Famous People We're Afraid Will Die in 2009

Colleen Kane — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 14:40:00 GMT

No one could have called Heath Ledger's untimely demise in 2008, but there are some olds who just take on that look of imminent death, as if their essence is draining away. It won't be long once someone takes on the death look, and no one seems to ever shake it off. Paul Newman had it this year. (RIP, Best Guy to Die in 2008.) The ones with the death look are dancing a tango with the Grim Reaper as we speak. Another dead giveaway is if you are reminded about an older celebrity and can't remember if they're dead or not.

The ones in grave danger, a few wild cards, and an example of the death look, after the jump.

Old Hollywood: Mickey Rooney -- He is going to be 89 if he makes it to his birthday in September. Unfortch, he has two factors working against him: the death look, and I couldn't remember if he was still alive or not until looking him up. Runners-up: Elizabeth Taylor, Peter O'Toole, Kirk Douglas

Comics: Don Rickels -- He's got the death look, big time.

If he makes it through 2009, I'll eat my hat. Runners-up: Jerry Lewis, Bea Arthur (too much of a loss to celebrity roasts to contemplate), Phyllis Diller, Carol Burnett

Too Soon: Amy Winehouse -- It wouldn't be surprising if she woke up dead after some party night. I hope not, but it wouldn't be surprising. Runners-up: Swayze -- He's never looked so gaunt; there may be some truth to the rumors that his cancer is getting the best of him.

Classic Country: Merle Haggard -- He's got the cancer. Lung cancer. Runners-up: Loretta Lynn and Willie Nelson, not because they appear to be on death's door, but because that would be just my luck if they died before I got to see them perform live. (I will forever regret missing out on Johnny Cash.)

Rock and Soul: Fats Domino -- Death look. And I didn't realize he was still alive until he got airlifted out of the Ninth Ward during Katrina. Runners-up: Etta James -- I forgot she was still alive until Beyonce's recent portrayal.

Leaders: Ted Kennedy. Runners-up: Jimmy Carter, Fidel Castro, if he's still alive and not propped up for photo ops a la Weekend at Bernie's, Kim Jong-Il, if he's not already dead with an imposter or several in his place as many news reports have speculated. We have another slight possibility in mind that would also be filed under Too Soon and would involve an assasination, but it's too unthinkable to even write.

Sports: I hate sports, so who the F knowss

How Are They Still Alive: Abe Vigoda

Did I miss anyone obvious?

Related:

Wino Goes Topless and We Say No No No

Spoon Or Spork: Amy Winehouse

Amy Winehouse: A F*cking Disastah

Image: Rickels with fellow "comedian" John Mayer, johnmayer.com/blog

Peter O'Toole: Cool Old

Steve McKay — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 13:56:00 GMT

Lots of young people say they love old people, but in the way that they love little kitties or pictures of babies making I’ve-got-gas faces. “So adorable,” they exclaim. “I could just squeeze them forever." But let’s face it, when it comes to real life, young people are freaked by olds. They don’t want to think about having to pee in a bag or dying alone. They don’t want to listen to their lengthy stories or help them buy tea. And they certainly don’t want to deal with the fact that although they’re decades older than them, many olds still want to fuck the youth silly. Face it youngsters, olds are people, too, and olds can be cool. Here’s one special senior who’s got it going on more than you do.

Peter O’Toole is cool. In his youth he was star of the stage and screen and he’s still totally representing. Back in the day he was a handsome young scamp who got up to all sorts of alcohol related mischief and even after having a bunch of his stomach and intestine removed in the mid-70’s from too much boozing he’s still a working actor in his mid-seventies. And these aren’t pity-roles either. His performance was absolutely amazing in Venus, his voice-over work in Ratatouille was great, and he’s got seven roles on the go for this year alone, including playing the Pope on The Tudors. At 75 years old? You wish! If you still don’t think Peter O’Toole is cool then stick this quote in your pipe and smoke it.

The only exercise I take is walking behind the coffins of friends who took exercise.

Scanner : Peter O'Toole

Famous People We're Afraid Will Die in 2009

Wino Goes Topless and We Say No No No

Spoon Or Spork: Amy Winehouse

Amy Winehouse: A F*cking Disastah

Peter O'Toole: Cool Old