Scanner : adoption

NOT PapSmeared: Madonna With Child

Emily Farris — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:04:00 GMT

Madonna will tell you what pictures to use and you will use them, you hear?

The superstar recently had her picture taken with this young Malawian child, Mercy James. Then she had the image airbrushed. Then she had it turned to sepia tones. Then she sent it to the entire world. And THAT is how you don't get PapSmeared.

Sloppy Seconds: Scarlett Johansson on Plastic Surgery

Emily Farris — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 23:01:00 GMT

The Obamas finally got a puppy. It wasn't a shelter dog (grr) but it sure is cute. [Yahoo!]

Madonna is still trying to adopt a child from Malwai. [Us]

It's posssssible that a hacker was responsible for the #amazonfail. [Vulture]

Fergie would like a baby in her. Right now. [FameCrawler]

Butt implants can be a real pain in the ass if you're having butt sex. Apparently. [ClayCane]

Scarlett Johansson (well, probably her assistant) is as annoyed with the media's obsession with weight and plastic surgery as we are. [The Huffington Post]

Speaking of if you're Keeping up with the Kardashians, you probably know that one of them is having plastic surgery. [The Remote Island]

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse is "Back in the Saddle"

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 22:34:00 GMT

That girl from Twilight will play Joan Jett in a still unnamed film about The Runaways. [AfterEllen]

The saddest thing we've seen all day: 11 extinct animals that have been photographed alive. [EcoWorldly]

The most depressing thing we've seen all day: the unfolding story of the hostage situation in Binghamton, NY. [CNN]

We (read: Scanner Emily) still need your 10 stars. Real bad. Because we need $200. Real bad. Pretty please? [MissedTees]

We (read: Scanner Collen) still need you to vote for our dream photography assignment. Because we also need $50,000. Real bad. Pretty please? [Name Your Dream Assignment]

Now all three of your Scanners are on Twitter, even though only one of us stays true to the Scanner name. [Scanner Emily, Scanner Colleen, Scanner Brian]

Remember yesterday when Madonna threw a party to celebrate an adoption that hadn't yet been approved? Um, yeah. Maybe not the best idea she ever had. [Us]

Apparently there was a fractured penis scene in last night's ER finale. Was it a swipe at Grey's Anatomy? [The Remote Island]

On April 11 Alternative Nation Countdown Takeover, a show on Sirius radio, will premiere new solo material from Rivers Cuomo that features Jason Schwartzman Rainn Wilson. Weird. Cool. [Rolling Stone]

According to a post on her MySpace blog this morning (obviously not written by her) Amy Winehouse is hard at work on her third album. We'll believe it when we hear it. Either way, we thought you'd enjoy seeing this picture again. [MySpace]

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse's New Single Life

"My dog humped your leg. I wanted to."

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[Image, Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Michelle Obama Does the Unthinkable

Emily Farris — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 22:41:00 GMT

MSNBC has finally discovered fuck buddies. And that college students have them. [MSNBC]

Will items off of the Chipotle value menu have fewer calories? We sure hope so. [Yahoo!]

We always wonder why people who spend lots of money to have signs, boxes, etc. printed don't get copy editors. An Oregon company probably could have used one before printing a phone sex number on their cereal box. [Google/AP]

Starting next month, same-sex couples can be legally married in Sweden. [BBC]

More "celebrities" blogging about their relationship woes. Meh. [People]

Madonna is already celebrating the adoption of a child she has not yet officially adopted. [Us]

A man in China swallowed a pair of scissors. And survived! [Telegraph]

For the first time in 57 years, the Queen of England publicly hugged someone (sort-of). And that someone was Michelle Obama. And then Obama hugged the Queen back (sort-of)! Apparently, this is a big deal. [DailyMail]

Related:

Yes, Scanner Emily. Chipotle will make you fat.

Crush of the Week: Kate Middleton, Rollerskating Queen

Sloppy Seconds: Portia de Rossi Apologizes for Getting Gay Married

Emily Farris — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 23:01:00 GMT

A court in Los Angeles has issued a restraining order against a man who is apparently obsessed with "Dancing With the Stars" contestant and former Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson after he tried to break into the set of the show. [NYT]

Newly-single Madonna plans to adopt another Malawian child. [Us]

Nicole Kidman has joined the cast of the new Woody Allen film. [Yahoo!]

Yet another magazine has folded. This time it's the music mag Blender. [AdAge]

Portia de Rossi has publicly apologized for her gay marriage. On the Jimmy Kimmel show, of course. [The Remote Island]

[Image]

This Week in Gayness: Fred Phelps Attacks London

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 15:01:00 GMT

Australia is regressing into the past more and more every day: in addition to proposing a block on all terrorism-related websites (what, they don't have journalists in that country?), they want to block a lot of gay content.

John Kerry wants to reunite a gay couple. The Massachusetts Senator asked Attorney General Eric Holder to bring back a deported Brazilian man who was raped in his home country. A federal judge had said the rape was basically no big deal and he faced no danger in South America.

Rascal Flatts is telling people their new single, "Love Who You Love," has a pro-gay message.

A London elementary school has been teaching students that it's okay to have homosexual feelings and relationships. The best part of this is that when parents pull their kids from the school to avoid them hearing the lessons, the kids are marked truant. Of course, Fred Phelps heard about this and is bringing the Westboro Baptist Church over there to mess with them.

A federal judge ordered the state of Louisiana to put the names of both adopted fathers on a baby's birth certificate.

Chuck Schumer has finally come out... to back same-sex marriage.

And meanwhile, the Vermont Senate turned their gay civil unions into gay marriages. Woo-hoo!

Related:

This Week in Gayness: Aubrey O'Day May Be Gay

This Week In Gayness: America vs. Fred Phelps

Moran Suggests We Need To Get Rid Of Obama

This Week In Gayness: Sean Penn vs. Schwarzenegger

The Gays Fought The Law, Too Early to Tell Who Won

This Week in Gayness: The Homophobic Celebrity Ad You Missed

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 18:45:00 GMT

The vandalization of a gay youth center on Long Island is being investigated as a possible hate crime.

Fleshbot has TV's hottest girl-on-girl makeout moments.

Cops are cruising dudes at New York City sex shops. The undercovers are entrapping them for prostitution charges by mentioning that they will pay for sex, then waiting approximately two seconds before other cops jump the gay guys and arrest them.

A junkie is whining that gays adopted her kids.

Is it time to boycott Fedex?

Gay marriage is legal in Canada, but even that didn't stop a Manitoba doctor for refusing to even treat lesbians.

Meanwhile, in another part of Canada, an interesting decision on sperm donors.

ESPN produced an ad starring Shaquille O'Neal that will blow your mind, once you realize it was made in the 21st century.

And new Illinois Governor Patrick Quinn keeps looking better and better: turns out he's a big fan of the gays.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Adopt George Clooney

This Week in Gayness: Portland Mayor's Sex Scandal Heats Up

Scanner Roundtable: If Gay Marriage Is Legal, What About Polygamy?

Today in WTF: Seductive Farting

Michigan Backs Teen Pregnancy and the Spread of STDs with $1.4M Grant

Emily Farris — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 16:41:00 GMT

Michigan, Michigan, Michigan. What the hell is up? You went blue in the election (of course Missouri went red while electing a Democratic governor, so what does that really tell us?). You're pretty cool with Detroit and all. But what the fuck is up with the Michigan Department of Community Health giving out $1.4 million dollars in grants to fund abstinence-only education? Don't you have, like, homeless people to feed? Or school music programs to keep alive? Do you know how many condoms you could buy with that money? Oh, right. Silly us. Who needs condoms when you will be totally successful in keeping kids from having sex before marriage?

"The grant programs are directed at youth ages 12-18 and parents of youth in that age group. Of the money, $875,000 will go to community groups and organizations, while an additional $542,000 will fund technical staffing and an abstinence-only public awareness campaign. Michigan spends $700,000 a year on other sexual health education programs.

“The Michigan Abstinence Program is geared to promote abstinence from sexual activity and other related risky behaviors,” said MDCH Director Janet Olszewski in a press release. “This funding will further help our communities and the abstinence program guide our youth away from risky activity.”

The problem, activists say, is abstinence-only education doesn’t work. According to numerous studies, abstinence only, which is an education model that teaches young people to abstain from sexual behavior, but not how to prevent sexual transmitted infections or unwanted pregnancies, does not work."

Where have we heard that before?

Oh, when we learned that abstinence-only education doesn't work. Or, if you didn't hear, abstinence-only education doesn't work. Hey, did you hear the one about abstinence-only education and how it doesn't work?

We'll see you at Planned Parenthood, young ladies of Michigan!

[Michigan Messenger: Michigan gives out $1.4 million in abstinence-only education grants]

Related:

When "You May Kiss the Bride" Is the First Kiss Ever It's Apparently "Magical"

Abstinence-Only Education Doesn't Work

Hey George Bush, See What Your Abstinence-Only Education Has Done to America's Youth?

Today in WTF: Virginity Pledges Actually Work?

Riots At Florida-Michigan Meeting Fail To Cause Deja Vu in Clueless Democrats

More Fun With Photoshop: McCain-Palin Beauties

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Pornos Will Save Us All

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 22:51:00 GMT

A family decided not to report their adopted son missing... for a decade. Think they had a hand in his disappearance?

Is this officially the end of the Bush era? Jeb has declined to run for Senate in Florida, where he would have been virtually unbeatable.

The Josh Brolin-Jeffrey Wright bar brawl case has been resolved...

Cindy Kemp, spokeswoman for the Shreveport City Court, tells E! News that as long as the actors and five others accept "district attorney's probation" and stay out of further trouble, all misdemeanor counts against the group will be dismissed at their next court date, scheduled for March 11. [Yahoo!]

We're a little worried about a TV talking head getting a post in the Obama administration.

A woman was shot in the face by her roommate in New Orleans for being so stupid as to move in with him. Seriously, there's no motive whatsoever-- she hadn't even moved her stuff in yet.

Fleshbot reports that the Atlantic Monthly believes porn will save the economy. Or something equally ridiculous. [NSFW]

And Sean Penn and Josh Brolin had it out over a drunken exchange of words at the New York Film Critics Awards. We think they were kidding.

Related:

This Week in Gayness: The New Transgender Minister

While You Were Sleeping: Tara Reid Back To The Booze

While You Were Sleeping: Hugh Jackman and Cleopatra

Arousal Brings Out the Creep in Many Dudes

Moms Scaring Us By Taking Fake Babies Out For Walks, Meals

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 22:13:00 GMT

ABC 7 News in Washington, DC has the explosive story: crazed, desperate, disturbed kooky women of a certain age are buying overpriced dolls that burp and sleep and look cute in pink booties and taking the babes around town, pretending they're real...

And it gets better.

Many people like to stop and play with newborn babies, but now some adult women are playing house with fake babies.

Some women are even going as far as taking day trips with the fake babies to the park, out to eat, and even hosting birthday parties for them.

Forty-nine-year-old Linda is married with no children of her own. Now, she says she feels like a mother because she has Reborns -- dolls made to look and feel like the real thing.
"It's not a crazy habit, like, you know, drinking, or some sort of, something that's going to hurt you. It's like a hobby.and it doesn't really hurt anybody," Linda said.

We'll take odds that your husband is thrilled you've found a hobby and that you've chosen this gem.We have to wonder what Linda says when the waiter asks why the baby hasn't moved in thirty-five minutes or tries to touch its little fingers: "Oh, actually, it's not real. I just carry it around because..." Because?

These women are paying big bucks for this hobby, from $100 to a few thousand dollars.

A few thousand dollars?! For a doll. You could always, you know, adopt a starving orphan or something insane like that...

In her Kansas City home, Moore even has an elaborate room for the dolls. She organizes birthday parties, bakes a cake and even invites guests.

Psychologists say there could be a problem if and when these women stop interacting socially with others in their life.

That last line will sustain as the understatement of 2009, mark our words. By the way, Scanner Emily, did you catch that? Lock your doors and load up your AR-15 assault rifle...

Via ABC.

Sloppy Seconds: Charlie Sheen Denies Enjoying Endless Lapdances

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 22:06:00 GMT

Barack Obama is up to 364 electoral votes after winning North Carolina. Meanwhile, Oregon has a new Democratic Senator.

Anti-Prop 8 people rioted in the streets of California, which is today the most bigoted, shameful state in the union. Fall Out Boy's Patrick Stump: "It's a real shame people are mixing up their church and state."

Joe Jonas didn't deserve her awesomeness anyway...

Ellen DeGeneres
says on her talk show (airing Nov. 11), “He broke up with you on the phone? That’s not right.”

Taylor responds; “It’s all right - I’m cool. You know what, it’s like, when I find that person that is right for me, he’ll be wonderful When I look at that person, I’m not even going to remember the boy who broke up with me over the phone in 27 seconds when I was 18.”

Ellen was shocked by Taylor’s honesty, saying, “No, you did not. Aw, snap!” [Just Jared]

We can't say we disagree with London's decision to ban smokers from adopting children, although we wish people would spend more time trying to actually get orphans adopted.

We're still trying to figure out why this creep falls so quickly after trying to attack a girl in an elevator, but we're happy watching it over and over again just to see the ass kicking he deservedly receives.

Charlie Sheen denies a report that he was enjoying lapdances recently, perhaps because he has pregnant wife at home.

Evan Rachel Wood finally came to her senses and dumped Marilyn Manson.

While You Were Sleeping: The Trial of Keanu Reeves

Britney Spears Is (Almost) Not Completely Repulsive In Her New Video

Sloppy Seconds: The Evangelical Sex Craze

This Week In Gayness: Sean Penn's Next Movie

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 15:34:00 GMT

A lesbian wedding announcement in a Utah paper is causing a (small) stink in the conservative state.

About.com wonders what will happen if Proposition 8 passes, thus banning gay marriage in California.

Only 64% of gay people have come out to a family member, but 80% of gays would like to integrate suburbia.

Local bigots (or pranksters) have defaced a married lesbian couple's Pride flag in California and the police refuse to help put a stop to the destruction.

Barack Obama supports LGBT adoptions. Meanwhile, Charlie Crist, the possible VP choice for McCain and the current Governor of Florida, has said he would likely support a gay marriage ban there.

The latest scientific experiment to prevent HIV transmissions: a pill to be popped just before sex.

As we mentioned yesterday, Sean Penn stars as Harvey Milk in the new Gus Van Sant movie. Will you go see it?

[It's] set to be released on December 5.

Penn definitely has the look for the part and since his stellar Mystic River performance, we know he can deliver the drama. But can Van Sant and his powerhouse ensemble (Josh Brolin, James Franco, Diego Luna, Emile Hirsch and Denis O'Hare) pull off a feature film that's able to honor the late Harvey Milk and keep us in our seats for double hours?

Poll: Will you see Milk?
1) Definitely 2) Maybe 3) Not Interested

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: James Franco and Sean Penn Go At It

Foster Father Of Sex Act Kids Arrested For His Own Sex Acts

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 18:31:00 GMT

John Cantrell, foster father and Santa Claus (obviously) to a whopping 27 adopted children, including some who performed in the infamous child sex show before he rescued them, has been arrested on unrelated charges of sexual assault from two decades-old cases.

Now one of the six trials of suspects in the Mineola, TX child sex ring case is on shaky ground... since Cantrell was supposed to be the prosecution's star witness...

Cantrell, who has cared for hundreds of children through the foster care system and has adopted 27, is being charged by two of his own daughters, who no longer live with the family. The statute of limitations has expired on one of the allegations, but the other is waiting a preliminary hearing to determine if there is enough evidence to proceed.

Cantrell's wife claims the two daughters are disturbed, possibly by earlier sexual abuse, and made "unfounded" claims in her younger years. But why doesn't the media say why John Cantrell is testifying? Does he happen to know the ringleaders for some non-child-sex reason and happened to stumble on their nefarious game... or did he attend the performances himself?

Victoria Cantell, another adopted daughter, also defended her dad. "They let me in with loving arms, and they always raised me in a godly, Christian way," she told KETK. "My dad's always been sweet and kind to everybody. All that stuff that they're saying, it can't be true."

Meanwhile, the next trial in the sex show case, Patrick Kelly's, is being postponed because of the new developments.

Via WorldNetDaily.

Previously: Sloppy Seconds... (in which we mention the case for the first time.)

Brad and Angelina: Stop the Insanity!

Emily Farris — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 20:41:00 GMT

Angelina hasn't even popped out her twins yet (children number six and seven) and already she's planning on adopting another kid?

Our not-so-slutty sister FameCrawler is reporting via OK! that Brad Pitt and Agelina Jolie are, in fact, already planning on adopting a seventh child from Ethiopia. More specifically, it would be their fourth adoption, but the seventh child in the Brangelina clan.

"Angie and Brad have wanted an African boy for the last couple of years," an insider tells OK!. "They were initially going to have that adoption follow the addition of Pax last year, but that all changed when Angie got pregnant with twins last fall...

"Angelina was pretty far along in the process of adopting a beautiful baby that captured the couple's heart when she and Brad got the surprise of their life and found out they were expecting," the insider reveals.

When does humanitarian start to become just plain crazy? We only had one sibling growing up and we spent a lot of time competing for our parents' attention.

[FameCrawler: Angelina Adopting Another Son!]

Related:

Angelina Jolie is Smoking Hot in Vanity Fair (In the Bathtub)

Angelina Jolie: Babies Make Bangin' Better

Hold the DNA! Is the Twins Who Married Story a New Urban Legend?

Emily Farris — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 20:17:00 GMT

Remember last Friday when Scanner Bryan brought us the story of the twins who were separated at birth and later married? It was Scanner Bryan, an adoptee's, worst fucking nightmare. Did anyone have a hard time buying the story even though it came from the BBC News, a supposedly reputable news source? Yeah, us neither. How easily fooled we are by media corporations.

Maybe.

Critics are beginning to question the story's credibility, after the subjects refused to reveal their identities (fair enough) and it was used to push the agenda of a conservative activist politician (all to common, yet sketchy):

The Catholic politician -- who discovered the case after talking to a judge -- used it to highlight perceived deficiencies in the government's proposed Human Embryology and Tissues Bill, which is currently going through parliament.

The bill is designed to make it easier for lesbian and gay couples to have children through assisted reproduction, recognising same-sex partners as legal parents of babies conceived through donated sperm, eggs or embryos.

But it contains no provision to require the identity of the donor to be disclosed, potentially meaning a child could not be told they were conceived by assisted reproduction.

Alton raised the case of the married twins -- who were born after IVF treatment -- during a debate on December 10, details of which only appeared on Friday.

"There are implications for everybody involved, but the needs of the child will always be paramount, and it is right that we should therefore make the process as transparent as possible," Alton told the Lords.

Dad always told us, "Don't believe everything you read, no matter where you read it." True dat, Daddy-O.

[Heresy Corner via BoingBoing]

Today in Awkward Moments: Couple Marries, Discovers They're Twins

Bryan Christian — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 20:36:00 GMT

OK, kids, first person singular: I, Scanner Bryan, am an adoptee. My biological parents were 15 and, er, 19 (I think) -- just a couple kids in a jam who felt that handing off their newborn to another couple would be the best thing for all concerned. That's not a decision that I've ever regretted their making, and frankly, although being adopted can often be the source of great insecurity, social confusion, and even tendancies towards self-destruction, I've quite literally never had any problems with it whatsoever.

Why do I mention this? Because the following scenario, which may just sound gross or crazy or kinky to non-adoptees, is still pretty much my worst fucking nightmare. (PS: Major spoiler ahead if your knowledge of mid-90's indie movies isn't fairly encyclopedic.)

A pair of twins who were adopted by separate families as babies got married without knowing they were brother and sister, a peer told the House of Lords.

A court annulled the British couple's union after they discovered their true relationship, Lord Alton said.

The only way it could be more terrifying: if the woman was older, and, well, I'm sure you know where that one's going. Eye-Gouge City.

Still, call me crazy, but I can't help but think that the saddest part of this story is that the couple -- who so far have retained their anonymity -- are no longer married. There's nothing to indicate that the annulment they were granted was actually sought by them; it could easily have been mandated by the court. And in either case, what are you gonna do: un-have the sex? Un-love the person? Maybe the characters played by Chris Cooper and Elizabeth Peña in John Sayles' Lone Star have the right idea: everybody's dealt a shitty hand, best to go with what you got and make the most of it together.

Or maybe not. I mean, what would I do if I discovered something crazy about my wife's family? (Which, BTW, there doesn't seem to be much chance of happening.) Hell, I just don't know.

What about you?