Scanner : animal marrying

Scanner Highs And Lows: Nudie Shoot City

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 22:02:00 GMT

This week we welcomed Verena Von Pfetten to the Scanner fold, although this photo and caption has nothing to do with nudie shoots or this post.

There were a couple of nude photos, including rugby players and supermodels, but more memorably... there were animal sex photos!

HIGHS:

Scanner Nicole may have found the love of her life. A few readers will be fighting her for him, for sure.

We found some gay animals. Better yet-- we found pictures of gay animals fucking!

We took it from behind while playing Super Mario Bros.

A porn star solved the Catholic crisis.

A whole shitload of British tourists were busted after an oral sex contest went so, so right.

We fawned over the greatest pet story ever told.

Mischa Barton almost looked kind of hot (sort of) in her latest almost-nude attempt at relevance.

LOWS:

We dug some mispellings. Not just in our posts-- in tatoos!

Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel broke up. Should this one be in the "Highs?"

Officer Dick would fine Gisele Bundchen for her droopy pants. Although we're not going to stop her from taking these photos.

We found that 63% women have been unnecessarily groped on the subway. We would put "getting jizzed on" under "unnecessary" as well.

Sienna Miller stole a husband... and our hearts. Well, not really, she just kind of rubbed us the wrong way while going topless.

We were disappointed British lesbians did not pick Susan Sarandon as their "dream date." However, the winner is still pretty tantalizing at 62.

And the self-proclaimed "World's Greatest Dad" was arrested. Wanna guess what he's in for?

True Love Will Find You In The End... If You're A Swan

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 18:51:00 GMT

Remember the story we told you about last week? The saddest breakup story ever? Well, maybe it was a breakup like the Carrie-Mr. Big breakups always are...

Yahoo!/Odd News is reporting on this breaking news: The black swan has been dumped by her new lover and may be moving back in with the giant wooden boat.

Huh? you're saying, apparently the only person on earth who hasn't heard about the black German swan and her epic love affair with a white wooden swan-shaped pedal boat. Petra fell for the Berlin lake's tied-up boat in 2006, was housed with the lovely piece of manmade beauty in an indoor zoo through the last winter, and stayed with her "man" through these past few months. Last week, we reported that the lovebirds (Scanner Emily, the only blogger here knowledgeable enough about animals and animal sex to confirm or deny any speculation about whether this metaphor is heavy handed) had split up after Petra fell for a real-life white swan.

Her lover, who we're sure lured Petra away only because he wanted what he couldn't have, snatched her up but quickly realized he's just a douche. Reports indicate the new man quickly broke up with Petra and ran away to be with the rest of the whiteys. (There's a metaphor for Barack Obama's recent speech here, but maybe we're too lazy to see it.)

A zoo statement says that Petra "appears to feel lonely" and is swimming around in an agitated state. The solution? On Friday, she will be taken back to the nearby lake and her faithful paddleboat. [Yahoo]

See, people? Even with a seemingly rock-solid marriage like Robin Williams's coming to a close after 19 years, there is still reason to have faith in the possibilities...

Previously: Swan Love Story Saddest Breakup Ever

Swan + Swan Boat Love Story Saddest Breakup Ever

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 19:49:00 GMT

The weirdest and most Disney-worthy love story of our time has come to an end today.

Back in 2006, the universe made up of people who have too much time on their hands (certainly not any of you Scanner readers, of course) read of Petra, the German swan, who had fallen in love with a large white swan. The only reason anyone besides overly romantic lovers, park flashers, and the rest of the country's nature lovers even knew about this is because the large white swan was, in fact, a pedal boat.

Petra, a tiny black swan, followed the boat around a Munster lake for days at a time, and seemed unperturbed by her celebrity and media attention. During the '06-'07 winter season, the boat's owner was forced to remove the boat from the lake but was not going to be the bad guy in this story and had Petra move into an indoor pond in the city... along with her boyfriend.

The first sign of trouble was noted more than a year ago in a Der Spiegel story:

Wildlife experts hope she will lose interest in the boat when she gets to know the other black swans living in the pond. "There are four singles among them. So there's hope," said zookeeper Monika Ewering.

Today, Weird News confirmed that although their long courtship had lasted much longer than anyone thought, and was thought to be thriving through this past summer when both were out on the lake again, Petra and The Boat have indeed split up:

Zoo director Joerg Adler says Petra and her new mate - a white swan - are building a nest together.
The boat is to be returned to its local owner on Thursday.

Happy hour is starting early for us today, folks, sniff.

[Image courtesy the Associated Press and link via Weird News.]

Fabio to India: Stop Stealing My Groove!

April Peveteaux — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 22:30:00 GMT

According to The Times of India, of which Scanner has a subscription, male cleavage is now all the fashion rage in Bollywood and it's rapidly turning the country’s men-folk into a bunch of low v-neck and specially designed tunic-wearing eye candy. Not to be confused with good old-fashioned man boobs, the male cleavage look is buffed, hairless and shining with cocoa butter. All right, we’ll set aside our opinions about men who wax too much for a moment and agree that it would be all kinds of hot to see some Naveen Andrews hevage. But that guy who married the dog, not so much.