoddy bit of celebrity "news"? Either way, a spokeswoman for Johnny Depp says the many reports that the actor is considering a multi-million-dollar offer from Trojan to appear in an ad campaign for its Magnum-brand prophylactics are purest bogus.
"There is no truth to this," says the spokeswoman, Robin Baum. "He has not been approached."

While we would all like to think of Johnny Depp's enlarged penis encased in latex, it's not nice to make up stories that may exaggerate the size of his uh, workload. Plus, Johnny's fans probably already know about Trojans-- maybe somebody in the Jamie Lynn Spears-"The Hills" crowd would be more effective.

Wait—did we just seriously suggest the possibility of Spencer Pratt promoting condoms? (Shudder)

[Portfolio: Johnny Depp to Hawk Condoms? Um, No.]

Photo: Time, Inc.

Crushes of the Week: Johnny/Jude/Colin to replace Heath in Unfinished Role

Bryan Christian — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 15:00:00 GMT

Ain't It Cool News is reporting that not one but three Hollywood hunks will be enlisted to complete Heath Ledger's unfinished work on Terry Gilliam's The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus: Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell. No confirmation of that just yet, you understand, but just on the chance that it's true, we're gonna take a moment to crush out on everybody involved. We were starting to feel a little ghoulish about wanting to see Parnassus so badly, but anything with this lineup would be worth checking out -- and if we can consider these guys' work on the flick a tribute of sorts to Heath, it might be the best one we're likely to get.

And for that, they are all our Crushes of the Week.

Does Esquire Magazine Hate Johnny Depp Or Something?

Bryan Christian — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 17:46:00 GMT

We would say that this is the first bad picture we've seen of Johnny Depp -- whose inhuman ability to look good is, we're beginning to suspect, diabolic in origin -- but a little research indicates that this is not the first time that he's wound up on the cover of Esquire magazine looking less-than-excellent.

So, we gotta ask: what is up with that, Esquire? Letting Depp wear his own zoot suit on the May '04 cover wasn't enough? This time you had to photoshop his face onto Benecio Del Toro's skull to create some sort of CGI superactor? Your UK counterpart has been able to put together cool, surprising photos of this guy without a problem. So what's your deal, exactly? Maybe he's so Esquire, you can't handle it? Or maybe you secretly hate him? Whatever the case is, get over it, because making Johnny Depp look bad on your cover isn't exactly a badge of honor. It's more like having an Italian restaurant that can't make spaghetti: if you can't at least do that right...

La, La, La, La, We're Gonna Marry It!

Emily Farris — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 14:09:00 GMT

We watched "Pee-Wee's Playhouse" as a kid and, of course, loved every crazy minute of it. Then we watched some episodes as an adult and, realizing that most of the jokes were not at all intended for children, loved it ten times more — it was creepy, twisted and wonderful. So we're super excited about the prospect of another Pee-Wee movie, even if Pee-Wee himself is well over the hill:

...Can the 55-year-old Reubens realistically don Pee-wee's red bow tie again? The actor said he remains confident, especially after his first appearance in character in 15 years at Spike TV's Guys Choice Awards. Despite asking himself, "What in the hell are you doing?" as he stood backstage in costume, Reubens said the character "came right back" to him. Still, Reubens said he had a backup plan nonetheless for the Pee-wee movies should he not be up for the part. "My second option is to have Johnny Depp play Pee-wee," he said. Pie-in-the-sky casting or a realistic plan, Reubens insisted that he's even spoken to Depp about it, saying that the actor told him, "Let me think about it."

We got a little bit of a hard-on over Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka, so while we fear the psychological ramifications of Johnny Depp as Pee-Wee, we say bring it on!

[Via MTV News]