Scanner : TMZ

Alec Baldwin's Sexy Gifts

Drew Grant — Thu, 14 May 2009 16:57:00 GMT

Thank god for Alec Baldwin and his tough-love persona. After what happened in 2007 with TMZ and that audio-tape they released where he's goes off on his daughter, the man is still cool enough to poke fun at being a cranky old dad who wants to throw his teenage girl into a volcano. Oh, which is all to say that Alec Baldwin was on Letterman last night, talking about the "marital aids" he gave David for his wedding.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: The Baldwins on Gay Marriage and the Unfortunate Pairing of Heidi Montag and Britney Spears

30 Rock Cast Member Looking for Dates

Top 10 Reasons To Watch 30 Rock

Daisy de la Hoya Overdose?

Colleen Kane — Fri, 08 May 2009 19:20:00 GMT

Daisy de la Hoya, star of the latest VH-1 reality series Daisy of Love, was rushed to the hospital early yesterday morning for a possible overdose. Daisy was at a home in the Hollywood Hills with friends, who called 911 when they heard her making strange noises. When paramedics and firefighters arrived on the scene, Daisy was allegedly acting crazy, thrashing around and screaming.

Earlier the same night of the incident,TMZ cameras caught Daisy rolling out of Hollywood club Les Deux, looking less than alert and being led by friends (footage is linked here).

Her appearances for the weekend have been postponed, but Daisy's rep denies the overdose story. She says Daisy is being treated for delerium resulting from exhaustion. Celebrities sure get exhausted a lot! We Scanners have been exhausted many times, but have never been hosptialized for it. When we're exhausted, we go to sleep. So...hmm... Hope this young woman will be okay.

Yoo-hoooooo! Now's Your Chance at Love, Fellas!

Bret's Rock of Love Speaks

Miss California's Dad: "All Men With Moustaches Are Gay"

Colleen Kane — Thu, 07 May 2009 16:01:00 GMT

We're posting about Crazy Opposite Marriage Lady as often as we did about Crazy Baby Lady in her heyday, but it's because her story keeps getting crazier. TMZ got ahold of Carrie Prejean's parents' 1988 divorce papers, which included gay allegations from both sides, and they provided some insight into her first impressions of the gays, and why she might hate on them today.

Apparently there were a few confrontations in front of Carrie and her sister where mom accused dad of being gay or having a gay roommate. Another time, when the girls were staying with their father, young Carrie's older sister saw his roommate in bed with another man. She wrote at the time in a letter to the court, "I don't think it's right for my sister and I to have to live that way."

Carrie's mother, meanwhile, claimed that her dad told the girls their stepfather was gay, to which he added the helpful clarification, "All men with moustaches are gay." (While that may have been true in the case of Freddie Murcury, it wasn't true in the case of our high-school friend's pervy dad.)

Really, shouldn't her parents' marital mess make her hate opposite marriage?

Apparently the divorce got so ugly even TMZ wouldn't print the details (which may be the most shocking development of all):

For the record, there are other allegations -- absolutely hideous -- in the divorce and custody papers -- which we have elected not to publish.

Related:

Carrie Prejean May Lose Her Crown, Keep Her Free Opposite Boobs

Miss California Carrie Prejean Nude Pics?

Miss California Carrie Prejean Appears In New Anti-Gay Marriage Ad

Crazy "Opposite Marriage" Lady Strikes Back

How To Piss Off Perez Hilton

The Hoff is Up to His Old Tricks

Colleen Kane — Mon, 04 May 2009 19:02:00 GMT

Scanners Brian and Colleen aren't the only ones who had a big weekend. According to reports, David Hasselhoff was tearing it up as well, and landed himself in the hospital. Two conflicting accounts of the night came from the Hoff and his estranged ex-wife, Pamela Bach...

She said, to Radar Online:

Hoff had been drinking, and his 16-year-old daughter Hayley found her dad on the floor, out cold, and couldn't wake him. She called Pamela for help, and they rushed him to teh hospital. He was treated at Cedars-Sinai for alcohol poisoning (for the seventh time in a few years) with a .39 blood-alcohol level, and as the story puts it, the "doctors saved his life."

He said, to TMZ:

He had been drinking, which he regrets, but had not passed out. He was doing so badly due to an illness combined with the alcohol. He walked to the car himself and was driven to Cedars-Sinai.

Hoff is our beloved mascot here on Scanner, and no matter which version is closest to the truth, it appears our mascot is in trouble and needs to get help. We hope he gets it soon.

Related:

Hoff's Mystery Brunette

The Hoff Welcomes You. And So Does the New Scanner.

How Could We Not Touch This One?

Desperate Housewife Calls in the Cops in Nude Photo Blog War

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 18:10:00 GMT

All week, Real Housewives of Orange County star Gretchen Rossi has been at war with offensive website/blog The Dirty over photos the webmaster has been plastering his pages with. The questionable pics include two of Rossi on the toilet and another of her flashing an unnamed photographer, who happened to be operating a motor vehicle at that moment.

Rossi decided free speech has its limits and called in the sheriff...

Here's what The Dirty posted a few hours after that last photo went up:

**Update: Gretchen Rossi has called the Costa Mexico Police Department on me. The best part is that she lied to the Costa Mexico PD stating that someone stole her camera (again). Gretchen, Tune In Tokyo- it’s not your camera.- nik

Of course, it wasn't just the photos that pissed Rossi off to the point of police intervention. It may have had something to do with this:

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, it seems like Gretchen Rossi has a history of ripping off “older men”. Apparently, she has been named in a law suit where she took advantage of an “older man” in a real-estate transaction, that happened 3-4 years ago. Is this true? Sounds like the same thing that her ex’s family is saying as well, “she is a complete fake and preys on the older guys…..” The story continues with her, the truth will come out!

Can someone email me Michelle’s phone number, Jeff’s ex-wife. I need answers, the DIRTY ARMY needs the truth.- nik

She's probably upset, the Dirty suggests, because the topless photo was taken by one of her many rumored lovers... although, of course, the website offers no conclusive proof.

Via TMZ.

Related:

Drunkenness No Longer an Excuse for Being a Creepy Old Man

While You Were Sleeping: Teen Faces Prison For Having An Abortion

Sexy Garden Gnomes Offend Wankers

Men Have Been Waiting For These Jessica Biel Topless Photos Since 1997

This Whole Chris Brown and Rihanna Story Is Getting Sicker By The Day

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 18:46:00 GMT

One of the saddest celebrity relationship stories of all-time gets worse by the day. Yesterday, a tabloid published Rihanna's personal phone number, Chris Brown obtained a reprieve and... oh no... now there are strong rumors that the two may have gotten married in secret.

There must be something we can do to put a stop to the madness...

1) Defamer reported that Extra, in their published report on the Chris Brown search warrant, failed to properly and entirely redact the phone numbers included in the affidavit. Defamer called one of the numbers and got what appears to be Rihanna's voice on a voice mail. Great, just what this girl needs-- more people bothering her.

2) Yesterday, Brown appeared in court for his arraignment on two felonies but will not have to enter a (not) guilty plea until April 6th. TMZ speculates that the singer may try for a plea deal to make this case go away-- although, without Rihanna playing ball for them, the prosecution might have a tough time winning a jury trial against him. Later on, Chris went out partying with just his bodyguards, staying out until almost four o'clock in the morning. This guy just doesn't know what the hell he's doing, does he?

3) The blog Geno's World is as pissed about all this as we are. They, like many Rihanna fans and other observers, are pulling their hair out at the idea that Rihanna is sticking with this guy and may have even married him, as if that's going to help anything. He's clearly not going to learn how to behave by being rewarded with your devotion. Geno asked a convicted murderer what would happen to Chris Brown in prison... out of pure curiosity, of course. Of course.

"He better come prepared for some fun. That's all I gotta say. What do I mean? There's a lotta fellas here who love Rihanna and her music. They ain't too happy with what went down. I mean, you can't treat a princess like Rihanna like that. You gotta show some respect for a goddess like that. The guys here would love to show Chris how to really treat a woman. And you know what I mean, Chris would be the woman. That man is too damn pretty. He'd be very popular in here."

These words would be disturbing if we weren't not-so-secretly thrilled to hear them. Is that wrong?

Related:

Rihanna May Not Have Been the Only One Chris Brown Beat Up

Sloppy Seconds: Crazy Baby Lady Even Crazier Than We Thought

Sloppy Seconds: What Will Rihanna Say to Chris Brown?

While You Were Sleeping: Oscar Upsets?

While You Were Sleeping: The Rihanna Nightmare Continues

While You Were Sleeping: Oscar Upsets?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

As Emily would say, with a headline like this, you don't need a story: woman stops bullet with her hair weave.

We saw a surprisingly riveting and ultimately transcendent Leonard Cohen concert last night, his first in 15 years. If you have any interest in seeing him, he'll be at Coachella, as well as a string of U.S. and Canadian venues, in April and May.

A photo of Rihanna taken shortly after Chris Brown's arrest seems to confirm the original, horrifying story. (Note: This is not a direct link to the photo. To do that, click on the word TMZ when you get to MTV's story about the photo-- but don't say we didn't warn you.)

Can Melissa Leo pull off an upset at the Oscars? Can Meryl Streep... or anyone? Seriously, in any category. Surprise us-- Werner Herzog takes the Best Documentary statue... Milk takes the top prize from that enjoyable, predictable, far-from-art picture Slumdog Millionaire.

Speaking of the Oscars, the guy who sells pills to Mickey Rourke's character in The Wrestler has been arrested on a similar charge. Prior to his capture, he rammed three cop cars-- now, that's what we call "roid rage." Har har.

What's worse? Our story about the fifth-grade girl who traded sex with a drug dealer for some of his pot or these kids, busted at the age of eight for heroin possession?

Dita Von Teese lied: she was never celibate after her marriage. We knew all along, from personal experience, of course.

The Red Hot Chili Peppers will continue their hiatus, while Simon and Garfunkel are getting back together.

Let's end on a feel-good story for a change. How about these generous and wonderful New Mexicans, eh?

Related:

Kate Moss Stocks Up On Beer, Strips For New York Magazine

Florida Pastor Wants Us to Have Sex!

Sloppy Seconds: Kanye West Dresses Better Than the Gays

Today in WTF: Man Has Sex with or in a Dumpster

Joaquin Breakdown Watch™: It's Definitely An Act...Unless Not

Colleen Kane — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 20:20:00 GMT

TMZ is sure he's faking, and Gawker speculated that it might be a drug-fueled scheme. One thing's certain: if Joaquin Phoenix is doing this public-breakdown business for attention, it's working.

James Gray, the director of Phoenix' new rom com Two Lovers (the one he was supposedly promoting on Letterman two nights ago) claims to not know if this is a hoax or not, but he's concerned that he might have been responsible for inspiring Joaquin's burgeoning rap career.

"If it is an act, it's the most committed act I've ever seen in my life," he's quoted on Deadline Hollywood Daily, where he also commented on witnessing Phoenix' fatigue with acting while on set.

Apparently Phoenix' character's awkward freestyle rap in Two Lovers was inspired by the real-life antics of Gray. "He said, 'I want to do that, I want to steal from that, I want to do the rap that you used to do.' I said, 'OK.'"

Adding to the confusion about what's real and what's not, Gray adds that Phoenix built a music studio in his home.

"And now I'm seeing him do this thing, and I feel like I've ruined Joaquin Phoenix for the world. I don't want to be the guy that destroyed Joaquin Phoenix's acting career."

Related:

VIDEO: Joaquin Phoenix = Beyond Thunderdome Bananas

Our Bearded Man of Last Week Has Some Issues

Bearded Man of the Week: Joaquin Phoenix

While You Were Sleeping: Sean Penn's Pick For Best Actor

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

One of the married Bee Gee's fathered a child with his housekeeper.

Claire Danes is engaged to-- surprise-- one of her ol' co-stars.

Helicopter girl turns out to be a porn star. This would be a post in itself if TMZ hadn't edited out or censored all the good parts.

Italy now has its own Terri Schiavo case. Hopefully, it, too, will spell the beginning of the end of a right-wing dictator-type's stranglehold on a country; in this case, Berlusconi's.

My thirteen-year-old inner self cries at the news of Kristy Swanson's wedding.

Psychologist sex-- it's all the rage.

A relationship with Anne Hathaway seems more appealing by the day...

Being fans of the four-hour Che, we'll side with Sean Penn on this one: he should be up against Benicio del Toro.

Seriously, how did this 70-year-old woman know burglars had sex in her house? Did they leave Polaroids? Condoms? A sex tape? We want to know, damn it.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Paris Hilton Is Not A Slut

What Do We Think About Vanity Fair's Fake Celebrities?

Sloppy Seconds: Psychology Teachers Getting In On The Student Sex Craze

Women Lead the "Sexual Revolution" in Argentina, Men Have a Hard Time Dealing

Jeff Bridges Has Looked Better

Colleen Kane — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 19:38:00 GMT

We like Jeff Bridges, he seems decent and he gave us the gift of The Big Lebowski. And handsome, to boot! At least as pictured above. Unfortunately, he's sporting a rather sub-Lebowski 'do lately.

MAN BUN! NOOOOO! What is he, a yoga instructor?!

At least this is a problem easily corrected.

Related:

Golden Globes Worst Dressed: WTF Was Up With The Hair?

Paris Hilton Punks the Paparazzi

Britney Spears: When the Only One Who Understands You is a Paparazzo

Tommy Lee's Drunk Pilot Is A Boob

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 16:57:00 GMT

You would think it couldn't get any weirder than an arrest photo, taken by the accused drunk helicopter pilot, in which he and the arresting officer mug for the camera with a bottle of vodka and the arresting officer's shirt slightly undone...

...oh... but it does...

Here's a photo montage TMZ released showing old hijinks of the guy busted for drunkenly piloting a helicopter carrying drummer Tommy Lee:

You'll not in the bottom right enhancement (no pun intended) that the gauge notes he is speeding at 60 knots... or 69 miles an hour (no pun intended, we swear.) In an interview with TMZ, the pilot, David Martz, claims he was 300-400 feet in the air when these boob-grab pics were snapped. He's been cited by the FAA on at least one occasion and has a host of other blemishes on his record.

So, how is this douche allowed to pilot a helicopter in suburban areas, where he is lucky to not have killed multiple already?

Charm. Look at how the cop in that photo is amused by his antics... how the woman is gleefully allowing him to photograph her boobs for internet glory. (How lucky she is that TMZ censored her nipple-- we would have broadcast the photos around the world, in all their NSFW glory, had we only figured out how.)

Via TMZ.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Morrissey Gets Naked For CD Sales

Today in the Apocalypse: A 14-Year-Old Girl Did... What?!

25-Year-Old Virgin Takes Us One Step Closer to Crazy Cat Lady Status

Today in "The Sun Made This Up": Raccoon Bites Man's Manhood

John Mayer Reveals Intimate Detail in "Funny" Video

Colleen Kane — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 16:30:00 GMT

John Mayer made some video titled on YouTube as "funny." While we'd argue that it's more amusing than the output of some professional comics, that's still not saying much. (He's wearing a little boy's tie! Hee hee!)

John did reveal a few things in this video, though.

He jokes, twice, about his girth. He also goes into a tangent about Brad Pitt, the handsomest guy in the world who used to be married to his girlfriend Jenifer Aniston. Not afraid to go there!

While You Were Sleeping: John Mayer vs. Jimmy Fallon?

The One Time John Mayer Beats Hardcore Girl/Girl Action

Sloppy Seconds: Evan Rachel Wood Goes There, We Lose Our Lunch

Emily Farris — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 23:07:00 GMT

Novelist John Updike is dead at 76. [AFP]

Don Draper on 30 Rock is going to give us serious sensory overload, and we're going to like it! Here's a preview: [Vulture]

Perv alert! Naked Broadway star ~~Harry Potter~~ Daniel Radcliffe invited Sasha and Malia Obama to "Hogwarts." We've not read Harry Potter so that probably sounds a lot dirtier and more grown up than it really is. [People]

Bill O'Reilly called Jessica Alba "dumb" and she did not like it. Not one bit. [Us]

News flash: Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement (from "Flight of the Conchords" for those of you who live in a cave) are not poor in real life. Did we really need a news story to tell us that? Um, apparently, we did. [Yahoo!]

21-year-old Evan Rachel Wood was spotted making out with her 56-year-old on-screen dad Mickey Rourke last night. Gag us with a lock of his greasy hair! [FOXNews]

Pam Grier Deserves Better Than This

Colleen Kane — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 19:45:00 GMT

Pam Grier obviously = Awesome.

So I was disappointed when watching a TMZ paparazzi video of her walking through an airport, when she gets asked by a gawker, "Who are you?" She answers breezily, "I don't even know," or something to that effect, and goes on to joke to the videographer that she'll be bearing twins for Quentin Tarantino.

That got me wondering what was new with Foxy Brown/ Jackie Brown, so I decided to look her up, and was further dismayed.

I typed in www.pamgrier.com, which directed me to Hustler's homepage featuring the image of young woman being double-penetrated.

Oh, Larry Flynt. I thought you were above such sleazy moves. Wait no. Never mind. But that sucks for Pam.

Related:

Word On The L Word: L Word Lady of The Week

Word on the L Word: The L Stands for Longevity

Top 5 Sex Scenes From TV Shows

Sam Rockwell Too Busy Having Sex With You To Learn Your Name

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 15:39:00 GMT

Sam Rockwell, who stars in this weekend's newest well-hyped movie, Choke, gave a very revealing interview to Parade Magazine in which he discussed his sex life (or lack thereof?) and uttered this immortal phrase:

"I personally didn't have time to get nervous. I was so busy having sex."

He was so busy having sex, it seems, that he only had enough time to greet the girls before he boned them, and nothing more. Of course, we're talking about the sex scenes in Choke here.

"A lot of them were there just for one day to do a sex scene with me so it was like, 'Hi," and then the director would be saying, 'Let's go. We've gotta do this.' And it was over and then it was on to the next one."

O to be a movie star! Among the articles other stunning revelations about Rockwell:

"Well, I don't think I've ever been one [a sex addict], so it took some work," he jokes. "I couldn't really identify with what my character was doing at first. I went to some sex addict rehab meetings just to find out more about what these people are all about. I went anonymously and I think I was only outed one time. Thank goodness TMZ didn't see me."

Click here to read the full interview, which ends with Rockwell discussing his next film, to be directed by David Bowie's son.

Mick Jagger: "Performing is Like Sex"

While You Were Sleeping: All The Harry Potter Kids Are Getting Naked

Top 10 Celebrities Who Are Probably Cool In Real Life

The 50 Sexiest Albums You Must Own (30-21)

Sloppy Seconds: Kanye West's Arrest

Emily Farris — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 21:13:00 GMT

Janet Jackson kicked off her first tour in six years with an emotional performance in Vancouver. [People]

We pity the fool who will soon be Mr. Tara Reid. [dListed]

We're not the only ones expecting the new 90210 to suck. Shannen Doherty doesn't plan to do more than four episodes. [Yahoo!]

~~Spiderman~~ Tobey McGuire is all set to give his big speech at the 9/11 memorial service tonight. Huh? [Cryptome]

Project Runway judge and former Elle fashion director, Nina Garcia, has a few things to say about Sarah Palin's wardrobe. For starters, she should drop the glasses. [Radar]

But if you dig her look, you should find your perfect pit bull in lipstick shade. [The Frisky]

Lauren Conrad, of The Hills, has just signed a three-book deal with Harper Collins. We quit. Has she even read three books in her lifetime? [Us]

After smashing up a photographer's camera at LAX, Kanye West realized that TMZ had been taping the first incident and allegedly went after the TMZ camera person. (We probably would have done the same thing). [LAT and TMZ Video]

Sloppy Seconds: Kate Beckinsale's Vagina Fear

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 21:13:00 GMT

The President of Pakistan resigned today following an emotional, hour-long speech recapping his life. Has George W. Bush ever given a speech, besides the State of the Union, that lasted more than eight seconds?

A woman recalls her nightmare date with the phony "Rockefeller" kidnapper. She knew he was a fake when she saw Post It notes all over his car reminding him of his different "life stories."

John Mayer spoke to TMZ about his relationship with Jennifer Aniston:

"There's no lying, there's no cheating, there's no nothing. People are different, people have different chemistry, different lives. You're either a cheater or you break up and I'm not the first one, I'm the second one. I ended a relationship to be alone, because I don't want to waste somebody's time if something's not right.
"Jennifer Aniston is the smartest, most sophisticated person I think I have ever met.
"I guarantee you there's 20 per cent of people on this street that are in a relationship they wish they could get out of and don't know how."

Laurence Fishburne will join CSI, as rumors previously suggested.

Just have colon surgery? Here, have some gum.

Wanted: women in Australia who do not consider themselves attractive.

What is up with the beer kegs in Iowa?

And Kate Beckinsale almost had a vagina slip, or she tells it:

"It was one of those nights when I wore a supertight dress that you couldn't have worn anything under, since it would have showed. The paparazzi were literally lowering their cameras like speculums when I got out of the car.

"On the way home, I said to my husband 'Darling, I think they might have gotten it.' And so when we pulled in I made him re-enact the thing with his camera - a sort of crime-scene run through. It appears I survived unscathed."

John Mayer And TMZ Make A Funny Video: "Do You Love Celebrities? I Sure Have."

Who Would You Rather: Jennifer Aniston vs. Jennifer Connelly

Kate Beckinsale Would Much Rather F*ck Than Cook

John Mayer And TMZ Make A Funny Video: "Do You Love Celebrities? I Sure Have."

Ina Maier — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 20:35:00 GMT

In some bizarre confluence of events, egos, universes, etc, John Mayer and TMZ have teamed up to produce a video that somehow makes us love John Mayer more and hate TMZ slighly less. It's that awesome. The Mayer / TMZ piece de resistance after the jump.

[via TMZ]

Catch a Glimpse of Mini Me's Mini Me in His Sex Tape

Emily Farris — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 20:19:00 GMT

Misery loves company, which is why we have to share this clip of Verne "Mini Me" Troyer's sex tape.

Don't worry, his Mini Me isn't showing in seriously uncomfortable this clip over at TMZ, but we imagine you could probably see it in the full-length version. We imagine he'd also be pretty excited about that, making a sex tape and all, but he's not:

Verne Troyer has filed a $20 million lawsuit, claiming TMZ violated his rights by publishing and airing portions of his sex tape.

In the suit, filed Thursday in U.S. District Court in downtown L.A., Troyer claims TMZ violated his privacy rights and infringed on his copyright and trademark by running portions of the tape on TMZ TV and TMZ.com. He also alleges TMZ violated his right of publicity and misappropriated his name and likeness.

Troyer says the tape was stolen and ended up in the hands of Kevin Blatt, the guy who distributed "One Night in Paris." Blatt is also named as a defendant.

In addition to damages, Troyer wants an injunction prohibiting further dissemination of the video.

[TMZ: Verne Tryoer Sues TMZ]

Top 10 Celebrity Moms Who Could Be Hookers

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 17:24:00 GMT

Not to insult Moms (or even celebrities), but TMZ has a list today that we must improve upon...

Most of these Celebrity Moms are actually pretty cool (well, except for Britney, of course), but sometimes with all their plastic surgery, fake boobs, and reality TV antics, they make fools of themselves. Today, we run down those who have slipped up and caused the biggest fashion faux pas of late...

10. Janice Dickinson (see above.) The world's first supermodel or Scary Aunt Spice?

9. Katie Holmes. Not because she ever dresses like a prostitute, rather her inclusion here is thanks to those "rumors" that she took $3 million from the Church of Scientology to be Tom's wife.

8. Judy Landers

7. Christina Aguilera, who normally looks much classier these days, was caught in Spitzer's-second-hooker mode by the pap's:

6. Linda Hogan

5. Lisa Gastineau

4. Tori Spelling

3. Britney Spears

2. Elizabeth Hurley. Among the classiest women in the world most of the time and arguably Britain's sexiest MILF, Hurley does, from time to time, unfortunately get mistaken for a hooker Hugh Grant might've picked up:

Photo via Babble

1. Denise Richards. This photo really says it all. Why did Charlie Sheen need to hire out again? (Seriously, who needs hookers when you have the star of "Wild Things," who happens to dress way better than this most of the time? Even a jackass like Sheen shouldn't need to outsource...)

Via TMZ.

Chelsea Clinton: No Comment On Barack

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 18:36:00 GMT

We were involved in our first paparazzi chase on Monday night on the way to our birthday dinner, when TMZ's cameraman almost knocked us over to get video footage of Chelsea Clinton talking about her mother's rival...

We can't embed the video (fucking TMZ), but the point isn't the video. It's 42 seconds and Chelsea uncomfortably tries to avoid commenting on Barack Obama. What, you can't say, "while I wish my mother had won, I'm behind Senator Obama 111%?"

By the way, we can tell you that everybody-- and we do mean everybody-- on the streets of New York's Soho neighborhood stopped and stared as the parade of photographers raced after, encircled, and lunged at Chelsea Clinton, while TMZ's guy kept asking her whether she'd support Obama. We hadn't seen a spectacle like that since Sean Fucking Connery sat by a window eating Japanese food in a restaurant on the Upper East Side. He literally stopped traffic.

Anyway, it was a nice birthday present to myself-- after all, everyone knows I have a thing for Chelsea (see below.) Let's just hope she stops avoiding supporting Obama (which her parents will probably do) and do what needs to be done for the country: get a Democrat, any Democrat, into the White House.

Previously: I Hate Myself For Loving You, Chelsea Clinton

Lindsay Lohan at the TMZ Offices: Cute or Sad?

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 19:25:00 GMT

In this round of "cute" or "sad" Lindsay Lohan makes fun of TMZ's obsessive preoccupation with the minutiae of her life. Look she's trying to decide which Cheerios to buy and they're all riveted.

You are supposed to laugh. Did you? We did, but then felt sort of creeped out, like, isn't she supposed to hate them and run away from them? Then we realized, of course, that they're all on the same evil team bent on destroying our free time and smartness, and we had to lie down.

So you clear the whole thing up for us once and for all. Lindsay Lohan/TMZ jokes are...pretty adorable even if she is still too skinny or a pathetic attempt at humor and an overall whore for publicity?

Eva Mendes Having A Helluva Day

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 19:40:00 GMT

It's hard to find an unflattering photo of Eva Mendes, without question one of the hottest women on the planet and, therefore, in America. But it really hasn't been her day: even though she's just been announced as the new face of Calvin Klein Fragrances, it turns out she's actually been in rehab for several weeks!

I guess TMZ and the rest of the gossip rags have been too busy jumping into Britney's car and engaging in wild orgies to pay Eva much attention. But several weeks?! For more on this shocking story, click here. If you just want to see half-naked pictures of the movie star, try here.

Would You Watch?: Denise Richards' Reality Show

Emily Farris — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 22:01:00 GMT

TMZ is reporting that Denise Richards will ask a judge for permission to appear in her own reality show with her two daughters, the fruit of her and Charlie Sheen's combined loins. Sheen, of course is against it.

Via TMZ:

We're told the ground rules in the ongoing custody dispute are that either parent must get permission if the kids are goin' on camera. We're told Charlie feels it's exploitive and will draw a clear line in the sand, objecting to any appearance by three-year-old Sam and two-year-old Lola.

The real question is, who would even watch this show?

[TMZ: Charlie to Denise -- Reality Show My Ass!]

Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon: On, Off, On, Off, On, Off, Pregnant?

Emily Farris — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 13:33:00 GMT

It looks like everyone else in the world isn't the only one who's preggers these days. If what TMZ is reporting is true, Pamela Anderson has made it official that every single woman in Hollywood is pregnant.

[TMZ: Pam to Rick -- I'm Pregnant, Get Lost!]

Is It Divorce Again for Pamela Anderson?

Emily Farris — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 19:21:00 GMT

Looks like Pamela Anderson might have to hold off on retiring Thing One and Thing Two to "stay in and have sex." According to TMZ she's filed for divorce from hubby Rick Salomon.

TMZ: Pam Anderson Files for Divorce!

Previously: Pam Thinking of Retiring Thing One and Thing Two