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Fox News Defines the Slang Use of "Teabagging"

Colleen Kane — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 21:00:00 GMT

Fox News is just so burned up about all the snickering references to "teabagging" made in the mainstream media when covering tax day's tea(bagging) parties this week.

Fox News had it up to here (their mouths) with the references, so they explained the joke to the protesters and others who had been unaware. Here's Fox breaking it down:

Teabagging, for those who don't live in a frat house, refers to a sexual act involving part of the male genitalia and a second person's face or mouth.

--"For those who don't live in a frat house!" Burrrrn!

Even Anderson Cooper got fratty.

"It's hard to talk when you're teabagging," cracked Cooper with a straight face.

This has been so entertaining, I hope it doesn't end soon. More outrage here.

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Anderson Cooper's Mom Likes The Dirty Talk

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 17:16:00 GMT

I, Scanner Brian, used to live in a room in one of the old Vanderbilt mansions-- and let me just say, it was no help in getting laid. What was once a family gem had turned into a wrecking ball-ready hellhole, with peeling paint, nails sticking out of the walls and staircases, windows that wouldn't open or close, and walls that would shake with every passing subway car-- the subway stop being right under my window. Girlfriends who would stay the night early in the romance managed to evade staying over there for up to two years after, despite our continued relationships.

Apparently, it worked wonders for Gloria Vanderbilt-- then again, she probably never lived in that building-- as her new X-rated novel is full of healthy sexual adventures. Vanderbilt, the mother of CNN's Anderson Cooper, is 85-years-old...

Vanderbilt, whose past sexual conquests were Frank Sinatra, Sidney Lumet, and Wyatt Cooper (Anderson's Dad, of course), is out with a book entitled Obsession: An Erotic Tale. At 143 pages, it is, as the Post's Andrea Peyser has already mentioned, "easily read with one hand."

I will begin, softly at first so that you can sleep a few more minutes, the long, slow, delicious process of licking your ----, and since I must have your honey milk . . . I will struggle to stay quiet . . . Master, I whisper as you surrender to our ecstasy."

Dare I suggest to be placed fully dressed over our favorite ottoman . . . That done, placed over your knees, skirt lifted, begging you not to restrain yourself in giving my flesh the serious whacking I deserve. An ebony, smooth-backed hairbrush -- most appropriate. The Mason-Pearson are considered the finest, and it would be no trouble, while you are in London, to pick one up of a heft that pleases you at Harrods.

Ludicrous or luscious? You tell us.

The 85-year-old socialite mom of Anderson Cooper says her X- rated novel, "Obsession: An Erotic Tale," came straight out of her subconscious as she slept. "It was all surreal, and then I channeled it onto pages," she told The Post's Georgett Roberts at the Na tional Arts Club gala for Joyce Carol Oates. The steamy read, first revealed this week by Andrea Peyser, is about "sex on many levels -- emotion ally, mentally and physical as well," she said. "Yes, it's graphic -- it's an erotic novel!"

When we asked Vanderbilt if she still has sex, she let out a long, loud laugh, then uttered, "No comment." [NY Post]

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This Week in Gayness: The New Transgender Minister

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 15:16:00 GMT

Bloggers are defending Anderson Cooper's right to privacy. Can a "Leave Anderson Alone" YouTube video be far behind?

Four suspects have been arrested in that San Francisco lesbian gang rape case.

Meanwhile, also from San Francisco, some positive news...

First United Lutheran Church in San Francisco, the first Lutheran church to ordain an openly LGBT pastor in the 1990s, recently welcomed a new queer member of the ministry. Jay Wilson, now one of the few openly transgender pastors in San Francisco, was ordained by Extraordinary Lutheran Ministries and installed as a pastor at First United last month. [Bay Area Reporter]

Ruben Diaz, Sr., part of the Axis of Evil Democrats that are stand in the way of gay marriage in New York State, is under major pressure from unions, LGBT groups, and others to stop his insane power grab.

Believe it or not, the LGBT-friendly Hero of the Week? George W. Bush, who signed legislation that requires "businesses to roll over retirement benefits to a same-sex partner in the event of the employee’s death."

The ACLU is suing ass-backwards Arkansas for barring unmarried people, gay or straight, from adopting. As we said before: great, let's make it harder for people to be happy and for orphans to find homes. This was a top priority!

And that Richard Simmons clip we showed you earlier today? It means he isn't gay, according to Jossip, which obviously didn't even watch it.

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Three Men Jump 12-Year-Old Girl, Beat Her Up, Call Her A Hooker... Then Arrest Her

Video From Crazy Kansas Churchies: Santa Claus a Fag, Rapist

Sloppy Seconds: How Kanye West is Handling the Recession

Emily Farris — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 00:41:00 GMT

The nearly naked girl Michael Phelps has been spotted with his not his girlfriend. Mmmkay? [Us]

Another one (of our potential future husbands) bites the dust. Sam Talbot, ~~winner~~ runner up from Season 2 of Top Chef got married in a secret ceremony last month, further increasing my chances of becoming the Crazy Cat Lady. [People]

If you're selling pictures you took of Amy Winehouse smoking crack, it's possible you were also smoking (or selling) crack and might go to jail. [Radar]

What does Harvey Weinstein have to say about yesterday's Golden Globe nominations? [Vulture]

Just in time for us to go all batshit on it, Facebook is now totally legit! Donald Graham, chairman and chief executive of the Washington Post Co, has agreed to join the board of directors. [Yahoo!]

Kanye West is looking for an internship. No, not an intern, an internship. [FadedYouth]

White House officials turned down Barack Obama's request to move into The Blair House—where incoming presidents usually stay before inauguration—early so that his daughters, Sasha and Malia could start school on time. We hear the Red Roof Inn is really nice, though. [NYT]

[Image]

Scanner Highs and Lows: In Which We Contemplate Tina Fey's Breasts

Emily Farris — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 23:57:00 GMT

To be fair, we also thought a lot about her scar and the rest of her body....

Highs:

We made some new friends.

We found lots and lots and lots of bearded men. All in one place.

But we still love this one.

We found the one guy in the world who didn't know what a "boner" was.

Our faith in humanity may wain, but our faith in cute animals never will.

Yes, rockstar babies are beautiful.

Our dad, and old people in general, are really, really, really cute.

We finally got a little bit of LOST.

And learned the origins of Tina Fey's scar.

Apparently we can get an abortion for Christmas ("No, Dad. The $400 will keep me up to date with all my girl check ups for four years.)

Did you hear the one about Anderson Cooper and Michael Phelps getting in the pool together?

Dita Von Teese in German Playboy.

Scanner Matt did not get any beard hair in any of his three turkeys.

Lows:

The world, including Tina Fey, made a big deal out of the fact that she used to be "fat." But hey, she had some knockers.

We're pretty sure these creamy cum crepes are for real. Somebody pass the gizz juice!

Eliot Spitzer got a blog job and didn't even consider writing for us. Jerk.

Grossgrossgrossgross.

Image via vanityfair.com

This Week in Gayness: Gotta Love Them Bathhouses

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 15:37:00 GMT

For the ten millionth time in a row, research suggests being gay is not a choice.

Have you heard about the Day Without a Gay? No, it's not some Fred Phelps extraordinary rendition program, it's a pro-gay event on December 10th in which gay people will not participate in the economy.

Next Friday, possibly-gay Florida Governor Charlie Crist is getting married. So, in light of the recent statewide amendment banning same-sex marriage, pro-gay advocates are going to protest and possibly even invade the wedding itself.

We're surprised Michael Phelps went along with A Very Gay 60 Minutes, but he's always been, you know, a good sport. [Watch here]

Linda Harvey is a scary bitch:

"Males need to stop having homosexual sex," said Harvey. "That means, close homosexual hang-outs, especially all bathhouses. Patrol public parks and arrest men having sex in public toilets. Stop sponsoring large public events, like Folsom Street Fair, that allow public sex and nudity. Ignore the screams of the homosexual lobby when officials do the right thing, even for them. Think of the lives that would be saved and disability prevented." [G-A-Y]

If you're a church that financially supported Prop 8, you may be saying goodbye to your tax-exempt status. Yeah, like the government is going to fuck with the churches.

And don't forget Milk is out in theaters, getting excellent reviews.

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Live From Death Row: A Killer's Last Words, Before His Life Was Spared

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 16:59:00 GMT

Jose Angel Moreno should be dead already.

He's a death row inmate in Texas, of all places, which means he's lucky he wasn't taken out and shot before his appeal even came up. This is not a dig at Texas-- this is a dig at how Texas State Government views the death penalty. And the fact that 23 years have passed since Moreno committed a murder-kidnapping and Moreno still hasn't been put to death is either a miracle or a travesty of justice, depending on which side you're on...

Anderson Cooper's 360 blog has a diary entry from Moreno in which he talks about the moments leading up to his own execution:

When your final visit is almost up, the warden (Hirsch) comes to pick you up. From that point on, every officer that has any dealings with you is a sergeant or higher, mostly lieutenants and captains. When you come out of the visiting room, there is a lot of freeworld people there. I didn’t recognize any, except the wardens. From there, you are escorted to a cage where you are searched thoroughly (you know, lift your feet and wiggle your toes, bend over and spread your ass-cheeks, then with the same hands stick your fingers in your mouth and pull your mouth open so they can check your other cheeks!) and given all brand-new clothing and cloth shoes.
The last thing Warden Hirsch says to me is, “Thanks for being a man about all this.”

Now, getting back to the death chamber. Once they get you out of the van and walk you the few feet to the holding area right next to the death chamber, they lock the door and repeat the process of removing the leg irons, belts, handcuffs and hog chain. They strip you right there in front of them (no cage necessary because there’s about 12 built or big rank all around you — a major or two, captains, and lieutenants). After they search you and dress you in their brand-new clothing, they allow you to walk over to the finger-printing booth (two sets of prints) and walk to their holding cell.
You know those huge 10-gallon containers they bring our juice/tea to the pods? Well, there’s three of them on the table. One with coffee, one tea, and I think one of juice. Then there’s milk cartons chilling on ice and a BIG silver platter with all sorts of sweets on it: cookies, buns, rolls, pastries, etc.

When the warden shows up, I think he is there to gauge how you are going to behave. He starts off by telling you what is going to happen. At 3 o’clock they will let you walk out of your cell and walk to the next cell where you will be behind a screen so you can visit with your spiritual advisor. The spiritual advisor visit lasts about an hour. Then, at 4, they will bring your last meal.
...you won’t see him no more until 6, when he comes to get you. He will say, “It’s time.” At that point, you will walk out of the cell and directly through that door (you can see it from the cell, it’s only about 10-15 feet), that’s the execution chamber. You will then be placed on the gurney and strapped down. Then two medically trained personnel will stand on each side and inject a catheter into each arm. Then he (warden) will stand behind your head and ask you if you have a last statement. He will give you about two minutes but is flexible, depending on what you are saying. He has two rules: 1) No profanity or cussing, and 2) It must be in English.

Then he tells you that if you get a stay, the chaplain will come inform you. Finally, he asks if you have any questions. It is at this time you are supposed to ask him to use the telephone and smoke cigarettes as per the instructions you will receive from the chaplain the day before. He tells you that the chaplain will provide the cigarettes and that you can call as many people as you want but the person must be in the continental U.S., and all phone calls will stop at 5.

So the warden leaves and I get right on the phone. I get some very sweet tea, a milk, and wait for him to light me a cigarette. The first person I talk to on the phone is my oldest (longest-lasting) friend, Linda. But I wasn’t doing much talking because I was trying to choke down my sobbing. (Sobbing is uncontrollable crying). It was at this point that it all made sense to me and I was more scared than I’ve ever been in my whole life.

Of course, since you're reading the journal entry, you know Moreno must've received a visit from the chaplain and that the chaplain let him know the execution had been stayed. Sure enough, as of this writing, Moreno lives in the only civilized country on earth that allows capital punishment.

Via CNN.

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Vanity Fair's Best Dressed List: Perfect or Pathetic?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 13:28:00 GMT

The 2008 Vanity Fair International Best-Dressed list includes Ivanka Trump, Michelle Obama, and 8 other classy ladies, plus ten gentlemen, fashion professionals, couples, and more...

Are they missing anyone? Should Ivanka been vetoed for her mere affiliation with the Donald? And just who in blazes is Count Manfredi Della Gherardesca? He sounds like Don Novello's replacement character for Father Guido Sarducci, and no, that wasn't mean to be derogatory. Fill us in, after the jump:

Women

Charlotte Gainsbourg
Princess Alexandra of Greece
Marjorie Gubelmann
Princess Mafalda of Hesse
Fran Lebowitz
Michelle Obama
Bee Shaffer
Tilda Swinton
Ivanka Trump
Renée Zellweger

Men

Tiki Barber
Jonathan Becker
Count Manfredi Della Gherardesca
Lapo Elkann
Richard E. Grant
Lenny Kravitz
Luis and Rafael Medina
Hidetoshi Nakata
Nicolas Sarkozy
Gay Talese

Couples

David and Victoria Beckham
The Earl and Countess of Cawdor
Damon Dash and Rachel Roy
Frédéric Fekkai and Shirin von Wulffen
Mitch Glazer and Kelly Lynch
Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore
David Lauren and Lauren Bush
Viscount and Viscountess Linley
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
Ruben and Isabel Toledo

Fashion Professionals

Amy Astley
Tory Burch
Jefferson Hack
Liya Kebede
Alexandra Kotur
Margherita Missoni
Stefano Pilati
Michael Roberts
Katherine Ross
Hedi Slimane

Fashion Originals

Peter Beard
Carlyne Cerf de Dudzeele
Lisa Eisner

Hall of Fame

Alba Clemente
George Clooney
Marina Rust Connor
Anderson Cooper
Sofia Coppola
Jemima Khan
Anna Piaggi

Via Vanity Fair.

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Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse's Spiked Drink

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 21:17:00 GMT

What does it take for gal to file for divorce around here? After 52 years of marriage, the nitwit who married the guy who kept his sex slave daughter in a cage has left him.

Tim Robbins will produce a Showtime pilot starring Josh Lucas. Damn, is Showtime the new HBO or what?

Anderson Cooper may have moved in with his significant other this week...

The Anderson Cooper rumor mill most recently had the flirty CNN anchor dating an assistant to Barry Diller beard Diane Von Furstenberg in the wake of a breakup from 22-year-old JD Ordonez, a marine mammal trainer in California. Now we're told the silver-haired newsman is trying to settle down, albeit with a 24-ish guy, even as he trots the globe to film his upcoming Planet In Peril. A tipster heard from the supposed boyfriend's associates that Cooper asked him to move in and that the boyfriend accepted.

Barney Frank, the gay Congressman from Massachusetts (where else?) is sponsoring a bill to legalize marijuana possession, if the amount is less than, oh, say, 100 ounces.

Speaking of reefer madness: Hype or hilarity? Seth Rogen was asked to leave a "Pineapple Express" after party for smoking dope.

The latest in our continuing series on movies that cannot possibly have a sequel but are going to anyway: I Am Legend.

Good luck with that: Jamie Lynn Spears is getting married.

Starbucks is losing money for the first time in 16 years. We're surprised to be saying this, but we're not thrilled to see Starbucks going down in flames, now that the economy is at least partly dependent on their sales.

Amy Winehouse's Dad says it was a spiked drink that caused his daughter's latest hospital visit. Dude, that chick could sip a Diet Coke and go into convulsions, she's so toxic.

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Anderson Cooper 360: Hottest Newscast Ever?

Bryan Christian — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 18:01:00 GMT

Time was we'd get our news first and foremost from NPR, but these days, it's all about Anderson Cooper: 360. We'd like to say that's because it's the best place in this political season to find the analysis of longtime bipartisan consultant David Gergen, but we have to face facts. We do it every week just for this: a daily two-shot of 360 host Anderson Cooper and subanchor Erica Hill, two of the hottest people to read the news in the 190-year history of television.

Man, how this brief little moment -- just a couple of minutes at the end of each broadcast -- really tickles our news fancy. Sometimes we download the 360 podcast and just pause this shot for minutes at a time on our work computer, picturing ourselves in a sloppy split-screen sandwich between these two. Sure, we know that's an impossible dream -- no newscaster has made out with their co-anchor on the air since the great Huntley/Brinkley liplock fiasco of 1969. But until Melissa Theuriau gets a job over here, it's the best news fantasy we got.

Anyhow, click through for video of Erica commemorating Andy's appearance in People's 2005 Most Beautiful People List.

Minor Detail About Reverend Wright's 9/11 Sermon: He Didn't Say It!

Katie Halper — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:09:00 GMT

If you don't live in a cave, you've probably heard about the "controversial," "inflammatory," "over the top," "Obama Pastor" Reverend Jeremiah Wright. He's the preacher whose "fiery" speeches got Obama in a whole lot of trouble with white people. (He's also On Our "To-Do" List, but that's not germane right now.) Wright really got slammed for his 9/11 sermon. The poor media was so busy bombarding us with propaganda and manipulating video, they TOTALLY forgot to, you know, like show us the context, or, like tell the truth or whatever.

Turns out, when Reverend Wright was making those the "Anti-American" "unpatriotic" statements about 9/11, he was actually quoting someone else. You'll never guess which ~~left wing angry black man~~ white former U.S. Ambassador really uttered the words.

Edward Peck! If you don't know Edward Peck, he's a former U.S. Ambassador to Iraq and was deputy director of President Reagan’s terrorism task force. Oops!

Check out the true story here, which Roland Martin broke on Anderson Cooper's Blog:

One of the most controversial statements in this sermon was when he mentioned “chickens coming home to roost.” He was actually quoting Edward Peck, former U.S. Ambassador to Iraq and deputy director of President Reagan’s terrorism task force, who was speaking on FOX News. That’s what he told the congregation.

He was quoting Peck as saying that America’s foreign policy has put the nation in peril:

“I heard Ambassador Peck on an interview yesterday did anybody else see or hear him? He was on FOX News, this is a white man, and he was upsetting the FOX News commentators to no end, he pointed out, a white man, an ambassador, he pointed out that what Malcolm X said when he was silenced by Elijah Mohammad was in fact true, he said Americas chickens, are coming home to roost.”

Sloppy Seconds: We Like Ass and Candy

April Peveteaux — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 18:35:00 GMT

Yet another reason to leave New York for a warmer clime: Naked dudes shop for Skittles in Phoenix.

MTV freelance employees kick ass, take names.

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Anderson Cooper: International Man of Mystery?

Bryan Christian — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:51:00 GMT

Radar Magazine is reporting that CNN heartthrob Anderson Cooper hasn't been entirely forthcoming about all the life choices he was exploring in college. Hang on, we're talking about him maybe being a spy. What were you thinking?

Following his sophomore and junior years at Yale—a well-known recruiting ground for the CIA—Cooper spent his summers interning at the agency's monolithic headquarters in Langley, Virginia, in a program for students interested in intelligence work. His involvement with the agency ended there, and he chose not to pursue a job with the agency after graduation, according to a CNN spokeswoman, who confirmed details of Cooper's CIA involvement to Radar.

"Whatever summer jobs or internships our anchors had in college couldn't be less consequential," she added. He has kept the experience a secret, sources say, out of concern that, if widely known, it might compromise his ability to travel in foreign countries and even possibly put him at greater risk from terrorists.

There's undoubtedly gonna be a little chatter about whether he's still actually an undercover agent... so we might as well get some of that wildly speculative action for ourselves! What do you think? We're thinking maybe. Or is that just our mancrush talking?

(OK, turns out this is an article from 2006, so it's pretty old news. Sorry about that. Still: we had no idea, and since we're raging narcissists, we'll just assume you didn't either!)

[story via politicalinquirer.com; photo via libookperson's flickr photostream]

Set Your TiVos Dudes, Anderson Cooper on Sesame Street Tomorrow

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 19:04:00 GMT

Somebody give this man a wet nap and a hug. This is the sweetest news anchor in a trash can photo we've ever seen. Even in the garbage, Cooper looks all tidy and well-kempt.