Scanner : Penelope Cruz

Who Is Vanity Fair's Most Beautiful Woman in the World?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 13:54:00 GMT

People Magazine has The Sexiest Man Alive. Maxim has its Sexiest Woman of the Year. Vanity Fair, desperate to singlehandedly save Conde Nast, has just announced the winner of its Most Beautiful Woman in the World poll. Of course, the press release makes no mention of a followup contest involving men, since that wouldn't sell at the newsstand.

First of all, is their #1 choice the right one or was ~~Kate Beckinsale~~ ~~Kate Winslet~~ ~~Scanners Emily/Colleen~~ unfairly snubbed?

7. Queen Rania of Jordan. Are we crazy or is the only media outlet in the world that even mentions her starts with a "V" and ends with an "anity Fair?" They must be bestfriendsforver with the Queen, because Graydon Carter's staff mentions her every chance they get.

6. Bar Rafaeli. This girl's agent is seriously working overtime-- he got her a date and (probably) a fake relationship with Leonardo DiCaprio, the cover of Sports Illustrated, and onto this list without anyone even knowing who she is. That's not to say we dislike her-- seriously, we're impressed with her sudden success.

5. Jennifer Connelly. Jennifer Connelly is too skinny to be as beautiful as she was even five years ago. End of story.

4. Penelope Cruz. While our comments above could hold weight here, we decided not to diss Penelope after all. She is thin, yes, but she's not hideous for it-- and she couldn't be more beautiful the way she is now.

3. Scarlett Johansson. Arguably the most desirable woman in the world, Scarlett Johansson has seemed a bit less appealing lately. That has nothing to do with our getting used to her beauty and everything to do with her vicinity to Ryan Reynolds

2. Giselle Bundchen. She was our pick for #1, if only because she's on the cover of Vanity Fair this month. Apparently, that wasn't enough to put her over the top... meaning there's a surprise winner...

1. Angelina Jolie. Agree or disagree?

Via Vanity Fair.

Who Would You Rather: Brad Pitt vs. Every Other Man in the World?

While You Were Sleeping: Joining the Mile High Club

Trend Alert: Women Leaving Men For Other Women

Aging Gracefully Like Sophia Loren

Colleen Kane — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 20:14:00 GMT

A certain stunning Hollywood beauty in her 30s is currently vowing to age gracefully without the aid of cosmetic surgery...you know, like Sophia Loren?

There's one potential problem with her plan...

Some people on the interweb are speculating that Sophia Loren has had cosmetic surgery.

At any rate, the actress who is not afraid to age naturally is Penelope Cruz, who says,"Age holds absolutely no fear for me. There is so much enjoyment ahead.
"Sophia is 74 and amazing - every time I talk to her, she’s full of wonderful stories about old actors."

But even Penny C is has body issues.

"I know myself a little bit more (as I grow older)… but I wish I was less insecure. I’ve always had my insecurities and most of them have not gone away. I guess we’re all vulnerable."

You see, girls? If even Angelina Jolie and Penelope Cruz aren't satisifed with their looks, it's hopeless. We're doomed.

Related:

Top 10 Worst Celebrity Plastic Surgeries

Cosmo and AskMen in Steel Cage Match Battle of the Sexes

While You Were Sleeping: The Heath Ledger Investigation

While You Were Sleeping: Paula Deen Moons Her Audience

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Memo to Citibank employees: if you receive a letter requesting $27 million for the Bank of Ethiopia, check to make sure it wasn't posted in Nigeria.

The GOP attacked Obama on the stimulus... but this guy couldn't name a single piece of "pork," not even a general category.

You have to wait till the end of this Walker: Texas Ranger clip for the payoff-- and it's laugh-out-loud, knee-slappin' good times...

Ah, young love: these days, it entails sex with your teacher dozens of times in several locations, including the parking lot of a K-Mart.

A man accidentally shot himself during a robbery attempt. He proceeded to lose the loot... and his pants.

Prince dedicated his secret Hollywood concert after the Oscars to Penelope Cruz.

Authorities busted 500 people and freed 48 child prostitutes in a major raid yesterday.

And, in perhaps one of the greatest YouTube moments so far, Paula Deen mooned her fans at the Miami Food and Wine Festival...

Related:

Don't Miss the Awesomeness on Late Night's Goodbye Week

Conan and Cannolis Brought Out the Dirty Talk in Paula Deen

While You Were Sleeping: Westboro Stoops To New Low, Falls On Its Face

Scanner Predicts the 2009 Academy Award Winners

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 22:56:00 GMT

In this week's New York Magazine, prediction guru Nate Silver made some oddball predictions, choosing mathematical calculations done on his computer instead of using common sense. We were baffled by one of his chooses, while he wisely stayed away from all of the categories in which the race is too close to call.

We are going to be a bit more courageous here and will take on the crazy Academy in the only way how: by thinking like an Academy voter, a person who doesn't see any of the nominated movies and just vote for whatever the hype machine tells them to. (Hint: This isn't Josh Brolin's year.)

Best Picture: Slumdog Millionaire, easy. Nate Silver agrees. Will anyone even be tuned in at 4:30a.m. Monday when they finally get to this predictable category? They might've been, if this wasn't the worst and most uninspiring crop of best movie nominees since Titanic faced off against... what were those other ones again?

Best Director: Yawn. Gus Van Sant loses again.

Best Actress: Does Meryl Streep really need a third Oscar statue? Has anyone even heard that Doubt is any good, let alone seen it, loved it, and thought Meryl the best of this year's many great leads? Give it to Kate Winslet, for God's sake-- she's long overdue, especially for Heavenly Creatures, Sense and Sensibility, and that Poseidon Adventure remake-- no, no, the other one.

Best Actor: When you strip all the hype away, Sean Penn might've had the better performance in Milk. But you will lose the Oscar pool this year if you bet against Mickey Rourke...

Best Supporting Actress: Here's where Nate Silver cannot possibly be right. He calls it for Taraji P. Henson for Benjamin Button, in a role that might be described as "a one-dimensional stock African-American female overworked, 'oh Lawdy' character that went out with the Civil Rights era, and a hideously offensive caricature even in the 1930s, when this type first showed up on our screens."

Penélope Cruz, who won the BAFTA for her role in Vicky Cristina Barcelona, would seem the logical default. But computer sez: Benjamin Button’s Taraji P. Henson! Button, which looks like a shutout everywhere else, is the only Best Picture nominee with a Supporting Actress nod, and Best Pic nominees tend to have an edge in the other categories.

That's not thinking like a racist (sorry, but it's true) Academy voter-- there are two black women nominated in this category and only has hype on her side: Viola Davis for Doubt. Meanwhile, Penelope has all the hype, buzz, momentum, whatever you want to call it. Oh, and she's famous-- that can't hurt.

Best Supporting Actor: Apparently, there's some guy named Heath Ledger nominated for one of those Hollywood action movies. The oracle says he may pull off an upset here...

And on to the really competitive categories, which Silver doesn't dwell on:

Best Documentary: Either the Academy didn't consider Waltz With Bashir a documentary or it thought the print was "too loud." That leaves Man on Wire and Encounters at the End of the World, plus longshot Trouble the Water, to duke it out while you head for a bathroom break. While we'd rather hear a long-overdue Werner Herzog acceptance speech (until now, he was the best director never nominated for an Oscar in any category), it looks like Philip Petite will walk a tightrope to the podium with the makers of the documentary about his high-wire act between the Twin Towers. While Man on Wire is a fascinating, even riveting film, it left many unanswered questions, like the typical suspense-thriller it's styled after. Encounters was a tighter, more focused, and ultimately more rewarding experience. Of course, there's something to be said for Trouble the Water, basically a home movie about Katrina that's taken the festival circuit by storm... but we're getting sidetracked.

Best Foreign Film: Waltz with Bashir. France dropped the ball on The Secret of the Grain (we're pretty sure it was in the running to be the country's official selection for the Oscars), choosing to promote the unfulfilling and pointless school drama The Class as its movie of the year. That officially doomed their chances of taking home a trophy-- Waltz will waltz home with the prize.

Here is Silver's original rundown, plus indieWire's superior list of predictions along with a "who should win" for each category that we agree with almost 100%.

Leo's Girlfriend is a Sports Illustrated Cover Girl

And the Critics Choice Award Goes To...

Mr. Skin's 2009 Naked Oscar Nominees Are Here, Free and Uncensored

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 18:52:00 GMT

Excuse the terrible headline, but we're rushing to be the first to take down The Man (Mr. Skin) by revealing his Top 5 Naked 2009 Academy Award Nominees in all their free and uncensored glory...

Earlier this week, the Hollywood nude database announced the famed annual list of naked Oscar nominees (of the ten females in acting categories, only Viola Davis has had a nude-free career.) Of course, there was an accompanying video with little Skin-heads over the naughty bits... but we'll take them away just for you, for free. You can't see this anywhere else... well, unless you do an exhaustive internet search that takes hours of our time, like we did...

5. Anne Hathaway - Havoc, nominated this year for Best Actress for Rachel Getting Married. Warning: this sex scene is disturbing, even in this chopped-up version.

4. Melissa Leo - Streetwalkin' (Best Actress - Frozen River) Although we couldn't find the topless scene Mr. Skin mentions, here's another scene with Leo showing some other parts of her award-winning anatomy, plus another funny "sex" scene from The Three Burials... movie, in which Dwight Yoakam remains in his socks. Classic.

3. Penelope Cruz - Elegy (Best Supporting Actress for Vicky Cristina Barcelona.) Why hadn't we heard of this before? It stars Penelope Cruz, Ben Kingsley, and Patricia Clarkson, and features two of those three in the buff (guess which?) Also, it's based on a forgettable Philip Roth bestseller from only a few years ago. Did we mention Penelope is topless for what seems like all of the movie's two hour running time? Guess we'll have our answers on March 17th, when it Elegy comes to DVD.

2. Kate Winslet - The Reader (Best Actress for the same.) We haven't seen this movie, but the fact that we've heard it called one of the worst movies ever nominated for Best Picture and "without a doubt the foulest film about the Holocaust" leads us to believe that having checked out Winslet's three nude scenes online is more than enough torture for one year. By the way, since this film is still on theaters, this is a bootleg of a bootleg, so the quality is understandably low.

1. Marisa Tomei - The Wrestler (Best Supporting Actress for the same.) This nude scene has been played to death on Scanner's pages, but hey, this isn't our list. Use the link below to check out the many other great clips from her wonderful career.

Marisa Tomei NUDE Stripper Performance in 'The Wrestler'

Top 5 Salma Hayek Sex Scenes

Top 5 Sex Scenes Starring Angelina Jolie

Amber Heard Finally Nails Her Breakthrough With This Sex Scene

While You Were Sleeping: Woody And the Scarlett-Penelope Makeout Scene

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

How does a man "accidentally" castrate himself and flush his own penis down the toilet?

Robin Quivers has some diet tips for you that sound similar to everything else you've heard, except they worked for her.

It's nice to see that Etta James is as crazy as we remember her from a 2008 concert.

Are you an ex-masturbator? We are-- although only from this moment until the moment after this post is complete.

Don't miss John Cleese on Jimmy Kimmel.

Barry Bonds plead not guilty to charges of perjury. Does this guy ever stop lying?

Joe Satriani won't have his goons stalk Coldplay at the Grammy's.

Michael Phelps has been suspended from swimming and lost his Corn Flakes deal. So what?

And Woody Allen wasn't even there to witness Scarlett and Penelope make out. Huh? What kind of director misses that scene?

Why You Should Never Deny a Kansas City Man His Ice Cream (Hint: You Will End Up Dead)

While You Were Sleeping: Another American Cheater Unveiled

Sloppy Seconds: Frisky's Ten Best Male Nude Scenes List

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 21:45:00 GMT

Roger Ebert ripped Ben Stein a new one again, and much more effectively this time, with a blog entitled "Win Ben Stein's Mind." As one commenter put it, " Should one win Ben Stein's mind, what would one do with it, since it is obviously useless as a functioning organ?"

Jon Hamm & Tina Fey? On 30 Rock, where the best celebrity couplings happen.

The first Best Movies Of The Year awards were given out by the National Board of Review... and the winners are:

Picture: Slumdog Millionaire
Director: David Fincher for ...Benjamin Button
Actress: Anne Hathaway for Rachel Getting Married
Actor: Clint Eastwood for Gran Torino
Supporting Actor: Josh Brolin for Milk
Supporting Actress: Penelope Cruz for Vicki Cristina Barcelona

The Frisky came out with their ten best male nude scenes list.

An idiot Republican congresswoman hung up on Obama (twice!) and Rahm Emanuel, just for laughs.

Kristin Stewart as Joan Jett. Yeah, we can picture that.

And Jeremy Piven may be getting married to John Cleese's daughter.

Sean Penn Propositions James Franco for Sex

This Week in Gayness: Gotta Love Them Bathhouses

Sloppy Seconds: Flavor of the Week

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 50-41

Sloppy Seconds: And Just What Does Woody Allen Think Is So Unfunny?

Emily Farris — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Is there even more "Sex and the City" in our future? [Us]

If you're just dying to hear Britney Spears' new single "Womanizer," here: [Radar]

Thank the God in heaven (who we don't really believe in): Elisabeth Hasselbeck is leaving The View (that we don't really watch) for Fox News (which we absolutely don't watch). [PopCrunch]

Is there trouble in Olsen Twin paradise? But not double trouble (har, har). [MollyGood]

Cynthia Nixon is very pleased with Brad Pitt these days. [People]

"It would be a disgrace and a humiliation if Barack Obama does not win," according to Woody Allen. [Yahoo!]

[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: The Heath Ledger Investigation

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 14:33:00 GMT

James Franco denies the shirt he wears in Pineapple Express is "stolen."

Betty White and Rue McClanahan both avoided Estelle Getty's funeral.

Shia Labeouf will not, as previously rumored, lose a finger.

Even some offensive jokes are too offensive for Bob Saget: he has lashed out at an eating disorder joke and other comments made at the expense of the Olsen twins during his own Comedy Central roast.

Celebrity Hero of the Day: Kirk Douglas, who has long fought for an official US apology for slavery, is thrilled that the House has passed a fitting resolution.

A judge tossed Lisa Marie's lawsuit against ex-boyfriend Tim Burton, which comes as no surprise.

The paparazzi have yet to capture Nicole Kidman's phantom baby. In a photograph, of course.

Can you believe the cast Chicago director Rob Marshall assembled for his new musical, Nine: Daniel Day Lewis, Penelope Cruz, Marion Cotillard, Kate Hudson, Dame Judi Dench, and Sophia Loren... for starters. There's also some guy named Fellini who's working on the screenplay...

The Heath Ledger investigation has closed. It's unclear whether Mary-Kate Olsen's refusal to testify is a reason investigators ended their search, for lack of evidence.

Via WENN.

Related:

Preliminary Results On "Who Would You Rather": DD Lewis vs. Bardem

Crush of the Week: Marion Cotillard

We Saw The Dark Knight In A Cavernous Movie Theater, During The Dead Of Night

Was Nicole Kidman Ever Really Pregnant?

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse's Spiked Drink

Sloppy Seconds: Which Pop Star Might Play The Lead In The Next Tarantino Film?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 21:20:00 GMT

A screen capture from the new Woody Allen film. By the way, that's Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz.

Morgan Freeman that may have had his mistress with him in the car crash that caused him serious harm: it turns out he is also going through a divorce.

British model Katie Price has Olympic fever: she's gearing up for 2012.

Twenty six Texas cheerleaders tried to break a pointless record by stuffing themselves into one elevator. Can you guess what happened?

The elevator successfully descended from the fourth floor to the first, but the doors refused to open.

The panicked girls managed to wiggle a few cell phones free to call for help. But it took about 25 minutes before a repairman was able to fix the door, police said.

Can you picture Toni Braxton or some other sometime A-listers on "Dancing With The Stars?"

Quentin Tarantino is reportedly in talks with Britney's reps about her playing a lesbian stripper in his remake of "Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!"

Scarlett Johansson dismisses reports her makeout scene with Penelope Cruz is gonna be bonerrific. Learn more about this story in The Screengrab.

While You Were Sleeping: Porn Star Solves The Catholic Crisis

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:00:00 GMT

Ashley Dupre is suing Ashley Dupre for "stealing her identity." Unfortunately, this is not the plot of Paul Auster's next book...

Gun control is apparently impossible to implement, even at a Chinese press conference... on gun control.

Penelope Cruz blames a little monster for her relationship problems. No, sicko, it's not in her pants.

Actors Jeffrey Wright and Josh Brolin were not victims of backwoods lawmen. At least, not in the racist backwoods lawmen sense. (Seriously, we're not surprised that the cops probably didn't use pepper spray and racial taunts in this case-- the proof is in their mugshots, which show both men to be relatively clear-eyed and cheerfully posing.)

Jennifer Garner is pregnant with her second child.

Check out these statistics, from the Telegraph:

One in five 11 to 15-year-olds in England - 640,000 school pupils - had drunk alcohol in the past week, figures published by the NHS Information Centre show.

The study found that the average amount consumed by teenagers who had drunk recently was 12.7 units a week, equivalent to six pints of beer or almost a bottle and a half of wine.

You think these numbers would be higher or lower in the US for the same age group?

And Belladonna, the 27-year-old porn star, offered to donate hundreds of her adult films to the Australian Catholic Church, believing it will help with their abuse problem. Bell, we're not entirely sure your movies are what they'd be interested in.

Sloppy Seconds: In Which Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz Make Out

Emily Farris — Wed, 14 May 2008 21:49:00 GMT

By the time (if ever) we get engaged, we'll probably be twice Jamie Lynn Spears' age and our engagement ring will cost half as much. [FameCrawler]

Is anyone going to read James Frey's new novel? It's supposed to be fiction. [Yahoo!]

If you had groupies, wouldn't you sleep with them? We would, unless we were, say, William Shatner and the Trekkies wanted to act out SciFi fantasies in bed. [Contact Music]

Rep. Larry McKeon, Illinois' first openly-gay politician is dead after suffering a stroke. [Queerty]

Dixie Chicks frontwoman Natalie Maines thinks Jessica Simpson should "pick back" on George Bush after he made a joke about "the Jessica Jinx." We couldn't agree more, and we'll even feed her the lines. [Us]

In the teaser for the upcoming Woody Allen film, Vicky Christina Barcelona, Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz lock lips for about 1.79 seconds. Everyone else is kissing, too, so you'll have to watch closely to catch it. [Defamer]

Sloppy Seconds: Playboy's Hot List, Student Teacher Sex, Sexual Squashing, and Scarlett Johansson's Lesbian Sex Scene

Emily Farris — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Plaboy released their annual Hot List and our not-so-slutty sister FameCrawler weighs in on their more unfortunate choices.

Yet another conventionally attractive female teacher had sex with her male student.

Everybody needs somebody to love. And you know, if that somebody is like 300 pounds and you get off watching her eat and then you like to be sexually squashed by her... well, good for you.

Scarlett Johansson on Penelope Cruz? Coming right up in Woody Allen's "Vicky Cristina Barcelona."

And, we'll see you Tuesday night, right?

[Image via]

The One Time Penelope Cruz Biting Another Girl's Lip Could Gross Us Out

Bryan Christian — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 19:23:00 GMT

You know, we were totally digging on the idea of Penelope Cruz being serious hotness in a porno-themed music video, even if it's for her brother. (Hey, it's not like she's making out with him or anything.) And then those jerks at Fleshbot told us that the girl that she's making out with at the 4:20 mark is, in fact, her sister. (Hey, it's not like she's... uh... Grody!) Seriously, we've never gotten the whole "sisters/twins getting it on" thing -- perhaps because, well, we've got sisters -- and believe us, we really really tried with this one. Ah well, maybe y'all are into that sort of thing? Anyone? Really?