Scanner : amy poehler

Sloppy Seconds: Lindsay Lohan's Car Crash

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 22:01:00 GMT

An Italian doctor performing brain surgery suffered a heart attack during the operation, but completed it anyway at the risk of his own life.

Amy Poehler's new show is in trouble already.

If the police can't stop a woman's stalker from harassing her on and off for a year-and-a-half, isn't she allowed to take the law into her own hands? Isn't it self-defense?

Lindsay Lohan was involved in her third car accident in as many weeks. Then she goes and says she never "drinks, do[es] drugs, or lie[s.]" We believe that, yep.

It was inevitable: Nevada plans to tax prostitution at $5 a pop.

Robin Williams is in Ohio, recovering from heart surgery.

Sometimes sex tapes are helpful: a guy recorded a prositute giving him a blow job, then used the video as evidence when the hooker and her boyfriend robbed him.

Turns out, those weren't nude photos of Australian right-wing kook Pauline Hanson after all. Oh well, whatever helped her lose the election is fine with us.

Wacko Right-Wing Politician Hit With Nude Photo Scandal

World Naked Bike Ride Takes Over the Southern Hemisphere

PETA Has Really Gone and Done it Now

10 Hottest Funny Women

Colleen Kane — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 14:30:00 GMT

"Hot," especially used in conjunction with the factor "funny" regarding women, is highly subjective. Remember when Jenny McCarthy was trying to market herself as a zany, goofy-face-making, comedic actress? Although J McC was a woman, and she was making clown faces, and was considered hot by many, this writer was not having it.

And for this writer, a great sense of humor makes someone more attractive. So in this list, when using the term "hot" for women, hilarity weighs more heavily than conventional perfect-10 looks.

10. Maya Rudolph

Maya's mom sang that song "Lovin' You." Maya herself played a mean Donatella Versace on "Saturday Night Live," generally excelled on the show playing exotic oddballs, and also starred in the sleeper hit Idiocracy.

9. Chelsea Handler

Chelsea is good with the funny interviews, but I can't get that into her because she reminds me of this one fluffhead from my high school who had platinum-blonde CC DeVille hair and orange pancake makeup, who would routinely zero in on some poor slob in our class, then verbally eviscerate them under the guise of being "funny." Not saying Chelsea is that mean, but she still reminds me of that girl.

8. Kristin Wiig

Kristen joined the SNL cast in 2006. What's known so far: this gal is conventionally very pretty, she's good with impressions and acting in sketches on "SNL," also good guesting on "Flight of the Conchords." Bigger roles are coming for her, we thinks.

7 . Sarah Silverman

Sarah is a striking beauty, and would probably be more like number one on other such lists made by people who are bigger fans of her comedic stylings. Emphasis on NUMBER ONE. GET IT?! She makes poo-poo and pee-pee jokes.

[Image: HEEB]

6. Alex Borstein

Best known as the voice of Lois Griffin on "Family Guy" and Ms. Swan on "Mad TV," Alex is one of two women among mostly men on the "Family Guy" writing staff, and is also a standup comic who isn't afraid to call herself a C. "Call yourself a cunt first, then it doesn't matter who else does," she says. Or so claims this interview.

[Image: Playgirl]

5. Niecy Nash

Niecy Nash, better known as Raineesha Williams on "Reno 911" and the host of "Clean House," is hilar. Also, she wore a huge prosthetic booty with a thong bathing suit on the red carpet. Love her.

4. Amy Poehler

"SNL." Weekend Update. Baby Mama. This photo says it all.

3. Margaret Cho

Ms. Cho has been fighting the good fight for years and continues to perform and tour regularly. One of the world's best fag hags, she will be hosting the GayVN Awards at the end of this month.

2. Janeane Garofolo

1990s: amazing standup and (less amazing) movies. 2000s: raging against the Bush regime on Air America. Always awesome.

[Image: celebs101.com]

1. Tina Fey

Before her uber-glamorous turn at this year's Oscars cemented our girl crush on Tina, her Liz Lemon on "30 Rock" was one of the only the only real, identifiable female characters on prime time. And there's the Weekend Update, the Sarah Palin impression, the Mean Girls, and being the first female head writer on "SNL."

Then there was this dress.

Le sigh.

(Who else would you expect on Scanner for #1?)

[Image: AP Photo/Chris Carlson]

The 5 Hottest Men And 5 Hottest Women Of The 2008 Summer Olympics (Part Two)

The Top 5 Hottest Female Politicians

While You Were Sleeping: John Mayer vs. Jimmy Fallon?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 14:08:00 GMT

The new Iron Man 2 rumors say that there may not be enough money to include Samuel L. Jackson. Then again, they are somehow able to afford Emily Blunt for a role.

We're a sucker for crazy bets like this: a Republican senator lost a gentlemanly bet on a college football game to a Democratic senator. His repentance? He had to serenade Florida politician Bill Nelson, a former astronaut, with Elton John's "Rocket Man."

The Ex-BART officer who shot and killed an unarmed man on recorded video was found...

The former transit police officer accused of shooting an unarmed man at a California train station went to Nevada with his family "to clear his mind" after receiving death threats, his lawyer said Wednesday.
The lawyer's comments came after Johannes Mehserle was arrested on a fugitive warrant in Nevada.
Leads led investigators to Johannes Mehserle, 27, in Zephyr Cove, Nevada, on Tuesday, authorities said. He was contacted through his attorney and then surrendered. [CNN]

The blogs are predicting Amy Poehler's new Office "spinoff" is actually a knockoff.

If you're going to start a brawl, you might not want to do so in a brothel, especially when you're off-duty police officers.

We care what these people think of the John Mayer TV show? We could care less about his pop records and personal life, but the VH-1 show was inspired-- we always thought he would be a great late night host.

Going to the inauguration? 20+ jumbotrons. 5,000 port-a-potties. 10,000 National Guard troops. And clearly not enough beer vendors.

And Washington state will allow teachers to have sex with their students, as long as the students are legal.

Related:

Famous People We're Afraid Will Die in 2009

Jennifer Aniston Does GQ...Naked

Sloppy Seconds: Kate Winslet's Secret

Did Obama Sell Out The Gays?

While You Were Sleeping: The Jennifer Hudson Horror Story Continues

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Just before we wrapped up for the day on Friday, we heard about a man accusing the NYPD of sexually assaulting him by sticking a walkie-talkie up his ass. We're not sure we buy the guy's story, but he did end up in the hospital after being arrested, so that may mean something's up.

Democratic Congressman Tim Mahoney is so scared for his political future, he backed out of a debate with his Republican opponent with barely any notice. Meanwhile, we applaud his wife for sticking up for herself by filing for divorce from this pig.

In a bizarre turn of events, Amy Poehler didn't show up for her Saturday Night Live scenes this weekened, although she gave a fairly reasonably explanation:

[H]er former co-stars were celebrating when the show was aired on Saturday night, telling a cheering crowd: "Amy Poehler is not here tonight because she is having a baby."
Poehler won't return to SNL after her maternity leave - she is planning a spin-off series to the hit U.S. version of The Office.

Aw, man... it's a case of "poof and she's gone." The show won't be the same without you, Amy.

Meet us in St. Louis: "Sex, Politics, and You," an art exhibit, has set up shop in Missouri.

A sixteen-year-old boy asked the Times if they thought it was "unhealthy" that he wants to try on his Mom's lyrca leggings.

What not to do if you are afraid to get married: set a hotel on fire so you can ruin the ceremony. (By the way, his reason for not getting married? He already is married... to somebody else.)

"I thought if I set a fire I wouldn't have to go through with the wedding," the Yomiuri quoted him as telling police.

Guests at the hotel were evacuated and no one was injured when he set the fire in the early hours of Sunday morning at the resort hotel... west of Tokyo.
Tatsuhiko Kawata and his fiancee had been set to get married before 80 guests. He was arrested after suddenly cancelling the event and behaving suspiciously, the Yomiuri said.

And Jennifer Hudson's sister has pleaded for the safety of her son after Jennifer's mother and brother were murdered in their Illinois home. Jennifer, meanwhile, has offered $100,000 as a reward for the boy's safe return.

Related:

Jennifer Hudson Looking Hot on Her New Album Cover

Today in WTF: Ex-Candidate For Kentucky Gov. Arrested For Sex Offenses After Obvious Joke

British Airways Invites You To Join The Mile High Club

That Sex Toy Is... Pooooisssoooon

Exposed: Joe the Plumber (Don't Worry, No Butt Crack Shots)

World's Greatest Mom Defends Daughter's Honor... Shotgun Style

If You Like Fey and Poehler and Palin and Clinton, You'll Love Them as Couric and Palin

Emily Farris — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 15:29:00 GMT

We're sad that Amy Poehler won't be returning to SNL after she gives birth, because no matter what happens in this election, Tina Fey and Poehler are a political team to be reconed with. After the jump, Poehler's Katie Couric interviews Fey's Palin for the opening scene of Saturday Night Live.

Sloppy Seconds: Which "Baby Mama" Star is Knocked-Up For Real?

Everyone Attacks: Obama and Hillary

Simple Math: Funny Girls Have Better Sex

While You Were Sleeping: The Playboy Selection Process

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 13:07:00 GMT

When in Atlantic City, it's probably best not to approach total strangers about marijuana purchases:

Police said the drug deal went sour when the man took them to a desolate road in Egg Harbor Township near the Atlantic City International Airport, pulled and gun and forced them to strip before dumping their purses and robbing them.

Every time Obama speaks, an angel... has an orgasm?

How does Hugh Hefner choose his Playboy bunnies?

“We don’t go for glamour — what we are looking for is a very natural girl-next-door look,” he told Pop Tarts. “I think that’s what set things at the very beginning — what set the Playmate centerfolds apart.”
“Scarlett Johansson and Angelina Jolie,” he said [are the hottest women in the world.]

Damien Hirst sold a painting of a pickled shark for almost ten million pounds. We're not sure what a pickled shark is, but it sounds mighty tasty!

Comedian Al Franken is tied with incumbent Senator Norm Coleman in Minnesota's hottest (not in the "sexy") race.

Speaking of SNL, Amy Poehler is not returning to the show after her planned maternity leave.

And what do we think of Katherine McPhee's outfit? Hot or... dreadful?

Photo via Egotastic.

Related:

The War On Sex Rages On...

RNC Day Two: Eloquence No Substitution For A Record...

While You Were Sleeping: Jessica Alba's Bondage Ad

Sloppy Seconds: Woman Who Delivered Baby In Car For VP?

While You Were Sleeping: Leighton Meester's Jail Story

Who Would You Rather, Scarlett Johansson or Natalie Portman?

Rachelle Leah Is Playboy's November Cover Girl

Live from New York: Fey and Poehler do Palin and Clinton

Emily Farris — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 13:24:00 GMT

Think what you want about Saturday Night Live these days, but it's hard to deny the hilarity that is the combination of Tina Fey's Sarah Palin (in Tina Fey glasses, of course) and Amy Poehler's Hillary Clinton—especially when balls, barbed wire and dog sleds are involved. If only Hillary had wanted it more. *Sigh.*

Video after the jump.

Sloppy Seconds: Which "Baby Mama" Star is Knocked-Up For Real?

Emily Farris — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 21:25:00 GMT

We were super close to buying a car, a total mom car at that, but if gas prices are really going to reach $10 a gallon, we're pretty happy to ride our bike to New Hampshire and back this summer. [NY Sun]

We haven't heard from Ashley Alexandra Dupre in a while, maybe because she's been busy suing Joe "Boobies" Francis. You go girl! [People]

Someone put together a collection of hot women from horror movies. [Hammer of Hotness]

Despite what you may have heard, Hillary Duff won't be joining the cast of the new 90210. Or so she says. [Us Weekly]

Amy Poehler and husband Will Arnett are expecting their first baby in the fall. [FameCrawler]

[Image]

Open Thread: What's The Dirtiest Thing You Ever Did at Summer Camp?

Emily Farris — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 13:02:00 GMT

Last week we told you all about how we got finger banged by Michael Ian Black at summer camp. You might have guessed it was a lie. While he did finger bang some girl named Emily at his summer camp, it was not us or our summer camp. In fact, we had some pretty mild summers, sexually speaking. That's why we want to live vicariously through you. What's the dirtiest thing you ever did at summer camp?

Live From New York, It's... Hillary Clinton!

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 05:01:00 GMT

Hillary Clinton is #1 today, at least on YouTube. With the early Nicholson-sponsored video and now this, her surprise (yet still somehow expected) appearance on Saturday Night Live, the Senator from New York is stealing the spotlight from Barack Obama just as he was beginning to pull away.

Hillary disappeared from the campaign trail over the weekend, leaving some reporters confused and without any material for today's attack pieces on her. She ended up with mostly positive reviews, although it seems unlikely that even this will offset losing a day of campaigning in Texas. Here are some comments from the Washington Post's blog:

It was a brilliant idea given the circumstances - it showed grace under pressure. It could nudge young undecided voters towards Clinton.

An excellent consolation prize for her eventually losing the nomination.

The SNL skit was degrading. Obama was made to look like an idiot, and an ugly one at that. The way they emphasized the racial aspect by exaggerating his features to me was a very uncomfortable race-baiting tactic. I absolutely was revolted by the whole thing.

I don't think it will nudge any young undecideds in one direction or another. Mostly because nobody watches SNL anymore.

Senator Clinton is definitely on the comeback trail. I think she'll win in Ohio and win or come close enough in Texas to give her strength to move on to Pennsylvania. Dems should not disenfranchise Pennsylvania along with Florida and Michigan!!!

What say you? Everyone jump into the comments section...

[Photo: KATU TV]

Everyone Attacks: Obama and Hillary

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 19:44:00 GMT

The world is on the warpath against female politicians today. There's the Mayor in Oregon who was, um, "stripped" of her office (their words, not ours) after posing on a fire truck in her skivvies.

Last night, Tim Russert foolishly tried to mock Hillary for not knowing the name of Putin's successor-- foolish since nobody else knows it either. Apparently, the Cleveland debate came off as a bad Saturday Night Live sketch-- and that was just how the Clinton campaign saw it.

McCain's opening act kept referring to Barack Obama by his Wonkette name ("Hussein! Hussein! His name is HUSSEIN!") to the point where McCain had to take the stage and put the guy down with a bodyslam. And you thought the general election was going to be pretty?

In another sign the ugliness is still in full effect, a Pennsylvania man stabbed his brother-in-law during an argument over which Democrat they should support. Let's be glad that two states with very few gun owners (Texas, Ohio) are next on the docket. Oh. Right....

The web was abuzz with the rumor that President Clinton (the first one) said, "Vote for me" in a slip-of-the-tongue. That would have given Obama (and other detractors) a lotta ammo against the Family. Thankfully, it turned out to just be this realy confusing blog entry... and not too far from the truth.

Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton's campaign is going negative on Obama, which is helpful to both of them. Negative campaigning is an Election Year strategy staple of Bill's, lifted from the mind of Republican guru Dick Morris, and has always worked for his own Presidential campaigns. Obama, on the other side of the coin, needs to learn how to take the punches and go on the offensive himself, something he is reluctant to do because he made it this far while remaining positive and avoiding almost all wars of words or preemptive attacks. It remains to be seen whether a candidate can win a competitive primary while coasting through an opponent's barrage of negative attacks.

And for the first time in this election cycle, the people are giving in to the electability issue.

What does all this mean? All this infighting in the Democratic Party has let McCain take the national lead in both matchups (eight points over Clinton, four points over Obama.) Lefties should hope that whoever loses the contests on March 4th will drop out and instantly endorse their opponent. After all, if McCain's numbers go up in a week where he is accused on the front page of the New York Times of cheating on his wife, then we're all sinking in a big pile of horseshit...

Speaking of McCain's cheating, it at least got him one bit of good news: a Lindsay Lohan "endorsement."

[Photo: Dana Edelson for NBC -- how is it that Amy Poehler can make anybody look hot?!]

Video of the Day: SNL "Annuale" Skit You Missed While Busy Changing Your Tampon

Emily Farris — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 19:29:00 GMT

Ladies, does Seasonale, that birth control pill that limits your period to four times a year, freak you out? Well, it does us, and this SNL skit for "Annuale" is about what we imagine life on Seasonale is like. We'll take dirty period panties and an extra dose of Midol every month, thanks.

"Wet, Hot, American Summer"... the Musical?

Emily Farris — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 14:51:00 GMT

We're not huge fans of Broadway around here. We had the acting "bug" in our system for a while in high school and we may have been voted "best actress" in our senior class. A love of theater may have been about 3.06 per cent responsible for our move to New York at age 18 and at one time, we may have referred to ourselves as "Rentheads" (but at that time our eyeliner was thicker than our eyebrows and we may have also dated a few guys with goatees). However, about seventeen minutes after moving to the big city, we quickly flushed the acting bug from our system, never to suffer from it again. What we're saying is, there was a time when our tastes were, um different. We thought getting dressed up and going to a Broadway show was exciting. Now we pretty much avoid Times' Square like The Plague and if someone is visting and is just dying to see a musical, it always seems to work out that we have an important meeting—because bloggers have lots, and lots, and lots of important meetings to go to. Seriously.

That said, if "Wet, Hot, American Summer," the greatest movie ever made about a summer camp that's so bad its good, is made into a musical, we're busting out the eyeliner and finding a date with a goatee. Seriously, kids, that movie is the reason we became summer camp counselors at 25 (but don't tell, or we might lose our gig this summer).

[MTV News: Stella On Stage? Wain In Talks For ‘Wet Hot American Musical’]

Video of the Day: "Baby Mama" Trailer

Bryan Christian — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 19:31:00 GMT

John Hodgman just doesn't like our uterus, everyone! How awesome is that?

[via FameCrawler]