Scanner : Pro Life

Man Rams SUV Into Planned Parenthood

Colleen Kane — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 21:10:00 GMT

As you know, it's the 36th anniversary of Roe V. Wade, and this is a day that brings out the fundamentalist nut jobs. In St. Paul, a 32-year-old man rammed his SUV into the front door of a Planned Parenthood, which had zero impact on anything, other than his SUV and the doorframe.

The driver was found chanting and uncooperative after the crash, and police spokesman Peter Panos believes the crash was intentional.

Gotta love a freakazoid who is so "pro-life," yet chooses a protest that endangers lives of people who are out of the womb.

Related:

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Sloppy Seconds: Ellen Degeneres is on the Prowl

Emily Farris — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 23:15:00 GMT

Ellen Degeneres is set on finding Anne Hathaway a new boyfriend. Um, can she find us one while she's at it? [People]

Oh! R. Kelly was married? Could have fooled us. [Us]

What did Martha Stewart say when she walked in on some lesbians having sex in prison? [DailyIntel]

We love this new PlanB commercial. Conservatives? Not so much. [AdAge]

Aaaaaaand the guy who lost the Minnesota state Senate seat is suing him. [Radar]

[Image]

Today in WTF: Planned Parenthood Gift Certificates

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 18:18:00 GMT

Who the hell wants to get someone a Planned Parenthood gift certificate?

What purpose do they serve besides stirring up the hornet's nest that is the anti-abortion movement?

Planned Parenthood of Indiana, Florida, and Illinois have launched the holiday gift of the century, the perfect gift for that girlfriend you've been trying to get on the pill or... or what? Honestly, we can't think of a single person in our lives that could conceivably be receptive to this.

"Oh, thanks, Brian... now I can get that abortion I've always wanted... you cheap bastard."
"Hey, thanks, dude. Now I can finally afford just a single month's supply of birth control pills for my girlfriend. It will be totally fine to go back to having unprotected sex when the certificates run out, right?"
"Oh, honey, you shouldn't have. No, really, you shouldn't have. Your father and I threw up when we opened this."

Apparently, according to a Planned Parenthood in Indiana, these are a tremendous success already, though God knows why. Planned Parenthood isn't even promoting them on their website and the media only just started covering this story after dozens had been sold at each locations. Even they don't know how to market something like this-- although, it should be said, that we are 100% in favor of easy access to birth control... just maybe in better taste than this. After all, would you get someone a box of condoms for Christmas? Kind of tacky.

And, of course, the batshit crazies are already out in droves. Stop Planned Parenthood is already all over this one with their completely off-base claim that this is an attack "on the Christian community at Christmastime."

Huh? You know what, pass me that form, I'm ordering one of these and sending it to Stop Planned Parenthood as a gag gift...

Photo via WISH-TV.

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Is this guy the Barack Obama of the GOP? Um, no.

Scanner Matt — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 22:23:00 GMT

With the Republican Party in crisis many are looking for a new leader to win them back the throne in 2012 (does anyone really believe it will be Sarah Palin?). Thirty-six-year-old Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal (short listed as a McCain VP nominee before the barracuda graced our lives) just might be the guy. He's surrounded by presidential buzz and—let's be honest—it wouldn't hurt the GOP if their conventions looked a little less like white supremacist rallies.

Piyush “Bobby” Jindal picked up his Anglo nickname from The Brady Bunch. Yes, that Bobby, seriously, which he commonly uses as his first name. He at first appears to be a very intelligent individual; he was a Rhodes Scholar at Oxford.

But here’s the thing. He’s crazy.

Jindal supports teaching intelligent design in public schools.

He voted to make the Patriot Act permanent.

He’s a hardcore-let’s-flip-Roe-v.-Wade pro-lifer.

He’s against stem cell research.

Not only does he staunchly support “traditional marriage,” he opposes civil unions.

He supported a constitutional amendment to ban flag burning.

He’s against universal health care.

Watch out for this guy in 2012. He's sure to make an appearance.

Related:

Is The GOP Over Yet? A New Poll Seems To Think So...

The Election Is Over... And Now The Truth Comes Out

Photo/Wikipedia

What'll Happen To Sarah Palin?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 14:02:00 GMT

This is nothing against Sarah Palin-- after all, all GOP candidates are a little bit frightening, a little bit awesome in their determination and genuine will to make the world a better place-- but is she doomed?

No one here in Minneapolis is even talking about the convention. Every conversation at every restaurant in town is centered around one question: what's going to happen to Governor Palin, what with all these rumors and controversies that are swirling around her...

First, there was this e-mail, which we received from reader profrobert on Friday, alerting us to the possibility that Palin's fifth daughter, born less than five months ago, is not hers.

But what would be even more incredible is if it's NOT true: http://www.ktuu.com/global/story.asp?s=8194634

This means her water broke in Texas. She hung around to give a 30-minute speech. She then went to the airport and GOT ON A PLANE. TO ALASKA. I don't know where she was in Texas, but DFW-ANC non-stop is a seven-hour flight.

He makes a great point: who is this person who has her water break and then waits around not only to give a speech but for a plane to take her across most of the entire fucking continent. Her husband claims that a) they just wanted the baby to be 100% Alaskan and b) that his daughter's five month or so absence from school was the result of a bad case of mono. Suuuuuuure it was...

So, of course, the liberal blogosphere goes batshit over the story but no mainstream media outlet wants anything to do with it. Gustav sweeps Palin off the front pages, then the RNC delay further buries the rumors. Meanwhile, Palin is at a rally where she doesn't address the rumors but causes another stir by saying:

“Then we have our daughter Bristol, she’s on the bus with the newborn, and then we have our daughter Willow, who is here, and our youngest daughter Piper,” Ms. Palin said as she introduced her family. “On that bus we have our son, Trig, who is a beautiful baby boy we welcomed into the world just in April..."

Of course, Palin's phrasing would've been completely normal under any other circumstances. But conspiracy theorists flipped again, saying Palin wasn't even saying the words "her" and "baby" one after the other, implying that perhaps Palin is setting herself up to eventually confess to lying. Meanwhile, photos showing that Palin had no baby bump during her pregnancy were all deleted from the Governor's official websites. (We are trying our best to stay out of this, but must add that we defy anyone to locate photos of Palin in the nine months leading up to April 2008 in which she appears pregnant. As soon as an un-Photoshopped photo comes our way, we'll believe her version of the events.)

Then, the bigger story: Palin announces the same daughter is currently five month's pregnant, thus ruling out the possibility of Bristol having already given birth just a few months ago. And while we believe this, again, it doesn't rule out the possibility that Palin is lying: after all, no one is going to ask her to prove conception date. For all we know, she's really only a few months pregnant and that, by the time the baby's born, it will be too late for anyone to stop Palin from becoming Vice President because of the lie. (Side note: Bristol's boyfriend is a self-proclaimed "redneck" who says on his MySpace profile that he doesn't want kids. Wonderful.)

Meanwhile, the Troopergate story (as winking bloggers are referring to it), the mere mention of which earned us a drubbing from her supporters in a previous post, has knocked the pregnancy story off the front pages, albeit for a fairly innocus reason: Palin just now hired a lawyer to defend her in the two-month old investigation. Hmmm....

In any case, the liberal HuffPo has realized Palin is a weak spot on the ticket (we've heard that from numerous fence sitters among the Minneapolis public.) Here's what their front page looked like in the wee hours of this morning:

... TOP GOP GOVERNOR: I'VE HEARD NO DISCUSSION ABOUT REMOVING MS. PALIN FROM THE TICKET ...

'Fringe' Alaskan Secessionist Party: Palin Was A Member... Almost Recalled As Mayor... Directed Fundraising For Indicted Senator's 527... Troopergate Scandal... Calls Iraq A War For Oil... Admits She Hasn't 'Really Focused On Iraq'... Alaska National Guard General: Palin Plays No Role In National Defense... 17 Year-Old Daughter Pregnant...

Also, did you guys hear the Fox News commentator and others pick up the talking point that Palin has "national security experience" because Alaska is "so close to" Russia? What? That's like saying Scanner Nicole and I have foreign policy experience because we're located near Denmark.

All this adds up to one thing: Palin, as a VP candidate, is in trouble. The rumors we're hearing from reliable GOP sources center on two possibilities: 1) Palin may drop out, citing family commitments, and time this withdrawal so that McCain's second choice will be accepted without question by GOP leadership, for fear of losing the election if they don't immediately unite or 2) Palin will continue to cause McCain problems to the point where he will drop Palin himself, but in favor of a female candidate or even Joe Lieberman.

While both seem highly unlikely events, either of them is much less far-fetched now than they were even 24 hours ago...

We'll have more on this story during the next two days of convention coverage...

EXCLUSIVE: McCain-Palin Internal Talking Points Memo Leaked To Scanner

Scanner Roundtable: What Did We Think About The DNC & Obama's Speech?

RNC Day One: Total Anarchy

The Name's Life... Pro-Life: Pro-Life Dick For Senate

Katie Halper — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 16:02:00 GMT

An Idaho organic strawberry farmer named Marvin Richardson announced he was running as an independent to fill the U.S. Senate seat left wide, gaping, open by Senator Larry Craig. Richardson, who wants to outlaw abortion and subject abortion doctors to the death penalty, lost his race for Governor in 2006. And, since filling Senator Craig's tapping and wide stance-ing shoes is a daunting task for anyone, a Richardson victory seemed unlikely. But that was before Richardson did what no man before him was brave enough to do... legally change his name from Marvin Richardson to Pro-Life.

Why did the Strawberry farmer/ anti-choice crusader legally drop Marvin and Richardson and change his name to Pro-Life? Well, in all honestly, a lot of people have legally changed their names from Marvin. But Why drop the Richardson and add the Pro-Life? Because Pro-Life would be listed on the ballot as Pro-Life, which Pro Life knows would be great for the Pro Life movement, if not candidate: "You never know when someone is contemplating an abortion.... Just because my name being Pro Life will save babies. I can say this election cycle somebody is going to change their mind about killing their babies." Sounds like a plan! Unfortunately some hater/ baby killer introduced legislation that would require the ballot to say that Pro Life was formerly known as Marvin Richardson. But Pro Life formerly known as Marvin Richardson is such a mouthful and probably doesn't even fit on the notorioiusly small Idahoan ballot. So I propose a compromise: give Pro Life's former last name its traditional nickname: Dick. Pro Life Dick For Senate!