Scanner : airlines

Website Stockpiles Your Worst In-Flight Experiences

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 19:12:00 GMT

The worst experience we ever had on a plane wasn't really anyone's fault: we were flying from New York to Minneapolis during the Presidential campaign in 2004. For some reason, we had agreed to see in the last row of the plane, next to the toilets. We'd rather pay $400 more per flight than experience that nastiness again.

Anyway, that wasn't the reason it was so awful. We get motion sickness from turbulence and the weather that night was beyond awful-- there's nothing crazier than looking down at lightning-- with huge gusts of wind sending the whole plane into a panic. A flight attendant on her day off was sitting next to us, buying us Scotches and being a terrible flirt. That would have helped a lot, except after a violent, sudden drop, she said quietly, "Oh, no... this is not good."

Somehow, we survived, as did all of these poor souls who faced violence, turbulence, scary noises, and other sounds that were entirely the work of people on the plane. Can you top these crazy tales from Flights From Hell?

Of course, this is an international flight so after making her announcements in English, she proceeds to repeat them in German. The guy starts huffing and complaining that he's sick of hearing that damn German gibberish already! Uh-oh, I'm thinking. But the fun had only just begun. He proceeds to order two double scotches as soon as humanly possible and downs them in nothing flat. Then the woman in front of him tries to recline her seat. He plants his feet and presses with his fists against her seat with all of his might (of course he had HIS seat reclined as far back as possible). She looks back to see if something is wrong and he pretends that nothing happened! Shortly, he fails to remain vigilant and she manages to recline her seat a little...so he starts punching the seat! As hard as he could, he punched the seat in front of him. The poor woman was going to get whiplash.
When I showed her the [barf] bag, I was astonished by her reaction. I figured, “Hey, they deal with sort of thing all the time.” But no, she turned her nose at me and told me to put it under the seat! I was shocked. Not only did the people next to me have to deal with the sound of my retching, but now they (and I) had to deal with the faint but lingering smell of puke from the bag and the fact that it would be under the seat for the rest of the four and a half hour flight.
He situates himself, waits until we take off, and proceeds to take off his shoes....first the right, then the left....followed by, of course, his socks - first the right then the left.....he then begins to PICK at the dead, scaly skin on his feet. I'm not kidding - he used his finger nails to scrape, scrape and pull the dead skin from his heels, his toes, the arch of his foot. After a few minutes, I thought - surely someone would say something to stop him. Definitely the poor person sitting next to him would eventually get fed up at the disgustingness of the situation to ask him to stop. Nope...no one - not a flight attendant, NO ONE said a word.
Two rows behind her on the plane was a mother, father, and their young toddler-aged daughter. The daughter misbehaved terribly. She would sing out loud, kick the seat, toss crayons into the aisles, and pretty much just do whatever she wanted. Luckily, the flight wasn't long, because the mother and father never said anything to encourage the child to stop misbehaving. When the flight did land, a woman sitting in front of the parents and child turned and said, "You should know that your child is one of the most worst behaved children I have ever seen," and proceeded up the aisle to disembark. The next thing you know, the mother flies out of her seat and literally runs up the aisle after the woman. The child asks her father, "Where did mommy go?" He tells her, "Mommy's going to kick some ass."

Ah, there's something to be said for road trips, isn't there? More stories here.

Related:

Aer Lingus Takes a Cue From PETA

The Mile High Club Takes On A Whole New Meaning...

While You Were Sleeping: Sex Tape Blackmail

British Airways Invites You To Join The Mile High Club

Too Many Cocks in the Cockpit = Lawsuit

Colleen Kane — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 14:35:00 GMT

When Captain Lisa Stout kept finding secret, but apparently deliberately-placed stashes of pornography in the cockpit, she didn't feel like she was flying the friendly skies, and filed a federal sexual harassment lawsuit with United Airlines. The case has been settled, but the terms, like the stashes, are also secret.

It's disturbing to hear how immature and twisted the harassment was, and think that the perpetrator could be a pilot still working for United.

Stout found pornographic photos of women on flights more than 20 times in 2004 and 2005, taped in surprise spots like the lid of an unused ashtray. (Um, by the way, why do airplanes STILL have ashtrays? How old are these planes we fly in?) She alleges that United's efforts to find the perpetrator were inadequate and she suffered retaliation as as result. Stout's suit claims she developed a "severe condition" that required her to take medication and eventually ground herself.

Check out United's defense:

United argued that Stout could not have been offended by the sexually explicit photos because she once worked in a retail store that sold pornographic magazines, she sometimes sketched nudes as an artist and she had attended art shows displaying photos of nude women.

We're surprised they didn't add in that Stout was a woman, so she had seen herself naked before, so she couldn't possibly be bothered by this so-called harassment.

Related:

Tommy Lee's Drunk Pilot Is A Boob

U.S. Fighter Pilot Admits To Engaging U.F.O. In 1957

Looking to Charter a Jet? We Know Just the Heavy Metal Singer to Pilot It...

Ryanair Stewardess Wants You to Join Her Mile High Club

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 16:21:00 GMT

Last week, we presented exclusive footage of a stewardess and a pilot attempting to join the other kind of Mile High Club. In July, we showed you a video of a Ryanair press conference in which several executives announced planes for "blow jobs in business class," a joke that may have been taken literally by one stewardess.

Fleshbot and other porn blogs have outed Edita Bente, internet porn sensation, as Ryanair stewardess Edita Schindlerova, which is a way better porn name anyway.

Save your "I'd like to violate her airspace" jokes for after the jump...

Bente tells The Sun that, following her appearance in Ryanair's yearly calendar, in which she starred wearing a bikini, a coworker discovered her moonlighting gig and outed her to staff:

"I had this shit a year ago with a pilot with nothing better to do than check the Internet," she said.

Wow. Way to attack your base, Bente. Pervs have feelings, too, ya know.

Thanks to Fleshbot for the heads up.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: The Wrestler And That Video Game

Video of the Day: What's German For Blow Job?

The Rest of the Week Can't Possibly Top This Mr. T Infomercial

The Mile High Club Takes On A Whole New Meaning...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 13:46:00 GMT

Don't worry, passengers were never in any danger on this, an Aeroflot flight. After all, it's not like they're the largest airline in Russia or anything.

Translation (based on a scientific process called "bullshit detection"):

Pilot: Greetings, we are currently elevated at 300,000 feet above the earth's oozing, multi-colored, totally radical crater. Over here, you see the many hundreds of lockers where our employees store their things free of charge, while we continue to charge our passenger $325 per checked bag. And this here is a lovely little mound of hashish.

Cut to: Stewardess rolling a joint with a steady hand. Turbulence comes later, after they've had a few of these suckers. Then she's lighting up, miles above the ground! (Honestly, this can't really be a commercial flight, right? Where the fuck are these people? And aren't they monitoring the controls in case of potential collision or bird attack?)

Stewardess: Nothing, I was just going to tell you I was high becuase no one would ever put this on LiveLeak, so I don't care! Ha ha ha, ha ha ha!

Via LiveLeak.

Kate Moss Stocks Up On Beer, Strips For New York Magazine

ABC News: Guess What? Sex Is Good For You

19th Century Women Stuck a Cork in It

While You Were Sleeping: The Wrestler And That Video Game

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

CNN looks at one convicted murderer's life after DNA vindication.

The Obamas announced what kind of puppy they're going to get. My, they are drawing this out like a Stephen King serial novel, aren't they?

High School Fight Club didn't turn out to be as funny as the movie.

A New Jersey beauty queen was arrested for counterfeiting... beware the frightening pictures of the other two culprits!

Was this a brilliant bank robbery or what? Let's hope there's a movie in the works.

Ryanair hates bloggers... although, in the company's defense, they do have their reasons.

Anna Paquin is dating her True Blood co-star.

That awesome fake vintage video game in The Wrestler? It's real... unfortunately, it's not for sale... yet.

And does this Leonard Cohen "poem" in the New Yorker mean he's working on new songs?

Top 10 Breakup Songs

Is This Another Murder-Coverup of a Black Man?

Spirit Airlines Releases Sex Commercial, Pisses Everyone Off

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 16:12:00 GMT

The economy is in such dire straits, it seems, companies aren't perturbed in the least to hear that their employees are furious about the new marketing plan...

According to the Huffington Post, pilots and flight crew alike are furious at Spirit Airlines for forcing employees to wear aprons with Bug Light's logo on them. Oh, and there's this ad, which has garnerned a whopping 1.5 stars on YouTube since its release and is Spirit's new lead commercial:

As one union spokesperson put it:

"I feel as though I have entered a time warp and am reliving the battles for respect and justice for women that we fought for 40 years ago," Friend said.
Some of Spirit's ads invite customers to enjoy its DD's (deep discounts) and "MILF" (many islands, low fare) specials _ double entendres that also refer to large breasts and a crude acronym popularized in the 1999 movie "American Pie" that describes an attractive mother. [HuffPo]

This may be even sadder than American Apparel using full frontal nudity to sell its... clothing. Correction: this is definitely sadder, because at least those were porn stars.

Freaky FAA Tapes Reveal Obama's Plane Nearly Crashed On July 7th

American Airlines Baggage Debacle: Yet Another Reason Why Flying Sucks

Vintage Stewardesses Hotter Than 2008 Supermodels

While You Were Sleeping: Sarah Palin Is A Big, Whiny Phony

Surviving a Plane Crash, via Twitter

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 14:10:00 GMT

Yesterday's incident at Denver International Airport could have been a major disaster, had quick-thinking passengers not bailed out the Emergency Exit rows before the plane became, well, what you see in the above photo: a crippled, burnt-out and collapsed hunk of metal and melted plastic...

While we would kill for a Tweet from inside a plane going down-- the internet's version of the black box-- with the Twitterer (and all other passengers) having survived, of course, the next best record of the events would be Mike Wilson's record of escaping the burning Boeing 737. His flight to Texas didn't make it off the runway, as you will see:

to all who’ve asked, it’s hard to know exactly what went wrong — we were in the middle of a normal takeoff when we suddely veered off 16 minutes ago
a 1st class passenger I talked to indicated he saw the left engine come off at the time, but it’s unclear if this was a cause or an effect 16 minutes ago
shortly after we veered off, the plane quite obviously left the runway at high speed (maybe 100 kts) and proceeded to go 4 wheel driving 14 minutes ago
i think we might have gone into a ravine and dropped some distance as there was a sudden bottom-dropped-out feeling and then a jolt 13 minutes ago
i believe it was after the jolt that the right engine, which was near my row, caught fire 13 minutes ago
by the time the plane stopped we were burning pretty well and I think I could feel the heat even through the bulkhead and window 12 minutes ago
whoever was on the left side exit row, god bless him, was johnny on the spot and instantly had the door open - people crowded out in a mass 11 minutes ago
I made for the exit door as quickly as I could, fearing the right wing might explode from the fire. once out, i scrambled down the wing 10 minutes ago
there was a fire station nearby and that’s where we all ended up right after the crash 9 minutes ago
fortunately, there didn’t seem to be any life-threatening injuries 8 minutes ago
@mjcarrasquillo this was on takeoff. I'm not sure, but I would speculate some type of mechanical failure. about 15 hours ago from web in reply to mjcarrasquillo
I'm very grateful to still be here. Thanks again to all the well wishers. I'm amazed and humbled by it all. about 15 hours ago from web
Heading to the airport for another try at flying to Houston. about 7 hours ago from twitterrific
Waiting in the continental club for the "replacement" flight. Noticing I'm a little sore. about 6 hours ago from twitterrific
Media circus ensues. Sitting on the plane waiting to take off about 5 hours ago from twitterrific
I'm sitting as close to the exit as possible this time http://twitpic.com/uyqb about 5 hours ago from twitterrific
Crash #1 was a "water landing" in a small plane. about 5 hours ago from twitterrific
@showtunes no-won't get our luggage for a while I think and sounded like my mac is likely melted to the floor about 5 hours ago from twitterrific in reply to showtunes
Touchdown! The crowd goes wild! about 3 hours ago from twitterrific
Found out chairman of Continental was on our flight. That's putting your money where your mouth is. about 2 hours ago from twitterrific

We particularly enjoyed his tweets about making sure to sit as close to the exit row as possible this time and the chairman of Continental taking the return flight to make sure all went well. Why aren't we reading about this guy in the media? He deserves a mention for sure.

You can keep tabs on Mike, a.k.a. "2drinksbehind" at his Twitter page.

Related:

Top 10 Celebrity Twitterers

Freaky FAA Tapes Reveal Obama's Plane Nearly Crashed On July 7th

Sloppy Seconds: Paris Hilton Expands the Family Empire to Include Brothels

Who Knew North Dakota Had Such A Great Bar Scene?

British Airways Invites You To Join The Mile High Club

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 14:45:00 GMT

If this very angry wife is to be believed in her anonymous column in the Times, British Airways invited her husband and a total stranger to have sex in the first class section instead of, well, in the toilets.

It gets better...

In Part 1 of what we assume to be a three or four-part diary, a woman relates the story of how her husband started his affair by having sex with, as the wife puts it, "a 27-year-old blond." They met in coach, but were bumped when their loud conversation began to disturb the other passengers. (Oh, great, now everyone who reads this article is going to start shouting on an airplane just to get bumped to First Class.) It was there that they proceeded to have sex-- what, there was no one in First Class trying to sleep? Geez...

(If BA is the “World's Favourite Airline” then that flight must be the World's Most Misguidedly Accommodating.)

Anyway, oddly enough, the wife spends the rest of her diary attacking the woman in the slyest and most pathetic ways possible. The below lines are from her story of what happened after her husband gave the woman only his first name and the company he worked for:

So began an infatuated and obsessive affair that lasted several months and bloody nearly broke us before she was cast into the ether.
I also blame her because she turned out to be Miss Bunny Boiler, who was on a mission to get him, marry him and have his babies, whatever the cost. But I also blame Google. In the days before Google, sexwith a stranger on a plane could have gone no farther. A mere first name and an occupation would not have been enough even for the most determined Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction...

Wow... she just compared a harmless woman who fell for her husband to a fictional psychopath who boiled a little girl's rabbit alive and attempted to murder human beings. That seems fair.

It would have been a better thing if she had resisted the erotic charge of Googling my husband and left herself free to go off doing what she did best, namely whoring with other fantasists just panting to become members of the Mile High Club with a slut.

Why is the Times publishing this vindictive garbage? Clearly, this is one diary that should have been left locked up. However, if you'd like to read more of her diary, which includes virtually no attacks on the husband, click here.

Related:

Top 10 Places To Have Sex... This Week

Photo Essay: Revenge of the Cheated

While You Were Sleeping: The Facebook Firing

Today in WTF: PG Porn

While You Were Sleeping: Human Evolution Ended

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 14:29:00 GMT

You won't see a better headline all day: "ZZ Top regrets snake tour." And yes, it's worth reading beyond the title for the story of those snakes.

Eric Clapton is selling 13 shotguns. The news here? Eric Clapton is a scary, scary mofo.

Even when she finally got it together to get her own driver, Britney Spears still can't escape trouble on the road...

Accident-prone Britney Spears was reportedly involved in another car crash after she was pursued by the waiting paparazzi in California.
The star - who is due to stand trial after she was caught driving without a license last year - was being chauffeured through West Hollywood when a photographer's car collided with her vehicle, reports celebrity website TMZ.com. [Starpulse]

A Brooklyn, NY arts space has introduced the floating brothel. Unfortunately, it's only for actors.

We're not making up this summary: a South Australian man is believed to have impregnated 30 lesbians. Now, the local community is worried about accidental incest....

And one scientist claims that because old men aren't having as much sex with young lasses anymore, human beings are no longer evolving. We failed science, so trust us, it makes a lot more sense when you just read the article.

A British couple proves recycling is super awesome. Or that airline tickets are super cheap if it involves travel to third world countries, such as the United States. (Again, just read it, you'll see what we mean.)

Related:

Reason #8,847 Not To Sleep With A Bali Hooker...

Man Buys Camera On Ebay, Finds Treasure Trove Of MI6 Secret Documents

Man Claims He Was Robbed By Gang Of Topless Women

Sloppy Seconds: Pete Wentz Puts His Money Where His Penis is Not

Because It's Never Too Early to Start Thinking About Slutty Halloween Costumes

Looking to Charter a Jet? We Know Just the Heavy Metal Singer to Pilot It...

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 15:42:00 GMT

Has your bankrupt airline stranded you on vacation? DO NOT PANIC. Just call Bruce Dickinson from Iron Maiden the patron saint of wayward travelers.

It's possible he will fly to your rescue...

He did for about 200 vacationers abandoned by XL airlines.

The heavy metal singer, who is a qualified Boeing 757 pilot, captained a specially-chartered Monarch Airlines flight from Sharm El Sheikh, Egypt, on Saturday morning and also flew around 200 passengers home from the Greek island of Kos that night, a spokesman for Astraeus, the airline he works for, said.

Iron Maiden have their own jet, Ed Force One, which Bruce also pilots.

Sloppy Seconds: Demi Moore And Her Boob Squirt

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 21:04:00 GMT

Strip clubs in Denver are reporting a decline in business... just since the DNC began.

Why is anyone surprised Axl Rose doesn't bother with pickup lines? If we were him, we wouldn't either... although, um, we probably still wouldn't put it quite like he did.

Scariest headline of the day, via CNN: Airline removes life vests to lighten load

Sheryl Crow, Stevie Wonder and "i.am" John Legend join obvious choice will.i.am to close out tonight's convention.

We barely even remember hearing about this movie, and now it's getting a sequel?

Your boyhood idols: where are they now?

Just in case, Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty has canceled his weekend interviews.

Kimora Lee Simmons denies she's pregnant. Meaning someone reportedly cared enough to print that she may have been.

Do you believe this story:

Madonna's brother Christopher Ciccone has accused Demi Moore of deliberately squirting breast milk at his gay friends.

We don't.

Related:

Todd Solondz Moves Reign of Terror Off Shore

Sloppy Seconds: Could We Possibly Love Steve Carell Any More?

The Life-Saving Power of Breasts

Add Denver To The List Of "Places That Scare Us"

Nude Bicyclists Protest... Global Warming?

Hot or Not: Jodie Marsh's Boobs?

While You Were Sleeping: The Revenge of Harold And Kumar

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 13:44:00 GMT

Barack Obama spoke in front of approximately 200,000 people in Berlin. Onion headline: John McCain Loses Campaign Trail in North Dakota.

How in the hell did Max Mosley survive a major Nazi-style sex scandal and go on to win six figures in a civil suit?!

You'll have to forgive us for breaking your hearts with this Amy Adams news:

Enchanted star Amy Adams is to wed her boyfriend of six years, Darren Le Gallo.

The 33-year-old met Le Gallo - a fellow thespian - in an acting class in 2001 and they began dating following a year of friendship.

A spokesperson for Adams confirmed the news to People.com. The couple reportedly plans to marry next year.

The rest of the world is picking up on this Optional Clothing Diners club "craze."

Airline tickets are expensive... checked luggage fees are even more outrageous. So it's no wonder people have begun to try to smuggle each other in their suitcases.

We thought the latest Harold and Kumar adventure had bombed. Apparently not, as a third movie is in the works.

Darren Aronofsky to direct... Robocop?!

Pete Townshend talked Eddie Vedder out of retiring. Verena thanks you, Pete, although we say: "No comment."

What is Up with Southwest Airlines?

Bryan Christian — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 15:00:00 GMT

Time was that Southwest Airlines wasn't just a cheap way to get across the country -- it was also crawling with total betties like the gals up top. Dig them short shorts!

Cut to nowadays, when the no-frills carrier seems to have some sort of vendetta against pretty girls.

As I'm sure everyone is now aware, last year, Kyla Ebberts raised a huge ruckus with Southwest when they asked her to change out of the skimpy clothing that she was wearing on a flight. She was perfectly warranted in her argument, mind you; as numerous images prove, she wasn't wearing anything more than a tight shirt and a really short skirt.

Now it seems like it's getting out of hand. In the most recent chapter of Skirtgate, two teens flying between Tampa and Los Angeles are crying foul because they were escorted off the plane by security officers (at the destination). Apparently they were causing a disruption on the plane because they couldn't get water when they wanted it and were knocking on the lavatory door while someone was inside.

Seriously, all you frequent flyers out there -- you ever seen any of this sort of thing? Has it happened to you? Or maybe you know something about Southwest's anti-cutie policy? We're tempted to say "it must just be some angry old bats," but maybe there's some wrinkle to this that we're missing?

[img via]

Flying the Friendly Skies on Thai TV

Emily Farris — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 15:14:00 GMT

Flight attendants in Thailand are demanding the government pull a new soap opera about their "profession," as it were.

The Air Hostess Wars shows flight attendants scheming for the affections of a suave and handsome married airline captain, who embarks on an affair with one of their number.

Angry cabin staff say the love triangle portrayed in the programme, which leads to fighting in the aisles and scenes of passionate sex on stopovers, bears no relation to real life and portrays them in a bad light.
"This soap opera is insulting and damaging to the reputation of flight attendants," said Noppadol Thaungthong, a Thai Airways cabin crew member leading the union's action. "It's all about sex and air hostesses beating each other up in the cabin because of love and jealousy. This kind of thing never happens."

[The Guardian: Thai cabin crew protest at steamy airborne TV soap]

[Image via]