Scanner : Royal Family

While You Were Sleeping: It's A Lipstick Jungle Out There

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 13:10:00 GMT

Women in Saudi Arabia are going to other countries to shop for lingerie because of the male store employees. In other news, Saudi Arabia allows lingerie.

Prince William "can marry a Jedi," but not a Catholic.

Fake Dina Lohan and Fake Christopher Walken were outed and removed, respectively, from Twitter.

Richard Simmons never stops entertaining, even in the airport, and even if it means singing... "Single Ladies?"

What do you do if your first bank robbery fails? Go into the next bank. That way, it's easier for the cops to find you.

No one wants to have to sit through the vile, racist Rush Limbaugh show, which is why Media Matters has set up Limbaugh Wire.

John Mayer is wearing, um, a little sailor suit and, um, sniffing a mankini.

And are you sitting down? Lipstick Jungle has been canceled, if you hadn't already heard.

Lily Allen Has Something to Show You

Facebook Quickly Becoming a Raging Cesspool...

Britain's Sexual Hazing Rituals Apparently News to Some People...

While You Were Sleeping: Carrie Underwood's Dress Was Too Short

While You Were Sleeping: The Rihanna Nightmare Continues

Princess Eugenie, An Amateur Stripper, Is Our Favorite Female Royal

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 17:35:00 GMT

Last June, we reported on Her Royal Highness Princess Eugenie of York's nude rampage. The daughter of Sarah Ferguson from Weight Watchers and some British dude has been trying to publicly top herself ever since-- because you know the Queen likes nothing better than to hear about her heirs getting all liquored up and running wild in the streets...

Her Royal Rockness spent Thursday night partying past dawn at a London gentleman's club-- the London's Sophisticats** Gentleman's Club, that is.

The princess giggled as she watched a brunette dancer perform a raunchy routine for one of her male friends, before standing up and dancing next to her table with a pal.
Eugenie then asked if she could get on stage and strut her stuff on the pole.
A source told Britain's The Daily Mail newspaper: "Because of health and safety regulations she was told she would not be allowed unless she was employed by the club and had undergone training on the pole, like all their dancers. It was all done very tongue-in-cheek and Eugenie took it in good spirits."

Eugenie, 18, is so wealthy, she's not only able to start her weekends one night early, but she can afford a £20 lapdance. (£20 converts to about "three times the average American's checking account.)

The royal was accompanied by her Police Protection Officer, who sat at a neighbouring table watching the teenager. [Royal Watch]

We have a sinking suspicion he may have been enjoying his job for the first time...

Related:

Princess Eugenie's Endearing Nude Rampage

Obama Speechwriter and His Maxim Girl Steam Up the White House

Crush of the Week: Kate Middleton, Rollerskating Queen

While You Were Sleeping: Weekend Weddings

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 15:52:00 GMT

Someone has been posing as a thirteen-year-old Australian girl on the internet and posting nude photos, license plates, and phone numbers online predators. Unsurprisingly, the cops want to do the job themselves.

Censorship reigns supreme in America, even in art galleries.

What's worse than getting married at a Waffle House? Getting married at Taco Bell.

Roland Burris-- forgotten footnote or future Senator? History will be decided today.

What happens when you're Elvis Costello and you're on tour with The Clash and the Damned? Painful pranks.

Charlotte Church is old enough to have a baby? Holy God, we must be getting old.

A man solved a Rubik's Cube... after 26 years of trying. We're not supporters of just giving up when something doesn't work, but...

'Til Death will return for a fourth season.

Prince Harry apologized for calling someone a "raghead" and another a "Paki."

And Kevin Costner was in the hospital while, on an unrelated note, Fergie got married in Malibu.

Princess Eugenie's Endearing Nude Rampage

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 14:02:00 GMT

The English papers are in an uproar over Princess Eugenie's supposed nude "rampage" of last week. We here in America have a different word for it: we call it "college."

A senior staff member was woken by playful shrieks in the college grounds, and upon investigating found about a dozen young women dancing around without any clothes on. [via Telegraph]
“The girls had been drinking, possibly in a local pub, and decided to let their hair down.It was a couple of weeks ago just before people started taking their A-levels and some find exams all a bit stressful. For some reason they stripped off and started prancing about.” [via British Royal Wedding]

A royal source said: "It was nothing more than high jinks at the end of term in May. A group of them were reprimanded and that's the end of the matter." [Telegraph]

Yes, people, she's an eighteen-year-old girl in her (we're guessing) first year of university, having a bit of innocent fun in the buff, which is not immoral, not even in Britain. And, my God, hasn't the daughter of the Duke and Duchess of York suffered enough over the years, thanks to media scrutiny, a wild family life, and the pressures of royalty? Let's let her blow off some steam and, if she wants to stop allowing lame Photoshopping of her beautiful, natural curves (see bland, ultra-thin anti-Eugenie, pictured above) and ditch the oh-so-typical pretty boys, we are available for intercontinental iChat...

Mirror: Princess Eugenie Is Airbrushed

Telegraph: Princess Eugenie caught frolicking naked at school.

Sloppy Seconds: Hitchhiker Sex

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 30 May 2008 21:20:00 GMT

With the economy the way it is, we're more tempted than ever to marry into royalty. Thankfully, there's this: the 20 Hottest Young Royals. [Forbes/CNN]

The State of Texas has decided it cannot legally protect teenage girls in Mormon sects from rape and will probably return them to their gated hell. [Washington Post]

She Who Must Not Be Named is unfit to stand trial. Or whatever it is she's in court for these days.

Voters trust John McCain more than Barack Obama on most of the issues, except for the ones, we're blindly assuming, about a woman's right too choose, a man's right to become President and wage nuclear war for the hell of it, and just about anything else important. In unrelated political news and sure to be Monday's Daily Show top story, Sirhan Sirhan unsurprisingly endorsed Hillary Clinton for President.

We strongly support picking up hitchhikers, usually because it's Nerve bloggers trying to beat the high gas prices, although after this story, in which a man picks up a hitchhiker, then calls the police and a mental institution to find out if his passenger is an escaped inmate or a wanted felon, then has sex with her in a hotel room, after which she refers to herself as an "angel" (the Biblical kind, not the great lay kind), is cause for concern and our favorite story of the day.

This Week In Gayness: Sex Lives of the Gay and Famous

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:47:00 GMT

An Oregon State Senator doesn't think gays should have workplace protections that keep them from being fired for their sexuality. His advice to the LGBT community?

"My advice to the gay community is SHUT UP, just don’t talk about it." [JustOut]

Damn-- these small town elections are learning way too much from the Democratic Presidential candidates. Even a County Comissioner's race in some unknown Florida town is getting out of hand, as Kevin Becker (D-Gay Man) and Brian Blair (R-Former Professional Wrestler/Hater of Gay Man) are beating each other to bloody pulps.

Konica Minolta is taking away a gay widow's death benefits because of a hidden clause preventing beneficiaries from moving "out of state." [CNN]

Would anyone be offended if we called the Royal Family a dirty bunch of pervs? Too late. Actually, they're innocent this time (and even if they were, a gay "sex act" is not necessarily perverted. Unless it takes place on Anton Scalia's docket.)

This is exactly what we prayed for in last week's post: The Brazilian government believes, as we do, that free speech stops with hate speech. They're going after homophobe bloggers for crimes against humanity. Fuck yeah, baby!

This month's Advocate discusses the potential for a very gay White House under Barack Obama. Four members of Obama's inner circle are out, including Steve Hildebrand, who sends millions of people e-mails every day pretending to be Barack Obama. Meanwhile, Republicans are stepping up in defense of gay marriage, including the surprise champion we now have in Ahnuld. [Edge/SF]

And there's a new book out called "Sex Lives of the Famous Gays." There are famous gays?! Does Us Weekly know about this? [Gay Book Blog]

Previously: While You Were Sleeping: Chelsea Clinton Got Down With The Gays; Which Would You Rather: Rufus Wainwright...

Unless otherwise noted, all news is sourced from topix.net. Photo via Family Pride.

Diana Hearts Prince Philip, Has Regular Menstrual Cycle

April Peveteaux — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 18:25:00 GMT

Heard the latest in the inquest into the deaths of Princess Diana and Dodi Fayed? Yes, that is actually happening. Yes, it was ten long years ago when they were killed in a car accident in Paris. Yes, unless you are from across the pond, or an Anglophile, or a sad obsessive you may have missed it. The recap - the long suffering father of Dodi, Mohamed Al Fayed, has always maintained that the couple were murdered by the royal family because Diana was with child and planning a wedding and Prince Philip especially did not want a Muslim mucking up the family holidays. Here’s what happened in court today that seemingly reinforces the idea that Al Fayed is just tragic, and the royals may be cold, but killing Diana was not on the agenda for His or Her Royal Highness:

A letter from Diana to Prince Philip in 1992 where the two seemed to have commiserated over the failing marriage of Charles and Di, with a friendly ‘Dear Pa’ salutation. While that sounds a little more Walton than Windsor, it still points to a pretty human relationship, one unlikely to turn murderous because of a short-term relationship with a wealthy exotic dude.

Testimony from FOD, Rosa Monckton, who had just returned from a cruise with the People’s Princess weeks before the crash and reported that Diana had been on the rag, therefore proving she was not pregnant. Nice. I sure hope my friends come forward if I’m in a tragic accident with a royal/wealthy person/celebrity and testify about my private lady business. Which reminds me, must stop complaining loudly about ‘the rash’ at book club. Ha, ha! Kidding, I don't go to book club.