Scanner : MTV

Do You Like... Jumbo?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 May 2009 21:41:00 GMT

Since no one in their right mind watches MTV anymore, we're guessing none of you have ever seen these condom PSA's the network has been running.

Here we have the complete 3-minute rundown of all the puppet porn hilarity... never has the term "pee-pee" been used to such great effect outside of the world of six-year-old boys...

Everything Was Funnier in 1985

My New Favorite Website: Sex Advice With All the Inaccuracies of Yahoo Questions

ShamWow-SlapChop Guy Will RapChop That Ass [VIDEO]

These Claire Danes Nipple Slips Make Up For A Lack of Quality Nipple Slips This Week

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 May 2009 17:05:00 GMT

We read you loud and clear-- you couldn't find Goldie Hawn's nipples in close up. Hell, you didn't see Sasha Grey's boobs in two posts with her nipples in them. Obviously, someone is using Netscape Navigator or some other image-blurring browser that hates Scanner and boobs.

Thankfully, Claire Danes stepped up to the plate the other day and delivered a very obvious nipple. And in case you didn't see that-- she sure as hell didn't-- we bring you her Greatest Hits...

Remember to click on the photo for a new window/tab, then enlarge by clicking on it...

And her greatest hits-- two moments from an MTV interview a few years back. Happy now, whiners?

Related:

Goldie Hawn Keeps Career Alive... with a Nipple Slip?

Rolling Stone Somehow Convinces Sasha Grey to-- Gasp-- Pose Nude

Ladies' Response to Jizz in My Pants: Puke in My Mouth

While You Were Sleeping: Foxy Brown Joins The Nipple Slip Parade

Happy National Cleavage Day

Today in WTF: Mom Tries To Shame Her Daughter Into Getting Breast Implants

Emily Farris — Mon, 04 May 2009 20:04:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: We've always had a semi-tortured relationship with MTV's True Life documentaries (who could forget the harrowing "I'm Addicted to Crystal Meth" episode of '02? Or the oddly chilling "I Self-Injure" episode of '07?), but it's been a while since we've been as all-out horrified by one as we were this weekend during "I Hate My Small Breasts" in which Nicole, mother to 18 year old Shacole, tries to shame her daughter into getting breast implants.

Read more...

Matt and Kim Star in the Sexiest Music Video in Years

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 18:14:00 GMT

This video is too sexy and scandalous (even with all the MTV censorship) for the front page of Scanner.

You'll have to trust us when we say it's well worth the click and 3:38 of your time...

Lessons Learned

We'll be eternally grateful to the person who gives us the full lowdown on all the obvious questions of the video-- who shot it, when, were these paid extras, was anyone arrested, etc. See, we told you it was worth your 3:38, damn it.

Sure beats the bejesus outta that Alanis Morissette charmer from 1998, doesn't it?

More from MTV Buzzworthy.

Related:

More of the Best of "The Best of Craiglist"

Video: Streaker Getting Himself in Trouble

Naked Man Takes Over the Tate

Venus and Serena Williams Pretend Not to Enjoy Happy Streaker

Welcome To The Wonderful World Of Naked Rugby

It Was 15 Years Ago Today

Colleen Kane — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 19:01:00 GMT

Kurt Cobain's body was found in Seattle a decade and a half ago today.

Unfortunately, every time I think of the shock of hearing that news via my college radio station, I recall how awful the radio announcer was. She was a fellow DJ with aspirations to make it as a radio personality, but she lacked anything resembling a personality, and even used a fake last radio name "Winters" instead of her more ethnic-sounding name. So when she announced this news, it was in her constantly smiling radio voice, plus she didn't really like music so she didn't care.

Anyway! One media personality who was appropriately somber about the loss back in April 1994 was Kurt Loder, who covered the developing story as MTV's 9-11, which it kind of was. A recycled eulogy for Cobain (from the 10-year anniversary) by Loder is up on MTV.com.

And meanwhile, The Courtney Love Show continues lumbering and sputtering along to its own cacophonic tune.

Courtney is preparing a lawsuit to reclaim $30 million in cash looted from the estate of Kurt Cobain. An additonal $500 million was scammed in real-estate investment ventures, says an article on E! Online. "There are now Kurts and Courtneys and Franceses spelled different ways that allegedly own properties all over the country that were bought by Kurt's assets," said Courtney's attorney. What this means, and who Courtney is suing have not yet been specified.

But she berated anyone who didn't understand the ins and outs of the coming lawsuit in her MySpace blog. An excerpt:

do you UNDERSTAND?
DO YOU UNDERFUCKINGSTAND?

to show you much else would make you start singing i dont know,....Metallica? am i speaking to BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD?
HAVE YOU EVER READ A BOOK?

ONE?

You're also welcome to try to make head or tail of her Tweets. Courtney tweeted more than 50 times yesterday, and not one of the messages makes sense.

Related:

From the Annals of "Sassy": Kurt Cobain Wore an Engagement Ring

C-Love in HEEB's Wasted Issue

Sloppy Seconds: Courtney Love's Bizarre Death Rant

Jordan Smith: This Picture's Worth A Thousand Words

Ina Maier — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 21:43:00 GMT

You probably don't need us to tell you that this kid is spoiled. He is, apparently, "Britain's Most Spoiled Teenager" and that's him, posing with the car that chauffered him to his 16th birthday party, which MTV kindly offered to document for an episode of My Super Sweet 16. So, who is he, exactly?

As far as we can tell, a nobody, or, as the Daily Mail calls him: "a plain old carpentry student." He owns, among other things, two cars which he is, as of yet, unable to drive, a jetski, a moped, a motorbike, and "an assortment of quad-bikes" (which we think translates to some kind of ATV.) Additionally, he now has 2,300 words of Daily Mail drivel dedicated to his riches (our two cents notwithstanding.)

And in case you're at all concerned about how these spoils are affecting him, worry not. According to Jordan himself, he's "very down-to-earth" and, apparently generous, explaining that if his mother "can't afford it one month, I say, 'don't worry, you can buy it next month.'

Whew. He had us worried there for a second.

Related:

16 Year Old Boy Figures Out How To Rip Off Sex Offenders, Get Rich

Top 10 Celebrity Pets

"Family Guy" Episode Pisses Off Parents (VIDEO)

J McC is a Freak

Colleen Kane — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 20:08:00 GMT

So according to Jenny McCarthy's ex-husband, John Asher, woman is a freak in the sack "and beyond." *

Fortunately, from what he said, it wasn't that she made any of those goofy cross-eyed faces like she did on Singled Out...

Asher reminisced about his ex's fondness for threesomes and the time she invited three additional "naughty young girls" into their bedroom.

"She'd be the subject of most of the attention, but always kept me in the mix. There are some things that she's done where I've thought, 'No other woman will ever do that.' It's a helluva show."

Just days ago, Starpulse quoted Jenny on her beau Jim Carrey: "We are madly in love with each other, and the sex is still awesome... He's a wonderful man." Now there's a freaky pairing we don't really want to imagine.

* We have a friend (Scanner Brian) who sent us this story to try to get us to share our own "freak in the sack" tales. Nice try, but thanks for the lead.

Related:

10 Hottest Funny Women

Sloppy Seconds: Who Is Michelle Williams' New Man?

Male Fantasy: Who's Your Santa

MTV Wants To Give YOU "A Shot At Love"

Emily Farris — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 21:33:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Break out your bi-kinis and your dental dam, because MTV is casting for Season 4 of A Shot at Love. No details about whose bisexual "love" you'll be vying for, or whether [redacted] will be returning to the show in any capacity, but does it matter? We're confident that MTV will deliver an equally imbalanced, equally barely dressed fameball... So, could you someday wind up having beautiful bathroom sex with said fameball? Here are the details...

Read more...

eBay Removes Kerry Katona's Breast Implant

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 17:04:00 GMT

Kerry Katona did two things right: one, she went on MTV in the UK and had her 34-double-G's removed. Those fake boobs were ridiculous and very unattractive (to our minds.)

The second thing she did was even more inspired-- she autographed one of those implants and put it on eBay for The Breast Cancer Campaign...

According to Fox News, which we will quote from here so you don't have to give them any of your page views, eBay then did the dumbest thing imaginable: it pulled the auction.

"The implant was on eBay and I believe the idea was to raise money for Breast Cancer Campaign," a rep for the charity told Tarts. "However eBay have now taken the item off because people were putting fake bids in, £8 million ($11.34 million US) at one point."

But according to eBay it wasn’t bogus bidders that resulted in the item being removed, it was actually Katona who broke the rules.

"Our policy team weighed in and said that this auction was removed for the Charity Violation contained within the item description as there was no letter of written consent by eBay's Office of the President to allow the item to be sold under our Charity guidelines," an eBay rep told Tarts.

Oh, shut up, eBay. You're just a bunch of conservative whimps that always side with the ripoff artists when they claim to have never received expensive items from honest sellers. And your conservative founder is running to further ruin the state of California as a Republican governor. eBay, you should know, we have negative feedback to give you.

Related:

Watching the Watchmen Sex Scene

Normal Breasts Gallery Bums Us Out

Michelle Williams Strips, Seduces, Enjoys...

From the Annals of Boobs...

The Rise and Fall of Lindsay Lohan

This Week in Gayness: Aubrey O'Day May Be Gay

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 17:36:00 GMT

Ha ha-- Ken Starr is now forced to argue "whether it's legal to divest rights from a group of people." In this case, straight, married Californians.

Married Massachusetts lesbians made national news this week when one, clearly intoxicated, attacked the other with a turkey baster allegedly containing the attacker's brother's "sperm," in an attempt to impregnate her by force.

The religious wacko Obama appointed is meeting with Concerned Women for America and the Family Research Council-- guess who they're concerned about?

In a bold move yesteday, 38 graduates of West Point Military Academy came out of the closet to help support the gay movement in the army.

Bob Dylan's new album comes out at the end of April. Until then, we can only stare at that surprising, teasing cover and its already-famous gay kiss.

Nigeria, instead of fighting ripoff artists, wants to focus on punishing married gays and lesbians with three-year prison terms.

There were was an all-inclusive St. Patty's Day Parade in NYC over the weekend.

Aubrey O'Day may have come out of the closet to MTV.

Ending on a positive note as usual, the high school lesbian who was banned from wearing a tux to her prom will get her wish after all.

The Gay Marriage Debate Rages on in California

Moran Suggesting We Need To Get Rid Of Obama

This Week In Gayness: Sean Penn vs. Arnold Schwarzenegger

Kanye and 88 Keys Shill for Viagra in New Video

Colleen Kane — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 16:08:00 GMT

Kanye West and his producer/pal 88 Keys got into oldface for Kanye's "Stay Up (Viagra)" video. It features lyrics like the following: "What she got is so Niagara/ Make a young n---a straight need Viagra/ Make an old n---a give keys to Jaguar/ Just to keep from all the the 'tee-hees' and laughter/ Her telling her homegirls that he couldn't stay up."

Here's the pair on the video set cutting up as dirty old men, which debuts Monday on MTV.

MTV Shows

Kanye West Wants You To Be Like Him, This Apparently Involves Lots of Alcohol

Kanye West's Crazy Sex Addiction is Neither Crazy or an Addiction

Kanye West On SNL: Can't Sing, Won't Sing

Image: MTV

Paris Hilton Freestyles On "Dogg After Dark"

Emily Farris — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 18:35:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Paris Hilton freestyle raps. In Snoop Dogg's "izzle" language. To Snoop Dogg. On his new MTV show. We're soooo embarrassed for her...

Read more...

Long Lost (and Very Strange) House Of Style Clip Makes Us Ask (Again) "What Happened To MTV?!"

Ina Maier — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 22:40:00 GMT

Once upon a time, when this Scanner was dedicating her afternoons to Much Music and the original Degrassi High, MTV was apparently something very, very different from what it is today. And that something involved strange shows on "Style" featuring Cindy Crawford, a possessed nun, and a soundtrack of Carmina Burana.

What?

MTV Launches Sex Talk Show, We Relive Our Awkward Youth

"The Real World: Facebook" or Scanner Emily vs. The Mormons

The MTV Movie Awards: More Entertaining Than We Wanted Them To Be

As If This Year Hasn't Dragged on Long Enough

Emily Farris — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 18:41:00 GMT

Are you anxiously awaiting the end of 2008, ready to embark on a new year? Did you get your heart broken? Are you broke? Will the symbolism of the ball dropping on the ~~hell~~ zoo that is Times' Square help you wipe your slate clean or encourage you to not clean your plate at every meal? If any or all of the above apply to you (and most do to us if you've been paying any attention to this blog for the last year), you're going to have to wait just a little bit longer than you expected to ring in the new year.

But just a bit...

The world's "official timekeepers" (what kind of geek do you have to be to get that job?) have added a leap second to December 31.

Apparently the Earth's spin on its axis is slowing due to "tides and other factors" (Global Warming, anyone?) and to keep everything all in order (the sun going down when we know it will, etc) an extra second will be added to 2008.

We imagine the team running the Times' Square extravaganza will adjust accordingly and begin the countdown a second later but wouldn't it be more appropriate, and official, to countdown to zero or something?

Five..

Four...

Three..

Two...

One...

Zero....

Happy New Year, now stick your tongue in my mouth!

[Yahoo!: Tick tock ... tick: Extra second added to 2008]

Related:

New World Resolutions

Creepy Time Warner Hunk Calendar

Scanner Emily's Top 10 Lessons Learned in 2007

[Image]

Paris' BFF Finale Night: Awk-waaaaard

Colleen Kane — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 23:02:00 GMT

If you're as unnaturally enthusiastic about the Paris Hilton: Be My New BFF show as us, you surely didn't miss last night's Reunion Special- Finale Show- Aftershow trifecta. And what you couldn't have missed if you did watch the back-to-back BFF attack was how strange it all was. Let us count the ways.

The Reunion Special featured:

A tattooed and guylinered audience apparently recruited from the queue for a My Chemical Romance concert
Action that was edited out when Natasha called video director Chris Applebaum the biggest bitch of all and he immediately left in what might have been a huff (good, that bitch deserved it), then [scene missing] suddenly Natasha is trashing the cardboard Bitch-O-Meter
A contrived revenge sequence in which Baje reveals she swished (pun intended) Onch's lip gloss applicator in the toilet, right as Onch just so happens to be applying his lip gloss. What a coinkydink!
A contrived fight between Zui and Bikini Corrie about how they both take off their clothes for money

The Finale featured:

Bizarre matching Marie Antoinette minidress getups for the two remaining contestants with no explanation until the final scene, which takes place at a masquerade ball
Vanessa asking Brittany to give up her seat next to Paris on the plane so she can stare adoringly at her while she sleeps
Vanessa describing how she and Paris do BFF things together like fall asleep on each other's shoulders, but when they show the footage of said scene, Vanessa had put her head on Paris' shoulder with no reciprocation
Vanessa generally appearing creepier than ever in her psycho-phantic desperation to be Paris' BFF: "Every second counts now. Like, every single second." [crazed smile, crazed eyes]
About 45 minutes of either Paris and Brittany or Paris and Vanessa awkwardly assuring each other what a great time they were having and how happy they are to be getting to know each other

The Aftershow featured:

Nick Swardson, aka rollerhomo Terry from Reno 911 playing his least festive role ever: himself as Paris' friend.
I watched it, but I'm still not really sure what else happened. I think it was a half hour of Paris & Pals lying on a bed talking BFF talk.

Paris Hilton Pulls the Bullshit Train to Toronto

Who Would You Rather... for President: Paris or Palin?

Sloppy Seconds: Courtney Love's Bizarre Death Rant

Emily Farris — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 22:19:00 GMT

After male superhero movie after male superhero movie after male superhero movie, Wonder Woman is finally going to the big screen—except not. It's going straight to DVD. And it's animated. [Jezebel]

Britney Spears equates her life to a jail sentence. [People]

Is Nicole Kidman going to be the next star to quit the biz? Yawn. [Yahoo!]

Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson Wentz are still waiting for that baby to pop out. [MTV]

Courtney Love would like you to know she's not suicidal after a crazy death rant on her MySpace blog. [Us]

While You Were Sleeping: Barack Obama's Big Move

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 14:08:00 GMT

Alan Greenspan reveals the man responsible for the grave economic crisis we're facing: it's jazz musician Stan Getz.

Apparently, I, Brian Fairbanks had something to do with that Oregon stripper mayor getting stripped of her duties. We don't understand this link either.

This guy won't be able to accompany his 17-year-old wife to her high school dances...

Five pieces of facial jewelry may be all that is stopping a high school senior from attending any school dances with the 19-year-old man she recently married.
Casey Engstrom, 19, graduated from Hubbard High School in 2007. He has since married Brittany, 17, who is still a senior at the high school. The young couple now lives a stone’s throw away from the high school with Casey Engstrom’s grandmother, but Casey Engstrom will not be permitted to attend any school dances with his new wife. Casey Engstrom has been informed that he is banned from such school functions because of skin-stretching jewelry in his lip and ears. [Link]

Cynthia Nixon got involved in a debate about her kids' school, with video.

Send folk singer Odetta a card-- she's in critical condition in a New York hospital.

A man listed a beat up, useless automobile on e-bay for a few hundred dollars and then all but forgot about it. When the auction closed at well over $200,000, it became clear that the car was only one of six of its kind ever made.

Can someone explain to us why the TRL finale was on a Sunday night? Anyway, it featured a stunning cast of music stars, including Eminem, Justin Timberlake, and Beyonce.

And Barack Obama had a busy Sunday: he resigned his Senate seat, gave the Democratic radio address, and addressed the nation... all on YouTube.

Related:

Oregon Stripper-Mayor Stripped of Power: Let Freedom Reign!

Female Reverend Banned From Preaching After Drunken Swingers Weekend

It's About Damn Time The World Had a Black Wonder Woman

Hot Teacher Caught After Three-Year Affair With Female Student

While You Were Sleeping: Nude Photo Hoax

Sloppy Seconds: Photos of New Planets, Yay!

Who Will Be the First to Interview President Obama?

Emily Farris — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 18:39:00 GMT

You may have thought Scanner Brian would be the first to snag an interview with our new president, Barack Obama. Unfortunately, one of those fancy "real" news outlets beat us to it.

"60 Minutes" will get the first interview with President Elect Obama and our soon-to-be First Lady, Michelle Obama.

The interview is scheduled to take place with Steve Kroft today and it will air this Sunday at 7. So set your TiVo and invite us over. We'll bring the casserole.

[CBS: President-Elect Obama On 60 Minutes Sunday]

Related:

CBS News Correspondent Embroiled In Career-Defining Sex Scandal

Shameless Self Promotion: My Book!

While You Were Sleeping: The New American Idol Judge

[Image]

Caption This: Euro Beyonce

Emily Farris — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 18:07:00 GMT

Beyonce performs "If I Were a Boy" at the 2008 MTV Europe Music Awards.

Video after the jump.

[Image]

Paris Hilton: A Pedophile with a Message

Emily Farris — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 15:02:00 GMT

In our attempt to track down the entire "Paris Hilton for President" video (because we know you're just dying to watch it), we came across Ms. Hilton's official YouTube page. Front and center was a video from 2006 we've never seen, for a song we've never heard.

Anyway, we found this video. And it's so wrong in so many ways. Watch Paris gyrate on a 12-year-old in his bedroom (er, in his dreams?) while she wears only tightie whities and the message "Dare to Dream" flashes across the screen.

Paris Hilton, You and You Alone (and Maybe Nicole Ritchie) Can Stop Puppy Mills

And Your Little Dog, Too: Attack on Paris Hilton's Pups?

Paris Hilton Punks the Paparazzi

Mean Girls: Paris Hilton Calls Former BFF's Ass "Cottage Cheese Inside a Trash Bag"

Caption This: Paris Hilton Visits An Orphanage

Photo Evidence: Tila Tequila Was A Vegas Call Girl

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 19:19:00 GMT

Hey, we don't judge anyone for trying to earn a living. As long as you aren't hurting anyone, we don't care if you smoke crack and jerk off while working as a telemarketer. (Okay, the telemarketing thing is uncool-- it's better if you get into burglarly instead.)

But we do report the news and this photo of Tila Tequila that supposedly proves she was a Vegas escort falls under that category, at least as far as our threshold is concerned...

The only reason we think this flyer, which a guy picked up from a total stranger in Vegas (no STD jokes, please), might be fake is the price: two girls for $79? Are those recession prices or pre-Tequila-MTV-fame prices? Because we can't imagine Vegas was that cheap even back then...

The original author explains that, once you call looking for the $79 special, the price immediately rises to $370. The call girl line operator hung up on when he explained that Tila and Suzette were probably one and the same. He never learned for sure whether Tila was just posing for the ad or actually worked for the hooker operation... or something else.

Until we uncover the truth, here's the full ad:

Via Spike.

Related:

Love Myself for Hating You: Tila Tequila

Sloppy Seconds: Why Should The Gays Thank Tila Tequila?

This Week In Gayness: Man Gets 150 Days For Being Accessory To Gay Murder

While You Were Sleeping: Better To Be Fat And Fit?

New Orleans Politician Arrested While Getting-- How Perfect-- A Lap Dance

Anyone Else Glad To See Criss Angel And/Or David Blaine Go Down Like A Punch To The Gut?

Britney Spears Is (Almost) Not Completely Repulsive In Her New Video

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 16:41:00 GMT

Britney Spears has another comeback video for the masses to eat up for two seconds, then dispose of in the nearest receptacle.

Aside from the music, which, like everything the pop star has released, is awful beyond words in our current vocabulary, this is the best MTV video we've seen in years... which, since we haven't seen a video on MTV since 1993, isn't saying much...

Britney Spears - Womanizer (Director Cut)

We kind of like the part where she photocopies her ass (while wearing a skirt? wha?) and then, for no apparent reason, slams that guy's head onto the copier. It gave us a little peek into what likely goes on at Britney Headquarters on a daily basis-- Britney comes in wearing something that would be incredibly desirable on any other woman of the world, then beats the shit out of everyone and shaves herself in appropriate places, like her head or the backseat of a Volkswagen.

P.S. Can anyone explain to us why that cell phone calendar stops on April 20th, of all the dates in the world, the day of the Columbine massacre and Hitler's birthday? Just asking...

Have We Finally Found Stills from the Britney Spears Sex Tape?

Britney Spears Will Open VMA's, We Will Watch With Popcorn and Open Minds

Isn't It Ironic? Jonas Brothes Lurve Britney Spears

We Haven't Seen Britney Spears This Animated in Years (Har, Har)

While You Were Sleeping: Which Hollywood Celeb Loves Anal Sex?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

The leader of the dreaded Taliban in Pakistan is dead. Much to everyone's chagrin, his death is from kidney failure.

This new Dr. Drew sex show isn't going over well. Especially the stuff about Moms and their sons discussing each others' sex lives.

That nonsense about Russia being so close to Alaska? Turns out it's truer than we thought...

Owen Wilson's new addiction? Text messaging.

Sharon Stone is really starting to freak us out. Stop it!

And we were going to wait for the full Esquire feature, but it's taking forever to come out, so we'll just tell you what we know: Anne Hathaway has become the first Hollywood star to publicly praise anal sex:

“Every woman should try it, otherwise they miss out on something amazing.” She adds that anal penetration makes her feel “feminine in a very special way.”

The actress also spoke at length about the significance selecting a trustworthy partner for first time anal encounters.

Via Pop Crunch.

Related:

Spencer Pratt Knows a Thing or Seven About Initiating Anal Sex

Karrine Steffans Asks That You Please Take Your Anal Beads Home With You

The 99 Most Degrading Sex Acts... There Has To Be One More, No?

Coming Soon: Nude Photos of Anne Hathaway

While You Were Sleeping: Don't Drink The Drinking Water, People

Girl, Molested By Teacher And Guidance Counselor, Is Kicked Out Of School

Sloppy Seconds: Is Lindsay Lohan High on Drugs or Love?

Emily Farris — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 21:01:00 GMT

Katie Couric asks Sarah Palin what, exactly, does Alaska have to do with Russia? [MollyGood]

It's a little creepy to think of that guy from Moviefone making a list of "the hottest young stars." [MTV]

Brad Pitt can wear just about anything, as long as he doesn't have that terrible goatee. [FameCrawler]

Lance Bass is super happy for gay Clay Aiken. [People]

Some suspect that Lilo is back on drugs. She is looking quite thin these days. Perhaps she's just so happy and in love she forgets to eat? [FadedYouth]

MTV Launches Sex Talk Show, We Relive Our Awkward Youth

Emily Farris — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 15:58:00 GMT

First New Kids on the Block re-formed, then Beverly Hills 90210 came back with a little less than a bang and now this dude is going to have a talk show on MTV about sex? Will Zack Morris step out of my dreams and into my car already?

MTV will premiere a sex-themed series featuring relationships expert Dr. Drew Pinsky on September 29.

In each half-hour episode of "Sex ... With Mom and Dad," the father of 15-year-old triplets will help a teen and his or her parents work through their problems discussing sex, dating and relationships. MTV has ordered 20 episodes.

Meh. That title freaks us out. Plus, we'd rather watch re-runs of Love Line, but considering we have neither cable or a car (both of which we had in the 90's) we won't be seeing much of Dr. Drew or Zack Morris any time soon.

[Reuters: MTV, Dr. Drew talking about "Sex"]

My Life Just Flashed Before My Eyes: The Evolution of the Cell Phone

The MTV Movie Awards: More Entertaining Than We Wanted Them To Be

Sloppy Seconds: C-ya L8-R, TRL

Emily Farris — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 21:29:00 GMT

Lance Bass will be the first openly gay contestant to appear on Dancing With the Stars. And in case you're wondering, he will be dancing with a woman. [People]

Al Gore is to the Internet as John McCain is to the Blackberry? [Jossip]

We officially like Todd Palin far more than we like Sarah (we feel sorry for him, too). [Gawker]

Musical vibrators? Sign us up! [Queerty]

After ten long, party-top-filled years, MTV's TRL, originally known as Total Request Live, has been canceled. This will clear Times' Square and very important brain space for many people. [Us]

Isn't It Ironic? Jonas Brothes Lurve Britney Spears

Emily Farris — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 15:33:00 GMT

"Jonas Brothers' Wish Comes True: They Meet Britney Spears Backstage At The VMAs," read the MTV headline.

This makes us chuckle, you see, because just yesterday, we were discussing the Jonas Brothers' ~~chastity belts~~ purity rings.

And just yesterday, they were drooling all over Brit Baby and her "shimmery asymmetrical minidress."

The boys, dressed in suits, posed with a smiling multiple-VMA-winning Spears, who was decked out in a shimmery asymmetrical minidress, for a picture together backstage at the show.

The brothers, who didn't win any awards themselves, told UsMagazine.com before the awards show that they wanted to meet the one and only comeback kid.

"We really hope we get to meet her," Kevin Jonas told the site following their rehearsal of their new single, "Lovebug," on a New York City set at Paramount Studios for the VMAs, which aired live from Hollywood on Sunday. "That would be an honor," Kevin added. His brothers agreed.

Ummm, in this particular scenario, is it okay to make a blanket statement along the lines of "this is what's wrong with Christianity today?"

Previously:

Scanner Roundtable: Purity Rings

How Much Did Britney Pay MTV for her VMAs?

Emily Farris — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 20:37:00 GMT

Sorry for all the acronyms, folks. If we recall, from the nineties, M stands for music, TV you get, and VMA is the Video Music Awards, coined by MTV. So we're a little confused about why Britney cleaned up there last night, or rather, we wonder how much she paid MTV to do so.

But considering her award-winning company, we're not all that surprised:

Video of the year: Britney Spears, "Piece of Me."

Female video: Britney Spears, "Piece of Me."

Male video: Chris Brown, "With You."

Rock video: Linkin Park, "Shadow of the Day."

Hip-hop video: Lil Wayne, "Lollipop."

Pop video: Britney Spears, "Piece of Me."

Dancing in a video: The Pussycat Dolls, "When I Grow Up."

New artist: Tokio Hotel

[People: Britney 'Getting Opportunity to Start Over' at VMAs]

[Yahoo!: Winners of the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards]

Britney Spears Will Open VMA's, We Will Watch With Popcorn and Open Minds

Emily Farris — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 14:44:00 GMT

Even after the drunken shiny bikini debacle, MTV wants to hit Britney Spears one more time. That's right, she's going to open the MTV Music Awards this Sunday. While we're busy being super excited that this year we'll finally, maybe be brave enough to pull of this Halloween costume and it will still be timely, MTV is raking in the publicity yet protecting its own ass.

Spears will open the show with something "fun and unexpected" (read: not a "vocal" performance).

"MTV has long played an important role in my career. How can I not be there to kick off their 25th VMAs? I'm excited to open the entire show, to say hi to my fans and to be nominated," Spears said in a statement.

"I think for Britney, people are rooting for her, and she's really on the road to recovery," said the president of MTV, who noted that she'd been for three VMAs, including video of the year, for her clip "Piece of Me."

"It feels like it's her year. It's our 25th anniversary of the VMAs, and she's been such a critical piece of MTV's history."

Um, yeah. Eespecially after the VMA's ratings were up 23% after Spears's last performance.

But MTV beware, if she doesn't do something skanky and stupid, we're going to be really, really disappointed.

[Yahoo!: Spears to open MTV Video Music Awards]

Britney Spears: When the Only One Who Understands You is a Paparazzo

Break Me Off a Piece of That: Britney Nets More Than $110 Million for Other People

Kim Kardashian And Carmen Electra Size Each Other Up, Wrestle, Cuddle

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 18:44:00 GMT

"Disaster Movie": a title like that is going to give the same critics (including yours truly) that trashed "Date Movie" and "Meet the Spartans" lots of ammo for their brutal headlines.

Luckily, Carmen Electra and Kim Kardashian, the film's stars, couldn't give a big, hot, reality star's ass what people think of their movie. Although they do worry about the stalkers and photographers, as they reveal in a couple of creepy-as-hell stories...

Are you guys able to walk around in public without being hassled? Do you ever have experiences with people coming too close to your space?

Electra: I had a weird experience when I was working at MTV. We were shooting an opening of a new restaurant or something. And we were in a different city. I flew in, and I was all by myself because it was one of my first jobs. And I didn't have anyone with me at all. I flew in, and the driver picked me up and took me to the hotel. And there was a guy in the lobby with a clipboard. He said he was from MTV and sort of had the rundown of my schedule and took me up to my room and was in my room with me. I was hanging out with this guy for the entire day. And finally the phone rings and I said, "Answer it," because I was getting ready. And the people from MTV freaked out because they didn't know who he was. It turns out he was a stalker, so they arrested him.

Kim, it probably helps that you always have a reality TV crew following you...
Kardashian: Yeah. But I was in New York last week on my way to the airport, and the driver was taking me. And I fell asleep. And when you're so tired and you fall asleep and your mouth is open and you do not look normal. I woke up to all these flashes. And the driver was turned around driving on the freeway, taking pictures of me sleeping. I was so freaked out.

Electra: Oh no. That's not cool. But I'm sure you sleep beautiful [laughs].

Kardashian: I was drooling down the side of my face [laughs]. I took his camera.

On the rumor mill... how ever do things like this get started:

Kardashian: There was this huge new rumor going around that I got arrested a few days ago for lighting a raccoon on fire. And they had all the paperwork and the documents that I was arrested [laughs]. It was just so bizarre. I don't even know where they came up with that. It was like in Compton, too. I don't think I've been to Compton.

In a separate story, Carmen talked about how their wrestling scene for the movie, which unfortunately begins existing nationwide on Friday, turned her into a Kardashian fan:

She says, "I really got to know her in our wrestling scene... We get into some down and dirty positions, so it's a good thing we became friends. Kim is so cool, not to mention being hot." [Starpulse]

Woody Allen, are you getting this? If you think there should have been more lesbo action between Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz in your (otherwise excellent) new movie, why not do a sequel with these two?

Of course, we're kidding. Woody has better taste than that... we hope.

Via MovieFone.