Scanner : OJ Simpson

While You Were Sleeping: Mel Gibson's Mistresses

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 13:31:00 GMT

Why are there snakes on this motherfuckin' plane?

Child labor is real and undeniably so after these photographs.

A woman turned the tables on a man who tried to rob her: she made him her sex slave.

Hey that woman from the Dominos story turns out to be a sex offender.

Will Ferrell did Man Vs. Wild.

The stupidest quote of the year is officially Hulk Hogan saying he "totally understands OJ."

Another reason to not get implants: the doctor might be using veterinary equipment.

Rush Limbaugh's ten dumbest quotes. How ever did they narrow it down? How ever did they listen to it long enough to hear all these?

And the Mel Gibson mistresses are starting to come out of the works.

American Woman: The Presidential Mistress

While You Were Sleeping: Britain's Next Topless Model

Barack Obama's "Gay Sex Scandal" Is The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Serial Killer Husband Has A Lotta Damn Gall...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 21:34:00 GMT

Drew Peterson killed two of his wives.

As these are only accusations at this point (and barely even that-- the police haven't even charged him with a crime), we could get in a bit of trouble for saying that. But we may have to sacrifice a bit of our own livelihood to wake up this obviously delusional, possible future-victim about to make the biggest mistake of her young life...

An unnamed twenty-four-year-old woman from Bolingbrook, Illinois (if we knew her name, we'd call 4-1-1 and straighten her out, Alec Baldwin-style) is reportedly engaged to Suspect #1, Drew Peterson, whose wife hasn't even been declared dead. This guy's got major cojones-- I thought he was like OJ, searching for the real killer. And hell, at least OJ had the brains not to get engaged during the investigation into his ex-wife's murder.

This guy is one sick individual, God knows what he's capable of doing to his latest early-20's "love." (That's right, his current wife is 24, if she's still alive. How is this guy cleaning up the Illinois-area single women?)

While You Were Sleeping: America's Most Wanted Murder... Solved

Male Fantasy: Who's Your Santa

While You Were Sleeping: Colbert '08 Is On Again

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Bruce Springsteen is playing the Super Bowl, a free show for Obama in Philly on Saturday, and a show with Billy Joel in New York next month.

Paris Hilton's new song "My BFF" has been called a "musical abortion."

A teenager was named prom king, coaches ice hockey, gets good grades, and works a steady job. The news here? He has down syndrome.

Megan Fox is... a man with a vagina. We're not against that.

Megan Fox reckons she will be the perfect wife because she is just like a man – except she has a vagina. [Entertainment Wise]

Stephen Colbert is running for the White House again... this time in comic book form.

As a joke, Colbert had tried but failed to get on both the Democratic and Republican presidential primary ballots in his home state of South Carolina. The consolation prize is a fictional appearance as a major candidate on a make-believe ticket in Spider-Man's world.

The Game isn't going to jail.

The case against OJ Simpson is going to the jury. Wonder if they'll get it right this time...

And Bill Clinton is finally helping out with the Obama campaign. And this time, his "helping" is actually legitimately helping.

Related:

Arkansas Televangelist Busted For Child Sex Acts

Who Would You Rather: Megan Fox vs. Gemma Arterton?

Top 10 Celebrities Who Are Probably Cool In Real Life

Naked Women of Curling... 2008!

Sloppy Seconds: Pete Wentz Puts His Money Where His Penis is Not

Crush of the Week: Kate Middleton, Rollerskating Queen

Sloppy Seconds: You, Like Us, May Think This Picture of O.J. Simpson in a Courtroom is from the 90's, It is Not

Emily Farris — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 21:33:00 GMT

A bottled-water company in New York is now selling bottled water called Tap'dNY. And it's actually tap water from New York—which is actually great. [Tap'dNY]

Britney Spears will release her new album Circus on December 2, her 27th birthday. [MTV]

Jennifer Hudson is engaged to David Otunga, most famous for competing for New York's affections on the reality show I Love New York 2. Good luck with that, kids. [Stereohyped]

Eva Longoria Parker is not pregnant, "she's just fat," her co-stars say. We think that if she were really "just fat" they wouldn't be throwing the term "fat" around so easily, even if it is just for a role. But really, we don't care that much. [People]

Sarah Palin thought Tina Fey's impression of her was "quite funny" especially because Palin once dressed up as Fey for Halloween. [CBS]

Welcome to the nineties. O.J. Simpson is on trial yet again. But this time there will be no black gloves.. or so we imagine. [Yahoo!]

Sloppy Seconds: OJ's Next Career Move

Emily Farris — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 21:21:00 GMT

This is definitely the largest naturally occuring penis we've ever seen. Ever. [YesButNoButYes]

Penis theft in Congo is way beyond our level of comprehension. [Reuters]

There will be no Gay May Day in Moscow. [Queerty]

Julia Roberts doesn't wear deodorant. Big woop. Neither do we. Except down there. [Truemors]

Just in case you weren't sure, the Beyonce and Jay-Z marriage is officially, 100% confirmed. We think. [FameCrawler]

O.J. Simpson really, really, really wants to be on The Apprentice. Donald, if you don't let him on, he'll cut you. [MollyGood]

An Open Letter to OJ Simpson

Emily Farris — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 21:47:00 GMT

OJ, OJ, OJ. When will you learn? You can't just go around doing shit, plead not guilty, and expect to not get in trouble for it. We know you got off easy once or twice in your life, but this shit has got to stop. You're an adult. Seriously? Robbing people at gunpoint? Don't you have, like, lots of money? We're sure you can find a well-paying job writing a book about how you didn't kill your ex wife, or if you did how it would have gone down. If that doesn't work out for you, maybe you could get a job acting? You've had two successful careers. Maybe you could have another. What about Dancing With the Stars?

All we're saying is, you have some good things going in your life. You need to focus on those things and stop with all this jerking around. We're not trying to make you feel bad or anything. We're only telling you this because we care. Really, OJ, we do.

P.S. Please send us a holiday bed vibrator. Thanks!