Scanner : animal love

Presidential Candidate Dogs Annoy The Sh*t Out Of Us

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 19:26:00 GMT

After 4,000 votes, the above-pictured dog was named the winner of the "My Dog Looks Like Obama" photo competition.

While we understand that dog lovers can't control their urges to share their boring candids with the rest of us, there's something that sticks in our collective craws about these pics...

And wait till you see the McCain lookalike winner...

The Obama winner, first off, is Amore Francine of Mt. Clemens, MI, a boxer weighing a mere 52 pounds. (Insert Cassius Clay joke here.) Amore, by the way, couldn't give a cat's ass about his latest triumph, insisting that he has no opinion on the US Presidential race: "Whichever one keeps me in the most red balls and spikes my water bowl with J&B, that's the one I lick-- er, like-- the best."

And here's your "My Dog Looks Like McCain" winner... and some equally brutal runners up:

Now that's more like it. (The others, plus more about this silly contest, can be found here.)

Upside Down Dogs Freak Us the F*ck Out

McCain May Have Committed Vehicular Manslaughter in 1964

More Girls Say "Yes"

Vote Girl: Disenfranchised

Playboy's Presidential Sex Quiz A Welcome Distraction From Boring Obama Stories

Scanner Highs And Lows: Nudie Shoot City

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 22:02:00 GMT

This week we welcomed Verena Von Pfetten to the Scanner fold, although this photo and caption has nothing to do with nudie shoots or this post.

There were a couple of nude photos, including rugby players and supermodels, but more memorably... there were animal sex photos!

HIGHS:

Scanner Nicole may have found the love of her life. A few readers will be fighting her for him, for sure.

We found some gay animals. Better yet-- we found pictures of gay animals fucking!

We took it from behind while playing Super Mario Bros.

A porn star solved the Catholic crisis.

A whole shitload of British tourists were busted after an oral sex contest went so, so right.

We fawned over the greatest pet story ever told.

Mischa Barton almost looked kind of hot (sort of) in her latest almost-nude attempt at relevance.

LOWS:

We dug some mispellings. Not just in our posts-- in tatoos!

Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel broke up. Should this one be in the "Highs?"

Officer Dick would fine Gisele Bundchen for her droopy pants. Although we're not going to stop her from taking these photos.

We found that 63% women have been unnecessarily groped on the subway. We would put "getting jizzed on" under "unnecessary" as well.

Sienna Miller stole a husband... and our hearts. Well, not really, she just kind of rubbed us the wrong way while going topless.

We were disappointed British lesbians did not pick Susan Sarandon as their "dream date." However, the winner is still pretty tantalizing at 62.

And the self-proclaimed "World's Greatest Dad" was arrested. Wanna guess what he's in for?

Anti-Teen Pregnancy Ad Proves PETA Doesn't Want Animals To Breed?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:39:00 GMT

PETA, the People For Ethical Treatment of Animals and Extreme Treatment of Abusers, is taking its latest controversial ad national.

The ad, which is entitled "Sex Talk," according to Fox, features two parents who encourage their teenage daughter to start pumping out babies on a continuous basis. And why, pray tell, would you want to run this in Kentwood, La., hometown of Jamie Lynn Spears?

[It starts with] a mother and father sitting down with their teenage daughter in her bedroom and telling her they have to talk about sex. She looks disgusted and embarrassed, until she hears what they say next.

"We think you should be having it, Sweetie," begins her dad.

"A lot of it," adds her mom.

"Get up there and nail everything you can," her father says.

"If it's got a pulse, you should be wrapped around it," the mother finishes.

The shocked girl asks them what will happen if she gets pregnant. They both shrug it off.

"So what?" You should pop out all the kids you want," the father says, waving away her concerns. "We'll just leave them in the shelter, dump them in the street."

Of course, the ad is really about spaying and neutering your pets. But check this darling quote, which is the whole point of wasting your time on this story:

"People often point their fingers at parents of pregnant teens, and we want to let the people who let their animals breed feel the heat too," People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals spokeswoman Melissa Karpel told FOXNews.com. "It's a fun, edgy way to get the message out about a very serious issue."

You don't think she meant PETA will rain terror down on people who let their animals have offspring, do you?

Anyway, here's the full video. The story is here, via FoxNews.

Dog Fosters Kittens, Scanner Dies From Cuteness

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 13 May 2008 18:13:00 GMT

This is a photo of a dog surrounded by the abandoned kittens it is fostering alongside its own puppies. See the little kitten face peeking over the puppy's belly?

We imagine the kittens will grow up barking and herding, and the dogs will lap up milk and be able to jump from really high places and land on their feet. Ah, multiculturalism.

Want to die from joy a little? Here's the video.